<Vigrel> Woah, if my shit was a nuke aimed at Hiroshima,
Russia would get blown up
<Kor1413> It was That big?
<Vigrel> No, i missed.

<Pwnz0rz> What do you guys do after sex?
<D3v1lm4n> i like to cuddle with her
<Haxorz> i leave
<Dragneel> i Bury her again

<Brianith> They're the same type of people that think because
I know computers, that I'm a hacker. And because I'm a hacker,
I can use a computer to tell their refrigerator to sprout
legs, walk to me, and tell me their credit card numbers.

<axle345> I mean seriosuly guys holocaust jokes aren't funny
<axle345> Anne Frankly, I won't stand for it.

<Kasran> did Jesus heal a bunch of people? Possibly
<Kasran> also apparently he was sin-free
<Kasran> but we don't hear much about his ciildhood
<Kasran> it's just
<Kasran> 1. Birth
<Kasran> 2. ???
<Kasran> 3. Prophet!

<Cthon98> so I waited until my friend bought a box of timbits
and got back in the car
<Cthon98> (timbits being "donut holes" or whatever you yanks
call them)
<Cthon98> and just as he was about to bit into one, I say
<Cthon98> "you ever notice how those look just like creamy
shaved nuts?"
<Cthon98> so I now have a free box of timbits.

<@whm> "A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his
ass. The  doctors described his condition as stable."

<mindbomb> anytime anyone refers to themselves as a 'foodie' I
want to knock their fucking teeth out
<mindbomb> oh you like to eat food that tastes good?
congratufuckinglations
<mindbomb> blog about it

<@bhaak> commit early, commit often
<@bhaak> kids, that is only sound advice for programming, not
for marriage!
< kerio> there's no rollback in marriage, only blame

<MindSpark> So the officer stops me and asks for my license
and registration
<MindSpark> After handing them to him , he asks who the car
belongs to
<MindSpark> I tell him it's my wifes
<MindSpark> He asks if I have an authorization, because you
have to have some proof that you're allowed to ride a car
that's not yours
<MindSpark> I go "Sir, I ride the OWNER of this car personally
with no authorization, do you really expect me to have an
authorization to ride her car ?"
<MindSpark> Officer hands me back the papers in silence and
salutes me

<earth|drawing>: I've had sex on my period before xD
<earth|drawing>: that guy didn't mind tho.
<earth|drawing>: but he was a pig, so yeah.
<FW>: You had period sex with a WHAT?!
<earth|drawing>: okay, I'm NOT IMPLYING that I had sex with
animals, RIGHT? D:

< Utopiah> did a native English speaker recommended you this
nickname?
< handjob> No. This is my mother's desktop. The nickname is
taken from username.

R4V: I really want to learn some C++
R4V: but the problem is
R4V: that there seems to be months of learning
R4V: before you can do ANYTHING usefull.
Shrum: it's kind of like a highschool girlfriend

TRex-o: I want to settle an argument.  Am I an invasive
species?
sjackso: invasive species reproduce

Matoyak: We caught a catfish with some weird-ass face
tentacles...
Matoyak: That's the best way I can describe these things.
Tru: lol
Tru: I thought weird-ass face tentacles was a defining
characteristic of catfish...
Matoyak: It wasn't like whiskers...these things were half as
long as the fish itself, and almost as thick.
Matoyak: Heh, these were above and beyond the call of duty for
catfish face tentacles.
Matoyak: Weird-ass sunovabitch.
Tru: hehehe
Tru: mutant
Matoyak: Yeah. It was big enough to keep, but we tossed it
back cause we weren't going to eat something that looked that
fucked up.
Tru: if  you eat a mutant catfish, perhaps you get mutant
catfish superpowers... I wonder what those would be?
Matoyak: ...
Matoyak: The ability to become a bottom-sucking scum eater?
Matoyak: Hrmmm
Matoyak: So you become a politician.

