<richcollins> christ how long does a reboot take
<w3wsrmn> took him 3 days

<Shift_Wreck> corenominal,  ever seen this quote? "Perfection
is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when
there is nothing left to take away."
<corenominal> Shift_Wreck: I think I may have seen that once
or twice :)
<Shift_Wreck> I have it tattoo'd across my forehead.
<Shift_Wreck> im thinking of having it removed.

<@stuartf> I just went and got a coke, the machine is one of
the ones
with the conveyor belt in it and there was
already a coke on
the belt
<@stuartf> if you buy anything to the left of the drink on the
belt you
get what's already on the belt and your drink
is left there
<@stuartf> if you buy anything to the right you get your drink
and the
one on the belt remains
<@stuartf> if you drop another drink on the one that's already
on the
belt the output is undefined
<@[M]oon> classic divide by coke error
<@PowerOfCheese[w]> this is a classic coke-in-the-middle
attack
<@[M]oon> trojan coke
<@PowerOfCheese[w]> diet coke injection attack
<@Edgar_work> damnit, I wanted a water and got pinapple fanta
<@[M]oon> ahh. it got edgar

WiTriDi: hmm so he got even more raged than you
Searanger: k thnx bye
WiTriDi: ??
WiTriDi: lol??
WiTriDi: your leaving me
WiTriDi: i will not stand for this
WiTriDi: how can we keep our relationship alive
WiTriDi: if you keep ignoring me
WiTriDi: are you even listening
WiTriDi: GOD I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I TRY
Searanger: i go to the washroom for 1 minute
Searanger: and u serve me divorce papers

<Fyad> When I bought siemens cellphone, siemens sold its
cellular section. When I bought yakumo screen, yakumo got
bunkrupt. When I bought fujitsu-siemens laptop, siemens sold
its share.
<Fyad> Just curious what to buy next...
<r_heart> apple
<hoobsta> Apple
<sailo> apple

<@vorien> Finally fixed the bot to do real-time language
translation, check it out.
<@vorien> lum, translate to spanish I am unable to accept a
position at this time with your company. Thank you for your
interest but I am an english speaking individual.
<@lum> vorien: :(
<@vorien> damn
<@vorien> lum, translate to spanish I am unable to accept a
position at this time with your company.
<@lum> vorien: :(
<@vorien> wtf
<@vorien> lum, translate to spanish I like donkeys for sexual
purposes.
<@lum> vorien: Tengo gusto de los burros para los propósitos
sexuales.
<@vorien> Naturally.

<ExaltedRage05> I replied to a video comment on youtube, and I
got this message back:
<ExaltedRage05> "this is takeley bruv wat is u sayin bout me
wat da fuck is facepalm bruv yeah but no but i aint done
nuthin"

<@blackbart> lol this guy was showing me his new phone at work
the other day
<@blackbart> so while i was looking at it i changed his
contact entry for his dad to my number
<@blackbart> just got a call from him and answered with "hello
son, i dont love you and your adopted"
<@blackbart> cant stop laughing

<speedycowboy> What do nine out of ten people enjoy?
<speedycowboy> Gang rape.

<ditte> my parents had a girl about my age
<ditte> omg

<Zuuzou> hello everyone
<pronto> hi, im masturbating
<pronto> how are you?
* coldvodka kills a kitten
* pronto eats that kitten
<coldvodka> cat, the other white meat
<pronto> baby, the other other white meat

<rizerz> A Japanese doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so
advanced that we
<rizerz> can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another,
and have him
<rizerz> looking for work in six weeks.'
<rizerz> A German doctor said, 'That's nothing, we can take a
lung out of one
<rizerz> person, put it in another, and have him looking for
work in four weeks.'
<rizerz> A British doctor said, 'In my country, medicine is so
advanced that we
<rizerz> can take half of a heart out of one person, put it in
another, and have
<rizerz> them both looking for work in two weeks.'
<rizerz> A Texas doctor, not to be outdone said, 'You guys are
way behind.  We
<rizerz> took a man with no brains out of Texas , put him in
the White House, and
<rizerz> now half the country is looking for work.

