<Jelena> Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

Bkblood: Im such an idiot.  There was a quote on bash of
someone asking a stupid question and i looked for 30 minutes
trying to reply to it :/

<Andries> jesus if i can run this myspace page i could probs
run crysis

<Stormscape> Yo dawg we heard you like Macs so we only put one
pedal in your car

<DrBob> You'll never get it. Men weren't meant to understand
women.
<Odin> not true.
<Odin> I've managed to solve for the fundamental logic
operation of women.
<DrBob> It's just best to let them do what they want, so
they'll let us do stuff to them.
<Odin> Nono let me explain.
<Odin> Women are fundamentally amplifiers.
<Odin> Anything you give them expect to get back multiplied
<Odin> give them money you don't have in the form of a credit
card, expect a huge debt
<Odin> give them a little love, and they'll give you a lot of
love back
<Odin> give them a little DNA in the bedroom
<Odin> and they give you a baby
<Odin> So if you give them crap, you'd better be ready to
recieve a ton of shit

(ndrj): anyone good with sound tech here?
(ndrj): if i put a pair of cheap mp3 headphones in my PC i get
lots of buzzing/electric noise, but if I put decent/expensive
pair in i don't. what is it that removes this, what should I
be looking for when I buy a pair? :P
(decx): the sennheiser logo

* Vesper is now known as CodyB
<Teku> why the nick change?
<CodyB> I'm teaching this hot chick how to use IRC
<xanatos> ...why
<CodyB> I got grounded for two weeks and I can't call anyone.
I figured I could talk to her here, at least.
<CodyB> be cool, I'm teaching her about channels and she might
come in here
<xanatos> how did you get grounded
<CodyB> I locked my sister outside for three hours.
<xanatos> i bet she didnt like that
* StacyF has joined #randomshit
<CodyB> yeah I thought my parents were going to kill me
<CodyB> oh hey, there you are
<Teku> So you had sex with your sister on your parents bed and
they walked in on you? Wow Cody, you're lucky you only got
grounded for two weeks.
<StacyF> eeew you sick fuck
* StacyF has left #randomshit
<Teku> I know you're going to kill me later, but it was so
worth it
<CodyB> you motherfucker

thrasher: I'm thinking of starting a business in california
thrasher: it would be a socialist abortion clinic and pot
dispensary, with new gay marriage chapel
kthxglhf: And dry cleaning
thrasher: why dry cleaning?
kthxglhf: so u can reuse coat hangers

<sparks333> no see, women in engineering are like parking
spaces
<sparks333> the good ones are taken and the rest are
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out there
<pikachu> or handicapped

Alex: So I was in the doctors yesterday, when my time came a
large woman walked out of his room and I walked in. He said
'God bless her, I just confirmed to her that
she was morbidly obese.'
Alex: I wasn't too sure what to say, but replied 'You
shouldn't have told her that, the poor woman has enough on her
plate.'

serpentine9: why doesnt bash.org ever accept my quotes
DaveIt: bash.org has a strict policy of only accepting quotes
that are either unoriginal or related to
bash.org-rejection-induced frustration.
DaveIt: This quote happens to be both, so we have a decent
shot.

<vartopia> you're not an alcoholic til you're drinking nail
polish and listerine
<vartopia> that you shoplifted

<Nicowl> Read on a Rohypnol packet "Best consume before date"

ian: I've remembered the password....
ian: felt like Gandalf stood outside Moria
ian: uttering every password I could remember from the last 5
years

<Funzo> can any of you guys speak french?
<Time-Warp> i can
<Time-Warp> i know how to say bongshure
<Time-Warp> or something

<Josh> I don't understand why churches and 'family groups'
spend millions of dollars a year on abstinence-only
instruction when a World of Warcraft account only costs
fifteen dollars a month and has a much better record of
ensuring virginity.

<ianazza> jay you know if im wireless yeh
<ianazza> well my son has broke his linksyst wirless adaptor
<ianazza> can he use a usb memory stick while he gets a new
adaptor#
<JayR> a memory stick for what?
<ianazza> to go wirless
<JayR> a memory stick os for storing files on
<ianazza> well to get on net
<JayR> a memory stick is a memory stick m8
<ianazza> Oh i thoguht you cud use it as a flash drive or
watever to get on net
<ianazza> using my wireless connection
<JayR> he in same house?
<ianazza> yeh
<JayR> he got a wireless dongle?
<ianazza> no he broke it
<JayR> no then
<ianazza> ok ta
<JayR> hows the wireless signal gonna get to his pc without a
wireless card ot dongle?
<ianazza> thought you could save the wireless connection to
usb memeory stick put it in his comp and presto
<JayR> £aughing My Âss Õff
<JayR> no m8

<silicate> shit, it looks like it's gonna be sunny on saturday
* Zally glares at you
<silicate> that's not good ... for reasons, that would require
a much un-needed and long story
<Zally> hmm, ya ill take your word for it?
<silicate> yeah, i don't feel like explaining it
<Zally> Its all good
<Zally> I dont feel like pretending im interested

