<@mitchn> we should patent "3 hour abs"
<@mitchn> It comes with a toilet and a fifth of tequila

* Nico (Nico@host81-154-181-36.range81-154.btcentralplus.com)
has joined #megatokyo
<Nico> You know those oh so hilarious Bash quotes where
someone's something is on fire, and they run on to IRC to tell
everyone. I just decided to put the fire out before coming on
to tell my friends. Let this be a lesson to those whose homes
burnt down in the space of an irc convo.

<sh> I wonder if odor eaters compete for odors, since
presumably they need them to survive

[+Bobthefish] when your desperate for sex you shouldn't pass
up a threesome
[+Bobthefish] just close your eyes
[+Bobthefish] actually don't, you might grab something you
don't want to
[@SnowPhaal] I couldn't cross swords with another man, not
even by accident.
[@SnowPhaal] It'd be like Ghostbusters..."Don't Cross The
Streams!"

<genome> osir, would you mind doing /os umode genome +SqoaAN
<~Osiris> -OperServ- Access Denied - Your NetAdmin is not a
dumbfuck

<Goatroper> so i had a checkup at the doctor a couple months
ago
<Goatroper> i waited in the goddamn lobby for like 2 hours
<Goatroper> i was just starting to doze off when they called
me back into one of the exam rooms
<Goatroper> so i sit on this chair for like 30 more mins, and
then fall asleep
<Goatroper> i wake up and have no idea what time it is or how
long i've been waiting
<Goatroper> so 20 minutes later after I finished reading the
Hispanic Business Weekly
<Goatroper> I start diggin through the drawers in the exam
table and his desk drawer
<Goatroper> i find some hypos and don't touch them, some
dressing gowns, and then i get to the drawer marked "OB/GYN"
<Goatroper> i open it up, take a peeky-peek inside, and what
do I see? Speculums and rectal dilators.
<Goatroper> At this point I'm in his desk rolly-chair
<Goatroper> with about 40 rubber gloves in my pockets for
later use
<Goatroper> so I grab a speculum in each hand
<Goatroper> and start making them sing and talk like little
ducks
<Goatroper> i was rooting around for a sharpie and couldn't
find one
<Goatroper> so i put them down and did my glove-trick
<Goatroper> i stretched a rubber glove over my head and blew
it up
<Goatroper> then i grabbbed the speculums and started spinning
around in his chair
<Goatroper> glove inflated on my head the size of two
basketballs
<Goatroper> speculum in each hand
<Goatroper> spinning in his office chair
<Goatroper> i hear footsteps and as i'm extending my legs to
slow down, the door opens
<Goatroper> the doctor is standing there with my chart in his
hand
<kr0nus> omg
<Goatroper> i stopped spinning and just sat there, looking at
him through the thin film of the glove
<Goatroper> he was like "Corey.....?"
<Goatroper> I said "Yep."
<Goatroper> held up the speculums.
<Goatroper> said, "I got bored."
<Goatroper> and he was like "That's quite a trick with those
gloves. Where did you learn that?"
<Goatroper> I said "Many doctor's offices in many states."
<Goatroper> He was like "You want to take some with you?" as I
got up
<Goatroper> I pulled the wad out of my pocket and said
"Already did."
<Goatroper> then I walked out and i heard him laughing like a
goddamn maniac as soon as the door was closed
<Goatroper> then the other day i go in again rofl and he just
hands me a brand new unopened box of 100 gloves
<Goatroper> i was gonna ask for some speculums just to fuck
with him but I was afraid he'd give me some

<@Paul4x> So we have a electric pad to go with the electric
blanket. Shelby calls it the "George Foreman" bed.

<SlipMage> ill have hd's up the ass once i get working
<Supachikn> interesting occupation

<CS13> I wanted to get one of my Jewish friends a present for
the holidays. Just one. Not eight. And then it hit me. So, I
got her one present and broke it into seven peices and gave
one piece to her each day. And on the eigth day? BAM! Super
glue.

<zephyrlot> Do you want my personaluity to be:
<zephyrlot> Snob who looks down on people
<zephyrlot> Ass-kissing groupie
<zephyrlot> Desperately trying to be friends
<@TJ32> Which is the one that types the least?

