<philtwo> mmm... smoked clams in a can
<philtwo> only get to feast upon this delicacy when the wife's
not around
<PhrkOnLsh> women, eh?
<philtwo> indeed
<philtwo> some men cheat on their wives in their absense... I
eat clams in a can

[dcg] I love how someone links a picture of a woman with a
penis and it turns into a discussion about monitor resolution

<Poyzin> The vet supervisor was asking me to jack off a horse
to get the semen to artificially inseminate a female horse.
<Kilts> wtf lol
<Poyzin> But listen! This was a racehorse, so the owner says
that I need to massage it's prostate. I'm assuming you don't
know this, but the prostate on a horse is VERY fucking far
back there.
<Poyzin> So, I get on the arm-length glove and I look in the
room to see another doctor with a cat or something. Tells me
we had too many animals so the horse was moved to a room close
to the front.
<Poyzin> Well, I get there, and I put my arm in this horse's
ass. I'm talkin' less than a foot from my shoulder deep. All
in clear view.
<Kilts> ROFLMAO
<Poyzin> And then some redneck couple come in and they see me
because this front room has shit protection on it.
<Poyzin> "You a vet?" The guy ask. I wait a few seconds to see
if he was joking, but then I look back to the horse's asshole.
<Poyzin> "Nah, I'm with the Amish. I'm their mechanic."

<glyph> For example - if you came in here asking "how do I use
a jackhammer" we might ask "why do you need to use a
jackhammer"
<glyph> If the answer to the latter question is "to knock my
grandmother's head off to let out the evil spirits that gave
her cancer", then maybe the problem is actually unrelated to
jackhammers

<^Migs^> the way I see it, if a school district is going to
block something that's useful for educational, they need to
provide an alternative
<^Migs^> e.g., if you block YouTube, host your own media
sharing site.
<^Migs^> if you block Myspace or Facebook, host your own
social network
<^Migs^> etc.
<tensai> if you block porn, host your own naked pictures

Tazoa: No one has crashed more cars then me. I backed my truck
into a rock camping once. Broke the differential cover.
Recaro: Shit how'd you get home man?
Tazoa: I fiberglassed it back together. turns out differential
oil passes right through fiberglass.
Recaro: Sounds about right
Tazoa: so I popped it back open and pushed some bananas in
there to thicken the mixture. Long story short i drove 700
miles with two bananas in my rear end.

<flux-1> certainly vista sucks and I never upgraded, but
really, does mac really need to poke at pc in every
commercial?
<twentyonegrams> that's like kid with one leg making fun of a
kid with one arm

<wahnsinn> $4000 for a couch?
<griff> you could feed some kid in africa for TEN YEARS for
that couch
<Mo> but could you sit on him afterward?

<FossZombie> wtf
<FossZombie> quote "so you are 23 years old right?" me: "yes"
them: "did you have any programming experiance in the 1970s"
* Wolfed hails FossZombie
<FossZombie> I'm tempted to say yes
<Wolfed> It would have been interesting.
<FossZombie> Yes in 1971 I was the lead computer scientist for
the military, until 1975 when I switched jobs and worked for
zenith for a short period of time until 1980s when I switched
over to the atari group programming team. In 1984 I was born
and that pretty much ended my career as a programmer.
<FossZombie> I spent the next three years shitting myself and
learning how to speak and learn my ABCs

<omega> i like star trek because it's actually pretty
realistic.  the technology is fiction, but it follows real
physics
<Kuiper> In Star Trek, whenever there are torpedoes or phaser
fire hitting a ship, you can hear the explosions even though
they're in space.  How is that "real physics?"
<omega> in space, explosions are actually louder
<omega> because there is no air to get in the way
<omega> dumbass

<TAURiNE> i guess Dafreakzo and distressp are twins who were
seperated in the hospital
<distressp> don't fuck around
<distressp> i was adopted
<distressp> i live in constant fear of accidentally fucking a
relative

BlkBlade393: would you hit it?
WordsLikeVenom: i'd hit it so hard, if you pulled me out you'd
be the king of britain

<Ambrosh> as a philosophy major I made sure that a job would
be opened for me after college
<Kin68ling> until people realized that they can pump their own
gas?

