CandyKillJoy: Have you heard of Avenged Sevenfold? Danktolker: Yeah, I went to one of their concert CandyKillJoy: You're a fan? Danktolker: Unfortunately something called a "mosh pit" broke out, which I misunderstood as a series of failed hug attempts Danktolker: I was beaten rather severely after trying to join in Danktolker: Learn from my mistakes, friends
<Tankero> Well, when the SWAT team comes through the window, I'm not going down without a fight. One of them is going to get a cat to the face.
lemonlimeskull: Room-mate spends so much time strung-out that he hasn't been taking out the trash, so I just started leaving the full bags all over the kitchen floor. lemonlimeskull: Was all fun and games for me until he called 911 about the 'black midget gang'.
TheSlapOfGod: People are horrible TheSlapOfGod: You know the Oslo shooter guy? TheSlapOfGod: Someone was asking what song he was playing on his ipod when he was at the camp shooting people TheSlapOfGod: And the FIRST GOD DAMN RESPONSE was "Let the bodies hit the FJORD"
<byron> So, I was cleaning up my email inbox <byron> and found these half-naked pictures of this girl I used to go out with <byron> so I texted her, joking: "Hey, found you lingerie pictures on my email account. If you would like me to return them just give me your email address again pls" <byron> and she actually texts me back with her email and a "thanks for returning them!" <byron> what a stupid bitch
[talking about kuwait] everbong: i almost got blowed up back in the day.. thats how i got the name everbong MaxGripper: really? MaxGripper: what happened? everbong: this lady came up to a small group of us, saying something, and i was like "everbong?? wtf??" we started to walk away and she exploded everbong: apparantly she was saying "i have a bomb" in fail english
<david> i carry a 12 inch dildo, condom, thumb tack, 10 grapes, and a time magazine from 1992 <david> things do get wild <HorseZilla> rookie <mike> lol <HorseZilla> you need a battery <HorseZilla> candle wax <HorseZilla> chains and a cinder block <HorseZilla> oh and that speed glide lube that brad used to sell <david> calm down macgyver <david> im getting freaky, not escaping a haitian prison <HorseZilla> you two are in vegas <HorseZilla> and youre still fucking around here <HorseZilla> what the fuck is wrong with you two?
<IncoherentMoron> choose an integer between 1 and 35 <Elliotw2> F <IncoherentMoron> base 10, smartass
* gg (Mibbit@205.204.48.221) has joined #Terraria <gg> I just cut my hand with a knife while slicing a hotdog. <@Sqozza> Awesome. <gg> It happened because the phone rang. When I answered it, it was this clown I know named Steve. <gg> He told me he had been to a graveyard and seen my name on six gravestones. <gg> When I hung up the phone, I was surprised to notice my hand dripping blood faster than I'd anticipated from such a small wound. <gg> Concerned, I bandaged the hand with a paper napkin, but realized there was butter on the napkin, and the butter had salt in it. <gg> So, with a stinging hand, I ran cold water over the hand but the butter made the water slough off. <gg> Then the doorbell rang. <gg> I answered it. It was Steve again. He was holding a package for me and standing at a strange angle. <gg> I took the package and slammed the door. <gg> Opening the package, I noticed two things. 1) The package was unaddressed, and 2) my hand was still bleeding. <@Sqozza> 3) Steve is awesome. <gg> I ripped the package open and inside were five rusted nails and a jack rabbit's head. <gg> I called Steve back, but he didn't answer. <gg> Confused and bleeding, I tossed the box into the trash and sat back down on the couch to finish Dr. Who. <TheBadShepperd> I knew this was going to end bad when you said you knew a clown. <@Sqozza> Clowns these days <gg> But the episode was strange. It was about to short people fighting over a rotten piece of meat. <gg> The Dr. was nowhere to be seen. <gg> I got out a T.V. Guide to see if I was mistaken about what I'd TiVo'd. <@Sqozza> gg, maybe you were watching Jersey Shore instead <gg> I wasn't. It was, indeed, Dr. Who. At least according to T.V. Guide. <gg> I put the remote down and noticed that my hand was still bleeding. <gg> Then I ate my hotdog. <gg> Slowly. * gg (Mibbit@205.204.48.221) has left #Terraria <@Sqozza> What the fuck just happened
< cprofitt> just curious about postgres < mhall119> it won't last long < mhall119> curiousity will give way to confusion, then dislike
roadapathy: I never had any sisters when I was growing up. It sucks. roadapathy: I had to find out how stupid girls are on my own.
