<+ketiov> coheed
<+ketiov> can i get op now
<@Coheed> If you really want op that bad just make a room and
make yourself op :\
<+ketiov> i have 5 of those

<aamP> i named my two goldfish 1 and 2
<aamP> because if 1 died i still had 2

<Deek`> I got a GED
<Deek`> I got 2 pts away from a perfect score
<Rick> I almost got one.
<Deek`> Did you fail it? Are you a hillbilly?
<Rick> No.
<Rick> I got a real highschool diploma.

<LordPie> which part confuses you more, my complex lexicon or
the fact that i beat you with your own logic?
<jestaa> using big words doesn't make you more smarter.
<LordPie> Sorry, let me put it in an language that you can
understand
<LordPie> OMG, ROFL LOL!!!!!!!!! J00 GOT OWNED!!11111!!

<selene|metro> and i thought that i saw you looting
<selene|metro> i thought that i saw you gate friends here
<selene|metro> thats me in the dungeon
<selene|metro> thats me in the twilight, losing my connection

Flux: I've got a joke for ya...
Jet: Shoot.
Flux: Allright, so these two niggers and two spics walk into a
fag bar
Jet: HEY GOD DAMNIT MY PARENTS ARE IN THE ROOM SHIT SHIT SHIT.
Flux: Yeah, I didn't really have a punchline for that one
anyways

Dleet:haha, pornmovietitles are wonderfull ;) "World Poke Her
Tour" ^^

<Shameful_Buffalo> I got bored tonight, so I played the wal
mart game, you know where you go to wal mart and see who can
get the funniest items together
<Shameful_Buffalo> well I give my friends ryan and taylor $20
and they go off, taylor gets KY Jelly, Camoflauge shorts and
Predator on DVD, I get some G2 Pilot pens, A mountain dew,
Murray's Superior Afroshine Hair Pomade, 12-pack of Lubed
Trojans, a pair of Brinks Luggage Locks with keys, Electrical
Tape, and some Reeses Peanut Butter Cups (standard double-cup
pack).
<Shameful_Buffalo> Ryan comes back empty handed and this
follows, 
Ryan: "I played your game dude..."
Taylor: "then where is your stuff?"
Me: "Yeah, you had to buy something with that 20 I gave
you.."
Ryan "I went to automotive and put a tire on layaway..."
<Shameful_Buffalo> I never laughed so hard in my entire life,
I gave him the 10 bucks for winning and walked to the car with
my bag of crap.

SMARTGIRL483: by the way i think i need to tell you this
SMARTGIRL483: i had a baby by my ex boyfriend
Protege Chris: i should buy you a box of condoms for your next
birthday :p... you country girls are just so eager to ride a
cowboy
SMARTGIRL483: omg
SMARTGIRL483: i cant help that
SMARTGIRL483: it was a girl
SMARTGIRL483: her name is elizabeth allison rainbow johnson
Protege Chris: rofl.. the white trash equivalent of "shaquana"

<mmiikkee12> XD, i just got the best spam message ever
<mmiikkee12> "Make $$$ Fast"
<mmiikkee12> "Hold down your shift and 4 keys at the same
time. In about a second you will be making $$$ fast."

<phex> so you excited for your interview at RIM?
<burnison> yep
<phex> so then you're hoping to get a rim job?
<burnison> hell yes
*phex waits for the pun to set in

<KittieRose> So I get this email from this girl.
<KittieRose> "I made out with a chick and got mono..."
<KittieRose> I email her back.
<KittieRose> "If you'd have made out with two chicks, would
you have gotten stereo?"

<Mik0r> I wish they made cars that run on methane cause I sure
produce a lot of it
<gerbil> i wish they made cars that run on methadone
<gerbil> cuz id siphon everyones fuel

<Jonno> What's the difference between regular garlic and
roasted garlic?
<Arclight> A gypsy once told me it was the roasting, but you
shouldn't trust the gypsies

dracony_gentoo: C#?
dracony_gentoo: i like to keep away from objects
dracony_gentoo: especially sharp ones
dracony_gentoo: get it

jrronimo: Hah! On a whim I figured I'd check some of the
bigger companie for open jobs in Boulder... so what do I get?
Comcast's career website: "Could not connect to remote
server". Sounds like they've got a Network Engineer position
open for me. :D

<Ezekiel> When we were doing about the 3rd world in RE, the
teacher was saying how we live in the 1st world, africa is the
3rd world, but there isn't really a 2nd world
<Ezekiel> So this kid asks the teacher "Where was world war 2
fought then?"

