mellotron: wow, this is just begging for police investigation
mellotron: alt.binaries.porn.children
Indolentron: dont worry!  it's porn *for* children!
Indolentron: the word of the day is "clitoris!" can you find
the clitoris on this woman's vulva?

Cope: we have been so bored at work we made a sport
Cope: we call it condomball
Cope: theres a used condom thrown in the ally and if the ball
touches it the game is over forever

Schraitle: IP's are like old phone numbers because when you
get a new one you're stuck with all the shit that the person
who had it before you did.
Schraitle: for instance, the guy who had my IP before i did
had a lot of fun spamming irc and getting himself blocked from
every website that i like to go to

<dp> theres no games stores near me
<dp> and by near i mean walking distance
<dp> and by walking distance i mean within 30 metres

<Blabber> i just started working out, to get me some muscle
and feel confident
<Blabber> so after the first time, i come home and look at
myself in the mirror
<Blabber> to see if there is already improvement
<Blabber> my mom steps in and says "you look good enough to
play in a warmovie"
<Blabber> so she boosts my confidence and i say thx! like a
sergeant you mean?
<Blabber> and i swear to god then she says: no like a
concentration camp victim
<Blabber> she left the room laughing her ass off...

Pep Boy Manny02: I was a little disappointed yesterday.
Pep Boy Manny02: Got "Religion for Dummies" from the library.
Pep Boy Manny02: You know how the "...For Dummies" books
usually have the bomb icon for, "Don't do this!"?
Pep Boy Manny02: This one didn't.

SansMuse: is there a word for using words in a passage from a
language other than the one you're writing in?
mr telnorp: Pretentiousness?

Drahmen: I unbutton your blouse and start to massage your
brest.
Higgs23: I moan and start to undo your pants.
Drahmen: Wait a minute...This is the wrong window.
Higgs23: I noticed.
Drahmen: WTF dude?
Higgs23: I felt like playing along.

<slot|processor> I thought today was the day I would meet a
hot chick reading an oracle book in books-a-million.... but i
was once again wrong.
<sdodson> It turned out to be a dude?
<slot|processor> Worse.
<sdodson> He was reading a MySQL book?

<Daniel> I am from Texas.
<Daniel> I do not consider myself an American.
<DragonAtma> That's okay
<DragonAtma> As we wish texas wasn't part of the US

<Omnica> Man, I love air new zealand... the flight attendant
was saying the usual about emergency exits and shit when
suddenly "and for those passengers who are sitting in first
class, instead of life jackets, you will find parachutes under
your seat thank you and enjoy your flight"

<kasierlord55> hi guyz how r u all doin???
<Blarrrg> Dear kasiserlord55,
<Blarrrg> Please stop raping me.
<Blarrrg> Love,
<Blarrrg> The English Language.

<BlakeyFox> it's kinda cloudy 'round these parts
<BlakeyFox> good lord, I'm typing in TEXAN!
<BlakeyFox> nasty dialect, it is
<Laila> Now you're typing in Yoda.
<Reiz0r> Texan yoda

(@nd): i should find a hobby
(@nd): other than drinking
(@rawby): put your beer in the freezer
(@rawby): then take up licking

+BlackSaturn> did you know congress is thinking about making a
law that has more jail time for dling a copyrighted movie than
for dling child pr0n?
@tw> Child porn isn't copyrighted.

OhTheCommotion: But checking accounts lead to credit cards,
and we both know what credit cards lead to
ardenthechicken: "LOTS OF FREEE STUFF!!!!!!! ^_^"
OhTheCommotion: RIGHT ON!

FuzzGod5: The next time someone asks me to write a java
program that runs over a network connection, I'm going to
print out an entire ream of paper with "try/catch" blocks,
crush their heads with it, then jump on their corpse and shout
"WRYYYYYYYYYYYY!" triumphantly.