<T> I couldn't decided what I wanted so I just got one box of each type of fruit snacks, some gummy bears, and 5 pints of americone dream ice cream <T> When I went up to the checkout, the lady looked at me like I was crazy after she finished ringing me up <T> I'm not sure if it's cause I spent $100 on fruit snacks, or if it was cause I had a sword <T> Anyway, so I tie the bag handles around the hilt of the sword, cause there's too many bags to carry, and I set off down the road <T> nobody tries to stop me <T> I get about 3 of the 6-7 blocks towards home down when a police cruiser pulls up beside me and tells me to put everything down and put my hands on my head <T> Luckily, as I've said before, the cops in the UC/Converse area are cool as shit <T> It's only SAPD that sucks <T> So the first thing the cop says is "Is that a weapon son? ", to which I reply "It's a sword, officer" <T> So, I reply "No officer, I just wanted some fruit snacks." <T> Now he's really giving me a look, and puts his spotlight right in my eyes <T> He says "Are you high son?" <T> "No officer, just a little drunk." <T> He's like "Alright, well since you've been honest with me, let's get you home. Let me see your ID." <T> So I give him my driver's license, he tells me to hop in the back, and he takes me to my house and drops me off <T> I ate an entire box of fruit snacks in the back seat of a police cruiser <T> He even let me keep my sword
Anonymous: I once sort-of-stalked a girl like this. It was all going great, she opened up her ThinkPad, loaded up Debian etc. I was seriously considering telling her I love her but then she opened Opera and I walked away disappointed.
gstridg: When I die, you are allowed to make all sorts fun about it, because I will be dead and I will not mind, so long as you do it in a manner that does not upset my surviving family. gstridg: That said. gstridg: Universal Studios presents: AMY WINEHOUSE AND MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE: A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN.
<+izua> !toolbox.lmd5 639bae9ac6b3e1a84cebb7b403297b79 <@nanobot> Result: you <+izua> !toolbox.lmd5 a181a603769c1f98ad927e7367c7aa51 <@nanobot> Result: all <+izua> !toolbox.lmd5 a195a27d1c96dbc7ea4aa9928d914673 <@nanobot> Result: suck <+izua> !toolbox.lmd5 9268d0b2d17670598c70045b0c7abf38 <@nanobot> Result: cock
you there... the guy from Australia using BigPond and spamming junk into the submission queue along with ads for some stupid weeaboo site. yes, you. KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF IF YOU WANT TO BE ABLE TO EVEN VIEW THIS SITE!
<dave> so i was driving.. too fast <dave> some female officer took me off the road <dave> so i asked "how much?" <dave> she: 40 bucks <dave> me: alright, get in
<truefalse> I was at the bus stop and saw a poster of Voldemort with 'HP 7' printed on it. <truefalse> Kind of spoils the ending when you know he's low on hit points.
<Gibby> let me get this straight <Gibby> you got drunk with, then fucked the (maybe) underage daughter of a sheriff, then stole her clothes and went home a crossdresser? <Sayomi> yep <Gibby> that's all kinds of awesome
Shere Khan: kill all humans jager: I for one welcome our new robotic overlords! Shere Khan: I for one zero zero one zero one one
Nero: You can put a cow in a dress but it's still a cow... Ish: I know we have a lot of cows in my school.
<@Scootz> i just realized i left 'erection after death' in my google search bar when i let my dad use the computer <@Scootz> and it's different now
<xtal> I am a trekker. I am a devout fan, but not enough to spend all my waking hours sewing costumes, assembling prop replicas, going to conventions, learning klingon, quibbling over the finer points of canon, and not having sex. <xtal> which is to say <xtal> while i'm not having sex anyway <xtal> it's not star trek's fault.
<+Darkfire> sup nigz <&Macko> Sup racial slur <&Macko> how the fornicate are you?
<king-vegetunks> im 13 now <king-vegetunks> im older <king-vegetunks> more machur
<@jackc> btw <@jackc> I had a VHDL nightmare last night <@jackc> I was dreaming about VHDL right <@jackc> and I moved a little and my stuffed alligator touched my elbow <@jackc> and I FREAKED and for some reason the dream was like VHDL MONSTER ATTACK <@jackc> and I sat up and was trying to figure out which parts were reality <@jackc> and all I could figure out were VHDL, elbow, alligator <@jackc> I was so confused <@jackc> that's what I get for reading VHDL textbooks in bed
<sandor> to a certain extent I prefer guys over girls. Guys rather punch you when you say something wrong, but with women you have to find out first what you did wrong, then apologise, then explain why you are a bastard, and then buy her a gift
<Lt_Tinkle> lolololololol <Lt_Tinkle> i have my mincraft log viewable as a webpage <Lt_Tinkle> and someone did html injection <Lt_Tinkle> by talking inside minecraft <Lt_Tinkle> and made it redirect to meatspin <Lt_Tinkle> when i find out who it was <Lt_Tinkle> i shall make them an op
<DragnFly> You know, what we need is a room of all american chatters. Since people are always quiet on IRC anyways, we can call it "American Idle" :p
<Magicka> wtf my carrier sucks my dick <Xerei> nice <Xerei> mine doesn't even touch me
<sparkhost> report <sparkhost> are you alive ? <roman> :) <sparkhost> it might be zombies as well <sparkhost> is 1+1 = 2 ? <roman> false <roman> 1+1 = 3 use condoms <sparkhost> personality hash accepted <sparkhost> welcome Roman :D
<BreakneckXan> My sister asked me where Nicaragua was <BreakneckXan> I said 'central america' <BreakneckXan> She said "Oh so it's like around Kansas somewhere?" <BreakneckXan> I see a brass pole and body glitter in her future...
