* Bassfiend flicks to "The Avengers" for a bit of Uma...
< planetWayne> nah - shes a bit ... ugly..
< planetWayne> although I liked killbill#
* Bassfiend doesn't want to talk to planetWayne ever again.
< Bassfiend> Uma is my love!!!
< planetWayne> her eyes are not set properly.
< Bassfiend> Correct ...
< Bassfiend> ... they should be four inches above the level of
my penis.

(@Phaysis) anyone here ever taken yoga classes?
(@tesko) yes, and i stopped when i learned i couldnt breathe
fire

A78Gamer: BEFORE YOU DIE, YOU SEE THE RING
A78Gamer: Just like Owen Hart.

<vrit> oh god damn, that beer just suddenly snuck up on my
bladder all special-ops style
<vrit> it was all metal beer solid

<SPEEDing|VoNK> you cant use knoppix as a server can you?
<bob> why not? people use windows as one.

wertis: im going to go pick up my brother
ubermensch: i perfer to pick up chicks but suit yourself
wertis: fuck you

Spanky: dude...there's a guy with the aim SN "themormonjihad"
TyFlame: rofl
Spanky: what the FUCK
TyFlame: conquering the world, one wife at a time

(@Cradly): wouldnt you want to know if your box can be easily
rooted?
(@Slyder) Its not entirely my box ;)
(@def): would you like it to be?

<nick> FUCKING HELL!!!!
<nick> I swear one day I'm just gonna go and hunt down every
stupid bitch on earth and put them out of their misery...
<R4an0m> ?
<nick> Ok, theres this resteraunt just down the road from me
where I eat every now and then.. other night I go in for
dinner with my girlfriend. After drinking half a bottle of
wine, my bowls begin to complain, so I head to the bathroom
<nick> I use the urinal and turn towards the sink and start to
zip up at the same time when in walks this young girl of about
18, quite nice looking, and there I am with my dick still
halfway out of my pants...
<nick> so I turn pretty damn fast in the other direction and
zip up, then turn back expecting to find she'd dissapeared,
only to discover that not only hadn't she left, she'd let the
door shut and walked in a couple of steps towards me. Now I'm
pretty embarrassed and point out to her that she had gone
through the wrong door.
<nick> She tells me that no she didn't and then she fucking
reaches down and grabs my dick through my pants! I take a
quick step backwards and ask her what the hell does she think
she's doing (I mean shit what would happen if I wandered into
the ladies and started feeling people up??).. she gets this
disgusted look on her face and turns round, storms out the
bathroom
<nick> Now I'm left standing there going "what the fuck just
happened??" for about a minute, then wash my hands and head
back to the resteranut... only to be greeted by the young
lady, the resteraunt manager and some 7 foot tall, 4 foot wide
dude with "Security" written on his shirt. Alarm bells proceed
to go off in my head, but I stay calm and ask what the problem
is
<nick> the manager tells me the young lady (known from here on
in as the bitch) has complained about me sexually harassing
her when she accidently walked into the wrong bathroom!
<nick> I resist the urge to walk over and punch her, and try
to explain my version of what happened. At this point the
bitch pipes up and calls me a "lying son of a bitch" that was
a "menace to society"
<nick> so I think "right I'll fix you" and turn to her and say
"look you stupid bitch, you came onto me, I turned you down,
what kind of sad pathetic loser are you, that you have to hit
on random guys in a bathroom anyway? Get over it, you lost, no
need to get all bitchy over it."
<nick> I figure now she'll either shut up or totally lose it
and start screaming at me, but alas, I was mistaken about how
fucked I truely was. Instead of shutting up, she looked at me
for a second then burst into tears, before turning to the
manager and saying inbetween sobs....
<nick> ".....you're not going let him say that to me, are you
daddy?"
<R4an0m> aahahahahahaa!!
<nick> so now Im sore from being thrown out the door by that
bouncer, and I got a vist from the police this morning telling
me I was being charged with sexual assault.. :(.