(fG) I heard this story today at work
(fG) this guy from swindon university, did a test to find out
the IQ's of Europe's countires
(fG) and the Ukraine came bottom or some shit
(fG) so Ukraine found out and called him saying like "we heard
man, come visit us, we'll pay, we'll show you our inventions
etc"
(fG) so he said "yeah cool"
(fG) so he got the tickets in the post, along with itineries
of his week
(fG) and he went to the airport, got on the 'plane
(fG) and got off in Budapest.
(fG) Hungary.

<Luthandrel> is anybody in here like, super good with
computers?
<Luthandrel> because im having some complicated problems
<Luthandrel> i asked all of my friends who are good with comps
but none of them know how to fix it.
<Luthandrel> so is anyone here insanely good with computers?
<Techno-Fab> I don't know if I'm INSANELY good, but I'm
willing to give it a shot.
<Luthandrel> Ok thenks.  Do you know how to set the time and
date here?
<Techno-Fab> ....

<Warfle> So get this.
<Warfle> I'm getting my car inspected and theres this girl in
line ahead of me.
<Warfle> Pushing her car.
<Warfle> "I don't think she's going to pass inspection"

<LinearA> so my boss emails me this resume for a 10AM
interview
<LinearA> within 5 mins I trace the email address to a handle
to an
adultfriendfinder account.
<LinearA> !! Why can't people be more careful !!
<LinearA> "Need Hot Top To Fill Me UP!!"

<hobosexual> i reckon im going to hell
<Caedes> I know how to tell if someone is gong to hell or not.
<Caedes> Q. Are you religious ?
<hobosexual> yes
<Caedes> A. You're going to hell
<hobosexual> makes sense.

<Tanzarian> well that's a blow to the confidence
<Tanzarian> some religious guys just came to my door and as
they were leaving they left a little magazine thing
<Tanzarian> he looked through his pile for a while and ended
up giving me one on the evils of masterbation ...
<Tanzarian> I really should stop answering the door naked with
a massive erection

<n00b> how do i make $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ fast!! plz plz
plzzzz tell meeeeeee!!!!
<piezocake> Get Vi and type 22i$<esc>

<Scythe`> What's the worst thing about being a redneck ?
<Scythe`> Tasting your dad's semen when you're eating out your
sister
<Galdor> iim thinking.... how would you recognise it as your
dads?

Helene: Someone attacked Pearl Harbor?!
Helene: When?!
Helene: My Cousin is stationed there
Helene: omg omg omg
Helene: Was it bad?
Pigtail II: Helen we're talking about WWII

<barnacle> rape and sex are really the same thing
<SaxxonPike> Not exactly
<SaxxonPike> Well I can't think of the difference right now
<SaxxonPike> But I think rape is the bad one that you always
see in the news
<SaxxonPike> Much like the difference between "nigga" and
"nigger" I guess
<SaxxonPike> One is somehow bad, it's all in how you say it
<barnacle> i see

The_Dv8or: damnit
The_Dv8or: I was in my Jersey office today, waiting for a file
to download
The_Dv8or: theyre separate from my company domain... I was
bored, and I know they dont monitor Web surfing, and I was on
my personal laptop, so I started surfing porn
The_Dv8or: then I just realized.... I had my corporate domain
VPN connected the whole time

qreepyboris: However, I can tell you with authority that my
French extra credit project is going to ROCK
qreepyboris: We're making a film of a few shortish skits in
French
qreepyboris: And one of them is so awesome
qreepyboris: Schindler and Santa accidentally mix up their
naughty and nice lists. :-)
qreepyboris: So Santa goes to all the Jews' houses and they're
not there, 'cuz they're all in camps
qreepyboris: And I haven't read the whole script, but there is
no way it can possibly be not funny

<DoktorSeven> emacs is an okay OS but its text editor sucks.

Cyclone: o i love pussy ;D
McKhaos: i love christmas better
McKhaos: it comes around more often

<qu37z> thats the last time I let a mexican live in my garage
<qu37z> especially a quaker mexican
<qu37z> that fucker gets up at 4am and starts sleeping.

