<Thomas> if women think they arent meant to cook
<Thomas> why do they have milk and eggs inside them?

<+DarthWario> I do believe I am fully justified when I say
fuck my dad.
<+DarthWario> He made me uninstall xchat. So it's back to
mibbit.
<+DarthWario> He installed iTunes on my laptop so my mum could
register her iPhone (as my proper computers iTunes is fucked.
By his own hand, no less.) and he saw the xchat and mIRC icons
on my screen. He called them 'dirty' and made me uninstall
them.
<&Azathoth> he called them..dirty?
<+TomBrend_> IRC is a dirty dirty place...wretched hive of
scum and villany if I've ever seen one.

Milamber: hopefully that will get him outa trouble
Mick: yeah because that was in the top 20 of worst wiring jobs
Mick: nothign will beat number 1
Milamber: no. 1?
Mick: ooh that was amazing
Mick: it was a corolla
Mick: painted blue and red with housepaint outside
Mick: with green wheels
Mick: inside was painted blue with rattlecans including the
seats
Mick: there was rubbish and rotten food on the ground as high
as the bottom of the seat
Mick: the radio was a tape player that he wanted replaced with
a clarion cd tuner
Mick: tape player was held in with winnie blue cig packets,
some bandaids and chewing gum
Mick: to get the old one out they had smashed the dash
Mick: it was wired up with bits of house wire and extension
cords
Mick: they had hacked a hole in the firewall to run the power
for the radio straight off the start motor
Mick: which the wiries were sticky taped onto the starter
motor
Mick: the speakers in the back were sitting on the shelf being
held in by just the force of their own magnets as it had no
parcelshelf
Milamber: woooooow did you just tell him where to stick it?
Mick: I threw up from the smell in the car on the workshop
floor
Mick: gene had to help me up
Mick: he called the customer who was told to go home and burn
the car
Milamber: ROFL

<+Merrick> Ugh
<+Merrick> I gotta work tommorow...
<+Merrick> I hate my fucking job
<+Merrick> I HATE IT
<+FDR> are you a priest?
<+Merrick> No an altar boy

Phil: C++ is java's uncle that never comes to visit, and had
half his face blown off when he stepped on a landmine, also
he's a pedophile.
Phil: But he's the industry standard.
David: and runs much faster
Phil: He has to be able to run fast, he's a pedophile.

<Aussie> I was listening to some girls talking in a video
store.
<Aussie> And one of them was saying that she had failed her
learners permit because she had used both hands to change
gears.

reconnection: that is because in canada you can leave your
doors open and michael moore can burst in at any time
reconnection: ... that was when they started locking doors

<Mike> So I have a Skype forwarding enabled for my cellphone,
so any phone call made to me on Skype forwards to my
cellphone. It's a couple bucks a month, so why not.
<Mike> Anyways, I am studying with my friend beside me and I
see Skype on my computer start ringing. I didn't want to
answer with my computer so I picked up my cellphone and told
my friend "One second, taking a phone call" without thinking
about it.
<Mike> My phone rings 1 second later, I answer it, walk out of
the room.
<Mike> Didn't realize how much of a psychic hero I looked like
to my friend until I left the room. Looked at my friend
through the window who is sitting like O_O

<@tdfischer> friggin landlord finally cached my check
<+ajanata> tdfischer: I would think the proper analogy is they
finally flushed the buffer the check was in :p
<+ajanata> caching the check would make things worse
<@tdfischer> 'doh
<@tdfischer> thats a pretty awesome typo

bp: how did my collar get popped
bp: srsly my neck felt weird so i felt it and my collar was
popped without any physical intervention from me
esch: you have a douchebag poltergeist

thefinalcutter83: According to CNN.com: "Iranian missile may
be able to hit U.S. by 2015."
SpaceInvader455: That's one slow fuckin missile.

