<XnD> Personally its not God I dislike, its his fan club I
cant stand

<Locke|Away> I found a note in one of my old word .docs that
said Note to self: Get revenge on Valvados.
<Locke|Away> Except I couldn't remember what I was supposed to
get revenge for.
<Locke|Away> But I trusted my own judgment, so I went with it.
<Valvados> ...
<Valvados> o.o
<Valvados> hmm
<Valvados> i dunno what you were supposed to get revenge for,
either
<Locke|Away> I can only assume you got what was coming to
you.  Not 100 percent sure, though.
<Valvados> well, whatever i did, i guess i deserved it
<Locke|Away> Let that possibly be a lesson to you.

<ReFFi|Work> I don't like condom's as it is...
<ReFFi|Work> But I use them faithfully
<ReFFi|Work> I don't want to be that statistic, being the one
time I didn't wear it, she got preg...
<Aronnyn|Work> Reffi - I have a friend who affectionately
calls her three kids pill, condom, and diaphragm. Nothing
worked for her ;)
<Endymion> i'd be worried if she calls her fourth one
vasectomy

<Korvus> i found a message in a bottle today
<Korvus> it floated past
<D> what'd it say?
<Korvus> it said: "can you put this in a bin for me please?"

<zurt> When the moon hits your eye like a big piece of pie
that's amor'e......... When you're hit by a jug in a South
Auckland pub....... that's a mao'ri

<xIHaveRicketsx> I almost got killed by some Asian woman
today.
<xIHaveRicketsx> Asians should learn how to fucking drive.
<slamyouinthebutt> But...you're Asian...
<xIHaveRicketsx> I'm more like a banana: yellow on the
outside, white on the inside.

<destroyer> What does FUBU stand for
<Furious> dunno.. for us by us ?!
<destroyer> Nope!
<furious> Then what does it stand for
<destroyer> Farmers Used to Buy Us
<Juggalo> No it Means Farmers Used to Beat Us
<Furious> Rofl

<The_Capn> Must be a space mummy!
<Card> or, an even more mysterious species
<Card> The species that is so rare, that there is only one
left
<Card> and it needs to procreate, so it has come to my bedroom
<Card> Yes, I am talking about the elusive "Your Mom"

<aryov> This cake is soooo good
<aryov> it's like sex, except I'm having it

<[01]-Ex> Did you hear about the new nigger barbie?  It comes
with 12 kids, aids, and a welfare check.

<@ITV|VimAtWk> oops
<@ITV|VimAtWk> just heard a kid fell off our local
multi-storey car park today
<+chrisss> how high?
<@ITV|VimAtWk> high enough for some natural selection

[@DAWG^] song lyrics containing the word "heart" - replace the
word with "arse"
[@Chisler] hmmm, interesting idea
[@DAWG^] for example:
[@DAWG^] Celine Dion - my arse will go on
[@DAWG^] Bonnie Tyler - Total eclipse of the arse
[@DAWG^] Kylie Minogue - Hand on your arse
[@DAWG^] Deee-Lite - Groove is in the arse
[@DAWG^] Rod Stewart - You are in my arse
[@DAWG^] Britney Spears - Deep in my arse
[@Chisler] Eurythmics - there must be an angel playing with my
arse
[@DAWG^] w00t ^^

<otto|sleep> 3.  What is the longest river in Scotland?
<otto|sleep> Here's your 1st hint: t__
<rP^paveway> teh river
<otto|sleep> Here's your 2nd hint: ta_
<rP^paveway> tet
<rP^paveway> tat
<rP^paveway> taq
<rP^paveway> taw
<rP^paveway> tae
<rP^paveway> tas
<rP^paveway> tad
<rP^paveway> tag
<rP^paveway> tac
<rP^paveway> tah
<rP^paveway> taf
<rP^paveway> taj
<rP^paveway> tak
<rP^paveway> tab
<rP^paveway> tan
<rP^paveway> tam
<rP^paveway> cmon...
<otto|sleep> Time's up! The answer was: tay
<rP^paveway> mother of god

<KRS922> Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with
solution in hand.

* Sabdo listens to Meat Loaf - Atkins? I FUCKING ATE HIM

<JimAM> I wonder how long before illegal operations really are
illegal operations with DRM.