JBdarnet: I've been told I'm not a bad looking guy here, which
is a red-light to hear from someone else in the Navy.

<nero> HTML without CSS is like a gun without ammunition
<nero> you can beat people to death with the butt of a gun,
but bullets are so much more efficient

<Quag7> Is there a way of enforcing a specific permissions
octal on any new files created in a directory, irrespective of
a user's umask?
<raf> I don't discuss philosophy on IRC

<amz> I thought that you had been an atheist since forever
<Batou> My Dad is massively religious.
<TheShadowZero> your mother is massively multiplayer, though

<JoshtheRipper> Brad do you have any issues with " burn in "
on your plasma?
<KnaveBrad> nope
<JoshtheRipper> kool
<JoshtheRipper> How well does it handle blacks
<KnaveBrad> I have it bolted to the wall, so they can't really
take it without some serious work

<Myrf> I was giving some guy a job interview today, and it
turned out he didn't know who the Beatles were.
<Myrf> So, of course, I had to turn him down :P
<bozz> wtf, a bunch of people don't know who the beatles are
<bozz> whyd you have to turn him down just because of that
<Myrf> Dude, I work at a RECORD STORE.

<[Piratez]> www. g( . )( . )gle.com
<[Piratez]> now if google would celebrate the same holidays as
I do

Master : You know, i just dont want to hurt you with my
questions, its just my art to speak directly, so its better if
you simply start to tell something about your life and so on.
Animegirl : You are so funny ^^, dont worry if i dont want to
answer your question, i gonna say it to you, its really hard
to insult me just asking something :)
Master : Well... So, what do you prefer : ananas, strawberry,
apple or peach ?
Animegirl : Wow :) Well, didnt expect this question, but it
absolutely didnt insult me :) I prefer apple, why ?
Master : I was just thinking about which taste shoud condoms
have when i gonna come to you
AniBot : Animegirl has left the "anime" channel

<@terminal> dudes i must say
<@terminal> it's interesting to start your day off with a
morning BJ
<@renounced> you should probably tell the police your step
father is molesting you

Eldragon: seriously the level of public debate in this country
is about the same as an elementary school yard
Eldragon: Wolf Blitzer: This just in from the tether ball
Court, Obama's friend said Ms. Clinton has cooties.

<jess> So whats the difference between the mormons and the
muslims??
<jess> The mormons want their 72 virgins now

<Sam>: So, that £5 gorgeous sketchbook I bought today? I sit
down to do the first page thinking "Oh wow, this is gonna be
awesome - I'm gonna fill it with great drawings and keep it
forever" and all that shit.
<Sam>: Open the book, thick black ink pen in hand and say
"Right, what shall I put on the first page?... Hm, a nice
"SKETCHBOOK" with doodles around will do while I wait for
inspiration"
<Sam>: I get to "SKETH" and realise I've missed out a C
<Sam>: My heart stops - my lip trembles... Do I rip out the
page? No! I'll improvise - I'll turn that C into a H with
stripes! Yeah, that works.
<Sam>: Okay, now I can carry on
<Sam>: I finish writing it and have a look at my handiwork
<Sam>: and then I see it
<Sam>: "SKETCBOOK"
<Sam>: Fuck

<Kin68ling>   :-pd-:
<Kin68ling> two girls making out
<sadoomed> how do u know its not 2 men?
<Kin68ling> because i still have some faith left in the world

<taurnil> Something freakin hilarious happened in my chemistry
class today
<taurnil> i was asking my teacher about the origins of the
element "europium"
<taurnil> i said "So, where does eouropium come from?"
<taurnil> my teacher gives me the most confused look ever, and
then slowly says "i don't have any opium"

faux978: Awesome conversation
faux978: On the way to the bathroom, my sister spots me "NOOO
I HAVE TO PEE"
faux978: "Well, I have to shit"
faux978: "I figured that's why you brought the laptop..."

<MugsyDaFish> i was peeing on the building and a cop rolls up
on his bike
<MugsyDaFish> i told him, i hope you're not going to arrest me
cuz i don't think ill be able to sit on the handlebars
<MugsyDaFish> i almost went to jail for that

sterano: Whats the difference between Raid_0 and Raid_1?
Steve: In Raid_0 the zero stands for how many files you are
going to get back if something goes wrong.