<+blotch> howcome you never see a black santa
<@SantaReul> what are the chances of a black man breaking into
people's houses to *leave* things

<THE_RAVEN> asl?
<BlackstarII> 41/m/neverland
<BlackstarII> wanna sleep over?

Dan: When I die, I wouldn't want any one to find my pr0n.
Someone needs to create encrypted mpeg/divx.
Presmike: all the passwords would be cracked in no time
because they have to be easy enough to type with one hand.
Dan: O_o

<Match> you shouldve seen the confused look on her face
<Match> it's like we dropped her in the middle of china and
asked her to find a mr. chang

<Dram> XP is basicly 98 with a lot more extra features to hunt
down and disable

Denomination: i almost read a whole pamphlet about child abuse
Kristen: why?
Denomination: it had pictures

<@Vegetarian> i cant wait till i die, im either gonna have
"BRB" or "AFK" on my tombstone..

<BoTGoD> In the wet season, when my house lies at the eye of a
particularly savage thunderstorm storm, lightning all around
and power out, i like to masturbate - it makes me feel like i
am thor.

* Hawk boots up Windows
<Beyonder> It's like a million mac users cried out in pain and
were suddenly silenced...
<suds|finals> lol
<Beyonder> wait.. make that 5000 mac users, let's be realistic
<Evs> LOL
<SysError> XD

<Biomech-> i took a shit earlier that weighed about 200g, well
unimpressed
<Nezzie> so, do you actually scoop it out of the toilet?
<Biomech-> im slightly more sophisticated than that
<@cai> you're weighing shit, how sophisticated can it get?

<Kahlzarg> Jesus dies i get chocolate.. jesus is born I get
presents.. works for me..

kinky kinsey: oh yeah...wanna bet?
Steel: would i lose?
kinky kinsey: yes
Steel: then no. i dont wanna bet

Opti: i was really bored... had 2 options... 1) watch paint
dry  2) come to #general
Opti: i chose the paint...
Opti: but thats dry now :/

<@Matt> 10 things men know about women.....
<@Matt> 1.
<@Matt> 2.
<@Matt> 3.
<@Matt> 4.
<@Matt> 5.
<@Matt> 6.
<@Matt> 7.
<@Matt> 8.
<@Matt> 9.
<@Matt> 10. Women have tits

< Cronos Gabliani > I personally belive that in any situation
that you expect a kick in the balls, and you get a slap in the
face, thats a victory.

<drmason> there was this one time I was wanking to porn...
<drmason> ... I kept a javascript tutorial open in another
window so my parents didn't start wondering why I was always
on the desktop with no windows showing
<drmason> so I'm just about to splurge when I suddenly hear my
dad coming up the stairs
<drmason> alt-tabbed to the other window and tried to pull my
boxers up... computer stalled JUST THEN as my dad was opening
the door
<drmason> I just stood up and was like "fuck... dad this
honestly isn't what it looks like"
<drmason> and he glanced at the screen and said "I sure hope
so because it looks like you're masturbating to a fucking
javascript tutorial"

spoonsucker:  I ordered pizza today (not from Pizza Hut
because they're not open for lunch on Mondays or something)
but the delivery driver was a 45 year old Italian-looking lady
with six times too much makeup on. My dad was home on his
lunch break and saw her leaving. Then he came storming into my
room demanding to know if I'd just had sex with a hooker =

Awesomest771: god damn jeff's been at blockbuster for 2 hours,
where the fuck is he
Einhander MKII: that was a pretty stupid question

<LoY|Steam> fucks sake
<LoY|Steam> i tell you what is embarassing
<LoY|Steam> when you go on a date with a lass
<LoY|Steam> who is rather plump
<LoY|Steam> and you try to pick her up as a bit of fun
<LoY|Steam> but physically
<LoY|Steam> you cant fucking lift her
<LoY|Steam> worse fucking date ever, got no sex and put my
fucking back out

<Orthodox> deutschland 11e hier is 18, haltet mich gefaelligst
davon ab glei zu verschwinden und die chinesische wodkaflasche
zu exen
!kick!: <Orthodox> was kicked by <Pidda> [I don't know what
your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.]

