<Twizzlers> I wanna become a counsler so i can tell rape
victims they asked for it.

<Slap_Shot> scooby doo 2 beat passion of the christ in movie
theaters
<LeafsFan> i bet the pope blamed those meddling kids :P

<dizzy[subnova]> A YO WHERE MAH NIGGAZ AT?!
<P_40E> over there
<P_40E> take your stuff with you
<P_40E> never come back

<GL> when I wake_lan each morning
<GL> and the tcpdump beats down on me
<natx> only gnuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu can set you freeeeeeeeeee
<GL> and I know we belong join --input=you --output=me

* Bobber lights up the crack pipe and takes a hit
* Bobber passes it to Jesus
* Jesus takes a hit
<Jesus> Argh, my dad is gonna KILL me

<StreetPsychologist> Wow I just met a chick online who lives
about 10 miles from me.
<punkpet> and her name is ted
<StreetPsychologist> NERD SEX!
<punkpet> create some nerdlings
<punkpet> when he's born it will be the first and last time he
sees female gentalia
<StreetPsychologist> Our geographical proximity is making me
thing MARRIAGE already.
<punkpet> lol
<phenobarbital> you might even take a shower today
<HellKat> no computer nerds breeding, next you know we'll have
children running about with 20 fingers for more efficent
keyboard use and an extra arm for cyber sex

Tester Bob> Maybe Scott will get fired if we send really bad
things over his company's network
Tester Bob> Porn
Tester Bob> Fuck
Tester Bob> Vagina
Abdullah> "Bush/Cheney in '04"

<vidkid7> he told us about some kid who turned in a render of
a hunting knife for his project
<vidkid7> and when he asked to see the wireframe "you sure?"
<vidkid7> "yeah, I need to see it"
<vidkid7> "...ok"
<vidkid7> and he turned it to wireframe
<vidkid7> and had written "I'LL KILL YOU" over and over and
over like a thousand times behind the image
<vidkid7> @_@

<Rjx> they really need to make formatting a laptop easier, for
lazy people like me
<Rjx> they could make them like etch-a-sketches
<Rjx> you just turn them upside down and shake them
<Rjx> and BAM, new install

<rzrblade> Yeah so my therepist told me the other day I had
"skeptical realism."
<rzrblade> I looked at him like, "what the fuck?"
<rzrblade> And he says, "yeah i just made that up."

Pika98765: then stick it in the center and it won't be so ugly
:p
Amarok: ...
Amarok: My father just woke up screaming "Suck my scrotum you
cocksucking chink whores."

<Tso-JA> I love food... which is why my 6 pack is covered with
a good 2 inches of flub
<Targeter> you're not fat you simply have "stealth abs"

<tom_0369> man
<tom_0369> im never moving to seatle washington
<tom_0369> i flew over it and it was raining and gray as fuck
<tom_0369> it was depressing
<sammich> when was this?
<tom_0369> flight simluator 2004

Belmat:  When I was working at the old college, I had the
bursar phone me up and say "my internet isn't working"
Belmat:  So I went down to have a look, and she had IE open,
and was typing "internet" in the address bar

<Sabdo> on one of those speech-to-text programs my friend
ripped ass onto the mic.
<Sabdo> and it typed out "France"
<Sabdo> we were like, wtf?

<grl_05>hi guys
<integrating> hey baby, i wish i were your derivative because
then i'd be tangent to all your curves
<FifthElement> i wish i were your integral because then i'd be
the area under all your curves

<Asha`monkey> One time I was watching porn for like twenty
minutes. When I was finished, I took off my headphones and
found the sound blaring out of my regular speakers as well.
<Asha`monkey> My mom told me to turn it down.

<Ck3> know whats pedophile's favorite chord?
<Ck3> A minor

<Ikaruwa> if i ever had to fire someone, i would do it
scavenger hunt style. you know, give them a piece of paper
with a riddle on it...
<Ikaruwa> and then when they figure out the riddle, itd point
them towards the next piece of paper with a riddle on it...
<Ikaruwa> and keep doing that until theyve collected all their
things and walked out the door. after which, theyd find a
piece of paper under a rock that said "youre fired."

