<Kami_XX> i think rape sounds to severe.. It should be called
surprise sex..
<Neme2> That's an old joke! You suck! Stop stealing jokes!
<hunt_23> He didn't steal it he surprise took it..

<samafk> ui'm fuckt'
<samafk> 1/2 ogke
<samafk> vodka
<samafk> bp
<+Ajurian> pretending to be drunk on irc isnt cool anymore

<lief> My brother just got suspended from school for sticking
a bible down his pants while walking around in the halls
singing Mansons "Personal Jesus" and asking random girls to
"Reach down and touch faith".

(BLIZZ)this one guy that comes in all the time and pisses me
off
(BLIZZ)he brought his computer in for service
(BLIZZ)it starts for like a second then turns off
(BLIZZ)i charged him 59.99 to switch the little selector on
the back of his power supply from european voltage to american
(ZeNiTH)haha

DengShouxin: The next best thing to a girl that likes sex is a
girl that likes to play video games.

<Kat_3y3z> I think I tanned too long tonight.
<dudley> Kat_3y3z: why tan? you have good skin
<remisser> yes.  why ruin that pretty skin of yours?  Now I'll
never be able to make my mask...

<lassietoverrijst> 'pwned' is the new amen

Ayreon: Vex, do you have a scar on your penis?
vexingthoughts: no
Ayreon: But you're a jew :confused:
vexingthoughts: it's not a scar
Ayreon: What's it then?
vexingthoughts: well not how one would traditionally think of a scar
vexingthoughts: just looks like skin
vexingthoughts: that's all
vexingthoughts: little more red but that's it
Ayreon: So it's still a scar :-
vexingthoughts: maybe
vexingthoughts: i dont know
Ayreon: How could you let them do that to the little guy?
vexingthoughts: i dont know maybe because i was like 8 days old
vexingthoughts: literally
Ayreon: You were a man when you were born right?
vexingthoughts: i had to be
vexingthoughts: default gender is woman
Ayreon: How could you let them do that to the little guy?]
vexingthoughts: I WAS 8 DAYS OLD
vexingthoughts: I COULDN'T EVEN BABBLE
Ayreon: You were still a guy!
vexingthoughts: NOT EVEN RANDOM VOWEL SOUNDS
vexingthoughts: MY BRAIN WASN'T EVEN FINISHED DEVELOPING
vexingthoughts: I HAD A SOFT SKULL
vexingthoughts: the only way i could have been less capable of stopping the
circumcision would have been for me to still have been in the womb
Ayreon: You could have strung them up with your umthingy cord.
vexingthoughts: yes that's right
vexingthoughts: my umbilical cord
Ayreon: That one.
vexingthoughts: how could i have been so stupid
vexingthoughts: oh yeah that's right i was just 1 week old
Ayreon: And now you've got the scar to prove it.
vexingthoughts: there are chimpanzees who are smarter than i was at 8 days old
Ayreon: There are chimpanzees who are smarter than you are now, your point is?
vexingthoughts: my point is that in a minute i'm gonna have evidence that i
chopped off your dutchy head
Ayreon: Hey now, you're the one with the chopped head.
vexingthoughts:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
vexingthoughts: DIE!!!!
Ayreon: Whoa, when they cut your penis, did they put in ovaries in exchange?

EpiPhony3693: I want to get a shirt that syas "Marriage is for
fags."

<BlackMoon> heh. kinda funny
<BlackMoon> we used to use internet over phone
<BlackMoon> now we use phone over internet
<DooD> IT'S SOVIET RUSSIA!
<DooD> in soviet russia, internet phones you!

Phanth: What is Black and Red and can't get through a revoling
door?
Kono: what?
Phanth:A Nun with a spear through her head
Dev: LOL
Kono: ROFL

<Endless_Void> I'm so Goth, my wrists slit themselves.