<Facade> Vista is like an extra thick condom. More safe but
slightly less fun....
<Facade> Hah, even viruses have compatibility issues >_<

MisVampyre: i'm so outta questions....i'm horrible at asking
them
rhys_rhaven: questions are cute
rhys_rhaven: but the real way to understand a person is simple
rhys_rhaven: you wind a cord around the top of the biggest
pair of stairs you can find
rhys_rhaven: and then you wait till a person is about to walk
down the stairs, where they will obviously trip and have
horrible things happen to them
rhys_rhaven: and then you walk 20 feet way. and you put a
thing of frozen bacon in a skillet
rhys_rhaven: and you make the skillet so it can only be heated
by a locked drum underneath it, which can be lit only by a
single pilot light, which you then line with det cord trailing
to a small mortar next to it. which you fill with kittens
rhys_rhaven: hungry, meowing kittens
MisVampyre: oh. my. god.
rhys_rhaven: And lastly you put a timer on the  on the propane
for  the bacon. So they have a choice
rhys_rhaven: save the person
rhys_rhaven: save the kittens
rhys_rhaven: or eat the bacon
MisVampyre: you're awesome
MisVampyre: omg..eat the bacon
rhys_rhaven: Thats it. I love you

<MrEcho> Once I got out of the AF I stopped overclocking
< cor_vi> you lost the need, the need for speed?

<_yoda_> I met two people from irc
<_yoda_> both were loser/weirdos
<_yoda_> the moral of the story is most ppl on irc are losers/
weirdos
<amorfati> that's not really a large enough sample to draw any
conclusions from
<amorfati> maybe you just got lucky
<amorfati> next person you meet might be a full-fledged psycho
:D

* Omnifrog finds a flat thing to pass out on
<pastafareye> Kansas?
<IronAngel> moms chest?
<pastafareye> Bush's EEG?
<pastafareye> Cheney's EKG?
<IronAngel> obamas abs?

<Sebas> I want to start a band without drums or bass guitars.
We'll call ourselves The Beatless.

<bossan> When I die, I want my last words to be some harsh
call that will haunt some poor bastard forever. Like, just say
to the doctor "your shirt is terrible; one of us will have to
go", then die.

chickcorea1357: i was so high that the fractal elves started
asking me what the hell I had been smoking

<plot> like they think somethings wrong with being gay
<plot> so they join the preisthood to try to combat it
<plot> but give into their urges anyways
<plot> and their urges end up all over the face of a 12 year
old alterboy

<@beastathon> 1440x2160, thats pretty big resolution
<@nondescript> why do you need a big resolution for child porn
<@nondescript> kids are pretty small

<imp0rt> guys i got some new spanish neighbours anyone know
some spanish?
<niiiiike> im fluent :D
<imp0rt> K can you help me say
<imp0rt> I would like to welcome you to our neighbourhood
<imp0rt> sounds cheesy i know but they got some hot daughter
:P
<niiiiike> erm..
<niiiiike> Me gustaria chupar los senos de su hija
<imp0rt> You sreious?
<niiiiike> Yeh, got it off translater tho XD
<imp0rt> K ty :)
<imp0rt> brb daughter flirting time ;)
*** Imp0rt has Quit IRC (QUIT: getting spanish pussy)
<|t34b4gg1n|> That isn't right is it?
<niiiiike> Course not XD it means i wanna suck on you
daughters tits ahahahha
<|t34b4gg1n|> You, sir are evil XD
about 10 minutes later
*** Imp0rt has joined #Rand
<imp0rt> Fuck you nike fuckin tellin me bullshit
<niiiiike> WHAT?!?! Man you must have pronouned something
wrong
<niiiiike> cos like
<niiiiike> if you say "sen" "os" it means somethin like
rubbish
<niiiiike> so you would've insulted their house
<niiiiike> its pronouned
<niiiiike> "sien" "yos"
<imp0rt> oh, i didn't know :\
<imp0rt> ima go tell em again, hopefully they'll understand
*** Imp0rt has Quit IRC (QUIT: 2nd time)
<|t34b4gg1n|> i almosts feel sorry for him
<niiiiike> not me.