<Catonic_lp> What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
<opticron> superman
<m0j0-j0j0> Superman
<Catonic_lp> Christopher Walken

<USMarine> if someone +v's me, how do I talk?
<USMarine> i have the mic plugged in obviously
<USMarine> do i have to push a button or something

< cunt^chocula> I think there will be Michael Jackson
sightings the way there are Elvis sightings now

Marshall: A friend of mine knows a band from his hometown who
played on one of the ferries that go between Finland and
Sweden. When they were about to board in Stockholm, the
Swedish equivalent of the DEA shows up with dogs and
everything, so the guys in the band freak out 'cause they've
(obviously) got their dope with them. After a few minutes of
"fuck maaaan, what're we gonna do maaaaan!?", one of them goes
to a Wal-Mart type store and buys a little remote-controlled
helicopter. They proceed to plant the stash on it, leave it on
the quay, board the boat and then use the remote to fly the
drugs onto the ship

<XenThra> I locked my keys in my car in front of planned
parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a
clothes hangar.
<DevXen> Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

Connor: Firefox 3.5. Download it.
Andrew: Give me the top 5 reasons to download it.
True: In iambic pentameter
Connor: For private browsing, tear-off tabs and then some,
Connor: Download Firefox three point five and see:
Connor: It's using Gecko one point nine point one,
Connor: And over twice as fast as Firefox three.
Connor: Pwned.

<Metroid> FUCKING IDIOTS
<Metroid> STUPID FUCKIGN DK AGROS 2 MOBS ON PURPOSE
<Metroid> STUPID FUCKING HUNTER TRIES TO TANK MOBS AFTER HE
RESSER
<Metroid> STUPID FUCKING HEALER SAT THERE THE WHOLE FIGHT
<Metroid> GODDAMN
<Lemming|> chill out
<Metroid> AND THEN THEY ALL FUCKING LEAVE
<Metroid> THIS GAME ISN'T HARD ENOUGH FOR PEOPLE TO BE THIS
BAD AT IT
<Metroid> RRRRRRAAAAAAEEEEEEGGGGGG
<Metroid> yay 7chan is back
<Faer> did anyone else notice Metroid's fierce unrestrained
rage was just calmed down by CP

<NimF> The lesbians next door bought me a rolex for my
birthday.
<NimF> I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch...

<echoplex> do you type by throwing chopsticks at a keyboard
that is spinning or something?

<Sick_Silent> I think IRC is making me more USAian.
<Sick_Silent> Perverted, racist, sexist, retarded, dumb and
lazy
<ATXTheKiller> You forgot fat.
<Cosbydaf> *a tears runs down my cheek as I gaze into an
American flag waving in the sunset, while eating Mcdonalds and
watching a shitty movies*
<Sick_Silent> Oh I forgot! No taste for good food

< derrida> my autocmd might raise a few eyebrows =)
< scrooloose> given the amount of vim fetishism in here it may
raise more than that

<Chi>: So we went to the pool hall last Wednesday...
<Chi>: I ended up paying for everyone when we finished.
<Chi>: Everyone asked how much it cost afterwards.
<Chi>: I told them that I used my Asian powers to get no
charge.
<Chi>: Then on our way down the stairs...
<Chi>: I jumped onto the carpet in front of the door and
exclaimed...
<Chi>: "Okay Abz, time to use your Arabian powers to fly us
home!"
<Chinh>: did it work?
<Chi>: No, the carpet was black.
<Chinh>: zing!

<BobbyJenkins> Any GLBT fellow Scots going to the Pride Scotia
March at the end of this month in Edinburgh?
<Sensationalism>  I take it you are going? If I go to any
Pride events this year, it'll be my first. I'm excited!
<BobbyJenkins> I was going to but I found out I've got work.
<Lost-Chances> Call in gay.

Thunderscreech: My nephew just got his black belt in Tae Kwan
Do yesterday. Note: Apparently, it's not entirely accurate to
call the ceremony a 'bar mitzvah for ninjas'.

<Kir> I have an idea!
<Kir> I'm going to play a game about underage black members of
the community engaging in various acts of vandalism of public
property in their quest for a deeper understanding and
spiritual enlightenment.

<Chapdizzle> i fucking hate when people think guys should
shave their chest. Its what makes us men, suck a fat dick.
shaving bodily hair is for women. my chest hair serves
multiple uses such as floss, fishing line, warmth, crumb
catcher, and if i wanted i could pull a shitload of it out and
make a net to catch small animals or fish

<Logix> You know you watch too much porn, when you see a pussy
and instantly know it's an asian pussy.

<billings> amazingly enough, putting my elbow on the keyboard
isn't the proper syntax for this perl script. 
<jss> No, you need both elbows.

