<Litzer> I bought a $3200 escort to take me to the movies last
night
<mechanicvirus> a car or a hooker?

(Sethy) How many Supreme Court Justices can you guys name?
(MasterOfHyrule) uh...
(MasterOfHyrule) Bush?
(Sethy) Aaaand how many members of the Bradey Bunch can you
name?
(MasterOfHyrule) Marsha, Cindy, Jane, Peter, Bobby, Greg, Mom,
Dad, Alice
(Sethy) ...Now what does that say about you?

<blue_> [wned
<fluffy> blue_: I like how you mistyped 'pwned' as [wned when
pwned itself is an intentional reproduction of the common
mistyping of owned
<fluffy> I have a feeling that in a few years people will be
typing \wned without any shred of irony

<MrAccident> ...
<MrAccident> My laptop really is like an Etch-a-Sketch now
<MrAccident> The slightest jostling or movement while it is
running will cause a BSoD
<MrAccident> And it won't recognize the hard drive after that
until you turn the thing upside-down at least once

<Knightmare> Well that was a night of fear and terror.
<Timork> ?
<Knightmare> I bought a bag of mushrooms and a bottle of
Everclear.
<Knightmare> Settled down for a nice evening of mind altering
psychadelia
<Timork> Bad trip huh?
<Knightmare> Horrible, I never want to go through it again.
<Knightmare> Somewhere along the line I installed emacs.

<iND-RLM> i heard a good comeback by my friends 13yr old
brother the other day
<iND-RLM> his sister was talking it up
<iND-RLM> and he just comes in and says
<iND-RLM> u know if i made a mould of you out of shit.. it
would still only be as half as full of shit as you really are

<NCommander> Its nothing like coming back from a two month
vacation, and discovering a surprise in the toliet
<g4lt-U60> TMI
<g4lt-U60> in fact, you've left the TMI thoroughfare and
entered the "why the fuck do you have free speech" turnpike
<NCommander> g4lt-U60: I didn't say that surprise was shit.

<crowke> With the current web2.0 hype, I think Mary Poppins
should have an Ajax-powered website at http://
super.cali.fragi.listic.expi.ali.do.cio.us.

<aptget>  I have $50 on Duke Nukem Forever finishing before
Vista.
<carpespasm>  can anyone quote from the bible which comes
first, horsemen, ps3, DNF, or vista; I always forget
<soogy>  Mark 13:4 "Tell us, when shall these things be? and
what [shall be] the sign when all these things shall be
fulfilled?"
<soogy>  Even the Bible can't save us now.

Iridium24: If there is one thing i can do, its multitask

<Nietzche> what kind of weird keyboard are you using
<Nietzche> dvorak or something
<Nietzche> BECAUSE GUESS WHAT
<Nietzche> IM USING QUERTY
<Nietzche> QWERTY
<Nietzche> omg
<Nietzche> how can i misspell qwerty
<Nietzche> >_>

<Prysm> my dad just said 'I just exploded'
<Prysm> and my mom said 'that's not the first time today'
<Prysm> I REALLY HOPE THAT WASN'T SEXUAL
<Prysm> or I will kill myself
<Taidahn`> Prysm, it was
* Prysm dies a little inside
<Taidahn`> Prysm, and a little of your dad probably died
inside your mom.
<Taidahn`> Prysm, or maybe on

<Demon Beaver> So, at the LAN-party, there was a new guy.
<Demon Beaver> And when he went for a drink, we snuck up to
his pc, and created a folder called Horse-Porn on the desktop.
<Demon Beaver> Then we took a screenshot, put it as his
wallpaper, and deleted the folder.
<Demon Beaver> He tried to get rid of that folder for 3 hours!
^^

mcilhemnny: see, this is why I like bittorrents
mcilhemnny: Family guy, Seasons... 1-4 + the movie
mcilhemnny: Now thats fucking organisation
mcilhemnny: I don't have to do any work
mcilhemnny: I just sit on my fucking ass and wait...
mcilhemnny: for
mcilhemnny: 196.5 days...
mcilhemnny: awww... the simple life