<Chris281>Dude, i had a really weird dream last night
<Chris281>I kept dreaming that all of my data was lost because
my harddrives crashed
<Chris281>And my backups were nowhere to be found, so the
situation was fubar
<Chris281>So I woke up, soaked in sweat and checked whether my
backupjob was running
<Chris281>And it wasn't because for some reason the LTO drive
was jammed
<Vantheman>It's the classic nerd-shining

kawiz: being gay would be no problem with me
twins421: ..why
kawiz: its like... digging for water in a different spot in
the desert
kawiz: sure, it's different... but you're still not gonna get
any
twins421: ...............
twins421: wow
twins421: just ..wow
kawiz: i know
kawiz: i have profound analogies

<MurderMachine> So did I ever tell you the story of how my
parents met?
<DryBones> Nope.
<MurderMachine> Well, there are two versions I guess.
<DryBones> How?
<MurderMachine> The story my Mum tells is: A group of idiots
pushed her over while ice skating and my Dad heroically went
over and helped her up.
<MurderMachine> The story my Dad tells is: He paid a group of
idiots to go push her over so he could go heroically help her
up.
<DryBones> ROFL
<MurderMachine> I have been paid not to tell her.

yetiamchosen: So the only part about this curse of recruiting
potentials for the marine corps that isn't utterly miserable
is fucking with the people that have already signed up. Now,
we don't want to scare them off entirely, so we can't just sit
there and be like, "You're going to die in bootcamp!" But we
can be completely insane with each other in front of them, and
let them draw that conclusion on their own. So we're told to
take the poolees on a 1.5 mile run today. No staff nco's
there, so we're like, "Fuckit. There's two recruits, there's
eight of us ... four mile run." So we start running and I had
just had a monster energy drink, the lo ball kind, which is
red. That's a dumbass's recipe for disaster, but I really
wanted one so I had one anyway. It dehydrates you, gives you
cramps, and makes you puke. So we've been running like half a
mile and without breaking pace I casually puke onto the side
of the road, and keep running. Among marines this is normal
behavior, so no one even says anything, but the recuruit is
looking like, "Wtf, did that guy just puke without stopping?"
geekryan: lol
yetiamchosen: And he's like, "Dude! Are you alright!" I'm
like, "KEEP RUNNING!" and I speed up a little bit, chuckling
inside. And then it really hits me and I'm like, going full
speed, just hurling all over the side of the road, wiping my
mouth, running, hurling and he looks at the puke and he goes,
"OH MY GOD ARE YOU PUKING BLOOD!"
geekryan: HAHAHAHA
yetiamchosen: And I go, "THAT'S NOT BLOOD IT'S CONFIDENCE
AAAAGGGHHHHH!!!" And I just blast off like a little red
streaming rocket ship. I look behind me and this kid seriously
look like he's just about to piss his pants, like, "Oh my god,
what the fuck have I gotten myself into?" I got up to the
front and this marine looks at me and goes, "Were you really
puking up blood?" I'm like, "No devil, it's monster," and he
just laughs, he's like, "You're going to hell."
yetiamchosen: That's it. I was chuckling inside all the way
home.
geekryan: that really is awesome
geekryan: I can't imagine how freaked out that recruit was
yetiamchosen: I hope he doesn't sleep well again until he gets
to boot camp.

(Bucks) do you hate midgets?
(@Fantasy) yep, I blame that evil midget in rehab
(refused) no rehab is complete without an evil midget
(@Fantasy) headbutted me in the balls
(refused) LOL
(@Fantasy) and he was the perfect height
(refused) rofl
(Bucks) rofl
(@Fantasy) his head was literally crotch height
(refused) who the fuck even does that
(@Fantasy) that midget
(refused) ... yeah obviously... but come on.
(@Fantasy) after you spend a month making midget jokes
(refused) lol
(@Fantasy) to a cocaine addict in rehab
(@Fantasy) then on family/friends day having all your friends
make fun of his midget kind
(@Fantasy) he came up and said something like "stop shitting,
dog"
(refused) you kinda deserved it then
(@Fantasy) I laughed
(@Fantasy) he said you want to start something
(@Fantasy) I said say it to my face
(@Fantasy) and LAUGHED
(@Fantasy) he headbutted me in the balls
(@Fantasy) I was on the ground
(refused) yeah of course
(@Fantasy) crying
(refused) I'd give that fucking midget a medal
(@Fantasy) so he squatted down and said "stop messing with me"
(@Fantasy) right in my face
(Bucks) what an wesome midget
(@Fantasy) had to get a new roomate after that
(@Fantasy) since the midget was my roomate
(@Fantasy) and since then I've been afraid of midgets

<QuackFuzed> you wont answer stupid questions posed by stupid
people anyways, so what's the worry?
<[CJ]> i won't answer that

