<Kanush> it's funny, when I tell someone I'm an insomniac they
almost always say "that's odd, I fall asleep as soon as my
head hits the pillow" which is odd becuase I don't go around
telling blind people "that's odd because I can see perfectly"

<Justin> What's your sign, baby?
<The_Gevil> Yield

<Zephyr> Isn't American cheese appropriately named? It's fake
and processed, just like America.

<Flamon> women are like hurricanes. When they come, they're
wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car

<TornSoul> what's the difference between a jewish woman and an
airplane?
<TornSoul> airplane stops whining when it lands in miami beach

<Steve> Even "The Magic 8 Ball" is smart, and knows Microsoft
Sucks. It says "Outlook Not Good."

<[X]> What the fuck? Gwyneth Paltrow named her daughter
"Apple". What the fuck is it with celebrities naming their
kids weird shit?
<Alex> I'm gonna name my kid Strawberries
<bobik-> Alex, you a dumbass
<Schwert> the kid will kill you ,Alex
<Alex> true :(
<[X]> It could be worse... when I was two or so, and living on
an Air Force Base in Utah there was a family living on base
whose last name was Cane. Their daughters were Sugar, Candy,
and Nova.

gnabtuls: Ok, so I take this gay Children's Theater class,
right?
ch405kn16h7: mhm
gnabtuls: and we have this one Jewish girl in there.
gnabtuls: So, one of the groups is doing "The Stinky Cheese
Man"
gnabtuls: and she's playing The Stinky Cheese Man
gnabtuls: and the very first thing to happen in that play is
they bake the stinky cheese man
gnabtuls: ala the one jew in my class gets put in an oven and
baked

<@LoungeServ> For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never
opened, small stain.

<quik-silver> You know, life really IS like a box of
chocolates
<quik-silver> A cheap, meaningless gift that noone ever asks
for

<crumpiano> i just discovered a revolutionary way to piss off
my neighbor
<crumpiano> i can play porn and broadcast the audio out over
the frequency of the radio station hes listening to
<crumpiano> HAHAHAHA
<crumpiano> he cant tell me to turn it down when its HIS
stereo
<MAME> you're an asshole

<@Methical> did anyone else hear about the new dual-proc board
for low-end AMD processors? it's optimized for playing 80's
mp3's.
<@Methical> They call it the Duron-Duron.

<Last_of_the_Brunnen_G> Arafat is in his office, alone, when
his bodyguards hear a loud explosion inside his office.
Rushing in, they see him on the floor, face bloodied, and they
ask, "What happened, Mr. Chairman?"
<Last_of_the_Brunnen_G> "A letter bomb" exclaimed the injured
despot. "But a letter bomb would have wounded your hands, not
your mouth," replied one of his experienced men. Arafat
replies, "I was sealing it."

<lib1790> so, at this college there was an extra credit
question "Is hell endothermic or exothermic"
<lib1790> this is what one kid wrote:
<lib1790> First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they
must have some mass.
If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at
what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are
souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a
soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are
leaving.
<lib1790>As for souls entering hell, lets look at the
different religions that exist in the world today. Some of
these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to hell. Since, there are more than one
of these religions and people do not belong to more than one
religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to
hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the
number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.
<lib1790> Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in
hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and
pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of
souls and volume needs to stay constant.
<lib1790>So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the
rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and
pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose
(i.e.,Hell is exothermic).
<liv1790>Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than
the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and
pressure will drop until hell freezes over (i.e.,Hell is
endothermic).
<lib1790>So which is it? If we accept the postulate given by
Ms.Therese Banyan during my freshman year, "That it will be a
cold night in hell before I go out with you," and take into
account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having a
relationship with her, the second case cannot be true.
Therefore, hell is exothermic.
<lib1790> the kid was the only one who got credit

<Beer^Me> hey guys
<Beer^Me> i need to print stuff from phothsop and it has a lot
of White
<Beer^Me> is their a way to NOT print the white?
<Beer^Me> caue the paper is white

ShortyMcStupid: i was looking at pron on the internet
ShortyMcStupid: and the comp froze
ShortyMcStupid: so i just got up and left
Meneeococoa: hm
ShortyMcStupid: and came back and put my brother's watch on
top of the monitor
Meneeococoa: hahaha
Meneeococoa: thats funny....
ShortyMcStupid: and my parents kicked him out

EightyAngryApes : so I was sittin outside the gas station, at
like 11 30 in the morning.
EightyAngryApes : and suddenly this car pulls up and im like
woah that looks like my dads car
EightyAngryApes : then out steps my dad, rap music blaring
from his speakers and some lady in his passenger seat (not my
mom or anyone I know)
EightyAngryApes : and he looks at me and hes like shouldn t u
be in school? n im like shouldn t u be at work
EightyAngryApes : so hes like this meeting never took place
and im like agreed.
EightyAngryApes : then he went in and walked out of the gas
station carryin a box of condoms
WattoEXTAO : !!HAAHAHAHA!!!