DominationForce: omfg
DominationForce: I'm sitting on a greyhound bus today on my
way back to college
DominationForce: and this girl spends 2 fucking hours on her
cellphone whining to her boyfriend that her cellphone bill is
huge
DominationForce: and then she calls her mom and whines some
more

Jeff: I got a hug from a girl at work today.
Vann: cool
Jeff: No, not really...
Jeff: She was wearing a shirt that my ex has...the exact one
Jeff: As well at the matching shoes my ex has...the exact ones
Jeff: As well as the exact perfume my ex wears.
Jeff: ....
Jeff: She must be killed.
Jeff: I'm not falling for that one twice.
Vann: lol

<Robyn> then we realised that james had fucked with the bunsen
burner
<Robyn> and set the lab on fire
<Robyn> penis ensued
<tempura> ...penis?
<Robyn> panic
<Robyn> PANIC
<Robyn> shit

<LazyWulfran> i've watched enough asian porn to discern that
when 2 asian people have sex, semen goes everywhere except
where it needs to go for conception.  therefore, they must
have an alternate method of reproduction

<xp99> We all know that it is a sin for an Islamic male to see
any woman other than his wife naked, and that he must commit
suicide if he does.
<xp99> So next Sunday at 4:00 PM Eastern time, all American
women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to
help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.
<xp99> Circling your block for one hour is recommended for
this antiterrorist effort. All men are to position themselves
in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not
terrorists, and to demonstrate that they think it's okay to
see nude women other than their wife and to show support for
all American women.
<xp99> And since the Koran also does not approve of alcohol, a
cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your
antiterrorist sentiment.
<xp99> The American Government appreciates your efforts to
root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this
anti terrorist activity.
<xp99> God bless America and GOD BLESS AMERICAN WOMEN! IT IS
YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY TO PASS THIS ON

<Phryss> Sometimes, I sit back and think about what my father
used to tell me about the birds and the bees: "Stop fucking
the dog.  The neighbors are watching, and it's their dog."

<@insomnia> it only takes three commands to install Gentoo
<@insomnia> cfdisk /dev/hda && mkfs.xfs /dev/hda1 && mount /
dev/hda1 /mnt/gentoo/ && chroot /mnt/gentoo/ && env-update &&
. /etc/profile && emerge sync && cd /usr/portage && scripts/
bootsrap.sh && emerge system && emerge vim && vi /etc/fstab &&
emerge gentoo-dev-sources && cd /usr/src/linux && make
menuconfig && make install modules_install && emerge gnome
mozilla-firefox openoffice && emerge grub && cp /boot/grub/
grub.conf.sample /boot/grub/grub.conf && vi /boot/grub/
grub.conf && grub && init 6
<@insomnia> that's the first one

<vapoR> lately my mother has been complaining about how much
time the dad has been spending in the computer room..
<vapoR> she comes up to me and goes "For christmas, I want you
to get your father a gift that will get him out of that stupid
computer room!"
<vapoR> so i went out and purchased him a wireless router :p

<cancerpass> ever watched the monty python show/movies?
<over-thurr> yeah he's a very funny guy!
<cancerpass> i'll take that as a no

<Turglith> as a DM you have UBER CONTROL!
<Uenohai> Yeh my friends and I were watching some Jesus Freak
documentary
<Uenohai> Said gamers and Yu-Gi-Oh was satan
<Uenohai> So my friends and I made a pact
<Uenohai> First one to hell is Dungeon Master

(@Blaxthos) CANTON, Georgia (AP) -- Christmas is still going
strong for 14-year-old Nick Waters.
(@Blaxthos) When the boy's church asked what he wanted for
Christmas, Nick, who cannot talk and was born with no arms,
slowly typed his reply with his feet: Lots of Christmas cards.
Ten thousand of them.
(@Blaxthos) jesus christ
(@Blaxthos) ASK FOR ARMS DUMBASS

<crax> my son get an ibook from school. 5th grade.
<Pothead> he doesn't deserve an ibook
<Pothead> give him an iBinder like we used to have
<Pothead> and an iPencil
<Pothead> and an iLunchpail with Spiderman on it like I used
to have
<z1g-work> did you play with your iFriends
<Pothead> iDidn't have any

<evilada> is it right to cheat on a paper for ethics class?
<evilada> i mean im just saying
<evilada> things would get done a whole lot quicker
<evilada> and it would be a wonderful practice in irony
<mike310> what if you get caught?
<evilada> just say it was some ass backwards experiment about
ethics and shit. You'll probably get an A.