<Xnoia> I chose to believe that argument drove him to
drinking.
<Xnoia> And I chose to claim that a victory.
<@RWolf> And you chose to speak in past tense.
<Xnoia> I do.
<@RWolf> did.
<Xnoia> Damn it!

<rdubyaj> dude this car I saw....
<rdubyaj> was really dusty
<rdubyaj> and someone had written on it "I wish my wife was
this dirty"
<rdubyaj> and underneath that someone else had written "she
is"

<GOD|away> Crackheads will rule this country! We will rise up!
And teach you all that we are the superior race...
<GOD|away> WHITE POWDER!

Aquillar> hey, you guys ever play kmem russian roulette?
Agnostos> I don't believe I have. care to explain the details?
Aquillar> dd if=/dev/urandom of=/dev/kmem bs=1 count=1 seek=
$RANDOM
Aquillar> keep executing until system crashes
Aquillar> person that crashes system has to buy beer
Agnostos> lol
Agnostos> I wonder if I can sneak that into a server startup
script here.

<Javelin> Oh.
<Javelin> My.
<Javelin> God.
<Javelin> We have a unit here.  It's about the size of a small
speaker.
<Javelin> In big letters across the front of it, it says "DATA
DESTROYER."
<Javelin> Some idiot comes into my office just now, and asks,
"hey, what is this thing?"
<Javelin> I say sarcastically, "it's a DVD polisher..."
<Javelin> Next thing I hear:  *GRIND GRIND GRIND* "WHAT THE
FUCK?!?!"
<Javelin> Now they're pissed at ME.
<Javelin> Because THEY couldn't read.
<Javelin> Besides, it's not like I gave them PERMISSION to use
MY "DVD Polisher."
<Javelin> I hate people.

<tic`zZz> I was lovin that pussy while she was lovin this
dick, I was shovin it in her while she was yellin dont quit
<MGS-_-> Then you realized you were dreamin that shit - in
real life your a no-pussy gettin prick

< Stalin> You could put out ads in magazines and online and
such, guaraunteed 25-30 lbs weight loss overnight or your
money back
< Stalin> and then send them instructions on how to amputate
one of their legs

<N00b>Can someone explain cell division?
<Nerd> o
<Nerd> 0
<Nerd> 8
<Nerd> oo

SpicyLemon: Jesus died for my sins.  I figure, it's best to
not let him die in vain.  I sin as much as possible.

<livin> your cousin is a titerope walker, rite?
<luckyest> he committed suicide by jumping off during a
performance two months ago.
<livin> maybe he was a bit *imbalanced*
<luckyest> you're a dick, you know that right?

<pronto> i like my women how i like my filesystems ... FAT and
16

< Rei> who lived in a pineapple under the sea, SPONGEBOB
SQUAREPANTS
< Rei> who died in an oil spill because of bp, SPONGEBOB
SQUAREPANTS!

<@The_Happy_Chemical> Nigga I know you have, I could name some
song that was created 10 minutes ago by a hobo bashing his
face off a dumpster and you'd have heard it

<M3rlin-> what is the legal age to buy alcoholic in england ?
<p5Ds13a06> you can't buy alcoholics
<p5Ds13a06> but if you wink the right way, some of them will
follow you home for free

<Ardennes[Q]> fat people lag.
<guyman> lol
<Deviant> so your mom must have dced when she gave birth to
you
<khagin> lmao

<Gper>Anyway, mates what's your New Year resolution?
<PowerBuddy> Gotta learn harder >.<
<RoznaM> Less porn, more chicks.
<Gper> Hej, Z, what's yours?
<Ziame> Thought about 1280x960

<windAd> haha, epic.
<Choonsen> What is?
<windAd> I set my password for my new keylogger program once
it was up and running, got distracted by cooking ramen, came
back and forgot the password
<Choonsen> Shit dude... you're retarded
<windAd> Noo, its all okay... I just went into the log files
and found out what I typed while in the program. Two minutes
later I now know that my password was 'ramenalmostdone'

<JPierre> Helping noobs on IRC who refuse to listen is an
all-too-common waste of time.
<biznatch> It's like you have this talking horse
and the talking horse says "I'm thirsty"
then you lead the horse to some water
and it still won't drink.
<PVicky> Simple solution: slaughter it for the meat.