[Turtle] hmm
[Turtle] ctfmon.exe
[Turtle] no jamacians capturing any flags on my computer that
i know of

<dvdman> I was at a wedding yesterday
<dvdman> and i was drinking at like 10am
<dvdman> the bartender told me I know a place you can meet
people like your self
<dvdman> I said where
<dvdman> he said at rehab

<Greg> I think the messaging service is down.
<Terry> I guess we'll have to go to the backup system.
<Greg> Yes.  Paper airplanes.  With messages written on them.
<Greg> Like right now, I want to talk to Brian.
<Will> His door is closed.  It won't work.
<Will> He's in 'Away' mode.

<triple> Hi, I'm a GPL virus, please replace this code with a
more bloated one!

PsychoJ:My views on the new nintendo DS and Sony PSP...
Zaheera:Go on.
PsychoJ:PSP is like a hot girl with full round C cup breasts.
PsychoJ:Is experienced and has alot to offer for relatively
little effort.
Zaheera:And the DS?
PsychoJ:Her flat chested 12 year old sister with a unibrow.

<angeles> i really shouldnt take you seriously should i
<hoyhoy> sure
<hoyhoy> it makes the channel amusing for the rest of us
<angeles> i'm pretty gullible
<hoyhoy> angeles: LET ME START BY INTRODUCING MYSELF PROPERLY
, I AM MR. TIJANI YUSUFU CREDIT OFFFICER WITH THE UNION BANK
OF NIGERIA PLC (UBA) BENIN BRANCH, I CAME TO KNOW OF YOU IN MY
PRIVATE SEARCH FOR A RELIABLE AND REPUTABLE PERSON TO HANDLE
THIS CONFIDENTIAL TRANSACTION,WHICH INVOLVES TRANSFERING HUGE
SUM OF MONEY TO A FOREIGN ACCOUNT REQUIRING MAXIMUM CONFIDENCE

<RU5TY> I just called in to work today.  I told my boss I had
Anal Glaucoma.
<RU5TY> I told him I just couldn't see my ass coming in today.

<senorperrito> jesus christ my moms a n00b
<senorperrito> she walked into my room and asked what i was
doing and i told her i was burning CDs
<senorperrito> she was like do you want me to open a window so
u have ventilation?

FecalAlcoholSyndrome> i love how they try to say that
homosexuality is a
leading cause of pedophilia
<angie> i think perverts are the leading cause of pedophilia
<h4ck> homosexuality is the leading cause of caring,
compassionate men
<sunrinse> sexy children are the leading cause of pedophilia

<Shempo> Fox just interviewed the 8th grade teacher of the
American who was bedheaded in Ira.
<Shempo> beheaded in Iraq*
<leg0man> how the hell does that have any relevance at all?
<Zaphod> how the fuck do you interview someone that was
beheaded?

<MXi>My family never let me feed the dog under the table
<MXi>So one day, I made everyone dog food for dinner
<MXi>I swear you might as well have stapled a sign saying
"Hypocrite" to their heads.

(+PJx5x) yesterday u said ur so good at math cuz all u do is
think about pie
(+PJx5x) u fat piece of lard
(@OCNoy|At|Work) well you just have to think about it in terms
you understand
(@OCNoy|At|Work) for example
(@OCNoy|At|Work) SIN pi
(@OCNoy|At|Work) is 0, because, if you sin (make love to) a
pie, there's none left to eat
(@SmurfiCus) .....
(+PJx5x) riiight
(@SmurfiCus) good way of rember it...
(@SmurfiCus) whats COS PI?
(@SmurfiCus) :)
(@OCNoy|At|Work) -1
(@SmurfiCus) >:X
(@OCNoy|At|Work) it's twice a bad because your cousin had sex
with the pie

<Evil Steve> Theres an advert in MSN Messenger: "Buy your
winning lottery ticket here"
<Evil Steve> I reckon thats false advertising
<Evil Steve> I should buy one then sue them when I loose
<AnonymousPosterChild> I can represent you in court
<AnonymousPosterChild> I got my law degree online

<nherzhul> I never realized how much my penis looks like
Barakka from Mortal Kombat.

<zetec> I don't think it's physically possible to both laugh
and ejaculate at the same time.
<zetec> But I plan on finding out.
* zetec is away - midget porn.