<Geno> Dude...
<Geno> I was wearing my All Your Base shirt...and someone
pointed out the craziest thing
<Geno> "Somebody Set Up Us the Bomb", when read Backwards, is
"Bomb the US (united states) Up Set (upset) Somebody"

<mbg> if a paintballgun doesnt kill people, and is thus called
a marker
<mbg> so is a regular handgun a permanent marker?

<Hiyasu> I just called my manager, and told them I couldn't
come in, because I'd just contracted leprosy.
<Hiyasu> The odd thing was, for about 10 seconds, she believed
me.
<SePPach> lol
<SePPach> what did she say?
<newjersey> "I thought I fired you two weeks ago"

<zN|nJa> I wonder how tough the recruiting for suicide bomber
school is
<zN|nJa> 'now watch closely because I'm only gonna do this
once'

<mcsim02> you know...one day the word pron is actually going
to replace the word porn for good...and then in the year 2055
some internet geek is gonna think hes really funny by calling
it 'porn' instead of 'pron'...and it will be a horrible
horrible cycle

[17:21:17] * Joins: jesus (~jirc@167.206.250202.456309)
[17:21:27] * Parts: jesus (~jirc@167.206.250202.456309)
<The_Defiance> ... o_O
<The_Defiance> So that was the second coming eh
<The_Defiance> short lived

<nutkase> i need to schedule an eye exam
<nutkase> with a different doctor who wont cuss me out and
tell me i need ritalin
<hateful> lol, did you jump when he was putting in the drops?
<nutkase> no
<nutkase> but when he was asking me which one was better
number 1 or number 2 i was like how come there numbered and i
only get 2 options
<nutkase> and then he was telling me to read the lines, and he
had the radio on in the background and i was asking him to
turn it up cause i liked that song
<nutkase> finally he said god damn it can you pay attention so
we can get this over with and i responded with sorry i wasnt
paying attention
<hateful> lol
<nutkase> and he proceeded to tell me i needed ritalin

<jeff> if the butterfly effect isn't the best worst movie
ever, i don't know what is
<Calisa> Rotten Tomatoes has one review listed and it says,
"Hitchcock would be proud."
<jeff> proud to know he had nothing to do with that film

<@God> keyweed, hah. i hate speaking in public :P
< keyweed> God: that explains the past 2000 years.

<FQ|Dawg> ok so i was messing with one of my schools video
cameras
<FQ|Dawg> and i recorded my dick, and i cant erase it off the
tape
<FQ|Dawg> what should i do
<%CLV> tell them you were doing a study on the effects of
amateur porn on modern society

<@spr|efnex> last day of highschool
<@spr|efnex> im going to take 2 or 3 viagra, go up to every
girl that rejected me, point at my pants and say "LOOK WHAT
YOU MISSED, BITCH"

<Timid-> MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
* Shockla has quit IRC (*.net *.split)
* rooties-w has quit IRC (*.net *.split)
* Mr_Hahn has quit IRC (*.net *.split)
* rup\tek has quit IRC (*.net *.split)
<wandarah> holy shit.
<wandarah> truly your meep is a powerful weapon.

Buffman0250: i went to sam's club intending to buy contact
lenses
Buffman0250: i left with peanuts cookies and slim jims
scr0t4r: is it because you couldn't tell the difference
Buffman0250: well i didn't have any contacts
scr0t4r: hmm i see
Buffman0250: youd be surprised how similar they look
scr0t4r: have you ever had a slim jim in your eye?
Buffman0250: twice
scr0t4r: you strike me as that type of person
Buffman0250: the second time it wasn't an accident

<_kr4m3r> so many fucking criminals, its bullshit
<foniks`> heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty
continent and just left them there to die
<foniks`> and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?"
<foniks`> whatd u think they'd say?
<FoSZoR[bg]> something along the lines of, "G`Day mate"

<BenLMB> i'm waiting for niggabyte hard drives...so i can use
it as a slave drive.

(@kaleido) so i start the video clip
(@Blaxthos) of that hottie we turned on on webcam the other
night?
(@kaleido) coworker walks in just as im closing it to send to
the machine at home
(@kaleido) "if you send it to me i wont say anything"

<polarity> your dreidel brings all the goys to the yard.