<Vorpy> seriously, "alote"? what is your first language?
<Vorpy> do you buy ingredients at a shoppe?
<Vorpy> ye olde shoppe?
<Vorpy> is where ye buye ye goodes?
<Vorpy> muche goodes are needed with whiche to cooke
<Vorpy> to cooke alote of foodes, ye neede alote of goodes
from ye olde shoppe

<tarheelcoxn> iank has trouble with English. his native
language is Python
<iank> Yeah
<iank>   I'm forced
<iank>     To indent
<iank>   My sentences

<Analyzer> I'm on the come-down
<Analyzer> I ran out of heroin at 10 this morning
<Breathe> You're gonna be such a good daddy :D
<Analyzer> You'll have to watch the police blotter to see just
how good

MorningQueen: Why are you against abortion?
MassHypnosisJoe: I'm just against women making choices

Centurion04> did you see the terri schiavo .gif?
Centurion04> it was a .jpg
Centurion04> afk

<Jlax> wow
<Jlax> i just opened microsoft word
<Jlax> apperently, i only had the trial version
<Jlax> and it expired yesterday
<Jlax> so i read the message it gave me
<Jlax> "some features may become unavailable"
<Jlax> then i discovered what some of those features were:
<Jlax> 1.
<Jlax> TYPING
<Jlax> 2.
<Jlax> DOCUMENT VIEWING

balial: docvin: 24 blows
docvin: I know, but I can't stop watching.
docvin: It's like a fat stripper.
docvin: OK, that wasn't a very good analogy.

<smearedink> what's your SAT score?
<|nevermind|> smearedink: 1930
<smearedink> are you serious?!?!?!?!
<smearedink> dude
<smearedink> fuck no
<smearedink> i hate this
<smearedink> all the dumb people try to act smart
<smearedink> and all the smart people try to act dumb
<|nevermind|> smearedink: welcome to IRC

<TWK|Tharensk> im sure you could've googled it
<Fneb> nice to know people still haven't learnt to google :/
<Accipiter> Nice to know that some ppl still can throw
arrogant comments on ppl who doesn't know the entire world
encyclopedia :/
<skenk> yea because google is clearly in an obscure corner in
britannica as far as public knowledge goes

(@xt) mexican independence day is sept 16th i believe
(@mitch) yeah
(@xt) may 5th has significance in pueblo mexico and those from
pueblo .. its not celebrated by most of mexico
(@mitch) day they defeated the french
(@RossH) dude.....if everyone celebrated on a day they
defeated the french it'd be a year-round holiday

<HorseC> parrots are like children... you spend 2-3 years
teaching them to talk, then the rest of your life wishing you
never did.

<@semi> heres the way I see it
<@semi> they say you are supposed to spend two months salary
on the ring
<@semi> better do that now when you are earning 50 bucks a
month

Jeffrey: Our customers at Cox are simply amazing.
Jeffrey: So I'm trying to troubleshoot this customer's cable.
I tell her to punch in "zero, three" on the remote control.
Jeffrey: These instructions were followed shortly by two tones
in my ear.

lemonlimeskull: You know you've been chatting too long when
you think C:/> is some kind of depressed Arab smiley.

creativeembassy: you know what's really, REALLY cool about the
dvorak keyboard?
glotigerglo: what
creativeembassy: when you're playing hangman, all you gotta do
is hit everysingle key on the home row, and you automatically
kick your opponent's ass

<@Rask> ... oh man
<@Rask> The next version of TCP/IP
<@Rask> Must replace SYN and ACK
<@Rask> with ORLY and YARLY

sitexec: okay, question
sitexec: if you have a whole loaf of bread, and 3 peices have
mold, are the rest okay?
kitchen: sitexec, not bread
kitchen: cheese yes, bread no
sitexec: they wernt touching each other
kitchen: doesnt matter
sitexec: hmm, second question
sitexec: what if ive eaten it already?

You Are Hemp: i bit my lip pretty hard today
You Are Hemp: there was blood on the opposite side
You Are Hemp: didnt get me laid though
hobopower113: does biting ones lip usually get one laid?
You Are Hemp: i guess not...

<leefal> Holy shit! Zacarias Moussaoui must have downloaded a
serious ammount of albums to get 6 life sentences.

Kat: Coincidence may favor the bold, but I think irony favors
the italic.