<jestuh>  But fans will have to wait a while for the maverick
director to complete his bloodstained trilogy as he won't
start filming Kill Bill: Vol 3 until 2019.
<jestuh> wtf
<edit_out> Is he going to breed actors for it?

<pizza_biz> greggdogg: parole's over. he had to go back in.
<greggdogg> I figured.
<aLfer> what did he do?
<Dark_Fox> your mom :D
<aLfer> well, i hardly think that would land him in jail.
<Dark_Fox> prostitution is illegal
<aLfer> touche`

<timmyB> yeah well i intend to live forever
<timmyB> so far so good

<The_Spaniard:> The White House had an egg hunt today after
which they had to admit that there were never any eggs to
begin with.

[brianh] smaller boobs are cool
(Akira1) hmm
[brianh] like the kind that 8 year old girls have
[brianh] 18
[brianh] I fucking meant 18
(Akira1) hahaha

<Daleks|> guys i'm seeking for mid 90's hip hop song
<Daleks|> that going like this "na, na na na na, na na na na
na..."
<asterax> ...

<Rokkr> humor's a good thing
<Rokkr> i always said if you're an ugly guy and you want to
get laid you have 2 choices..play an instrument or make women
laugh
<tack> or rape them
<Rokkr> that's not laid tack, that's assault =p
<tack> hey, you do things your way, i do things mine

<Seigfried> In other random news, there's a movie based on I,
Robot by Issac Asimov coming out starring Will Smith.
<Seigfried> I hear it starts with a 5-minute montage of the
cast and crew of the film peeing on Asimov's grave. :P

<Logan> oh shit, i just got coffee stains and meatball sauce
on this guys grandma's death certificate

< gt3> a million people applied for the apprentice 2
< gt3> and you know damn well its just gonna get outsourced to
india

<Shinsa-Chan> somebody talks english?
<KidMorbo> I only speak a few words in english
<Shinsa-Chan> well, don` t worry..tell me anything
<KidMorbo> "I want to fuck you NOW", for example
<KidMorbo> Pero no es algo que se pueda decir para iniciar una
conversación ¿no?

badboy> hi any chicks from berwick
SaintBloodyMary> I'm from berwick. Let's meet up at your place
and have wild kinky
SaintBloodyMary> Should I bring my own handcuffs and lube or
are you all set?
badboy> awesome u wanna come over now
SaintBloodyMary> Sure... because I often fuck strangers from
online, it's my hobby.
badboy> bring it u want
badboy> awesome u sound real kewl :()
Supreme_101> SaintBloodyMary willing to travel ?
SaintBloodyMary> Supreme_101: It depends, I'm willing to
travel 100km's per inch that your penis is over the average
length.
Supreme_101> hmmm... looks like im coming to you then :P

(making NPCs for D&D)
<Stefanf> Hurrah! I have decided what to spend the remaining
535 gp on!
<Stefanf> The captain of the Stade city guard now owns 267
sheep!
<Neko_Ali> Stefanf: make sure to buy him lots of fantasy bling
bling.
<Neko_Ali> Gold plated chainmail.
<Neko_Ali> a solid platinum toasting fork.
<Sutekh> gold plated Bikini
<Stefanf> Diamond-covered ring of protection?
<Neko_Ali> and a totally tricked out low-rider horse with
hydraulics!
<Stefanf> lmao!
<Neko_Ali> can't you just see him on inspection parade,
bouncing along with his magical music box blaring from the
saddle?

<Karma`> Shit, you know you're in trouble when you find
yourself listening to ACDC
<Vast|away> yeh, acdc always sneaks up behind me and starts
playing and shit
<Vast|away> fucking annoying
<Karma`> You'd think they would have something better to do
eh?