<dux0r> giving head must be weird as fuck
<moot> lol
<dux0r> cause uve got like
<dux0r> a pee utensil
<dux0r> in ur mouth
<dux0r> like a chunky hotdog
<moot> xD
<dux0r> what a weird thought
<sudo> your penis is like a chunky hotdog?

<Party> asians are cool, it's the closest your ever gonna get
to fucking an alien

< Nooblender> on an unrelated note i had to wake up early
after staying up late to have breakfast with my hot nieces, so
i went to sleep at 8 pm but woke up at midnight, wtf
< that_guy> on a related note do you realize how creepy 'hot
nieces' sounds?

<+fuji@2ch> Basically, he and his second wife, not my mother,
got in a fight.  He kicked her out and started drinking
massively.
<th0r> ah, fuck alcohol >.< one of the worst materials we ever
created
<+fuji@2ch> He spent awhile sitting alone in the house with no
food and few hundred scotch bottles.
<th0r> That's crazy... how's everything now?
<+fuji@2ch> He basically fried out his brain,and went crazy
and started building a fort in the middle of a busy street.
<th0r> ... what? Seriously?
<+fuji@2ch> yeah, no kidding.
<th0r> That sounds more like something a paranoid
schizophrenic would do...
<+fuji@2ch> Yeah, well maybe there's some other issues going
on.

<yajmele> Oh my god....I was fooling around with my boyfriend
the other night....
<yajmele> Right when I grabbed his cock, we heard the "get
item" sound from Legend of Zelda. 
<yajmele> It's apparently his e-mail alert on his phone.
<yajmele> It took us 20 minutes to stop laughing.  The timing
on that was impeccable.

Draketh: I got a piercing last night
Draketh: and I don't really regret it even though it was a
decision made totally under the influence
Finn: ...
Draketh: so we're sitting around another fire blowing things
up since it's the 4th and drinking, I walk over and sit down
and the topic is piercings so we start talking, eventually it
shifts to genital piercings
Finn: ...
Draketh: I mentioned always being interested in a prince
albert, and this girl that was there that was like a friend of
one of my cousins friends or some shit
shes like "I work at a piercing parlor, I have all my shit in
the car I can totally do that right now"
Draketh: It was legit, like steralized tools in sealed
packages and everything, bowl of alcohol to soak the tools in,
she wore gloves.
Draketh: It was like being at a piercing parlor
Draketh: Except I was in a big ass comfy patio chair with a
bottle of Makers
Finn: I just.... I don't think I could ever let someone shove
anything through my penis
Draketh: actually I think it's gonna be hilarious
Draketh: like I have no tattoo's, no other piercings and then
like BAM "Suprise!"
Draketh: it's like opening the plain brown wrapped gift on
Christmas, and instead of a sweater it's a new laptop
Draketh: see, the laptop is my dick
Finn: .... just.... wow

<<UT> ho//\rzd> just an option:
<<UT> ho//\rzd>  you tell me where your sentence ends, that
would help. ;D
<F3AR | Bailey> i
<F3AR | Bailey> broke
<F3AR | Bailey> my
<F3AR | Bailey> space
<F3AR | Bailey> bar
<F3AR | Bailey> lol

<TheM-netbook> yeah, "god" is a concept more than an actual
thing or state of being
<+chaosisorder> Like Duke Nukem Forever?
<TheM-netbook> haha
<TheM-netbook> god is vaporware

<kurogane> "Research suggests that women with larger breasts
are more intelligent than their less well endowed
counterparts, with the larger breasted women studied having an
I.Q. some 10 points in excess of those with smaller breasts.
<kurogane> "The Chicago researcher (who confessed to herself
being an A-cup), conducted a sociological study in which she
took a sample of 1,200 women, divided by breast size into five
categories: extra-large, large, medium, small, and
extra-small.
<kurogane> who funds these 'studies'
<CindiK> Juggs magazine
<kurogane> is that a science journal?