<JDigital> Religion in Northern Ireland actually has only very
little to do with religion
<bee> is it more like stamp collecting
<Divine> Yes, except there are only two different stamps. And
they want to kill each other.

Dr-Mambo:  so yeah
Dr-Mambo:  how about that <recent current event>
Dr-Mambo:  did you catch that <local sporting event> last
weekend?
Willuknight:  no i missed <local sporting event> but i did
manage to get to <recent current event> and it was pretty damm
cool
Willuknight:  i met <person we both know> there as well, they
were with some friends
Dr-Mambo:  oh thats just <emotive statement>
Willuknight:  <unecessary agreement>
Dr-Mambo:  well im going to go <masterbate furiously> to
<lesbian pornogrophy>
Dr-Mambo:  <parting statement>
Willuknight:  <salutations>

<MDRL> see
<MDRL> when i want to remember shit
<MDRL> i write it on my arm
<MDRL> problem being, i wake up the next morning
<MDRL> with, like, "30 foot tall cock" on my forearm and no
context
<MDRL> i'm sure it was a great idea
<MDRL> but i'll never know for sure

t903576: When I got arrested my dad told me "Youre lucky there
arent any "doctors" around here that will perform 72nd
trimester abortions"!

<Ashley`> thats the first example of sex with a birdhouse ive
ever seen
<[Rabite]> second here
<[Rabite]> but definately the funnier of the two

<Javin> God I hate people.
<Javin> I'm trying to program here, and some chick walks in
and starts gabbing over my shoulder about nonsense.
<Javin> So I continue to work, and just ignore her. 
Apparently, she took this to mean I was "frowning."
<Javin> Her: "You know, it takes 36 muscles to frown, and only
12 to smile."
<Javin> Me: "And none at all to ignore you with utter
indifference."
<Javin> Apparently that wasn't as subtle as I thought it was. 
She took the hint.

Veav: I would do weird things with my kids.
Veav: Their first language will be BASIC.
Veav: They'll be running around yelling "10 print daddy, 20
print daddy, 30 print can I have some candy, 40 input x?"
Chef Brian: So Veav, I take it they won't be functional
members of any society?
Veav: And I'd be all "X = NO!"

<Rockman_20xx> Life goal: Have three kids, name them CTRL,
ALT, and DEL.  If they piss me off, hit em twice.

<tyrius> i have no job, no car, no gf
<tyrius> its 4am, sitting in my parents basement
<tyrius> my fingers are now permanent orange from the cheetos,
and so is my wang (dont ask)
<tyrius> and dont you hate it when you step in a puddle of
cum, then step in leftover dry ramen on the floor
<tyrius> if you let this shit dry, its impossible to get off.
like instant liquid cement
<tyrius> ...
<tyrius> hello
<ef_slinky> You make me feel so good about my life right now.
Thank you.

SeanM: Go ahead and try it - just back up the database first.
PaulN: I am pretty confident everything will just work.
SeanM: That is the tech equivalent of "hey guys watch this!"

(@Morkoth) i drove over a man changing his tire on the highway
once
(@Morkoth) they never caught me
([P]Rhea) *The FBI monitors all channels on IRC*
(@Morkoth) fucker ruined my suspension
(@Morkoth) Did I say drove over? I meant got out and helped
(@Morkoth) yep helped him change the tire
(@Morkoth) after setting off regulation flares, and parking 3
meters from the bumpber and activating my four way signals

<<Cerberus>> i swear, these nintendo fanboys remind me of
girls. those girls who fall in love with the guy who takes
their virginity, the girls that keep calling him 4 years later
even tho he has changed his name to sadiq after he got raped
in jail

(+shadebug) so, I just spent half an hour getting a latino
radio station to work on my computer
(+shadebug) you know, to keep abreast of the latino music
scene
(+shadebug) finally get it working
(+shadebug) they're playing coldplay

<jHeriKurl> some kid once told me supermans only weakness was
kyptonite
<jHeriKurl> then i lit his comic book on fire
<jHeriKurl> and said
<jHeriKurl> i guess bic lighters too

<Mnemonix> your code was so bad it crashed pastebin

<davean> http://news.com.com/
Judge+Worker+cant+be+fired+for+Web+surfing/
2100-1030_3-6064520.html
<blorpy> can't look, i'm work
<blorpy> i'll check it out later