<Jam> brb, I think my parents are having sex
<Sentynel> ...why brb?
<Asperoth> he wants to go find out for sure?

<SQB> It's coming in slow.
<SQB> What are you using on your end? Carrier pigeons? Smoke
signals? Talking drums?
<XselloutX> The neighbours.

<piercings> A programmer started to cuss
<piercings> Because getting to sleep was a fuss
<piercings> As he lay there in bed
<piercings> Looping 'round in his head
<piercings> was: while(!asleep()) sheep++;

<Nanako> The only uniforms they had were too big
<Nanako> So I have like a 3xl jacket
<Nanako> it goes almost down to my knees.
<Nanako> and the pants kept falling down my hips and I had to
keep pulling them up.
* Nanako CLEARLY ISN'T FAT ENOUGH
<Tails> So you've got the gangsta UPS look going on
<Nanako> fo sho
<Nanako> all up in yo grill with mah package

< Laura> I used to have a preserved human penis in a jar.
< Laura> It was lost in a move.
< Laura> This made me sad until someone pointed out that that
means that SOMEONE moved into a house and found a human penis
in a jar.
< Laura> This makes me feel better.

<MrNonchalant> she dumped me in the worst way possible
<MrNonchalant> Facebook defriend and status change
<MrNonchalant> one day you're in love with a girl who loves
you, you have a romantic dinner, and you have a really nice
moment together
<MrNonchalant> two days later you type her name in Facebook
search and it doesn't autocomplete
<MrNonchalant> it doesn't autocomplete!

sploich 1: You know what's funny?
sploich 1: From the late 1800's into even the 60's and I think
70's, women were fighting for their rights.
sploich 1: Now, we have women like Fergie.
sploich 1: It's like, they fight for almost 100 years to not
be known as objects, then once they get that they dance in rap
songs about male supremecy.
SALawncare: then there's ann coulter
sploich 1: He doesn't count.

< bluehat> the more I think about it, the more I realize I
don't really need a perfect world to be happy
< bluehat> I'd easily settle for one where it is physically
impossible for a bathroom to run out of toilet paper
< andrewjb> careful what you wish for
< andrewjb> you may get that, but have to reuse the same
sheets of toilet paper

<Helen> Well my husband never yells at me
<Helen> Neither he swears nor say rude stuff to ppl
<Helen> And he almost never stays late by computer
<Helen> And he never cheats on me and never goes to that
horrible drinking places like pubs and stuff
<Helen> Isn't he great?! ^_^
<DialSoft> Hmmmm..........
<DialSoft> Try poking him with a stick
<DialSoft> He seems pretty dead

lml-mike: i love to speak just after people saying : "...or
not"
lml-mike: it's compatible with EVERYTHING people says
Quinten: you arent gay
lml-mike: ...
lml-mike: almost everything

<Skail[IRON]> I get a girlfriend-free evening, tonight.
<Skail[IRON]> All evening.
<Skail[IRON]> :D
<Skail[IRON]> I'm thinking I'm going to sit on the couch in my
underwear, drink beer, and watch porn.
<Driedsponge> You don't do that WITH your girlfriend?
<Skail[IRON]> No, she makes me drink wine.

<ZS-Hawk> When I turned 18, I got a gillette mach 3 in the
mail from the air force I think. I opened it up in front of my
parents, and my dad says "ooh, nice razor! I'm going to do to
that one what you do with mine!" and before he could finish
his sentence, I said "noo! Don't shave your balls with my
razor!" and before he could think, he laughingly said "no, I
mean beat it on the sink until the blades are all crooked!"
<ZS-Hawk>  About 10 minutes of my mom giggling and my dad
realized what I said, but I was out the door. It never came up
again.

<timtim> the recession is worse then a divorce, i've lost 50%
of my assets and still have my wife

<Sam> Coding in C is like sending a 3 year old to do
groceries. You gotta tell them exactly what you want or you'll
end up with a cupboard full of pop tarts and pancake mix.