Zeon> if we lived together
<Zeon> wed be like.. stephen hawking
<Zeon> merge our combined genius;s
<Street_Prophet> yeah, you'd contribute the retard in a
wheelchair part

Impure Mathematics
------ -----------
To prove once and for all that math can be fun, we
present: Wherein it is related how that paragon of womanly
virtue, young Polly Nomial (our heroine) is accosted by that
notorious villain Curly Pi, and factored (oh horror!!!)
Once upon a time (1/t) pretty little Polly Nomial was
strolling across a field of vectors when she came to the
boundary
of a singularly large matrix. Now Polly was convergent, and
her
mother had made it an absolute condition that she must never
enter such an array without her brackets on. Polly, however,
who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling
particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the
basis
that it was insufficient and made her way in amongst the
complex
elements. Rows and columns closed in on her from all sides.
Tangents approached her surface. She became tensor and tensor.
Quite suddendly two branches of a hyperbola touched her at a
single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of
directrix, and went completely divergent. As she tripped over
a
square root that was protruding from the erf and plunged
headlong down a steep gradient. When she rounded off once
more,
she found herself inverted, apparently alone, in a
non-Euclidean
space.
She was being watched, however. That smooth operator,
Curly Pi, was lurking inner product. As his eyes devoured her
curvilinear coordinates, a singular expression crossed his
face.
He wondered, "Was she still convergent?" He decided to
integrate properly at once.
Hearing a common fraction behind her, Polly rotated and
saw Curly Pi approaching with his power series extrapolated.
She could see at once by his degenerate conic and dissipative
that he was bent on no good.
"Arcsinh," she gasped.
"Ho, ho," he said, "What a symmetric little asymptote
you have I can see you angles have lots of secs."
"Oh sir," she protested, "keep away from me I haven't
got my brackets on."
"Calm yourself, my dear," said our suave operator, "your
fears are purely imaginary."
"I, I," she thought, "perhaps he's not normal but
homologous."
"What order are you?" the brute demanded.
"Seventeen," replied Polly.
Curly leered "I suppose you've never been operated on."
"Of course not," Polly replied quite properly, "I'm
absolutely convergent."
"Come, come," said Curly, "let's off to a decimal place
I know and I'll take you to the limit."
"Never," gasped Polly.
"Abscissa," he swore, using the vilest oath he knew.
His patience was gone. Coshing her over the coefficient with a
log until she was powerless, Curly removed her
discontinuities.
He stared at her significant places, and began smoothing out
her
points of inflection. Poor Polly. The algorithmic method was
now her only hope. She felt his digits tending to her
asymptotic
limit. Her convergence would soon be gone forever.
There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavyside operator.
Curly's radius squared itself; Polly's loci quivered. He
integrated by parts. He integrated by partial fractions. After
he cofactored, he performed runge - kutta on her. The complex
beast even went all the way around and did a contour
integration. What an indignity - to be multiply connected on
her first integration. Curly went on operating until he
completely satisfied her hypothesis, then he exponentiated and
became completely orthogonal.
When Polly got home that night, her mother noticed that
she was no longer piecewise continuous, but had been truncated
in several places But it was to late to differentiate now. As
the months went by, Polly's denominator increased
monotonically.
Finally she went to L'Hopital and generated a small but
pathological function which left surds all over the place and
drove Polly to deviation.
The moral of our sad story is this: "If you want to
keep your expressions convergent, never allow them a single
degree of freedom."

<@buo> A byte walks into a bar and orders a pint. Bartender
asks him "What's wrong?" Byte says "Parity error." Bartender
nods and says "Yeah, I thought you looked a bit off."

<skippy> Plastic Jesus he's my fellow,comes in red and
sometimes yellow....ridin' on the dashboard of my car.
<skippy> I don't care if it rains or freezes,I still got my
plastic Jesus.....
<skippy> He don't slip and he don't slide...mainly cuase he's
magnetized.....

MotrCycleForLife: I think a cute movie idea would be about a
parrot who is raised by eagles. It would be cute because the
parrot can't seem to act like an eagle. After a while, though,
to keep the movie from getting boring, maybe put in some
pornography. Later, we see the happy parrot flying along,
acting like an eagle. He see two parrots below and starts to
attack, but it's his parents. Then, some more pornography.

