<lrvick> whoa
              <lrvick> i just found a usb magstrip reader
              <lrvick> i never knew i had
              <lrvick> i wonder if it works like a keyboard...
              <lrvick> %B4744740232448132^VICK/LANCE R^
              1506101000000000087800878000000?;4744740232258132=
              15061010000000000878?
              <lrvick> well
              <lrvick> damn
              <lrvick> apparently it does
              <Science> What did we just read?
              <lrvick> no comment
              <Science> CC info, gotcha
              <ThantiK> lrvick...
              <ThantiK> you swiped a VISA...
              <ThantiK> 4744 is VISA start code for credit cards.
              <ThantiK> A bank of america one, specifically.
              <ThantiK> Might wanna change that now, lol - all of us
              probably have IRC logging turned on.  You just threw your
              debit card info into all of our machines.
              <Science> WELL NO ONE WOULD HAVE KNOWN IF YOU HADN'T SAID IT
              MAN

<Me> the nigerian prince scam is old
              <Me> today you do it like this:
              <Me> hi, im an arabic dictator, and i have to get my vast
              fortune outside the country soon

lemonlimeskull: Newt Gingrich or Mitt Romney to take on Barack
              Obama.
              lemonlimeskull: We have to stop letting George Lucas name our
              Politicians.

<Kerrija> On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you
              are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches
              away.

<M07w> you haven't been on the internet until you've seen a
              disembodied breast wearing a pair of panties

<azonenberg> wordpress is an unauthenticated remote shell
              that, as a useful side feature, also contains a blog

<blaxthos> you want bash.org should participate in the SOPA
              blackout protest on 18 January ? (+) for yes

<&Siyo> i successfully stopped a print job once
              <&Siyo> AM I GOD?

<mrfun> speaking of max, i boned a duck
              <hamumu> are you sure you're speaking of max?
              <mrfun> took most of yesterday to bone and do two anims, geez
              <mrfun> but he's limping around in torque
              <hamumu> this is sounding worse every sentence

<Yokujou`> iPhone autocorrect: Because "Asperger's Cock" is
              exactly what you were trying to convey.

<drunkill> fuck printers
              <drunkill> I should name mine Bob Marley
              <drunkill> Because its always jammin'

<girl> so what's new?
              <jsn> just got out of an abusive relationship
              <girl> whoa, what happened?
              <jsn> decided to stop abusing her

<blaxthos> so tonight i got roped into going to some
              evangelical church christmas dinner theatre
              <blaxthos> "oh christmas, carol!"
              <cue> evangelicals are morons
              <blaxthos> it was absolutely godawful
              <blaxthos> until the last musical number, where the main
              character realized she has a hole in her heart
              <blaxthos> and sang a song entitled "i'm going to fill my hole
              with jesus"

Psyche: My roommate and her boyfriend broke up recently.
              Psyche: This morning a moving truck came to get the
              boyfriend's stuff.
              Psyche: On the side of the moving truck? It was an ad for a
              disaster cleanup company.

<tfair> is there an amazon service that will have something
              delivered to you at a random point in the next month?
              <tfair> or in the next year?
              <dRdR> tfair: that's called USPS

<jeemer> you know, come to think of it i already have a 5
              gallon aquarium
              <jeemer> hundreds of billions of pets
              <jeemer> i feed them malt and they shit out alcohol
              <jeemer> its a pretty good system actually

<+GeoFrey> CINCINNATI - A court official in the U.S. says a
              13-year-old boy charged with raping a 5-year-old girl at a
              McDonald's play area is denying the accusation.
              <+GeoFrey> lol wtf?
              <+farted> I'm lovin' it

Captain Morgan: I swear I'm going to kill whoever lives above
              me
              Saiu: the chair again?
              Captain Morgan: it's like he's playing ddr with combat boots
              Captain Morgan: and jumping as hard as he can
              Captain Morgan is now Away.
              Saiu: uh-oh

<Matt> A catholic priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a
              bar.
              <Matt> He orders a beer.

<skydrome> man why are there so many diff aur packages of
              chromium :/ so confusing
              <xhazk> skydrome: No manual entry for why are there so many
              diff aur packages of chromium :/ so confusing

<Brownie> That guy's such a nerd, his first words probably
              were "Hello World!"

