El Fry Guy: That reminds me. I was kicked out of history class
for making a joke about the holocaust
El Fry Guy: The teacher puts in this after school special or
some shit about the holocaust. Guess who hosted it?
JoseoftheWired: Who
El Fry Guy: I shit you not. Keanu Fucking Reeves.
JoseoftheWired: haha
El Fry Guy: As he's talking I burst out laughing then say
"Then Hitler jumps out of the sky and says 'Dude. I have a
most excellent solution.'"

<ic3n3t> there is a bunch of girls playing soccer in the park
<uberartsyboi> im coming over.
<ic3n3t> i think they are 15
<ic3n3t> pedophile!
<uberartsyboi> im shaving the goatee then coming over.
<ic3n3t> i'll get the lawn chairs

<Kabuki_Dude> Shit... My teacher just sprung a surprise psych
test on me. It was a damned describing game... Like: There's a
forest, describe it. I was being a jackass and said that the
forest was burned down and blackened.
<Kabuki_Dude> Then she asked me how I went through the forest.
I said that I ran through it denying all logic and reason.
<Kabuki_Dude> She asked me to describe a vase in the forest,
so I said that it had a penis on it.
<Kabuki_Dude> Then she asked me to describe a barrier blocking
the way. I said that the barrier was my mom with a pickaxe.
<Kabuki_Dude> About 3 days later, my psych calls me and wants
to 'talk'. Apparantly, my teacher called my psyche with the
results of my test.
<Kabuki_Dude> Here's how it went down: The way you described
the forest was the way you viewed life. The way you went
through the forest was the way you went through life. The vase
is your view on relationships, and the barrier is how you
think you're going to die.
<Kabuki_Dude> Needless to say, my teacher keeps her distance
from me now.

Guan Yu: One time I shit myself in a McDonalds.
Guan Yu: So I had to clean myself with my t-shirt. I shoved
the shit-covered t-shirt in the tank part on the back of the
toliet.
Guan Yu: I came back a year later and the shirt wasnt in the
tank. That means somebody removed my shit-smeared DBZ shirt.
Guan Yu: That brings joy to my heart.

<theSpear> I am NOT gonna donate sperm for money. What would I
do if, in 18 years, the kid looked me up? I'd have to tell him
that he was beer money.

<[FU]HiTechOutlaw> ;o :(
<[FU]HiTechOutlaw> :O*
<Nomad> I swear if I ever see you "correct" a smiley again,
I'm going to kill you.

toonces344: <ooze> take a hot swedish chick from behind, bend
over to her ear. and whisper "i have aids", then try to keep
your penis inside of her.
<ooze> thats swedish rodeo.
toonces344: i sent that quote to my girlfriend over AIM, and
then she was silent for about 10 mins.
toonces344: i asked her what was up, and she blocked me, so i
im'ed one of her friends, and she told me that she was
swedish.
toonces344: bash.org ruined my life :(

<BronsonTheBeef> So we were supposed to have a guest speaker
in one of my classes
<BronsonTheBeef> to talk about diversity and racism and shit
today
<BronsonTheBeef> prof's never met him..
<BronsonTheBeef> in walks this super black gangsta ghetto dude
<BronsonTheBeef> he's got a 'pimp' chain around his neck,
wearing FUBU everything
<BronsonTheBeef> has a gold watch and a ring on each finger,
smells like pot and beer
<BronsonTheBeef> he even had a do-rag on and a cigarrette
tucked behind his ear
<BronsonTheBeef> walks in in true rapper style flashing his
crazy ghetto signs at us
<BronsonTheBeef> the prof's like...'are you... jeff?'
<BronsonTheBeef> he goes 'true dat, ho' and says 'you all my
niggaz!' and he turns in a circle
<BronsonTheBeef> waving his arms in the air singing about
'niggaz in 'da house' or some shit
<BronsonTheBeef> so she tells him to give his speech on
diversity and shit
<BronsonTheBeef> and he starts talkin about 'the man' and how
'white folk be dissin'
<BronsonTheBeef> then like a minute later this other black
dude runs in dressed in a suit
<BronsonTheBeef> and says 'sorry I'm late'
<BronsonTheBeef> it turns out the first black dude was just
baked. he doesn't even go to college
<BronsonTheBeef> he just wanted to buy weed in the dorms