<ben in da hood> How do i turn on my mic?
<mike6789> Well I tickle mine, that turns mine on ;-)
...
<ben in da hood> It still isnt on.
<lop12>lmfao

<bob> someone just asked me what tubgirl was
<bob> :D
<Gargoyle> Its like the matrix.
<Gargoyle> You can't be told what it is.
<Gargoyle> You have to take the blue pill and experience it
for yourself.
<Gargoyle> preferably take 2 or 3 blue pills actually

<zoe> yeah i think so b/c otherwise, using equation 4.5 you
get the force and then to work back to torque is nontrivial i
guess.....how were you going to do it?
<GreenPenInc> the same way i was doing all the other problems,
by banging my head against the desk and weeping softly

<weht> hahaha this morning i was listening to the radio on the
bus, and they were like 'its time for the not-so-impossible
question. what do the first 7 gifts in the 12 days of
christmas have in common?'
<weht> and this dude calls in and is like 'they are all birds'
and they say 'yay you win you get this gay prize'
<weht> and i called in and said 'um, how long have 5 golden
rings been birds?' and they said 'oh shit, we screwed that up'

TRAICOVN: so what is your address?
NightEyes: One moment
NightEyes: 68.35.199.208
TRAICOVN: ummmm
TRAICOVN: no, your real address....
TRAICOVN: like, where you live.
NightEyes: That is my real IP address!
TRAICOVN: 911 address.
NightEyes: I don't have local phone service
TRAICOVN: right.
TRAICOVN: but you have a house
TRAICOVN: that you live in
NightEyes: Oh, where I live?
TRAICOVN: if the RIAA subpoenaed you, what would be the
address they would arrive at.
TRAICOVN: Right.

<dessman> man both Tesla and Newton were lifelong virgins
<dessman> am i the only one who sees the link?
<m0nd0m> you believe you're going to be a great scientist?

<Oceandream9>  On another note, they should create a word that
doesn't mean horny, but just having the urge to cuddle.
<Oceandream9>  Yeah, there's cuddly, but that's more of an
adjective. I want the actual yearning to cuddle to become a
word.
<Oceandream9>  Can anybody think of one?
<Combat_taco>  cundry
<Thunder_cunt>  Cuddlesome?
<Unpleasantries>  snugglish
<Sm0t>   FEMALE

<Miharu> you know you're asleep when you put your  jeans on
backwards.
<Kriss> That, or Kriss Kross..

<mushashi>So I was with my girlfriend, right. I was looking at
her face, but all I was thinking was mmm, Opeteron...

<knobboy> I hate physics
<knobboy> Having to learn all this crap about wave and
frequency is killing me
<knobboy> Some might even say it Mhz

<MystMan> you followed me!! you freaky stalker!
<Cyber_Akuma_Zero> I am not a stalker
<Cyber_Akuma_Zero> btw, you're out of milk

<laertes> NAPLES, Italy (Reuters) - Christmas has never tasted
this good. Thirty-two pastry chefs in the southern Italian
city of Naples unveiled on Saturday what they say is the
biggest ever nativity scene made entirely of chocolate.
<skolex> sweet jesus

<kr0nus> with all this gay porn... I'm never gonna' get my
homework done

<Kali-I> I'm so 1336!

[remROM] hmmmm, a pretty girl once sat next to me in the
computer room then sneezed.
[remROM] I said "gbless you" and she said "thanks". Then she
sneezed again and I blessed her. THen she blew her nose. Then
sneezed again. Then a guy came by and she left with him. Then
2 days later i had the flu.
[remROM] I guess i could brag that she gave me a disease.
[remROM] and oraly transmitted disease at that.

<SnakesAnd> I have a college degree, a cute dog, I play
guitar, a nice house, a brand new Harley, and I'm single
<kizman> *
<kizman> but your ugly
<SnakesAnd> I must be
<SnakesAnd> that's the only thing I can think of

<LittleBunny32> this girl on okcupid.com has six things she
could never do without as: Sex, love, music, movies, dildo,
water and air
<LittleBunny32> notice air is last
<RenaissanceGamer> i never did like people on this that took
it THAT literatly
<RenaissanceGamer> because food would have to be up there too
<RenaissanceGamer> and shelter
<LittleBunny32> haha I'd put like oxygen, carbon, hydrogen,
phosphorus, sodium, potassium
<RenaissanceGamer> i have always been partial to those six
myself

<Nalfein> A thunderstorm is God's way of saying you spend too
much time in front of the computer.