< Andys> oh dear
< Andys> in ruby, symbols are represented with a prepended
colon
< Andys> eg.   :flag
< Andys> so some guy tshirt that said ":sex"
< Andys> which everyone at railscamp knew meant "Sex symbol"
< Andys> he wore it until someone pointed out that to
non-rubyists it said "Colon sex"

<Outpost> I love how everyone is blaming Obama for the oil
spill..
<AnnoDomini> It's actually the British.
<Outpost> yeah, you'd think British Petroleum would've made
that known.
<AnnoDomini> See, Americans dumped English tea into Boston
Bay.
<AnnoDomini> The British, after biding their time for 237
years, have struck back.
<AnnoDomini> YOUR MOVE, AMERICA.
<Outpost> ...I am so in love with you right now.

< gordonjcp> I'm trying to enjoy the vuvuzela concert and some
prick keeps playing football

< k5egg> the fucking oil spill is several hundred times larger
than AT&T's 3G coverage...
< n1lqj> Unlike AT&T the oil spill is guaranteed to cover
everyone

<thomas> you know why Santa's always jolly?
<ani> no
<thomas> He knows where all the bad girls live.
<lonewolf> do they empty his sack for him?
<lonewolf> I'd be grumpy if I only came once a year though
<thomas> LOL

BLUMAN: how many stances are there for warrior??
sleepah903: 3
BLUMAN: rly??
sleepah903: battle, berserk, defense
MING FAN: 4 theres battle, defensive, berserker and jew stance
BLUMAN: hmm
Sxechris: jew stance gets you cheaper reagents, repairs, and
you can lower buyouts on auctions without the sellers consent
BLUMAN: ...lawl
Sxechris: you take more fire damage though

lemonlimeskull: So I'm sitting in Hardee's (Carl's JR for
anyone here one the west coast)
lemonlimeskull: This huge African American dude sits across
from me at the booth. Plenty of tables around, of course,
since this is Hardee's.
lemonlimeskull: Since I don't usually have uninvited guests at
fast food restaurants, I'm naturally a bit put off while
simultaniously wondering what the deal is.
lemonlimeskull: The guy goes "Hey, man what you do for a
living?"
lemonlimeskull: I must've looked really confused, but I manage
to answer "Game designer... Why?"
lemonlimeskull: The guy sits there for a good thirty seconds,
looking out the window over my shoulder.
lemonlimeskull: Then he finally looks me straight on and says
"Good, lemme ask you a question..."
lemonlimeskull: "Why don't Pacman wanna eat eyes?"
lemonlimeskull: I just gave him this really quizzical look,
then he gets up and leaves.
lemonlimeskull: After a few seconds of wondering wtf that was
all about, I look out the window over my shoulder and see
about five police cars slowly driving off into the distance.
lemonlimeskull: The worst part is...... WHY doesn't Pacman
wanna eat eyes?!

<Flibberdy> thank fuck my wife's period's finally over. Stupid
biological mechanisms required for reproduction.
<fantasyprone> Flibberdy, try being the one bleeding from a
very private crevice
<fantasyprone> believe me it sucks at least as much for her as
for you
<Flibberdy> fantasyprone: Oh, she hates it too, don't get me
wrong. Honestly I'm glad it's over for her sake not mine
<Flibberdy> Left her bed bound quite a few days
<fantasyprone> though it does entertain me to play war paint
in the shower
<fantasyprone> BLOOD EVERYWHERE WOO