<Vigrel> Woah, if my shit was a nuke aimed at Hiroshima,
              Russia would get blown up
              <Kor1413> It was That big?
              <Vigrel> No, i missed.

<Pwnz0rz> What do you guys do after sex?
              <D3v1lm4n> i like to cuddle with her
              <Haxorz> i leave
              <Dragneel> i Bury her again

<Brianith> They're the same type of people that think because
              I know computers, that I'm a hacker. And because I'm a hacker,
              I can use a computer to tell their refrigerator to sprout
              legs, walk to me, and tell me their credit card numbers.

<axle345> I mean seriosuly guys holocaust jokes aren't funny
              <axle345> Anne Frankly, I won't stand for it.

<Kasran> did Jesus heal a bunch of people? Possibly
              <Kasran> also apparently he was sin-free
              <Kasran> but we don't hear much about his ciildhood
              <Kasran> it's just
              <Kasran> 1. Birth
              <Kasran> 2. ???
              <Kasran> 3. Prophet!

<Cthon98> so I waited until my friend bought a box of timbits
              and got back in the car
              <Cthon98> (timbits being "donut holes" or whatever you yanks
              call them)
              <Cthon98> and just as he was about to bit into one, I say
              <Cthon98> "you ever notice how those look just like creamy
              shaved nuts?"
              <Cthon98> so I now have a free box of timbits.

<@whm> "A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his
              ass. The  doctors described his condition as stable."

<mindbomb> anytime anyone refers to themselves as a 'foodie' I
              want to knock their fucking teeth out
              <mindbomb> oh you like to eat food that tastes good?
              congratufuckinglations
              <mindbomb> blog about it

<@bhaak> commit early, commit often
              <@bhaak> kids, that is only sound advice for programming, not
              for marriage!
              < kerio> there's no rollback in marriage, only blame

<MindSpark> So the officer stops me and asks for my license
              and registration
              <MindSpark> After handing them to him , he asks who the car
              belongs to
              <MindSpark> I tell him it's my wifes
              <MindSpark> He asks if I have an authorization, because you
              have to have some proof that you're allowed to ride a car
              that's not yours
              <MindSpark> I go "Sir, I ride the OWNER of this car personally
              with no authorization, do you really expect me to have an
              authorization to ride her car ?"
              <MindSpark> Officer hands me back the papers in silence and
              salutes me

<earth|drawing>: I've had sex on my period before xD
              <earth|drawing>: that guy didn't mind tho.
              <earth|drawing>: but he was a pig, so yeah.
              <FW>: You had period sex with a WHAT?!
              <earth|drawing>: okay, I'm NOT IMPLYING that I had sex with
              animals, RIGHT? D:

< Utopiah> did a native English speaker recommended you this
              nickname?
              < handjob> No. This is my mother's desktop. The nickname is
              taken from username.

R4V: I really want to learn some C++
              R4V: but the problem is
              R4V: that there seems to be months of learning
              R4V: before you can do ANYTHING usefull.
              Shrum: it's kind of like a highschool girlfriend

TRex-o: I want to settle an argument.  Am I an invasive
              species?
              sjackso: invasive species reproduce

Matoyak: We caught a catfish with some weird-ass face
              tentacles...
              Matoyak: That's the best way I can describe these things.
              Tru: lol
              Tru: I thought weird-ass face tentacles was a defining
              characteristic of catfish...
              Matoyak: It wasn't like whiskers...these things were half as
              long as the fish itself, and almost as thick.
              Matoyak: Heh, these were above and beyond the call of duty for
              catfish face tentacles.
              Matoyak: Weird-ass sunovabitch.
              Tru: hehehe
              Tru: mutant
              Matoyak: Yeah. It was big enough to keep, but we tossed it
              back cause we weren't going to eat something that looked that
              fucked up.
              Tru: if  you eat a mutant catfish, perhaps you get mutant
              catfish superpowers... I wonder what those would be?
              Matoyak: ...
              Matoyak: The ability to become a bottom-sucking scum eater?
              Matoyak: Hrmmm
              Matoyak: So you become a politician.