<Phoenix> what should i do a human factors research paper
about?
<Neal> catgirls
<Phoenix> well, coincidentally I also have to do a Japanese
thesis paper
<Phoenix> and writing about anime/manga/catgirls/mawaii would
be not at all out of line with what all the other undergrads
in the major are doing for their SENIOR THESIS, and so it's
really no wonder that the department head no longer gives a
flying fuck about any of his students
<Neal> my thesis is on why the escalation of power in dragon
ball z is unrealistic
<Phoenix> with the exception of Goku*
<Neal> my thesis is FRIEZA SUX!!!!!
<Phoenix> Working from the equation PowLev(X+1) = PowLev(X) *
1.10, I find it illogical that two super seiyan's with
respective levels 100,000 and 500,000 should be able to subdue
another super seiyan with power level 750,000
<Phoenix> From that perspective, this paper attempts to
repudiate the outcome of the Battle of Dragon Mount and
propose an alternate ending to the Dragon Ball Z saga

Mahnamahnah: mssql is to the linux tech what a butt plug is to
the straight guy.......pointless, a laugh or downright
offensive and in a nightmare situation a pain in the ass

<Y\N> irc is just a google frontend with more insults

<arkan> You know, you really ought to have a bra with 403:
forbidden on it.
<Labyrinth> And you really ought to have a pair of boxers with
404: not found.

<Gargantua> I use php and c
<twat> I use pcp and H.

Josh: QUESTION FOR EVERYONE....
SecureXeC: IT'S TO THE LEFT OF YOUR 'A' KEY.

<Soichiro> According to imdb, there was nudity, sex, much
rape, and a haunted dildo
<Merines> I know what I'm going to be for Halloween now

<Artifice> Most people using that logic probably would phrase
it differently. "Digits" is a fancy word
<_kw> yeah, use 'numbers' instead
* MachinShi (~vat@cpe-76-95-36-105.socal.res.rr.com) Quit
(Quit: Leaving)
<NoGods> Yup.
<JFalcon> really? "She used her digits to arouse herself" vs.
"She used numbers to arouse herself".  One changes a simple
pleasing into an orgy.
<_kw> you have a sick mind
<Artifice> Really? I was thinking math inclined librarian in
the second one
<_kw> GOOD MAN

Britt: I do have a boyfriend, his name's Scotty, and I touch
him ;)
Frag_Fandango: Dare you to ask him for anal sex with the line
'Ream Me Up, Scotty'

<ddubb> if there is no local area ID found, drop the load
data.
<ddubb> or, in code form:
<ddubb> if (!getLAid()) dropLoad();
<ddubb> line 525 of software that ships tomorrow.
<ddubb> my work here is done.

<djahandarie> we ain't here to do e-c-e
<djahandarie> we're here to do c-s-e on the w-e-b
<djahandarie> listen to me spit these rhymes
<djahandarie> while i program lines
<djahandarie> and commit web accessibility crimes
<djahandarie> word, son
<http402> You talk like your big on these I-Net kicks,
<http402> But your shit flows slower than a two-eighty-six.
<http402> I'm tracking down hosts and nmap scans,
<http402> While Code Igniter's got you wringing your hands.
<http402> Cut the crap rap,
<http402> Or I'll run ettercap,
<http402> Grab your AIM chat,
<http402> N' send a PC bitch-slap!
<http402> peace
<djahandarie> you're talkin bout down hosts and nmap scans
<djahandarie> while i got other plans
<djahandarie> you're at your new job, but you can't even do it
right
<djahandarie> you just create a plight with your http rewrites
<djahandarie> i've been on the web since the age of three
<djahandarie> you just got on directly off the bus from
mississippi
<djahandarie> respect yo' elders, bitch
<http402> You've been webbin' since three, but still ain't
grown up,
<http402> Gotta update your config and send the brain a
SIGHUP.
<http402> You say you're that old? No wonder you're slow!
<http402> You're knocking at the door while I run this show!
<http402> Elders my ass, you're shit's still in school,
<http402> Hunt and pecking at the keyboard like a
spaghetti-damned fool,
<http402> Rim-riffing your hard drive like a tool,
<http402> Face it. I rule.
<djahandarie> i erase my harddrives with magnets (bitch)
<djahandarie> all you can do is troll on the fagnets
<djahandarie> and son, my brain's wrapped in a nohup
<djahandarie> it wont be hurt by the words you throwup
<djahandarie> dont mind me while i emerge my ownage
<djahandarie> while you're still over there apt-getting your
porridge
<djahandarie> you say i'm still in school
<djahandarie> but the fact is that i know the rule
<djahandarie> cuz you need to go back to grade three
<djahandarie> and you better plea, that they take sucky
graduates from c-s-e
<http402> Time to bend over and apply a patch,
<http402> Your brain's throwing static like a CD with a
scratch.
<http402> Your connection got nuked and you've met your match.
<http402> You run a single process like a VAX with a batch.
<http402> I'd pass the torch to a real winner
<http402> But it'd just scorch a while-loop spinner
<http402> Caught in a loop that you cant escape,
<http402> I run clock cycles around your words and flows,
<http402> Cuz your rhyme is like a PS fan: it' blows,
<http402> Your water-cooled lyrics leak and it shows,
<http402> Take your ass back to alt.paid.for.windows.
<djahandarie> Good god, I can't even respond to that. :P
<djahandarie> You win haha
* http402 takes a bow