<&Cenobite> I'd like to holiday in China
              <&Cenobite> I want to see the great firewall
              <+user> haha
              <+user> you can see it from myspace
              <+flying_purple_people_eater> lol
              <&Cenobite> user: haha

< Maiden945> oh that reminds me, i got told a story about
              Jerub on the weekend :)
              < dawnstar> it's probably true
              < Maiden945> i was told about the time Jerub did a burnout (or
              tried to :P) out of a ex-gf's street while they were dating
              lol
              < zero> he must have pedalled like crazy for that

<Quizzer> Question 45: What are the first three digits of pi?
              <emai420> pie
              <emai420> p i e
              <emai420> Pie
              <emai420> P I E
              <emai420> PIE
              <emai420> PIE
              <emai420> PIE
              <Quizzer> Hint: 3.
              <emai420> 3PIE
              <emai420> 3 P I E
              <emai420> 3pie
              <Quizzer> Time's up, the answer was 3.14!
              <emai420> this si retartet

<socket7> I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a
              really sexy Thai girl. I thought to myself, "Please don't get
              an erection, please don't get an erection.
              <socket7> But she did :(

<+zubby> strawberry barium shake anyone?
              * Heartsbane passes.
              * zubby just did, too...
              <+zubby> had me drink 2 24oz cups of it. fell in love with the
              nurse.
              <+zubby> she kept pulling her phone out... i couldn't mimic...
              <+zubby> she asked if i knew how to hack facebook cuz she
              'likes to snoop'
              * Heartsbane nods.
              <+zubby> as we said our goodbyes she let her hair down and i
              swear it was in slow motion
              <+zubby> should i have added the part that i'm shitting what
              appears to be milk and clay?

<@red> so let me rephrase that
              <@red> you showed up at work completely high on acid and your
              boss didnt fire you because he knows you code better when
              youre on drugs?
              <@bl00e> pretty much

<blaxthos> so what are you guys doing for pedophile christmas^
              H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hhalloween this year?

//
              // Dear maintainer:
              //
              // Once you are done trying to 'optimize' this routine,
              // and have realized what a terrible mistake that was,
              // please increment the following counter as a warning
              // to the next guy:
              //
              // total_hours_wasted_here = 25
              //

<megate> solve
              <megate> The word has 7 letters, preceded by God, greater than
              God, more evil than the devil, and if you eat it, you will
              die.
              <+Jigsy> Apple only has six letters.

<@gongoputch> so my 12 year old has been BEGGING me for a
              minecraft server. I told him 'OK', he said YEA!', I say 'but
              you have to install the OS (FreeBSD), configure it, set up a
              jail and generally learn enough to admin it.
              <@gongoputch> he hates me now
              <@gongoputch> BUT - he got it running :)
              <@gongoputch> after it was going, he looked up at me and said
              'This OS is the logical thing I have ever seen'
              <@gongoputch> ... it's little moments like those ...

<Faust> lol
              <Faust> when sarah pailn wishes me happy new year it feels
              like a hate crime
              <lumpy_> you arent a jew
              <Faust> the fuck im not
              <lumpy_> ive never seen you at the meetings

<Vrooom> while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to
              me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No."
              He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically,
              and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!"

<vanguard> i lie awake at night
              <vanguard> thinking about how one day
              <vanguard> buy some chance of dumb luck
              <Redback> you will write your whole story on one line?

<@RATA> stupid women
              <@RATA> "i wanna hang out but i dont have gas money"
              <@RATA> thats slut for "spend your money on me"

<h00k> making a twitter bot to watch a timeline of a certain
              (prominent public figure, politician) and tell him he had [x]
              amount of characters left when he tweets
              <h00k> 'went 2 $place 2 talk about r jobs'
              <h00k> Dear @personsname, you had [x] characters remaining and
              didn't have to shorten it so much. #pleasestop'

Matt: I AM QUERY OPTIMIZATION GUY
              Matt: AND THIS... IS MY QUERY
              Andy: wha?... WHO TOUCH MY QUERY?!
              Matt: WHO TOUCHED MY JOINS!!??
              Matt: Some users think they can outsmart me.  Maybe... maybe. 
              I have yet to meet one who can outsmart LIMIT.
              Matt: She weighs in at 300 lines of SQL and she searches 8
              million rows per second.  It costs 24 billion machine cycles
              to run this query... for 12 seconds.

<@joosa> how do you say float in java? just 1.5f?
              <@Gliptic> FloatFactoryFactory.getInstance
              (FloatFactoryFactory.defaultInstanceDescriptionString).getFactory
              (Locale.getLocale("en-US")).createBuilder().setString
              ("1.5").getResult()

<SmilingDevil> My dad is saying that 9/11 was an inside job.
              <SmilingDevil> Someone help me.
              <Afforess> it was
              <Afforess> the planes were inside the towers

<Psychofreak> I have a kid (3 yo) with toys that do stuff and/
              or beep. Easily 100 AA batteries in JUST her toys. (although
              she does not play with many anymore so they are getting packed
              up for donation) Funny thing is we got her a wooden train set,
              no batteries at all, and now almost all the fancy electronic
              toys are left alone! We will see if this holds true for more
              than a few weeks.
              <Psychofreak> Amazing how much more powerful imagination is
              than batteries.
              <Anonymous Coward> Try telling that to my wife.