<Borgis> Sad, but true. The lively, fun loving, highly
animated and eccentric borgis you know and love is nowhere
near as exciting in the flesh.
<Borgis> Except for the eccentric part.
<Borgis> Andthe fun-loving part.
<Tedious_Toad> That's okay, if I was half as lively as I am on
the net in real life I'd be arrested and tried for murder,
beastiality, sodomy, indecent assault, masturbation in public
AND indecent exposure

<MrMonster> just a sec, want to see if I can find this video
of a guy shooting himself
<tack> that para dice kid?
<tack> the one who shot himself after his gf got on the
elevator and left?
<MrMonster> it can't beat the crazy video at ogrish.com where
the guy gets his throat cut
<tack> which one?
<tack> the one where he gets his throat slit from behind?
<tack> the one where he's already dead and they had to refilm
it??
<MrMonster> he's quite alive
<MrMonster> and the blood is gurgling as he tries to breathe
<slh> ah yes
<slh> the internet
<slh> where else can you have a calm discussion about snuff
films at 4 in the morning?

<dman254> so r we gonna talk about anything that has a point
<jv-home> of course not. :P
<nougatmachine> apparently dman254 is new to irc

<omgwtf> did you guys hear about that actress who got stabbed
<omgwtf> reese
<omgwtf> reese something
<Boon> witherspoon?
<omgwtf> no with a knife
<omgwtf> HAHA!

<@smash> my friends dad is stationed there at one of its
borders.. some secret military shit.. but the surprising part
is.. canada has a military which does stuff... :P
<+JP2> yeh they get coffee for the american soldiers

<fluffy> also, you drastically reduce your chances of getting
prostate cancer through frequent masturbation
<fluffy> so I think everyone in this channel is safe

<CoryS> You know it's a bad sign when you call ISP support to
change some dns servers around and they ask if the ip address
you just gave them was a phone number or IP address.

[ZeroFlaw] I got a better idea for a new cereal, 'GhettO's.'
Free brass knuckles in every box. Collect 15 UPC's and get a
free boombox!

<Tori_ness> Camels may not be able to solve complex
mathematical equations
<Tori_ness> But those bastards can still eat your tent

<cheerios> LITTLE GOLDEN BOOKS THAT NEVER MADE IT:
<cheerios> 1. You Are Different and That's Bad
<cheerios> 2. The Boy Who Died From Eating Too Many Vegetables
<cheerios> 3. Daddy's New Wife Robert
<cheerios> 4. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
<cheerios> 5. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mommy Stopped Loving Her
<cheerios> 6. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
<cheerios> 7. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
<cheerios> 8. Grandpa Gets a Casket
<cheerios> 9. Strangers Have the Best Candy
<cheerios> 10. You Were an Accident
<cheerios> 11. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great
Microwave Games
<cheerios> 12. Sometimes Your Nightmares Are Real
<cheerios> 13. And Where Would You Like to Be Buried, Li'l
Timmy?
<cheerios> 14. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
<cheerios> 15. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

scykon: nope. no matter what you build with lego, if i build
the same with
duplo its guranteed to be bigger, and therefore better than
yours

<p2p> I was reading some thing this morning about a new condom
with a built-in vibrator
<shxrobert> oh great the rubber that makes you come as you put
the fucker on
<p2p> the downside is you have to shove the AA battery up your
ass
<Gollie> downside?

<neo_alex> my maths teacher who looks like gandalf set us a
fucking hard half yearly exam
<neo_alex> i was just expecting him to go "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
"

<Shark463> hey, did u see stevie wonders new album?
<Chaz> No
<Shark463> neither has he.

<ShadowFury-> whats command for new nick name
* ChoBo is now known as gaynamehere
<Whitehorn> '/nick
<gaynamehere> err shit

<XX01XX> PSA: Alcohol based marinades and gas ovens SHOULD NOT
BE COMBINED.

<FuriousC> my computer is performing more illegal operations
than doctor kevorkian

* Kavey starts talking to the internet in binary
<Alver> 10110101011111010100101011010111010100 Kavey? :)
<gavagai> Alver: watch the language
<Kavey> Alver: how dare you... my mother is a saint

<glacial>  I love school
<glacial>  Today our term paper due date's set
<glacial>  Our instructor says that we WILL hand in the paper
on time, and she'll accept no excuses except illness, with a
note from our doctor, or a death in the immediate family, with
a note from the dead member.
<glacial>  So this wiseass pipes up: "What about extreme
sexual exhaustion?"
<glacial>  She waits for the laughs to die down and says:
<glacial>  "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with
your other hand"

<Trivbot> 18.  A baby doctor is a _________.?
<Smitty> o.0
<Rhodz> fucking fast learner