Lush Puppy: I lost my virginity at an anime convention - this
sentence makes me sound a lot fatter than I actually am.

<Triumph> No wonder we can't win in Afghanistan.
<Triumph> We drop a dozen bombs and when no one is left
standing, drop a bag of food.
<Triumph> Instead, we should drop the bag of food first and
when everyone gathers around it, drop a single bomb.

<Mr_Saturn> Diagnosing computer problems over IRC is like
trying to diagnose brain cancer with a pointy stick

<Simon>man, i'm farting like a motherfucker over here! you can
really smell the decaying hampster flesh...
<Simon>there's a two week backlog of shit held up by that
furry fucker
<Nick> OMFG, that is WRONG, you're fucking sick!
<Nick> you put a P in HAMSTER...sicko

<Harkila> i've always wondered what "holy shit" actually is
<Harkila> my strongest mental image is about the pope taking a
crap
<bleak-> a radiant turd with a halo
<Rancid-> like, xbox?

aaront: :-P
aaront: Whatever ya say
xxkuku4purplexx: dont stick ur tongue out at me, are u like 2
or something?
aaront: you take emotiocons way too seriously <3
xxkuku4purplexx: ewwwww
xxkuku4purplexx: gross

<&TwoZero> so.. the internet at work died completely and after
trying to fix it I said fuck it and went home
<&TwoZero> and ran netstumbler on the bus.. and found 336
accesspoints
<&TwoZero> the bus stopped in front of a church, and the SSID
'satans partyhouse' appeared
<&TwoZero> must be some student living next to it or something

< traicovn> I'm stealing wifi at the shearton right now
< traicovn> until security comes and gets me
< traicovn> Some older upper 30s drunk woman invited me up to
her room. 
< traicovn> But I think the high speed is just about the same
up there so I turned her down.

<BenS> Matt, have you heard about that webserver that's
running off a potatoe for power ... just displays a text
smiley face and takes like 15 seconds to load?
<Omnica> Brings new meaning to the term "server farm"
<BenS> You should be shot.

< f0rd> you can't do loops in html can you

Scouthouse: king kong was a good movie
elcucarachaloco: an AWESOME movie
elcucarachaloco: only one better is return of the king
Scouthouse: never seen it
elcucarachaloco: awesome movie
Scouthouse: but how can he return when hes dead?

<Doc> All this pollen is killing me,  You can see the green
clouds of it floating in the air.
<Doc> pollen is just tree sperm...
<Doc> I feel like mother nature just gave me a facial..

<dil-hole> Today I was at a restaurant and was waiting for my
food. 
<dil-hole> Then I started to play my DS on pictochat see? And
I found someone that was playing it too. 
<dil-hole> We started to draw pictures and thinking it was
some older guy and everything, I was joking around and drew a
penis.
<dil-hole> I looked up to see who it was and about 20 feet
away, I heard a gasp. I look up and it s a 10 year old girl
with a DS in her hands.
<dil-hole> I immediately closed my DS and hid it. That was
freaken scary.