<+ajrez> same job when i moved across the street the cubes
were lower, typical gray, and huge, 8x10 or something
<+ajrez> at that location i ran some 2x4s up to 7' and covered
my cube with camoflage netting
<+ajrez> so in the middle of this giant room filled with cubes
there was this bunker in the middle of it
<+ajrez> CEO would give tours to investors... "and that over
there is the security team"   "ohhhhhhh" /knowing nods/

<Xikaze> I believe my mom finally realized that calling my
brother a son of a bitch was fairly stupid on her part

Laggyware has left (Quit: There are three types of software.
Free as in speech (FOSS), Free as in beer (Freeware) and Free
as in BitTorrent.)

GreenWithEnvy89: what are you doing now
pardusorientalis: writing
GreenWithEnvy89: yay
GreenWithEnvy89: show me when you get stiff
GreenWithEnvy89: uhhh
GreenWithEnvy89: did i say that?
GreenWithEnvy89: stuff i meant
GreenWithEnvy89: stuff
pardusorientalis: XD
pardusorientalis: stiff
pardusorientalis: a stiffie

<Thalog> is it just me, or has our society come to the
realisation of Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451?
<Thalog> I recall being in a car filled with 5 people,
excluding myself
<Thalog> but no one was talking
<Thalog> everyone was doing things on their cell phones and
such
<UlsterResident> ah, yeah
<Thalog> and they might as well have not have been there
<Thalog> and when they did talk, they didn't really say
anything in particular
<UlsterResident> I'm gunna go watch some TV
<UlsterResident> bbl
<Thalog> ...

<Arbe> there's this really pretty girl at college
<Arbe> all her friends hate me though
<Arbe> with good reason
<Arbe> what do i do???
<xpCynic> look for someone else
<~blackhole89> Download a girl ending in .jpg instead
<Arbe> will she keep me warm at night?
<~blackhole89> get a laptop
<Arbe> and tell me that the future doesn't matter?
<~blackhole89> with speakers

<Deco> Two pakis in a Golf tried to cut in in front of me and
nearly hit my car. Then they followed me even though it was
their fault. They stopped next to me at the next set of
traffic lights and the passenger said "I'll follow you home".
I replied "Follow me to your mom's". You've never seen me
drive as fast as I did trying to get away from them.
<Deco> I loved the look of his face, though.

<@TekniQue> just keep it simple
<@TekniQue> if(Field.Grass == TRUE) { Ball.play(). }
<Kjarrval> But what if someone has performed Field.Shave() ?
<@TekniQue> good question

<Krys> I had the funniest phone call last night when I was at
work
<Krys> had to tell the guy to buy a new SIM card, because he
fried his..and he was like "Okay thanks" and we ended the
call..except he forgot to hang up
<Krys> so I had my phone on mute and all you hear is "Stupid
bitch" and he goes on insulting me...so I give him a few
moments
<Krys> I go on the line and I'm like "Sir, you may want to
disconnect the line. I'm still here"
<Krys> and he's like "OH FUCK" *click*

<gaarie> who the fuck names a lake winnipesaukee
<DX|laptop> indians
<ch> yep
<gaarie> truth
<DX|laptop> and not the tech support kind
<ch> the casino kind

anon: You're so gullible.
sleaz: You mean gullable.
anon: What?
sleaz: It's spelled gullable.
anon: Oh. Okay.

<DRPONEOS> pretty soon nike will open a shoe factory here if
the dollar gets much more worthless

[Bwafflz] <Veritas|jackals> if u know how to get ur dick out
of a beer bottle (dont ask) PM ME plZ immeditately!!!!

<@k1ck-Paulh4x> ROFL MY GRANDMA HAS BEEN OUT AND BOUGHT
HERSELF COD4!!!!
<@k1ck-Paulh4x> cant wait to own her on a server =p
<@k1ck-Paulh4x> and call her a silly bitch

<Codi> Windows is unprotected sex. Linux is using a condom,
the pill, a vasectomy, and the Berlin wall.

Valkon_jedi: Fuck it, the final boss is an ewok

<Evan> Real Swiss chocolate? Like from actual Sweden?