<[CD]Zinc|o_O> anyone know the name of tupac and biggy's new
song ?
<[CwO]polarity> "We're Both Still Dead"

<MooseOnDaLoose> Hey Mike
<goatboy> what?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> er?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> and?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> ...
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> i dont get it
<MooseOnDaLoose> AND YOU NEVER WILL.
<goatboy> bastard

<Fril> "Flight delayed because psychic passenger had vision of
a bomb" - turns out the inflight movie was "Gigli"

<paRaLyX> what's long, hard and fucked two girls from my
science class last week?
<Slax0r> omg...
<qwog> you didn't!
<paRaLyX> the mid-term physics exam :(

Phoenix> Dude, wanna hear a fucked up story?
Phoenix> So, Im at the usual weekend frat parties and i've
been talking to this girl for the majority of the night.
Phoenix> Anyway I ended up going back with her to her dorm.
About another 8shots later, we end up fooling around on her
bed.
Phoenix> So about 10min's into her giving me head, I had to
drop the fattest shit in my life.
Phoenix> All my meals were followed by 3tsp of metamucil so I
could get lots of fiber in me to combat the carbs a litte.
Anyway im holdin my #2 in and finally it goes away. We both
end up passing out on her bed, she's butt naked and im in my
boxers.
Phoenix> I wake up to piss and I find myself covered in shit.
It was all over the bed,sheets,etc.... Im freakin out so I did
the most horrible thing in the world.
Phoenix> She's sleeping with her back towards me, so I take my
boxers off, scoop up some shit and gently smear it on the
inside of her butt, her lower back, and a little on the back
of her hammies.
Phoenix> I get dressed and leave... This poor girl is gonna
think she did it. I didnt know what else to do though. I have
no clue what im gonna do when I end up running into her.

<Kazeuri> I feel like such a nerd
<Chris> Why?
<Kazeuri> I went to go call my girlfriend, and when I was
thinking of the first numbers to dial, instead of 535, "HTTP"
came to my head

<jeebus> the "bishop" came to our church today
<jeebus> he was a fucken impostor
<jeebus> never once moved diagonally

<Astrum> bash.org script:
<Astrum> if( quote == funny )
<Astrum> reject();
<Astrum> else
<Astrum> reject();
<Astrum> I hear they're comming out with the bash.org script
version 2
<Astrum> it's optimized:
<Astrum> reject();

<Aital> which is the off possition on a PSU?
<Aital> Is it the line or the circle?

<Daxim> also, bersirc is broken
<Daxim> it must not add the angles to the link
<Daxim> I'll file a bug
<paranoid> I want to file a bug report to your fucking parents

<fo_eva_pimpin> WHITE POWER. FUK BLACK NIGGARS. IM FUKEN
WHITE.
<xenogenesis> That's nice, dear.
<fo_eva_pimpin> SHUT UP YU STUPID BITCHHORE YO MOMMA CAN SUK
MY COK
<xenogenesis>...Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Do you see
the injustice here? The accused claims to be of caucasian
"pigment", if you will. However, whilst claiming to be of this
race, he is attempting to sound "homie" or "black". An
immediate contradiction.
<fo_eva_pimpin> FUK YU STUPID BITCH. IM FUKEN BLACK.
<xenogenesis> Opposition rests.

<eminem_fan> they changed google!
<eminem_fan> i hate it, it's like new coke
<Blacgrass> wtf, you're like eleven, how do you know about new
coke?
<eminem_fan> stfu blac, how u know I'm 11?
<Blacgrass> do a google search for "eminem fans"...

<iRiot-Vinin^Amped> !kb kicks and bans at same time
ChanServ sets mode: +b *!
*@adsl-63-204-246-30.dsl.lsan03.pacbell.net
<Arcanic> lmao
<Arcanic> dude
<Arcanic> you banned a guy named kicks

*** Trel_Nadal is now known as ElmerFudd 
[ElmerFudd] Shhhhhhhhh!!! Be vewwy vewwy quiet...I'm hunting
wamers...Huhuhuhuh 
[ElmerFudd] Wook!! a wascawy wamer!!! 
[ElmerFudd] KaBoom!!!!! 
*** ElmerFudd sets mode: +b *!*implyunix@*.libertysurf.co.uk 
*** SimplyBSD|fuck was kicked by ElmerFudd (Oh! No! I killed
the wamer!!!.) 
*** ElmerFudd is now known as Trel_Nadal