<Choko> i know 101 ways to use a penis
<HamsterMan> cool
<HamsterMan> does it include writing with it and playing
baseball
<Choko> okay... now i know 103 ways
<HamsterMan> XD

<MJak> whats that movie with the the planet full of talking
apes?
<Nitrix> Planet of the apes...?
<Mjak> Yah the one where the space guy crash lands there whats
it called
<Nitrix> Planet of the apes...?
<Mjak> YES BUT WHATS THE FUCKING NAME OF THE MOVIE

ZA|Drinking|: I remember in high school, during somebody made
an off hand remark about wondering why they sacrificed virgins
ZA|Drinking|: And I was all like, they sure as hell ain't
going to give up the ones that put out
ZA|Drinking|: And then I got detention

<@Miss_Morgan> heh
<@Miss_Morgan> ok get this
<@Miss_Morgan> I came up with a marketing campaign for a new
cereal
<@Miss_Morgan> I was staring at some fruit loops I poured
myself
<@Miss_Morgan> and after about 5 minutes of staring and
munching, I realized something
<@Miss_Morgan> red... orange... yellow... green... blue...
violet
<@Miss_Morgan> it's the 6-color rainbow!
<@Miss_Morgan> so get this
<@Miss_Morgan> in an approaching perspective and going up,
stars and glitter-things coming off of the name
<@Miss_Morgan> Hom-O's
<@Miss_Morgan> and have three gay guys in the corner of the
box
<@Miss_Morgan> on the bottom of the front pane, there'll be
the slogan
<@Miss_Morgan> "They're fruity, they're colorful, they're
fabulous!"

<Josh> i ogtta go to an apointment
<Josh> i cant spell
<Josh> ps its not a spelling appt
<Phil> smart of you to abbreviate it the second time

Rabid Manyak: Oh man, my mid-term mark update is awesome
Rabid Manyak: computer science: 61% science: 74% math: 51%
philosophy: 97%
Rabid Manyak: Thanks LSD!

shotz190: my cellphones just gettin worse as time goes on
shotz190: whenever somebody sends me a text, it just takes
longer and longer to get here
shotz190: either that or jake wants to know if i can give him
a ride to school yesterday

Clainsynar: What if all numbers were multiples of pi and our
integer system was wrong?
TokMor: stop having such irrational thoughts

<sai sce> what's up?
<marc> nm, just plotting to kill my psych teacher
<sai sce> he'd probably be like "THE GUN SHOWS THAT YOU FEAR
INTIMACY!!!"
<sai sce> while you were shooting him.

<Chairboy> Windows Me is the kind of OS even a catholic would
abort

<Chcherrycola>Oh shit I'm fucked
<Chcherrycola>I hid my weed in my PSP carrying case. So I get
up to go get some and I can't find it anywhere, then I realise
my little brother must have taken it with him on the plane to
Florida with my family... O_O

<KillerB> man, while I'm excited about the interview, getting
my ass up at like 1:30pm is gonna blow.

<werro> damnit :/
<werro> my dad found my porn
<Bob112> So what? I bet my dad knows I have porn.
<werro> but my dad didnt know Im gay :/
<Bob112> Um, like, neither did I
* werro has left #hookerz

<benjick> i talked to a friend, who is a bit geeky about
doctypes
<benjick> "when it comes to girls, i'm xhtml 1.1 strict, you
are like 4.01 loose" :(

<calvin909> I don't know what gives, but the last 3 movies
i've downloaded are in frigging spanish.
<princess> dey took our pirating jobs!
<calvin909> yeah no doubt

<bloodmaster> this guy keeps sending me notices, how do i send
them back?????
<`Trust`> ./notice <nick> <message>
<bloodmaster> ty!
<bloodmaster> ./notice <Tommyboy872> <hello tommy, my name is
john i am from michigan im 16! Im 5 foot 11 inch tall, you
sound cute n we should talk more often ok??>

<sdodson> can you provide that in wma format?
<Corydon76-home> Only if you can provide an encoder
<Corydon76-home> but it has to be able to run on my Apple IIgs
<Wonton> Wma sucks
<sdodson> you can encode oggs on your Apple IIgs?
<Corydon76-home> No, but if you're going to be an asshole
about encoding formats, I'm going to be an asshole about the
platform the encoder needs to run on.
<Catonic> lol

monetcopy: girls are like nun chucks
monetcopy: they are awesome!
monetcopy: but when u mess up it hurts
monetcopy: ...alot

Kanuck: i like to look at porn in pdf files.. just so i can
make the little hand grab things.

<WarMoose> Think about how stupid the average person is. Now
realize that half of them are dumber than that.
<Chunda> Why half?