<Simich> omg its too hot here
<Simich> and yes, hot in canada, and no, my igloo is not
melting
<Simich> BECAUSE I DONT HAVE ONE
<Simich> BITCHES
<[Evil]Zen> O.o
<Rhodz> heh, we dont insult simich about being canadian so he
insults himself then lashes out at us

milkmanjb2000: We're talking in biology about dominant and
recessive genes in reproduction
milkmanjb2000: and I said "I'm white because I have all
dominant genes"
milkmanjb2000: and Matt said, "um, actually, black people have
all dominant genes"
milkmanjb2000: looks like someone's genes haven't read world
history

<Arkangel> If I caught my mom performing at a strip club I'd
cheer her on. You know, pay her back for all those times she
cheered me on at little league baseball games.
<Arkangel> It's just good karma, ya know?
* [TMBJ]SensoryOverlord makes no little league comments about
getting a good grip on your lumber.
<[TMBJ]SensoryOverlord> 'cause that'd be wrong

<Jess> r u chatting to her?
<Orestes`> of course I am!
<Jess> u want to start a 3 way?
<Orestes`> kinky.
<Jess> hahahaha!!!!
<Jess> well...
<Orestes`> I'll probably never hear a girl say that again.
<Orestes`> I'm keeping that.
<Orestes`> and I'll add it to my "Thing's you'll never hear a
girl say" archive
<Jess> don't u dare!!!!!

<[Crunt]> dammit i thought the rocky horror picture show was
on
<[Crunt]> but nooooooooooooooooo
<ha|cyon> it was just family home videos all along?

<%Makoto> How long can a CAT5 cable be, and still maintain a
strong signal
<%Makoto> ?
* Makoto (WinNT@hidden-60382.we.client2.attbi.com) Quit
(Connection reset by peer)
<@Col_Kiwi> a little shorter than that

niteowl7710: When I went to the website to see what the
current cover
niteowl7710: And I got a pop-up from Spice.net...offering me
(and I quote)
niteowl7710: MONSTER TITS -- THE LARGEST BREASTS ALLOWED BY
LAW
enigmamofm: Wow.
enigmamofm: wait
enigmamofm: "By law?"
niteowl7710: That sir, is what it said
enigmamofm: There's some sort of regulatory legislature on
this issue?
niteowl7710: I'm not sure but I now have a new goal in life
niteowl7710: Figure out how to get a job in the Department of
Health & Human Services (makes sense to me)
niteowl7710: In the "Breast Measurement Bureau"
niteowl7710: I'm sorry ma'am but those are just too large, I'm
going to have to fine you
niteowl7710: Well yes Ms. I'm sure this does just seem like
titty fucking, but I assure you is a valuable tool we use here
at the B.M.B.
enigmamofm: You are a credit to you community sir.

* Mazca just had a singularly scary experience there...
<Ephialtes> what happened Max?
<Mazca> I was just feeling sorry for myself and pissed off
about not having a girlfriend, and wondering what I should do
to sort my life out...
<Mazca> then my iTunes, AT THAT EXACT MOMENT, started playing
"Gay Bar".

<Hagane> I can squeeze through 5 foot gaps in Crimson Skies.
<Michael> Trouble is you can't do that in real life...
<Hagane> Yeah, but it isn't that hard in the game... So it
can't be that hard in real life...
<Michael> It's exactly that type of mentality that drives this
country forward.

Sonsquidku: You know how people always say "it could be
worse"?
theonewhotells: yea
Sonsquidku: Could it get worse than the holocaust?
Sonsquidku: Was there a guy going "it could be worse" while
they were being fed into the gas chambers?

<@len> someone just asked me how to print half a page
<@len> "do you type in .5?"

<ednometry> what seperates man from the other animals
<fripple> the 401k
<lavalamp> a condom, hopefully

<Modok> going to England, Germany, Amsterdam, Italy, and then
Netherlands
<Numbus> Amsterdam isn't a country it is the Capitol of the
Netherlands...
<Modok> It is?

<Fiz> i'd rather type than talk to a fucking computer
<Fiz> i feel stupid talking to a computer
<Fiz> talking to the TV is okay, because it talks back

<Anomaly> There's this one guy in my comp diag class who I've
started holding up a folder or paper or something when I'm
talking to him just to get him to look me in the eye
<Zero> boobs: a breasting and a curse
<Zero> WHOA
<Zero> a BLESSING and a curse

<snack`brb> You read about that guy on BBC that got 6 nails
stuck in him?
<Crips> yea, mustve been a quake 1 addict suffering
withdrawal...i bet he had like 1hp left
<Crips> if it was a super nailgun hed be dead

<SCVirus> John Stamos is getting divorced just as the Olsen
twins turn 18.
<SCVirus> Coincidence?  I think not.  I think someone is going
to be entering
<SCVirus> the backdoors of two little houses very soon. 
Harder, Uncle Jesse!
<SCVirus> Harder!
<TucksMa> LOL
<kdub> haha

<Dante> so this cinco de mayo bullshit right
<Dante> all the mexicans go cruising in their lowriders all
decked out with beaner crap down a certain avenue here
<Brian> haha
<Brian> yeah
<Brian> that would be today
<Dante> so when we got off work, an associate and i
<Dante> we went and bought a big fucking french flag
<Dante> and berets
<Dante> and the french national anthem CD
<Dante> and draped the flag over his Charger
<Brian> HAHAHA
<Dante> and cruised with the mexicans wearing berets and
blaring the french anthem
<Dante> we got so many bad looks
<Dante> and whenever we'd pull up at a stop light
<Dante> we'd starting talking about pastries and perfum in
french accents to the car next to us