<ideal`> The cable television network YTN estimated that up to
3,000 people had been killed or injured in huge explosions
that followed the collision of a train carrying gasoline and a
second carrying liquefied petroleum gas.
<ideal`> talk about an unlucky turn of events
<AtriumXP> Yeah, our gas prices are going to go up :(

<prairiePirate> well there was a kid on the news that was born
without eyelids
<prairiePirate> they had to use the skin from his circumcision
to make them
<prairiePirate> they say he's ok, just a little cock-eyed

MUTANT1042: Man, fuck porn spam!
AvariceManifesto: That's the general idea.

<Sabdo> So I went into my school's band room for the first
time today
<Sabdo> Biggest bunch of nerds I've ever met.
<Sabdo> and this one girl walks in, really hot,
<Sabdo> and I swear to fucking god,
<Sabdo> three kids pulled out inhalers

<+DEK> i heard oral sex is better than fucking
<%Disarm10> Uh, depends.
<%Disarm10> On what you're in the mood for.
<%Disarm10> 9 times outta 10, a hand job is perfectly fine.
<+DEK> ahh i guess
<+DEK> masturbation works too
<+DEK> it works for me, since my hands are girly and soft
<+DEK> <33
<%Disarm10> >_> I meant getting one, not giving yourself one,
but yea =P
<%Disarm10> lol
<+DEK> its fun watching myself in the mirror cuz it looks like
a girl is giving me a handjob
<+DEK> but in reality, it is me
<%Disarm10> ...
<+DEK> masturbating
<+DEK> infront of a fucking mirror
* +DEK cries
* You were kicked by Disarm10 (ZOMG)

* BldackFlag has joined #twistedmonkey
* BldackFlag changes topic to 'Once you go black you never go
back.  Once you go white, that ain't right!'
* BldackFlag has left #twistedmonkey
<Nerje> I wonder if he realises he spelt his name wrong

* Lexica-chan watches an ep of Yugioh. :)
<[chibi]> how come they can't tell when he magically doubles
in size
<[chibi]> "there's something a bit different about
him..more...confidence?"
<[chibi]> NO YOU FUCKWITS, HE JUST HIT PUBERTY IN THE BLINK OF
AN EYE

#slackware on efnet 4-22-04 12:57 am EST -5.00
<mfbian_> how will you compare slackware and freebsd
<Cheethoe> apples and oranges
<mfbian_> fair enough
<`justin`> slackware = for people that have been molested
freebsd = people that want to molest their mothers
<`justin`> openbsd = for people that probably wont ever get
molested
<`justin`> netbsd = molesting of all minorities, and cock
asians
<mfbian_> how about gentoo
<`justin`> I dont know ask khai
--> biggy (something@1Cust26.tnt1.columbus.in.da.uu.net) has
joined #slackware
<`justin`> oh wait I do know
<mfbian_> you don't know anything
--> supergoad
(~supergoad@pcp08611785pcs.waldrf01.md.comcast.net) has joined
#slackware
<`justin`> mfbian_: gentoo = people that want to molest their
mothers, fathers, uncles, aunts, sisters, brothers, dogs, but
can't get it up

<Kiyone> i know you live in australia and everything, but do
you know who vanilla ice is?
<reaper> yes
<reaper> he used to be a jazz musician, and became a pornstar

seph429: lol 3 weeks ago someone posted a post on this board
"I'm looking for some cool things macosx can do" hes bumped it
every day since, today he posts
seph429: "OKAY I GET IT, THE OS SUCKS AND UR ALL FUCKS I HOPE
YOU DIE"

<skylift> I think I'm going to flip a coin to decide if I
should work today
<skylift> damn
<skylift> I didn't catch it and it fell down the hot air
exchange

<Kathleen> wtflolz
<Alex> lololorz
<Kevin> lol]
<Alex> haga
<Alex> 0wneef
<Kathleen> omg y3s.
<[X]> Is this some sort of idiot mating ritual? Should I get
the Discovery Channel in here with cameras?