<sho3boy_kixx> What's the difference between jam and jelly?
<kwistlebear> wht?
<sho3boy_kixx> I can't jelly my cock down your throat

<Bubbles>What are you, fucking 15 years old?
<Spoons>no, im fucking 15 year olds ;]

<jaffa> think of the children!
<bobf> oh gimme a break, I've spent *hours* today thinking of
the children, my wrist is too sore to do it any longer

lemonlimeskull: One guy keeps following me from chat room to
chat room begging to blow me because he found out I live about
a half hour away.
lemonlimeskull: Other guy wants to fight me IRL because I
posted on a forum that his local band sucks ass.
lemonlimeskull: I'm going to agree to meet the two of them -
same location at the same time.
lemonlimeskull: I won't show up, of course - tomorrow one guy
will be in the hospital or the other one will be a lot more
mellow.
lemonlimeskull: Will keep you posted.

<IDTL> but dude there were babessss
<genida> IDTL, that's very often a warning sign.
<genida> "Girls will be there." = "Girls will be laughing in
your face..."
<Malikat> when girls laugh
<Malikat> their breasts jiggle.
<Malikat> everyone wins.
<IDTL> oh man I never thought of that
<IDTL> What if they are flatchested?
<Malikat> then they shouldn't be happy
<Malikat> they probably won't be happy
<Malikat> in fact, flat chested women never laugh at a party
<Malikat> because they know no man will ever love them.

<&||bass> GODDAMNIT
<&||bass> i'm searching for how to do something in java
<&||bass> i just checked in google
<&||bass> you know what the results are?
<&||bass> me posting in various forms asking how to fucking do
it

<commerceheights> wow, I managed to get a syntax error on line
23 of a twenty-line file

<ryanm> I have cheesecake, how the fuck could I be miserable?!

<Flimsy> lert's join the BNP
<Obliriovrons> BMP
<Flimsy> if image formats were political parties, which one
would you vote for
<Obliriovrons> Listen, starting a conversation like this is
just going to lead to an argument
<Obliriovrons> And I'd hate to get in a tiff over image
formats

<@Ricky> According to BBC News, the father of the Nigerian who
attempted to blow up the Delta airliner whilst approaching
Detroit had emailed US authorities to warn them about his
son's extreme anti American views. This man happened to be a
very wealthy banker.
<@Ricky> You can imagine the email arriving at the US
Government's offices:
<@Ricky> Good afternoon, I am a wealthy Nigerian banker....

<sean> sec
<sean> SSHing to laptop beacuse I can't be bothered to lift it
onto table

A: > Try playing Quake 4 on an Intel Video card. Let us know
how you get on.
B: > It looks as good as on an ATI/Nvidia card so far...
B: > Hang on.. frame 2 is coming up.. yup still looks good.

<Loonacy> Apple dumped the geek/hobbyist market to go after
the highly profitable moron/trendy market.

Eli:  Today this black kid who acts pretty white was trying to
convince me that hes asian cus hes a ninja
Eli: I said
Eli: "ninja please"
Eli: It was awesome.

JxJ: im sleepy and I need something to pick me up, what should
I drink?
GCa: Well, a  can of coke has about 45 mg of caffeine. A shot,
about 90. 8oz drip coffee 180-220. Ice coffee ~250+.
GCa: These are estimates, btw
GCa: My ultimate pick-me-up drink was an iced venti coffee
with no ice, add two-three shots, a couple pumps of syrup and
top it with cream
GCa: Then I would slam it... INSANE amounts of caffeine
GCa: Approx 16oz (you can get 32oz now) of iced coffee (500mg)
+3 shots (270mg)= 770 mg of caffeine, or the equivalent of 17
cans of coke at once
GCa: I used to pull up allnighters on that stuff just to ace
finals. never failed anything.
Dorne: shit, at that point caffeine is basically coke
GCa: Don't try to drive while on that.
JxJ: what the hell was your major?
GCa: english

digicow: I'm gonna train my children to say sudo instead of
please

<sje46> I avoid sex the same way I avoid bullets
<sje46> I haven't had the chance to

<L-dawg> lol, I was 10 years old and figured out how sex works
from the electronic coupling naming convention
<L-dawg> damn electrical engineers

<~Danke> trolling or not you can't expect me to link me to
furry porn and say "oh VoiDeD, that's good that you've found
something you're interested in"

<incluye> OH! Shit it's your birthday, isn't it.
<thom> Yeh
<incluye> I have something for you.
<thom> Really?!
<incluye> Yeah.
<incluye> localhostr.com/files/a19ydd/q.gif
<thom> WTF
<thom> It's just an animation of some dude getting a rag tied
around his face
<incluye> I know.
<incluye> It's a gag gif.
* You have been kicked from the channel by thom (never speak
to me again)

<blaxthos> sarah palin has issued a statement of condolence
regarding the recent earthquake in chili, and stated her
concern for potential price-gouging of baby back ribs

<Rei> What's Microsoft Works?
<K> An oxymoron.