< Lapkawitz> and you can tell she's really japanese becase her
genitals produce a forcefield that pixelates the air around
them

cakey: Can you build websites with firefox?
imarock: can you build cars with roads?

<Matty> Hmm
<Matty> A little bored this afternoon
<Matty> Thought i'd do an exercise on leasing versus renting
<UG> indeed
<Matty> Paul Macartney is my subject
<Matty> I note according to reports he paid 49million dollars
to heather mills for 5 years or marriage?
<Matty> Assuming he got sex every night during their 5 year
relationship (which lets be honest, probably didnt happen) it
would end up costing him $26,849 per time.
<Matty> Heather aint exactly the best looking bird
<UG> then he's a dumbfuck :)
<Matty> Now i also note, Elliot Spitzers call girl, Kristen,
an absolute stunner with a body like no other, charges $4,000
an hour. For anything..
<Matty> Had Paul McCartney 'employed' Kristen for 5 years, he
would've paid $7.3 million for an hour of sex every night for
5 years (a saving of $41.7 million).
<Matty> Value-added benefits are: a 22 year old hot babe, no
begging, no coaxing, never a headache, plays all requests,
ability to put BOTH legs around you (!!!), no bitching and
complaining or 'to do' lists. Best of all, she leaves when
you're done, and comes back when you ask her. All at 1/7th the
cost, with no legal fees
<Matty> Sometimes renting makes far more sense..

<zaim> you know the jews had dns back in the day
<zaim> their numbers resolved to a name

Brianna says: im wondering where my cuddle buddy is.
Jason says: wtf, is that what women call "fuck friends" These
days?
Brianna says: no!
Jason says: well maybe he's "cuddling" with someone else
Brianna says: fuck you

<Megistos> I once gave someone what amounted to a virus over
IRC
<Megistos> it was a mIRC script that allowed us to remotely
execute mIRC commands
<Megistos> what a fool
<Megistos> At first we just made him say stuff in channels
<Megistos> then we realised mIRC could talk to the whole
system with /run
<Megistos> hence this immortal line
<Shiyiya> Heh
<Megistos> <lbal> wtf, i come back from css to find 63
calculators open
<Shiyiya> lmao

<Domsey> Woah, I got the weirdest moment of my entire life
this morning
<bender> what happened?
<Domsey> you know, there was a party at my neighbours' last
night
<bender> yeah, you've been fucking drunk..
<Domsey> you've been there, too?
<bender> sure...
<Domsey> well, you see i can't remember anything
<Domsey> but this morning I woke up in my bed, and there was
my mom lying next to me.
<bender> wtf...?
<Domsey> That's exactly what i thought
<Domsey> So, my mom got up instantly when i woke up, smiled at
me and said "U're so much better than your dad is." then she
left the room
<bender> OMFG!!!
<bender> you didnt do that! TELL ME IT WASNT LIKE THAT!!! TELL
ME YOU'RE A DUMBASS LIAR!!!
<Domsey> no, i'm not lying
<bender> OMG!!!
<Domsey> but it turned out she was playing a trick on me.
Paycheck for coming home late, all drunk.
<bender> ...
<bender> your mom's such a freak. o.O

<Devildrake> www.meatspin.com
-About 3 minutes later-
<Yodo> Woot 1000 spins
<Yodo> This game needs highscore table and ingame chat
<Devildrake> Dude wtf, it's a shock site, not a game...
<Yodo> Oh...

<Deeeno> I've seen hentai that is more believable than
scientology.

< Magus|Screen> Ooh, that would've been bad
< Magus|Screen> Trying to think of an analogy for a problem
this customer's having
< Magus|Screen> "Trying to predict loads on the shared servers
is like trying to make a Jew eat pork"
< Magus|Screen> Almost said it