<Xnoia> I chose to believe that argument drove him to
              drinking.
              <Xnoia> And I chose to claim that a victory.
              <@RWolf> And you chose to speak in past tense.
              <Xnoia> I do.
              <@RWolf> did.
              <Xnoia> Damn it!

<rdubyaj> dude this car I saw....
              <rdubyaj> was really dusty
              <rdubyaj> and someone had written on it "I wish my wife was
              this dirty"
              <rdubyaj> and underneath that someone else had written "she
              is"

<GOD|away> Crackheads will rule this country! We will rise up!
              And teach you all that we are the superior race...
              <GOD|away> WHITE POWDER!

Aquillar> hey, you guys ever play kmem russian roulette?
              Agnostos> I don't believe I have. care to explain the details?
              Aquillar> dd if=/dev/urandom of=/dev/kmem bs=1 count=1 seek=
              $RANDOM
              Aquillar> keep executing until system crashes
              Aquillar> person that crashes system has to buy beer
              Agnostos> lol
              Agnostos> I wonder if I can sneak that into a server startup
              script here.

<Javelin> Oh.
              <Javelin> My.
              <Javelin> God.
              <Javelin> We have a unit here.  It's about the size of a small
              speaker.
              <Javelin> In big letters across the front of it, it says "DATA
              DESTROYER."
              <Javelin> Some idiot comes into my office just now, and asks,
              "hey, what is this thing?"
              <Javelin> I say sarcastically, "it's a DVD polisher..."
              <Javelin> Next thing I hear:  *GRIND GRIND GRIND* "WHAT THE
              FUCK?!?!"
              <Javelin> Now they're pissed at ME.
              <Javelin> Because THEY couldn't read.
              <Javelin> Besides, it's not like I gave them PERMISSION to use
              MY "DVD Polisher."
              <Javelin> I hate people.

<tic`zZz> I was lovin that pussy while she was lovin this
              dick, I was shovin it in her while she was yellin dont quit
              <MGS-_-> Then you realized you were dreamin that shit - in
              real life your a no-pussy gettin prick

< Stalin> You could put out ads in magazines and online and
              such, guaraunteed 25-30 lbs weight loss overnight or your
              money back
              < Stalin> and then send them instructions on how to amputate
              one of their legs

<N00b>Can someone explain cell division?
              <Nerd> o
              <Nerd> 0
              <Nerd> 8
              <Nerd> oo

SpicyLemon: Jesus died for my sins.  I figure, it's best to
              not let him die in vain.  I sin as much as possible.

<livin> your cousin is a titerope walker, rite?
              <luckyest> he committed suicide by jumping off during a
              performance two months ago.
              <livin> maybe he was a bit *imbalanced*
              <luckyest> you're a dick, you know that right?

<pronto> i like my women how i like my filesystems ... FAT and
              16

< Rei> who lived in a pineapple under the sea, SPONGEBOB
              SQUAREPANTS
              < Rei> who died in an oil spill because of bp, SPONGEBOB
              SQUAREPANTS!

<@The_Happy_Chemical> Nigga I know you have, I could name some
              song that was created 10 minutes ago by a hobo bashing his
              face off a dumpster and you'd have heard it

<M3rlin-> what is the legal age to buy alcoholic in england ?
              <p5Ds13a06> you can't buy alcoholics
              <p5Ds13a06> but if you wink the right way, some of them will
              follow you home for free

<Ardennes[Q]> fat people lag.
              <guyman> lol
              <Deviant> so your mom must have dced when she gave birth to
              you
              <khagin> lmao

<Gper>Anyway, mates what's your New Year resolution?
              <PowerBuddy> Gotta learn harder >.<
              <RoznaM> Less porn, more chicks.
              <Gper> Hej, Z, what's yours?
              <Ziame> Thought about 1280x960

<windAd> haha, epic.
              <Choonsen> What is?
              <windAd> I set my password for my new keylogger program once
              it was up and running, got distracted by cooking ramen, came
              back and forgot the password
              <Choonsen> Shit dude... you're retarded
              <windAd> Noo, its all okay... I just went into the log files
              and found out what I typed while in the program. Two minutes
              later I now know that my password was 'ramenalmostdone'

<JPierre> Helping noobs on IRC who refuse to listen is an
              all-too-common waste of time.
              <biznatch> It's like you have this talking horse
              and the talking horse says "I'm thirsty"
              then you lead the horse to some water
              and it still won't drink.
              <PVicky> Simple solution: slaughter it for the meat.