<willo_sk> Wheee
<willo_sk> My $100 tires are rockin
<willo_sk> Another 50 for mount and balance tho :(
<willo_sk> I suspect that they fucked up my alignment
<willo_sk> Hosers
<josh> willo_sk: are you no longer chaotic good?

<Looney> godammit I d/led the wrong atlantis ep!
<Unruly> upload it and ask for a refund

<nubber> so my choices are a diseased crack whore (IE), a
ball-busting advertising exec (opera), a 400-pound hairy woman
(mozilla), and a needy money grubbing model (firefox)...

CwD | Asbestos: calculus is
CwD | Asbestos: triangle over triangle is equal to square
diveded by - y x
CwD | Asbestos: what is z
CwD | Asbestos: youre like
CwD | Asbestos: wtf
CwD | Asbestos: there is no z
CwD | Asbestos: and they say
CwD | Asbestos: wtf is z n00b
CwD | Asbestos: and while youre sitting there trying to think
CwD | Asbestos: they say
CwD | Asbestos: times up
CwD | Asbestos: youve just been pwnd
CwD | Asbestos: and youre like wtf h4x0rs
CwD | Asbestos: thats calculus

<Shortigo> damned CS.. I keep spelling "pearl" as "PERL"
<Jenny> ahahahaha
<Jenny> lol
<Shortigo> ironically I also find the need to add .cx on
anything ending in "se"
<Shortigo> "... after examining the fine detailz on the
base.cx"
<Jenny> hehe

<Snowy_Duck> Intellegence - the new minority.

<rohirrim-not-a-mofo> i have to go now
<rohirrim-not-a-mofo> toodloo
<rohirrim-not-a-mofo> au revoir
<rohirrim-not-a-mofo> aufwierdershen
<rohirrim-not-a-mofo> chin chow tay
* rohirrim-not-a-mofo was kicked by Sarumatt||Lurking (Or just
plain "Goodbye.")

his_madjesty: hey, I wake up in the middle of the night for
all sorts of reasons.
his_madjesty: mostly to get up off the computer chair and go
to bed.

<@KrayWolf> Microsoft Windows: A thirty-two bit extension and
graphical shell to a sixteen-bit patch to an eight-bit
operating system originally coded for a four-bit
microprocessor which was written by a two-bit company that
can't stand one bit of competition.

*** BennyHill has joined #lobby
<Benny_Hill> BOOBIES, TITS, CANS, BEWBEEIS, MUFFINS, BOULDERS,
YABBOS, SWEATERMEAT, JIGGLERS, BAZOOMS, MEAT PUPPETS, MILK
WAGONS, JUBBLIES, BREASTESSES, HAPPYSACKS, TATAS, BAAABOOMS,
TWIN PEAKS, TWEETERS, CHI CHI'S, COCONUTS, BOOBLATINES,
MAMAMAMARRIES, SWEATER PUPPIES, BAGOS, FLESH BAGS, WHOOPERS,
PILLOWS, BOYS TOYS, DOUBLE MOUNDS, TEATS
<Benny_Hill> GLOBES OF WONDER, BAZONGAS, BOSOMS, BLOUSE
WEASELS, BIG'UNS, MELONS, TITILATIONS, BAZOOKAS, JIGGLYS,
HOOTERS, BREASTS, JOY TOYS, SQUEEZIES, KNOCKERS, FAKE O BAGOS,
JUGS, RACK, WUBBAS, KNOBS, HEADLIGHTS, FUNBAGS, PUPPIES, and
of course WEAPONS OF MASS DISTRACTION !!!!
<ProfessorEvil> :O
<ProfessorEvil> I don't think i've ever seen it put so
eloquently before.

<noc`> I like rice
<noc`> rice is good when you're hungry and you want 2000 of
something

<DavidC> I once got some beer bubblebath for my birthday.  It
looked and smelled just like beer, complete with a foamy head,
and made me stink of beer for a week.  No amount of bathing/
showering/scrubbing would get rid of it.
<DavidC> But I was a student at the time, so no-one noticed.

<symbolik> RDX is so stupid even his windows taskbar clock
flashes 12:00

<GeneticFreak> The office is like a tree full of monkeys
trying to climb up. The monkeys on the top look down and see a
tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up
and see nothing but assholes...

<Zonko> Ah bukkakke, the sport of kings.
<Snazzbot> A lot of kings!