Oxim : I think it's funny how 1337 used to be like the
              language of nerds, but then everyone realized that it was gay,
              and now nerds everywhere strive to practice impeccable
              spelling and grammar
              Wsr :We are like the blacks. When whites people tried to copy
              us, we changed. Fo shizzle ma nigga

<syousef> Everytime you see something marketed as 'Cloud'
              based or 'Cloud' anything just mentally remove the word cloud
              from the product and add "For Suckers (TM)". You'll save
              yourself a lot of fuss, hassle and confusion.

<Kanitaria> ugh codi has a penis injury right now and can't
              have sex or masturbate and hes gettin really fuckin bitchy lol
              <Kanitaria> plus hes not helping with any of the dishes or
              laundry this week cause im home he figures i'll do it all
              <Kanitaria> fml
              <random4t4x14> Kanitaria: what the hell did he do to his
              penis?
              <GCNinja> so that ^^^^^^^^^^
              <Gollom> Masturbated too hard?
              <GCNinja> dick punch?
              <Gollom> Tried to ride a bannister down the stairs but
              misjudged?
              <GCNinja> modify the cowboy position?
              <Gollom> Naked jumping jacks infront of a hungry dog?
              <random4t4x14> drunk masterbated, stood up and fell over on
              it?
              <GCNinja> did you staple it to his stomach?
              <random4t4x14> penacne?
              <Kanitaria> he did it to himself, i didn't do anything
              <GCNinja> mis alligned chisity belt?
              <GCNinja> chastity*
              <random4t4x14> vasectomy?
              <Kanitaria> he grabbed a shitty condom last week and it caused
              to much  much friction and he tore his frenulum then the other
              day he thought he was good to go and it made3 it worse
              <Gollom> Stuck it in a pencil sharpener "just to see what it's
              like"

<Botbasher> talk about a bad friday, I was scalded by a Coffee
              Maker... Had my testes crushed by the same unit... I had to
              unstuck a garbage disposal..
              <JackMcCornack> hehe ..
              <JackMcCornack> So Botbasher hobbles into an ice cream shop
              and says to the gal behind the counter, <JackMcCornack> "I'm
              having a bad day, give me a rocky road ice cream cone with
              everything."
              <JackMcCornack> "Crushed nuts?"
              <JackMcCornack> "Yeah, I guess my walk gives it away. I got
              scalded too."
              * GonzoRacer takes a bow

<RATA> FUCKING PISSED OFF
              <SpaceCadet> BREATHE
              <SpaceCadet> in through your nose, slowly exhale through your
              mouth
              <SpaceCadet> BREATHE
              <SpaceCadet> BREATHE
              <RATA> IN THROUGH MY BONG
              <RATA> OUT THROUGH MY MOUTH

<slifty> You know why sex when camping is so great?
              <slifty> Because it's fucking in tents!

<onwsk8r>FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK
              <onwsk8r>Holy buckets of fuck!
              <onwsk8r>my neighbors that were leeching off my wireless must
              have fuckin moved or got their own internet or something.. No
              route to host.
              <onwsk8r>I was keeping like 300 gigs of pr0n, movies, and some
              files for work that I didn't have room for on their computer!
              <onwsk8r>I need an ARP for MAC addresses :(

<a> I have a new girlfriend, man. She´s 90-60-90...
              <b> wtf? She is purple?

<blackc> kastein: the real tire jeeped monday night, due to a
              potholr
              <blackc> we have been operating the donut model
              <blackc> however, the donut model today jeeped, due to pothole
              <kastein> NEED RAID 6
              <blackc> so i did what you would do
              <kastein> this raid5 tire setup is not sufficient
              <blackc> i pulled the jeeped real tire out of the back (hot
              spare) and hit it as hard as i could with a wrench until it
              was close to round
              <blackc> jon brought the air pump
              <blackc> and we were in business
              <kastein> hahahaha you used a wrench?
              <kastein> that's great
              <blackc> yes
              <blackc> i lacked a hammer
              <blackc> and guess what
              <blackc> now i can drive to driving class!

<GalliumArsenide> brb coffee and smoke.
              <Dekoe> Me too brb, getting a lemonade and giving my dog a
              shag.
              <FearlessSister> Can i watch?
              <Dekoe> You'll need a mirror.
              <Dekoe> ;-)
              <FearlessSister> :-S