<Van> huh. if you inject dye into eggs, when they hatch the
chicks will be whatever color you injected
<@Unarmed> similarly, if you inject radioactive compounds into
eggs, when they hatch the chicks will rip you apart with their
massive talons

<@rakaur> maybe when i get back
<lily> ok well when you're ready call me on the telephone
<@rakaur> well you know i had planned on smoke signals but
telephone is ok.

<|Chris> i know i'm killing more quotes than i should
<|Chris> just due to the fact that i'm not finding a whole lot
of things funny due to my current situation in life
<|Chris> i'm so sad...she took the gamecube man
<|Chris> the fucking gamecube

<TokenBlackGuy> my friend and i were writing l33t notes back
and forth in spanish class and our teacher caught us and was
like "im gonna read this to the entire class" and stopped and
was like "are you two writing in tounges?"

<InaneCathode> Oh dear god, i just drank the most vile
substance known to man
<|D-X|> pepsi?

<MrRoboto1024>she said she was hot for me, so i gave her a
spare heatsink.
<MrRoboto1024>she didnt seem happy :(
<MrRoboto1024>i just dont understand women.

<Cannibal> god damnit
<Cannibal> no one wants to play monopoly with me
<Cannibal> i need to stop getting mad at people and stabbing
them when i play that game
<Cannibal> gives me a bad rep
<Hellise> lolll

mdiym42: note to self
mdiym42: make sure your cat is not sleeping in the bass drum
before you start playing them

<CloneGamer> dude
<CloneGamer> i just went to put this tape on and its at the
bottom of the pile right..
<CloneGamer> so in true table cloth style i yanked it out
swiftly
<CloneGamer> also in true table cloth style, it went miserably
wrong and like 15 tapes landed on my head
<CloneGamer> and like then my mum come in, wondering wtf the
commotion was
<CloneGamer> and like, i was also like a little 'uncovered'
cus i was 'polishing'
<CloneGamer> and i see the door move and see her face and
covered myself up but my balls were still showing
<CloneGamer> she just looks at me, looks down, looks at the
tape, rolls her eyes and walks off
<CloneGamer> i tell you, i aint leaving my room for days :'(

<seisan> New hacking tool: chocolate
<seisan> A survey of office workers in London found that
almost three quarters would reveal their network-access
password in exchange for a bar of chocolate.
<Echo|Fox> The same survey also revealed that 84% of male
respondants would give up their bank PIN code for a blow job.

Lord High Rikonian:: then they are not truly letting me "have
it my way"
Lord High Rikonian:: Because I want my whopper served to me on
the stomach of a nubile quivering 19 year old's belly
Lord High Rikonian:: and I want her vagina filled with ketchup
for dipping the fries
Lord High Rikonian:: but will Burger King do that? Nooooooooo
Lord High Rikonian:: fucking false advertisements
anastas:: ummm. Rik... that was nasty
Lord High Rikonian:: I know
Lord High Rikonian:: if a company says you can have it your
way...
Lord High Rikonian:: then they should let you have it your way
Zerebus:: .....they obviously weren't referring to Lord High
Rikonian.
Lord High Rikonian:: well obviously
Lord High Rikonian:: why must I be persecuted so by corporate
America?
Zerebus:: because you're one sick bastard

<+[GG]Kou> Wow, I was in the bathroom, reading the comic
strips, and I came across one I liked, and so I thought "wow I
wonder what the score on this one is" and I was expecting
something like (894), but instead, it said "Dilbert". :(
<+GPT> wtf is wrong with you... lol
<hi> yeah seriously you fuckin loser who the hell reads
dilbert

<Borgis> I think there's air in the pipes in my house
<Borgis> Every time you turn the tap on, the water heater
outside makes this loud 'BBBRRRAAAAPPPPP' noise
<Uric> yea
<Uric> that happened at my old house
<Uric> I dont know what it is
<Borgis> Your old house didn't explode or anything did it?