<@Carmen> I wish I did all the things I wanted to do to my EX
before we broke up
<@Carmen> Selling her to that guy out east for 6000 would have
been a good start
<@Deadlymouse> should have taken four goats and a Camel when
you were offered it
<@Carmen> Ya would have gotten more from the goat

<Don> scyth, I come here for the loving people and atmosphere
happy.gif
<scyth> I come here because I forgot to remove it from my
auto-connect list

<Tealos> no
<panthy> =(
<Tealos> turn that frown upside down
<Tealos> )=

LightGrayMage: all the technology in the world doesn't matter
if the majority of your population is mind numbingly stupid.

<sukumade> i'm out like michael j fox in jenga

Explosions: why didnt' you come?
FlakGuitar: food poisoning
Explosions: what did you have
FlakGuitar: alcohol

Mervin: Alright, thats it
Mervin: I'm so gonna get you
Kelvin: GEEK
Mervin: You are so not 3l337
Kelvin: I am so 3l337
Rocky:Alright geeks, i think we know how to settle this
Rocky: Dungeons and Dragons at D20 paces

<dmsndlr> You know, it was kinda hard being the only jewish
kid in a small town..
<dmsndlr> I'm tall, so I used to play in the church's
basketball team and everytime I stepped on court the ref went
"FOUL!"
<dmsndlr> And I was like "What, I didn't even do anything!"
<dmsndlr> "Well you did kill Jesus."

<Sukato> What does it mean when you search google with one
word and only get one hit?
<Xenogenesis> You have a very specific fetish?

<Silent69> Hey did you take the $5 dollars that was sitting on
my desk the last time you were here
<Cactus> Ya, the movie we rented wasnt rewound and they called
me up saying I had to pay a stupid fee for not rewinding the
damn thing. And I was on my way back to the video store so I
might as well had paid it off.
<Silent69> Oh ok. Just wondering where it went.
<Cactus> no prob man, gtg, peace.
***Cactus has left the conversation***
<Silent69> peace
<Silent69> Wait a second,
<Silent69> WE RENTED A DVD!!!

* Earhart/#intersocs thinks about sex :-)
<mel> when do you not?
<mel> it's like
<mel> 10 Think about sex
<mel> 20 Goto 10

<Maggie> Rune
<Rune> ?
<Maggie> why are all men chauvinistic pigs?
<Rune> because we're better than you

<jamesi> paperwork is teh suck
<jamesi> i'm 27 years old, using the words 'teh suck'.  I
should be ashamed of myself, and yet, i'll probably use those
words in combination again sometime in the next 3 hours

<Cardo> I reckon they should keep making Jackass shows
<Shady> yer
<Cardo> That way we can use Darwin as a turbine while he spins
in his grave
<Shady> lol

<karl> where is everyone?
<Kayote_G> Well I'm trying to explain to my (now ex)
girlfriend why I own a porn site.
<Kayote_G> :'(

<sp4nk> I once knew this guy who kept a dream journal.
<sp4nk> Some little spiral notebook he'd keep by his bed.
<martyr> haha nice
<sp4nk> I'd get waken up in the middle of the night and find
him writing shit in it. At 3 AM.
<sp4nk> Told me it was so he could remember the lucid dreams
he had the following morning.
<sp4nk> So one night at about 1, I decided to have a look.
<sp4nk> As I suspected, full of shit about meeting dead people
and flying across the Atlantic Ocean.
<sp4nk> He was asleep at the time, of course.
<sp4nk> So I grabbed a pencil and made my own entry.
<martyr> ROFL
<sp4nk> Something along the lines of: OH MY GOD I WANT YOUR
BLOOD SATAN PLEASE LIBERATE ME FROM MY WRETCHED LIFE
<sp4nk> I swear, he was shaking the rest of that day.

<poit[fsgc> !decide "slack off and lie about the reason" "do
the work and have a clean moral slate"
<CrockPot> The roll of the dice picks: slack off and lie about
the reason.
<poit[fsgc> Good bot
* poit[fsgc goes to sleep

cynicalkane: why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year
olds?
cynicalkane: because there's twenty of them

<Kankraka> turn my tv on, and it's all "omg save the african
kids"
<Kankraka> so i turn on my xbox
<Kankraka> crisis averted

<RastaJew> when a girl says she has no new nude pics and you
ask for her old ones dont say "the older the better"