<Gorgoroth> can u read dutch?
<PimPFISH> only if its in english.

Alittleredhead16: why'd you get off yahoo
LamontOfnazareth: Because I got bored.
Alittleredhead16: ooohhhhhhhhhh
Alittleredhead16: yea sure
Alittleredhead16: dont lie, its becuz you think i'm ugly
LamontOfNazareth: No. I closed your webcam because I think
you're ugly.
LamontOfNazareth: I got off because I got bored.

Wardave: My girlfriend tells me I'm lazy and have no ambition.
CancersDan: Dump her ass
Wardave: I should but that's just way too much work

TANK Ex Mortis: I HATE WINDOWS!!!11one
AkiraBlast45387: ha
AkiraBlast45387: y?
TANK Ex Mortis: "Cannot delete file: It is being used by
another person or program. Close any programs that might be
using the file and try again."
TANK Ex Mortis: WHAT FILE, YOU SHITHOLE OPERATING SYSTEM!?
TANK Ex Mortis: If I was on Linux, it'd be like "There was an
error, program X doesn't want you to delete that file. Here's
a helpful link to teach you how to get around that. Would you
like some tea?"
TANK Ex Mortis: Of course, when I want to install something on
Linux, it says "You can't install that until you install these
50 libraries, update these 3 drives, downgrade this 1 driver,
and pick my mom up from the airport."
TANK Ex Mortis: Whereas with Windows, it says "Click the next
button over and over again until the program is installed. It
will then work perfectly unless it doesn't."
TANK Ex Mortis: Unless it's made by Valve, in which case it
says "DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE" and blows up your computer. ;
_;

<Gregoray> Most embarassing moment would be when I finished
wanking, and stoop up to do up my pants, when i noticed a red
dot on my nuts. When i looked up, I realized my 13 year old
niegbor and her 2 friends where watching me through my window
and had a lazer pointer aimed at me.

< robT> Name ONE thing that your windows comp can do that my
MAC cant
< bawss> Right click.

SouLTaKeR2023: I was on the phone with a friend
SouLTaKeR2023: and we happen to talk about foreskin
ARazorbladeGrin: amazing
SouLTaKeR2023: and my lil bro walks in
SouLTaKeR2023: and hes like
SouLTaKeR2023: "whats foreskin"?
SouLTaKeR2023: Im like
SouLTaKeR2023: "Its the skin on the forehead"
SouLTaKeR2023: I flicked him on the forehead so he would leave
SouLTaKeR2023: and now hes running around the house yelling
SouLTaKeR2023: "MAMA ALEX FLICKED MY FORESKIN"
ARazorbladeGrin: ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL

<Barb> I just looked over at a cup on my desk and thought "Ew,
that milk must be really old. Its like, orangey. Strange that
it doesn't smell." And I realized it was orange juice and not
milk.

<Brock> Work work work!
<Brock> That's all I do for me
<Brock> You'd think I'd pay me in something other than
handjobs.

NaTTiE 623: just a sample of how crazy ms. bauer is......today
in health were were taking a test and the question was : WHICH
ONE OF THESE IS NOT A FACTOR OF PREGNANCY? and one of the
multiple choice questions was : pregnancy makes a woman
unexplicably want to chase after and poison squirrels

<Langly1> ive got a dual socket A system running cheap chips,
i use it mainly to encode 80's mp3's i call it Duron Duron

<chiks> is aluminum better than steel in most cases?
<SJr|Tecra> No what would you be more scared of
<SJr|Tecra> the man of steel or the man of aluminium

(Deranged): I like my women like I like my coffee.
(Jet): Black?
(SteveTheImpermeableHamster): full of your cream?
(mistik): hawt?
(Jet): Columbian?
(Aimee): hot?
(Jet): From McDonalds?
(SteveTheImpermeableHamster): in a cup?
(Jet): Spilt all over your lap?
(mistik): cheap?
(Deranged): No..
(Deranged): Ground up, and in the freezer.
(mistik): oh
(mistik): lmao