<Sede> I was cleaning out under my waterbed mattress a few
years ago and found a razorblade. I was cleaning it out again
today and found a 5" long nail. I think I have a suicidal
waterbed Sad
<Sede> I also found Auto Insurance from Monopoly, and a
broken-off mechanical monkey hand. I don't know how this stuff
winds up under my waterbed but it is awesome.
<Kazz> there isn't Auto Insurance in Monopoly
<Kazz> there is in Life though
<Sede> The things that wind up under my matress is like the
inventory of an old LucasArts adventure game.
<Sede> I always stashed Auto Insurance somewhere near when
playing Monopoly in case I got the car piece. Then I didn't
have to pay taxes.
<Sede> I usually got to be the car, because otherwise I'd pick
the Scottish-Terrier-riding-a-wheelbarrow-wearing-a-tophat
piece, which didn't leave anyone else many options.
<Sede> My dad probably shouldn't have given me a soldering
iron for my birthday.

<Rose> ahaha...I remember this one time at a tattoo parlour
<Rose> and this girl wanted a tattoo on her lower back
<Rose> and she told the artist "yeah, I want something
symbolic"
<Rose> so I wrote "Exit only" in chinese

sweet17: Hi
bloodninja: hello
bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
bloodninja: why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
bloodninja: look I m sorry. I m just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
bloodninja: yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
bloodninja: No. I m in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
bloodninja: Don t fucking laugh at me!
bloodninja: This shit is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: gimme a fucking break
bloodninja: I m serious.
sweet17: I don t get it
bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
bloodninja: I m wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
bloodninja: It s kindof embarrasing.
bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You are fucking sick.
bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
bloodninja: so I know you aren t one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: I m not a cop i told you
bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
bloodninja: Hurry up.
bloodninja: Are you there?
bloodninja: fuck you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to
send to me.
bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
bloodninja: Weren t you!?
sweet17: thats not it
bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17: I don t want to send you the picture cause I m not
pretty
bloodninja: Most cops aren t
sweet17: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKSHIT!
bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. What s your e-mail?
bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
bloodninja: Hold on. I m looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: I ve lost weight since then.
bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17: Yes. I m not that much smaller than that now.
bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my
picture?
sweet17: yes
bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isn t you.
bloodninja: I ll be damned if it ain t!
sweet17: You don t look like that.
bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy .
bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go fuck yourself
bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
bloodninja: Now my unit won t get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldn t have sent you that picture.
sweet17: You ve done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn t hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17: I can t believe that cops are after you
bloodninja: I can t believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: FUCK YOU!!!
bloodninja: You d break both of his legs.
sweet17: You re a fucking wanker!
sweet17: I ve been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don t even know me
bloodninja: Ok. I m sorry.
sweet17: No you aren t
bloodninja: You re right. I m not.
bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17: I m done with you
bloodninja: Aww. I m sorry.
sweet17: I m putting you on ignore
bloodninja: Wait a sec
bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
bloodninja: I ll eat your kitty
sweet17: You ll what?
bloodninja: You heard me.
bloodninja: I said I d eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldn t get it hard after
seeing my picture
bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: I d like to know that the man eating me out is
excited yes
bloodninja: Well I m not like most men.
bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I don t know
bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: I m afraid to
bloodninja: Why?
sweet17: cause
bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat.
then you wanna eat me out
sweet17: doesn t that seem strange to you?
bloodninja: Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
bloodninja: Fine. I won t do it if you don t want me to
sweet17: I didn t say that
bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
bloodninja: When I start to go limp  you say  HARRRR!!! 
bloodninja: ok?
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You can t be serious
bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
bloodninja: It s my fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
bloodninja: Then you ll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage
your thighs.
bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge
brushing up against them
bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth cunt.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
bloodninja: uh oh  going limp.
sweet17: Har
bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more
moist with every stroke.
bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out
of my mouth.
bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes
its way to my nose.
bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I fuck harder
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
bloodninja:  still limp
bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around
your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?
bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
bloodninja: And turn you into a fucking candy apple 
bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17: FUCK YOU DICKHEAD!!
bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of
the cabin 
bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
bloodninja:  going limp again.
bloodninja: Hello?
bloodninja: Say it!
bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