<cabooserwar> usr/bin/Laden: command not found
<@JackD> ooh, a app store on its way for windows :) how nice <J700> it's called piratebay
< Spanky> google doesn't seem to understand my need for naked people to be inside my cake
<raylu> Ubuntu is an African word meaning 'I can't configure Debian'
<neeraj_rct> It sucks having to explain to your computer-illiterate friend why you just typed ``man unzip''.
Venificus: Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Brendan: my logger isn't working :-/ Tim: permissions? Brendan: doh Brendan: yeah, 666 fixed that Tim: the devil, you say
<+ChubZee> i was watching telly this morning before i went to work <+ChubZee> and there was a discussion on about a charity that deals with teenage pregnancy <+ChubZee> which is a huge problem in the uk <+FCN|M0rlock> i can imagine <+ChubZee> and they're advocating anal sex as a form of contraception <+ChubZee> (which i'm all for) <+ChubZee> and their tag line is "one up the bum and you won't be a mum" <+ChubZee> i was almost dying laughing
Yarrow: Ok, this is weird. My sim brought a friend home from work. They turned out to be very compatible, and are now making out... Prince_Herb: What's weird about that? Yarrow: They're still wearing their work outfits and are llama mascots for the local sport team.
<Kattar> jesus christ my dish washer sounds like it's going to explode <Kattar> I have never heard a dish washer make sounds like this before <Arkantos> Better take her to a hospital
JerrysCatTom: whenever i get out of the shower i have a habit of writing... well... drawing things in the mirror for the next person to see.... dinosaurs, ghosts, monsters, you know the usual... but this time, i went to the bathroom, and my mom had just taken a shower... so i look at the fogged up window, and write "look down" with arrows pointing downwards. we have the curtins covering the lower half of the window, so after you pull them aside you see another ghost with sharp teeth saying, "BOO!!"... god my parents are gonna think i smoke pot... :/
<xved> I turned on some trance radio, and now I want to code <thomashc> I turned on Laura Pausini and now I want to fap! <Tekk_> I turned on glen beck <Tekk_> and now I want to die
<woodenleg> what should i get my gf for her birthday? <spherXz> your virginity <woodenleg> lol, something i haven't already given her? <spherXz> an orgasm <woodenleg> i'll ask someone else...
<Pongball> Religion is like a penis. <Pongball> It's fine to have one. <Pongball> It's fine to be proud of it. <Pongball> But please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around. <Pongball> And PLEASE don't try to shove it down children's throats.
<+Kilonum> DID I MENTION I WAS MOLESTED? I'M PRETTY SURE I DID, ONCE OR TWICE, BUT YOU DID NOT OFFER TO DISCUSS THE MATTER WITH ME. LET'S HAVE A NICE QUIET DINNER AND HAVE A FRANK DISCUSSION ABOUT MY MOTHER'S BOYFRIEND'S DONG AND HOW HE PUT IT IN MY MOUTH AND ASS NOW AND THEN. ANYWAY, I'M CLEARLY THE VICTIM HERE AND THAT'S WHY I DON'T SUCK DICK. HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND. <+Snickers> ... o.O <+Kilonum> woops <+Kilonum> wrong paste <+Wormdundee> when is that ever the right paste
<bahithnko> Girls are like Golf <Moogle> whats golf <bahithnko> Its a game where you gotta get your balls in a hole without hitting them much
Stranger: I'm Mary. What's your name? You: Eric. Stranger: So, Eric, where are you from? You: USA, you? Stranger: China You: Your name is Mary? That's not a Chinese name. Stranger: My Chinese name is Xiong Chaofeng. You: Alright, Mary it is...
<dipstick> I see uranus <DoubleDragonIII> they discovered a new planet, its so huge that earth seems as small as a golf ball <DoubleDragonIII> its called urmom