<SwiftWrk> so... warcraft 3 in like 2 hours?
<fugimax> so...
<fugimax> my balls in yo' mouth in like 3 hours?
<LockeCole> erm...if I'm available sure
<LockeCole> damn

<Jaeger> whats an oxymoron
<Edgy> Microsoft Works

<Klowner> I listen to rap now and then, just so I can
communicate in case my car breaks down in a scary part of town

<Snoper> how do i find the book I want
<Vultar> Type "@find bookname"
<Snoper> "@find bookname"
<Snoper> It didnt do anything. now what do I do ?
<Vultar> Tell your parents that cousins shouldn't marry...

<Rayn> if you had to pick between a compaq and a dell, what
would you take?
<Draco> death

<Ownage|Josh[Owner]> Here's your 1st hint: audre_ _______
<jaGuar> !next
<san`> audrey hepbourn
<Ownage|Josh[Owner]> Winner: san` Answer: audrey hepburn Time:
12.219 Streak: 1 Points: 12 WPM: 13 Rank: 7th
<aenima> !
<jaGuar> wtf
<Ownage|Josh[Owner]> 48.  Category:
Trivia : What is the square root of -1?
<aenima> googled >.<
<san`> close enough i suppose
<Ownage|Josh[Owner]> Winner: san` Answer: i Time: 1.532
Streak: 2 Points: 13 WPM: 7 Rank: 7th
<san`> WHAT

<kraus> omg, dude i love you in a way that is illegal in most
countries.
<pyro> in school i want you to keep atleast a one meter
distance away from me. :|

<Whammo> I lost my virginity to a ham sandwich
<WeblionX> That's not losing your virginity.
<Whammo> baloney

Hyp3rHax0r: bah
Hyp3rHax0r: "Quote #278743 is pending moderation."
Hyp3rHax0r: why don't they just come right out and say it
Hyp3rHax0r: "Quote #278743 is pending rejection."

(Thoth) Funniest toilet graffiti this evening: "I fucked your
mother!" underneith: "Dad, you're drunk! Go home!"

<FireFox> asshole
* FireFox was kicked by Reaper (i dont like your mouth)
<Reaper> ...
* bob sets mode: +b *!*@3AD5BC55.8E488FF8.273333E5.IP
<Reaper> ...
<Reaper> wait no i didnt kick him!
<Reaper> that was a /me!
* Reaper was kicked by bob (your no longer welcome in this
channel)
<FireFox> haha
<FireFox> oops

(+Jimbo1`friends) where did my savior go
(@Monoxide) did you try the hill top?
(@Monoxide) i heard he was hanging around there

ZolaOnAOL: You can't judge a book by its cover.
DrRocksicle: you can if it has no pages

<Vampirate> Wow, I maxxed out the mem card in my camera for
the first time today
<Vampirate> My daughters dance team was performing in the
state/national dance championships today.

DANIEL: I found a site called SparePartsWarehouse. Being that
I'm stupid, I failed to check ResellerRatings or any such
thing. My dad ordered a new keyboard from them. $70, I
believe. Two days later it gets here, it's not a keyboard.
It's a hinge. No, I'm not kidding. They sent a goddamn hinge.

(@der-carsten`) tim? no school today?
(@Alucard`) it's saturday...
(@der-carsten`) no, it's thursday
Alucard` is now known as Alucard`school

<DannyCat> The Fonz playing DDR would be like, him standing
there looking cool throughout the song, but not stepping on
anything. Then, right as the results screen came up, he'd
whack the side of the monitor and it would give him an AAA.