<Blackwolf> i'm visiting my gf in the hospital tomorroy...yay
<ereque> whats up with her?
<altemark> ereque: she managed to dig herself up

Euriusx_xNocturnus: Think of someone of "average"
intelligence. Then think half the world is dumber than that.
Veronica5050: ow
Veronica5050: just ow
Veronica5050: owowowowowowowowow

<Jered> you should have to stand on a scale to get fries
<Jered> "must be at least this thin to eat"

<LadyAerowen> I'm allowed to have my own opinion, burra :P
<burrahobbit> i dont know where you got that idea from but it
is wrong

<swampi^^> I just downloaded this pic
<swampi^^> The title was bukkake ass pussy young lolita
swallow cum eat meat shit piss drink old babe anal double
veginal fuck tits breasts dick monster cock grannie german
britney spears.jpg
<el-el_cul_jay> ...
<swampi^^> turned out to be a smiley face
<el-el_cul_jay> rofl

<hoLy> Ouch
<hoLy> my friend is giving me a tattoo with a bic pen and a
knife right now
<hoLy> hurts so much but he almost finished
<hoLy> Hes finishing up the I in SATIN
<Ruff> ...
<hoLy> Yeah, so it'll say HAIL SATIN
<hoLy> This is gonnna be awesome

<Ch0|sen> fuck I made a fake Myspace account posing as a bi
blonde to get horny desperate internet guys to get me a free
ipod and now all these hot lesbians are messaging me with "we
should fuck"
<Ch0|sen> WHY CAN'T THESE BUXOM BI CHICKS LOVE ME AS I AM
INSTEAD OF THE 20 YEAR OLD BLONDE COLLEGE STUDENT I PORTRAY ON
THE INTERNET

<taap> there is no such thing as .ng domain
<`naut> What's Nigeria?
<AcidX> .poor

<playamj> I need some creative ways of asking this girl I like
to the prom...please post some ideas thanks!
<secks> You can try walking up to her and pushing the use key

<@drwiii> so ecbc and I go to gamestop to get Mario 64 DS.
<@drwiii> and i bring my DS along.
<@drwiii> then we go to this chinese restaurant.
<@drwiii> and as ecbc's coming back from the restroom, he's
like "dude did that
kid steal your gameboy?"
<@drwiii> there was some kid at another table fucking around
with PictoChat on
his own DS
<@drwiii> so i changed the nickname on mine, found the room he
was in, and
scribbled "What you just ate wasn't chicken." and
sent it
<@drwiii> and like 10 seconds later i hear over my shoulder
"EWWWW!"
<@drwiii> apparently he showed it to his mom
<@drwiii> i powered mine down and kept on eating.
<@drwiii> that was the best thing EVER.

comf0rtabiynumb: The scare tactics line is awesome
comf0rtabiynumb: I'd jump someone in an alley.
comf0rtabiynumb: Get ready to beat them with a bat, and then
say, "Are you scared? You shouldnt be! Youre on scare tactics!
Haha! your friend set you up!"
comf0rtabiynumb: And then, when they start laughing and their
guard is down BAAM! Beat the fuck out of them and take their
wallet

<pantherqs> yeah
<pantherqs> so
<pantherqs> i got raided
<pantherqs> mad leet.
<Thazul> as in raid0, or as in swat?
<pantherqs> as in
<pantherqs> my shop got raided. geek.

SherbyCool: not tuesday
exeblah: ok
exeblah: um
SherbyCool: tuesday the world ends
exeblah: wednesday?

* Now talking in #christiandebate
<Pramma> hey you guys, do you think jesus would use bittorrent
or ed2k?

* Mordeth plans a back packing holiday to bulgaria
<Mordeth> is cannabis legal in your country?
<Hunchback> nope
<Mordeth> balls!
<Mordeth> is it widely available?
<Hunchback> yes
<Mordeth> great
<Mordeth> see you next thursday