< iKBerry> man thus driving and ircing thing rocks
< iKBerry> fuck brb getting pulled over
-!- iKBerry [~Fox@170.206.224.54] has quit [jmIrc destroyed by
the OS]
< iKitsune> so, fuck
< iKitsune> now i have a $250 ticket for reckless driving

<Vinny> they should build another barad-dur
<Vinny> give sauron some depth perception

<fishmech_> history books in a thousand years are going to be
hilarious
<fishmech_> According to the great 21st Century philosopher
xXx_SePhIrOtH127765_xXx,

< koala_man> after some future breakthroughs in robotics, but
before the price has gone down, there is likely to be robotic
brothels
< mawlipe> robot sex? that's scary.
< koala_man> I know, that's what I thought
< koala_man> but according to my calculations, a condom of
normal thickness has a dielectric strength of at least 780V
< koala_man> meaning if the robot runs on mains and shorts
out, you're still protected with a margin of nearly 500V
< mawlipe> ..... not what I meant.

<Narcissus> Dude I had a fucking crazy night last night
<Thomas> yeah?
<Narcissus> So you know how Jason is basically a crazy
redneck?
<Narcissus> well we were sitting around drinking when he just
pipes up "let's go hunting guys!"
<Narcissus> we're in the middle of the city, right, but we're
sort of drunk, so me, Mike and Aaron go for it
<Narcissus> We head out to the park, drinking from the
camelback of course, and see these fucking geese; Just
hundreds of fucking geese sleeping by the river.
<Narcissus> we're just kind of stumbling around laughing, but
Jason takes a fence post, UPROOTS the motherfucker, and just
Braveheart charges this field of geese
<Narcissus> the geese start going apeshit as he's swinging
like mad, just honking like crazy tearing up the river
<Narcissus> the three of us don't know what to do, but three
generations of inbreeding sure as hell did.  The fucker cracks
one of the geese over the head, and it's just frozen, sort of
stunned
<Narcissus> without a second of hesitation, Jason grabs his
dull ass pocket knife and just pounces on the goose, stabbing
wildly, and let me tell you.. there's a fuckton of blood in a
goose
<Narcissus> this thing is hemorrhaging  blood, completely
covering him, but he keeps stabbing it
<Thomas> wtf dude? that's fucking nuts
<Narcissus> just listen, it gets worse
<Narcissus> We are completely dumbfounded, we don't know what
the fuck just happened, but we're pretty sure it's extremely
illegal
<Narcissus> we decide to wrap up the goose in Aaron's jacket
and take it back to the apartments
<Narcissus> so we walk like 3 miles back, and take it to the
field by the power station
<Narcissus> Jason's not done though, he takes his dull blade
and SKINS THE MOTHERFUCKING GOOSE
<Narcissus> takes out the entrails, the whole nine yards,
takes for fucking ever
<Narcissus> at this time Mike is turning pale, he's looking up
all  the laws we'd broken, and he kept yelling about some
security guard watching us
<Narcissus> I told him to stop being paranoid, but he wouldn't
let up
<Narcissus> so he grabs the goose and just fucking chucks it,
as hard as he can over towards the freeway
<Narcissus> needless to say we were pissed, but we weren't
about to spend all night looking for that shit
<Narcissus> So we snuck home, drunk, hungry and defeated
<Thomas> Now that's a fucking adventure
<Narcissus> yeah, I know, but just imagine this episode of
cops:
<Narcissus> four college age guys, drunk, walk out of a
darkened field in the middle of a city at 3 A.M. after
spending several hours working on something, and one of them
is COVERED in blood, holding a dull, bloody knife, claiming to
have just hunted, skinned, and then completely thrown away an
entire goose
<Narcissus> you can't right better shit than that
<Thomas> I don't think we should ever hang out with Jason ever
again
<Narcissus> Agreed

<Joule> I just had to explain to my father, how having two
screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.

<daveemt>: talk
<JoePike>: mmmmmffffgghhhhrrrrruuuuuggggg
<daveemt>: WTF was that?
<JoePike>: I dunno. A copy of Hellen Kellers Twitter post?
<daveemt>: jesus
<JoePike>: Yeah, hell will be warm

<a_passerby> vmware should really sell t-shirts
<a_passerby> they could call it vmwear

<War> what's a spectral wolf?
<Herr_apa> It's the Fourier transform of a regular wolf, duh

<@max> I wonder if uniball has ever thought of getting lance
armstrong to sponsor their pens

* polykurt gets pissed off when seemingly simple programs have
lots of dependencies on other    packages.  People are taught
to worship the concept of software reuse, but they take it too
far.  I should write a C library called libtruncate.  Every
time somebody needs to truncate an array, they will feel
obligated to use my library instead of writing five lines of
their own code to do the job.  And I will make libtruncate
depend on Gnome _and_ KDE _and_ JA

<amb> let's make a coloring book
<amb> and then sue kids for unauthorized derivative works

<GoldyOrNugget> who would bother decompiling windows
<GoldyOrNugget> thats like breaking in to a top secret company
to steal a mop

<@baka> anyone here ever eaten sushi off a naked woman?
<Sloshed> no thanks
<@baka> i'm intrigued
<@Sadrak> I'd volunteer to do the dishes