AxelDesade: Good god, I need a life.
Colty: Why's that?
AxelDesade: I was entertained for over an hour today by
refreshing a captcha until it said something funny or made a
cool band name.

<ChaosTeacup> playing fucking?
<ChaosTeacup> fucking isnt a game, its a very very serious
sport
<Chiri> it can be quite competitive
<ChaosTeacup> although its best if you end in a draw
<Chiri> but the professional leagues aren't very respected as
a career path
<ChaosTeacup> its best to play in the minors
<ChaosTeacup> wait
<ChaosTeacup> no

<prote> apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an
acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad
today"

(omfg): whats the most sensitive part of a persons body when
they are masturbating ?
(TypoKing): idk
(omfg): their ears
(omfg): listening for ppl coming home

<Velkyr> Why is it when your wife or girlfriend gets pregnant,
all her friends rub her belly and say "congratulations!"
<Velkyr> But nobody rubs your dick and says "Good Job"?

<Orang> Dude, this is weird, I just put an apple next to my
Mac and it made a weird noise without me touching anything.
<Joshtrap> My PC does the same thing when I take a shit by it.

<Papabear> "keep out, i'm naked" is a bad thing to hear when
you knock at your 12 year old sisters room, trying to get your
notebook back
<Papabear> worse is if the answer is the same 20 min after
<Old> Worst is if ya find an entry for stickam in ya history
afterwards

<SaxxonPike> Had some crazy kid running around flailing his
arms around come up to me and shout "GUESS WHAT! I'M ONE IN A
MILLION!"
<SaxxonPike> One million is a small portion of the world
population. So I shouted back "THAT MEANS THERE'S ABOUT 7,000
MORE OF YOU HYPER FUCKS RUNNING AROUND"

Takargi: Perfect weekend for me. Liverpool beat the Bitters
with 10 men, England win at Rugby and Freddie's first words
are Daddie ;)
Takargi: Freddie was looking at the milkman at the time though
which is worrying...

<derp>I'm pretty sure bash moderators just ctrl-f every quote
for "penis, sex, masturbate, bash, nigger," and anything that
doesn't generate a hit is rejected. They probably have an
automated script, in fact.

<Alex> I come in from a night out, pissed. And suddenly I turn
into Gordon Ramsay

<Dakara> what's the name of that disease when you can't stop
masturbating?
<amaury> the Y chromosome

<Asday>  Hey, the amount of bash quotes has gone down...
<iddo>  ?
<Asday>  Was 20720.  Now it's 20718.
<iddo>  could you have less of a life?
<Asday>  I try.

<t0mato> anyone here knows how fast will my computer run after
a registry cleaning?
<x5ga> We have a formula to calculate the percentage of speed
gained
<x5ga> (E*c/100)*a
<x5ga> E is the number of errors cleaned
<x5ga> c is the number of cores your CPU has
<x5ga> a is 0

<blaxthos> I AM RECOMMENDING WE REPLACE "CASUAL FRIDAYS" WITH
"ALL CAPS FRIDAYS" AT WORK

WS-R| SmileyFaceOfAwesome: pro tip don't use photoshop when
you could get the same effect in pain
WS-R| SmileyFaceOfAwesome: t
Bobv2: How do you draw while in pain?
WS-R| SmileyFaceOfAwesome: MS PAINT
Bobv2: THATSTHEJOKEFGT.JPG
WS-R| SmileyFaceOfAwesome: OPEN FILE ASIANPENIS.JPG: FILE IS
EITHER TOO SMALL OR CORRUPT TO BE RUN:
Bobv2: ...
Bobv2: words cannot describe the win

<Roderick> the book I am reading, You Shall Know Our
Velocity!, is one of those books you can't rush
<ninda42> is the subtitle for that book But you Shall never
know our Position! ?