<dux0r> giving head must be weird as fuck
              <moot> lol
              <dux0r> cause uve got like
              <dux0r> a pee utensil
              <dux0r> in ur mouth
              <dux0r> like a chunky hotdog
              <moot> xD
              <dux0r> what a weird thought
              <sudo> your penis is like a chunky hotdog?

<Party> asians are cool, it's the closest your ever gonna get
              to fucking an alien

< Nooblender> on an unrelated note i had to wake up early
              after staying up late to have breakfast with my hot nieces, so
              i went to sleep at 8 pm but woke up at midnight, wtf
              < that_guy> on a related note do you realize how creepy 'hot
              nieces' sounds?

<+fuji@2ch> Basically, he and his second wife, not my mother,
              got in a fight.  He kicked her out and started drinking
              massively.
              <th0r> ah, fuck alcohol >.< one of the worst materials we ever
              created
              <+fuji@2ch> He spent awhile sitting alone in the house with no
              food and few hundred scotch bottles.
              <th0r> That's crazy... how's everything now?
              <+fuji@2ch> He basically fried out his brain,and went crazy
              and started building a fort in the middle of a busy street.
              <th0r> ... what? Seriously?
              <+fuji@2ch> yeah, no kidding.
              <th0r> That sounds more like something a paranoid
              schizophrenic would do...
              <+fuji@2ch> Yeah, well maybe there's some other issues going
              on.

<yajmele> Oh my god....I was fooling around with my boyfriend
              the other night....
              <yajmele> Right when I grabbed his cock, we heard the "get
              item" sound from Legend of Zelda. 
              <yajmele> It's apparently his e-mail alert on his phone.
              <yajmele> It took us 20 minutes to stop laughing.  The timing
              on that was impeccable.

Draketh: I got a piercing last night
              Draketh: and I don't really regret it even though it was a
              decision made totally under the influence
              Finn: ...
              Draketh: so we're sitting around another fire blowing things
              up since it's the 4th and drinking, I walk over and sit down
              and the topic is piercings so we start talking, eventually it
              shifts to genital piercings
              Finn: ...
              Draketh: I mentioned always being interested in a prince
              albert, and this girl that was there that was like a friend of
              one of my cousins friends or some shit
              shes like "I work at a piercing parlor, I have all my shit in
              the car I can totally do that right now"
              Draketh: It was legit, like steralized tools in sealed
              packages and everything, bowl of alcohol to soak the tools in,
              she wore gloves.
              Draketh: It was like being at a piercing parlor
              Draketh: Except I was in a big ass comfy patio chair with a
              bottle of Makers
              Finn: I just.... I don't think I could ever let someone shove
              anything through my penis
              Draketh: actually I think it's gonna be hilarious
              Draketh: like I have no tattoo's, no other piercings and then
              like BAM "Suprise!"
              Draketh: it's like opening the plain brown wrapped gift on
              Christmas, and instead of a sweater it's a new laptop
              Draketh: see, the laptop is my dick
              Finn: .... just.... wow

<<UT> ho//\rzd> just an option:
              <<UT> ho//\rzd>  you tell me where your sentence ends, that
              would help. ;D
              <F3AR | Bailey> i
              <F3AR | Bailey> broke
              <F3AR | Bailey> my
              <F3AR | Bailey> space
              <F3AR | Bailey> bar
              <F3AR | Bailey> lol

<TheM-netbook> yeah, "god" is a concept more than an actual
              thing or state of being
              <+chaosisorder> Like Duke Nukem Forever?
              <TheM-netbook> haha
              <TheM-netbook> god is vaporware

<kurogane> "Research suggests that women with larger breasts
              are more intelligent than their less well endowed
              counterparts, with the larger breasted women studied having an
              I.Q. some 10 points in excess of those with smaller breasts.
              <kurogane> "The Chicago researcher (who confessed to herself
              being an A-cup), conducted a sociological study in which she
              took a sample of 1,200 women, divided by breast size into five
              categories: extra-large, large, medium, small, and
              extra-small.
              <kurogane> who funds these 'studies'
              <CindiK> Juggs magazine
              <kurogane> is that a science journal?