<Betty> So, wanna go see a movie tomorrow
<Sokol> NO! I toled you, i haev a girlfriend!!!
<Betty> I AM YOUR GIRLFRIEND YOU STONED FUCK!!!

<deitarion> I've always been the "mind is more important than
looks" type and all the girls around here are idiots.
<pewbert> deitarion, same here, but idiot pussy feels just as
good as smart pussy

<6ix4our> Why did Mordor collapse?
<baumann> global warming
<6ix4our> A: It was on a Tolkein Ring network
<baumann> :(

<anonop> whats your worst sex story?
<anon> I'll answer with a one-liner.
<anon> It takes a brave man to swim in the Red waters, but it
takes a hero to drink from it.

<SimonJester> What is JFGI anyway?
<SimonJester> Never mind... googled it...

SeanieG123: I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of
America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need
for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you
would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable
to you.
SeanieG123: Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA
and college fund account numbers and those of your children
and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we
may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I
receive that information, I will respond with detailed
information about safeguards that will be used to protect the
funds.

<vrit> mm* = hi, we're capcom. we don't need to come up with
new ideas for games. here, enjoy street fighter vs marvel vs
snk vs megaman vs taliban vs n'sync alpha super gold turbo
extreme zero mega ultra double-stuf supreme extra value combo
4x
<x1gameguy2007> add three more games and they already have
that.  It's call M.U.G.E.N.

<Jackal>: So I went over to my hippie neighbor's house and
asked for a pot holder, he went inside and came out with a
sandwich bag...... note to self new best friend.

(~bati) how is that thing called
(~bati) where some fat chicks takes a photo of herself where
only face is shown
(~bati) or taken from some fucked up angle so she doesn't look
ugly?
(p00h) myspace

^QuickSilver: Why the fuck don't *I* get $200 every time I
walk around a bunch of locations?
Shoudai: Cause monopolies are illegal ^_^

<Mr. Fawf> I don't know anymore!
<Jake> bummer
<Sky> that's what happened to frosty
<Mr. Fawf> He died
<Mr. Fawf> and then Santa brought him back to life.
<Mr. Fawf> Just like our lord Jesus.
<Jake> ....
<Jake> are you saying jesus is santa?
<Sky> no no
<Sky> he's saying santa saved jesus
<Sky> and therefore.....
<Mr. Fawf> Santa is God!
<Jake> Oh, alrighty
<Jake> I can accept that

ShaZam: been here nig
ShaZam: except for my cell phone contract expired and i havent
gotten a new one yet
Serrin: Who the FUCK did you think you were talking to?
ShaZam: oh wrong IM tab
Serrin: "nig"? You know you're a white kid who plays WoW all
day right?
Serrin: You going to load up your 9 and go defend your turf at
the mall from the bloods now? I hear they're moving on the
yogurt stand...

<korn> yeah so i got into ITT tech today
<possible> what did you have to do?
<possible> open the door?
<korn> up yours man

<kuiper> My mom got me a toilet brush for Christmas.
<sic> lmao
<sic> have you been using it?
<kuiper> Well, yeah, but it hasn't been working too well.  In
fact, I think I may just go back to using paper.

DHS : Could god make a game so powerful, that even his
computer couldn't run it at full settings?
PoorLeno : It's called Crysis.

<us98> hi
<us98> I've windows 98 installed on my computer
<Sygrke> ok
<us98> now i have a problem
<Sygrke> you repeat yourself dude

Neko: how long has it been since i've seen you?
Rawr: since December 9th
Neko: dammit i wanted you to do the math and tell me how many
weeks
Rawr: three weeks, three days?
Neko: oh good thank you
Rawr: why, is someone asking you?
Neko: no
Neko: i was bleeding then, and i need to keep track of when i
need to buy more tampons
Rawr: ...
Rawr: you are the least romantic person EVER

<Khassaki> HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> try pressing the the Caps Lock key
<Khassaki> O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> fuck me

<Ceru> when my sister went to the hospital, the bill was
$11,000
<Ceru> the insurance company had a major fit
<R3mix> what did she go there for? O_o
<Ceru> she drowned