<Onyxus>: Have you ever been pwned by a 4 year old?  I have,
and so has my son.
<Onyxus>: 1.) I was riding in the car with my family and my
daughter (as I have taught her) randomly said "I pwned a noob!
" Being a proud father I reached back and said "Gimme five" to
which she promptly responded "No you're the noob!"
<Onyxus>: 2.) Just today me and the missus were sitting in the
living room watching TV while the kids were on the porch
playing in their tiny little swimming pool. My son ran up to
the back door and was yelling something unintelligible at it,
when my daughter ran up behind him and dumped a cup full of
water over his head...multiple times. He ran off, most likely
to cry in a corner somewhere, and she looked at me through the
door and yelled "I pwned a noob Daddy!"
<Onyxus>: Words can not describe the pride I feel in how I've
brought up my daughter...

Deus_Gear: its time to play
Deus_Gear: random kick
Deus_Gear: !kick random
*** Deus_Gear has been kicked from #illuminati-manga by
Deus_Gear: Deus_Gear

<Produkt> how do i put a new picture on the gallery
<Pi> ERROR: QUESTION MARK MISSING
<Produkt> ?
<Pi> ERROR: QUESTION MISSING
<Produkt> how do i put a new picture on the gallery?
<Pi> ERROR: TOO MANY ATTEMPTS
<Produkt> youre a fag
<Pi> PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER

paranoidjanitor: so I used the grep command to search through
the manual page for the grep command to find the paramater
that displays a variable number of lines before the actual
output
paranoidjanitor: and the paramaters are all on the previous
lines, so I ended up having to search through the manual by
hand anyway

<FBS> how do you know the exact version of bind ?
<FBS> fuck those who answer bind -v or some other bullshit
<eb> bind -v
<ghoz> other bullshit

<ClayJar_Zzz> AAAAAAAARGH!! I just saw a comercial for
Disney's Finding Nemo on ice, and let me tell you, it was
exceedingly disturbing.
<pjpreb> how so?
<ClahJar_Zzz> It was like seeing big fish impaled on ice
skating mimes.

<@k9s> cottage cheese is the curdled milk solids before the
cheese is made.
<@k9s> its like 0-day cheese

<chicken_on_fire> i jammed my memory stick backwards and
shorted out the mobo
<Mouser> o shit
<chicken_on_fire> what're the chances of that happening?
<Mouser> 1/1, apparently

<NeloAngelo> i'm pretty sure my foot is broke ^.^
<NateZeiro> then goto a doctor
<NeloAngelo> those quacks cost money
<NateZeiro> then goto guatemala

dazed: yeah my mom caught my brother jacking off to Powerpuff
Girls
dazed: she didnt yell at him because she was laughing so hard
dazed: she just told everyone at his birthday party the next
day
BaileD: You have the most fucked up family ever. Period.

<DuEy> my grandparents just asked me to send an email to my
cousin :\ and they gave me the postal address

<mwcfan88>  man i really got tan over the past few days
<crack-geanie>  alright thats it you've been warned now you're
out of the club
<crack-geanie>  i expect you to return you're pointy hat and
flaming cross by tuesday
<mwcfan88>  <:(

<TheGardener[Woo]> was buying new trainers... a kid walked by
and said to his dad "wow he looks like beckham", the kids dad
says "put your glasses back on" :|

<OMFG> Aw man, i'm almost at my download limit...i dont wanna
get shaped to 64k :(
<OMFG> Do you think I could like, ration out 24MB
<OMFG> To last 6 days?

<ChasmyrSS> They MUST import because all local resources have
been tapped out.
<Marcus_> this conversation just rose above my pay grade.