< Andys> oh dear
              < Andys> in ruby, symbols are represented with a prepended
              colon
              < Andys> eg.   :flag
              < Andys> so some guy tshirt that said ":sex"
              < Andys> which everyone at railscamp knew meant "Sex symbol"
              < Andys> he wore it until someone pointed out that to
              non-rubyists it said "Colon sex"

<Outpost> I love how everyone is blaming Obama for the oil
              spill..
              <AnnoDomini> It's actually the British.
              <Outpost> yeah, you'd think British Petroleum would've made
              that known.
              <AnnoDomini> See, Americans dumped English tea into Boston
              Bay.
              <AnnoDomini> The British, after biding their time for 237
              years, have struck back.
              <AnnoDomini> YOUR MOVE, AMERICA.
              <Outpost> ...I am so in love with you right now.

< gordonjcp> I'm trying to enjoy the vuvuzela concert and some
              prick keeps playing football

< k5egg> the fucking oil spill is several hundred times larger
              than AT&T's 3G coverage...
              < n1lqj> Unlike AT&T the oil spill is guaranteed to cover
              everyone

<thomas> you know why Santa's always jolly?
              <ani> no
              <thomas> He knows where all the bad girls live.
              <lonewolf> do they empty his sack for him?
              <lonewolf> I'd be grumpy if I only came once a year though
              <thomas> LOL

BLUMAN: how many stances are there for warrior??
              sleepah903: 3
              BLUMAN: rly??
              sleepah903: battle, berserk, defense
              MING FAN: 4 theres battle, defensive, berserker and jew stance
              BLUMAN: hmm
              Sxechris: jew stance gets you cheaper reagents, repairs, and
              you can lower buyouts on auctions without the sellers consent
              BLUMAN: ...lawl
              Sxechris: you take more fire damage though

lemonlimeskull: So I'm sitting in Hardee's (Carl's JR for
              anyone here one the west coast)
              lemonlimeskull: This huge African American dude sits across
              from me at the booth. Plenty of tables around, of course,
              since this is Hardee's.
              lemonlimeskull: Since I don't usually have uninvited guests at
              fast food restaurants, I'm naturally a bit put off while
              simultaniously wondering what the deal is.
              lemonlimeskull: The guy goes "Hey, man what you do for a
              living?"
              lemonlimeskull: I must've looked really confused, but I manage
              to answer "Game designer... Why?"
              lemonlimeskull: The guy sits there for a good thirty seconds,
              looking out the window over my shoulder.
              lemonlimeskull: Then he finally looks me straight on and says
              "Good, lemme ask you a question..."
              lemonlimeskull: "Why don't Pacman wanna eat eyes?"
              lemonlimeskull: I just gave him this really quizzical look,
              then he gets up and leaves.
              lemonlimeskull: After a few seconds of wondering wtf that was
              all about, I look out the window over my shoulder and see
              about five police cars slowly driving off into the distance.
              lemonlimeskull: The worst part is...... WHY doesn't Pacman
              wanna eat eyes?!

<Flibberdy> thank fuck my wife's period's finally over. Stupid
              biological mechanisms required for reproduction.
              <fantasyprone> Flibberdy, try being the one bleeding from a
              very private crevice
              <fantasyprone> believe me it sucks at least as much for her as
              for you
              <Flibberdy> fantasyprone: Oh, she hates it too, don't get me
              wrong. Honestly I'm glad it's over for her sake not mine
              <Flibberdy> Left her bed bound quite a few days
              <fantasyprone> though it does entertain me to play war paint
              in the shower
              <fantasyprone> BLOOD EVERYWHERE WOO