<egof>I'm not that nerdy, I've only seen 30% of the star trek
episodes
<kaj>if you know what percentage of the star trek episodes you
have seen, you are inarguably nerdy
<egof>it's unarguably
<kaj>you are not helping your case

<Taki> I swear I just took a dump with well defined anatomical
features
<Taki> a long smooth tail and a bunch of little hardened
pellets making up a complex head
<Taki> I didn't want to flush it, it's probably the closest
thing I'll have to a son
<bryant> I think in the 3 days I've seen you in this channel
you've done a better job keeping me in school and off drugs
than every authority figure I've met in my entire life.
<Taki> I do what I can

<DaMouse> HP should make weaponry
<zid`> nah
<zid`> the ammo would cost more than the gun

<Crucial> whats a quick way to push ipconfig /release,
ipconfig /renew to 50 or
so workstations
<Mo> cycle power to the building

<N> which is correct, seven and five IS thirteen, or seven and
five ARE thirteen?
<Joker> Neither.
<Joker> Because it's twelve.

< FurnaceBoy> this is a waste of time
< FurnaceBoy> all he has to do is type what we told him
< Tonren> bluecake: When you run a command in a Linux
terminal, it searches your path for the command.  type "echo
$PATH" to see where Linux will look for commands you type.
< FurnaceBoy> stop trying to educate, Tonren. this is irc.
< FurnaceBoy> we yell at people

<PufF-> think im gonna wait to smoke up til i get to work
<PufF-> i dont like driving high

Nameskaz: can you help me with an experiment real quick?
MarineWife021406: sure
Nameskaz: let me see you naked
MarineWife021406: no
Nameskaz: you see, these fortune cookies are bullshit
Nameskaz: "Your courage will reward you" my ass

(+ColdPie) my lesbian coworker's partner is having twins
(@uguu) is she hot
(+ColdPie) no, she's a real life lesbian
(@uguu) oh right

<@lysol> is tubgirl a republican?
<jbroome> lysol: yeah, she believes in the trickle down theory

l70uke: network connections says it cant find an IP address
dbbolton: open a web browser and type 192.168.1.1 in the
address bar
dbbolton: what happens
l70uke: "please enter disk into drive a"
dbbolton: what the FUCK

Amul Muzz said:
Why do I get the feeling that this is really a mob, just
waiting for someone to say something they do not agree with?
chrismjr said:
That's the best description for the internet I've ever heard

<+Clive> news.bbc.co.uk headlines: Police are searching bins
in a bid to find fresh clues in their hunt for missing
schoolgirl Shannon Matthews.
<+Clive> So... they're looking for a laden bin?

Greenday2262: I'll bet Gandalf got SOOO high.
Greenday2262: That fool can blow smoke-ships ffs!
SunuvaChod: hahaha
Greenday2262: I mean if Gandalf wanted to blaze with you, you
would blaze right?
SunuvaChod: if gandalf wanted to blaze with me
SunuvaChod: id already be so fucked in the head that blazing
wouldnt fuckin matter
SunuvaChod: so yes i would

<Guillotine>: The problem with being Democrat is that if you
vote for Obama, you're sexist. And if you vote for Hilary,
you're racist. Its easy being a Republican. No matter what
you're retarded.

<fugi> when mccain wins the election and invades iran, do we
get to yell "Monopoly!" and put hotels across iraq, iran and
afghanistan?

<maiden> the wife is going to acupuncture to help us get
pregnant...$65 a week
<knightmare> I'd think if she needed little pricks to get
pregnant you would've gotten the job done months ago

* sAh got rearended on his way to work today
< soybean> how
< sAh> the girl's car skidded
< sAh> minor damage to my bumper
< sAh> i could care less
< soybean> but the most important question
< soybean> WAS SHE CUTE
< sAh> easiest phone number i ever got

<andy> meaningful conversation always brighten one's day...
<Pkekyo|> no fucking wonder it's pitch black outside

<BillyM> If life were like IRC, my mom would be kicked for
flooding and repeating text.