<AAA> Singapore is believed to have the highest prevalence of
myopia in the world; up to 80% of people there have myopia
<AAA> yikes
<BBB> i bet they never seen it coming

* cachinnate throws up hands
<cachinnate> wait i meant i was throwing my hands into the
air, not barfing hands that i ate

<jryan> Why is TheJazBand in the topic.
<TheJazBand> jryan: i had a seizure yesterday.
<jryan> Ohhh.
<jryan> How'd that go

<t12> my dad wins at potrero hill community meeting aggroness
<t12> he went to one and stood up, interrupted
<t12> said heres the address of a crackhouse
<t12> if you guys dont raid it and shut it down
<t12> i'll go to it myself
<t12> they're like "those are armed dangerous people!"
<t12> he's like "i'm a combat vereran! I've killed thousands
of people already"
<t12> "if you dont go clean it up you'll find youself in the
weird position of protecting crackheads from me"
<t12> they did in fact shut the house down

ivy: A man named William Reed's last living testament says
that he is going to read his own will
ivy: Will Reed's will will read: "Will Reed will read Will
Reed's will".
Elyse: no
Elyse: it's his son will reed junior
Elyse: except will reed senior was so far gone with alzheimers
that usually when someone's talking about will reed they're
talking about his son, junior
Elyse: he isn't completely running the family business into
the ground but he still longs for the times his father, the
true biz-wiz, was running things better than ever
Elyse: but now those times are in the ground with his dad
Elyse: still can't believe he's gone
ivy: what the fuck elyse

<mceel>What is the difference between a jew and a boyscout?
<Big G>Idk what?
<mceel>Boyscouts come back from camp.
<Big G>Thats a very touchy subject. My great grandpa died in a
concentration camp.
<mceel>Oh I'm sorry
<Big G>He was shooting jews and fell of the guard tower.
<mceel>.-.

<+se5a> I know a pacifist who joined the army
<+se5a> so that he had a balanced world view
<+ekolis> True Neutral alignment FTW

<W> Tatjun needs a date
<L> The dude couldn't get a date if he polled a time server.

<matthiaskrgr> had to have my arm amputated
<matthiaskrgr> on the other hand, I am completely fine

<DrSeuss> I am thinking about the sequel to the vat in the hat
<DrSeuss> It will have theoretical chemistry
<fourbitfox> Oh the Crystals You'll Grow?
<DrSeuss> YES
<fourbitfox> Sounds more like the G rated version of Breaking
Bad.

<Shoe> Saw the back of a semi-cab today.
<Shoe> It had the text: Jesus Never Tapped Out
<The_Purple_Bunny> No but he did get pinned.

<Lauren> I have this recurring javascript error
<Lauren> Uncaught TypeError: Illegal invocation
<gasp> did you try running it during full moon ?

<xxx> There's apparently some Mexican restaurant somewhere in
Europe that has the slogan, "Mexican food so authentic Donald
Trump built 4 walls around it."

<blaxthos> web.archive.org is taking a snapshot of bash at
this very moment
<blaxthos> i should change it to 100% pictures of horse
penises

<sikory> hmmm, people found a severed head in amsterdam
<sikory> police thinks that it might be connected to the
headless body they found yesterday
<Gamah> sikory: well obviously it's not connected...

(@|HashBot|) Final and decisive action of the Napoleonic Wars,
that effectively ended French domination of Europe?
(SiCK) Surrender

<photo> i poured my root beer into a square cup and now all i
have is beer. please advise.

<DrBadAss>Lessee... the Republican party is in disarray,
divided by an offshoot reactionary group, spearheaded by men
who pander to the least common denominator and say and do the
most ridiculous things imaginable, directly flaunting the
Constitution, and proving on a daily basis they're incapable
of compromise, and that their only goal is to take down their
opponent at the expense of the country's welfare and proper
operation.
<DrBadAss>  We Democrats have a CLEAR shot at this.  It's
going to be really interesting to see how we go about f#@%ing
it up.

<magicp2p> but the US people see an egg form as a ball, so
don't say it is an egg, it is football
<icebox766> It's a more aerodynamic ball.
<Neobenedict> more aerodynamic, yet people run with it in
their hands for half the game. what a waste

<Nichole> my sister is giving birth on thursday. Drug baby.
Apparently CPS is going to contact me to take him.
<Azalea> Ahhhhhhhh
<keith> what kind of drugs?
<keith> a baby full of drugs could be worth something
<Nichole> heroin, Oxy, meth
<Nichole> mostly heroin
<keith> expensive baby!
<blaxthos> so... your sister will be free this weekend?
<Nichole> yep have at it
<assfetish> i got this mental image of a baby shaped pinata
full of drugs being broken at some wall street party
<Nichole> she's in prison
<Nichole> she makes me feel very normal
<latras> you are very normal ;)
<keith> shes still getting heroin, oxy and meth in prison?
<blaxthos> is she imprisoned because of baby ?
<keith> yeah id say your pretty normal
<Nichole> keith: she's on methadone now
<blaxthos> i think having babies should be a crime
<keith> procreating is definitely a crime
<Nichole> she's imprisoned because she broke parole, child
endangerment (from first daughter), and drug related charges,
and being on the run
<Azalea> That is a shitty situation
<assfetish> are you gonna take the baby?
<Nichole> i dont know
<keith> azalea needs another kid i hear
<assfetish> i have a friend who wants a kid real bad
<blaxthos> if you are on irc and you can't figure out how to
unload a kid, you're doing it wrong

<sevyn>: I was disappointed to find out that the twitter
account @hosonwheels did not belong to a hooker delivery
service

< pooter> I just came up with an amazingly good simile for
math
<+echobinary> does it add up?
< pooter> :|

<chainsoar> fox news special: computer terrorists blow up
several internets
<chainsoar> at least 45% of the network of tubes is damaged
beyond repair
<Jill_Stihl> They are trying to hack your freedom!
<chainsoar> FACT: hackers can break into the CIA mainframe and
actually _download your freedom_

<RedMachineD> whoops
<RedMachineD> just submitted homework with a bad typo
<RedMachineD> talking about the way people use words
<RedMachineD> and hate speech and sluts and shit
<RedMachineD> and i accidentally typed in
<RedMachineD> "hateful coonotations"
<RedMachineD> :|
<RedMachineD> gonna be hearing from my professor about this
one

<Number6> Ducks have corkscrew shaped penises
* rsynnott hopes the people who made the Flintstones were
unaware of this

** You are now chatting in #fantendo
<Corbeb>: i've just realized that we talk about porn here more
than we talk about fantendo
<Corbeb>: lol
<NoontimeYoshi>: whats a fantendo
<Hemu>: fantendo?

<SirWolfgang> i just paid $85 for a hoodie...
<tetsu> but it lasts for a decade right
<tetsu> youll be 30 before you need to buy another hoodie
<tetsu> and by then youll be an adult and just buy a coat

<LogicalThought> Having a girls head on your chest is one of
the best feelings ever
<The_Opinion> Especially when it's still attached.

<jude> First they came for the verbs, and I said nothing
because verbing weirds language. Then they arrival for the
nouns, and I speech nothing because I no verbs.

<G-ZeuZ> When two people kiss, they create a tube with an
asshole at each end.
<wufei> put that in your online dating profile
<wufei> you'll stand out

fr0gman: my ex gf is blowing up my phooine
fr0gman: and sent me emails
fr0gman: and is trying to call me from a blocked number lol
fr0gman: AT LEAST I FEEL WANTED THIS VALENTINE'S
oldmadtom: she wants the d
fr0gman: ya
fr0gman: i should be like "Happy Valentine's ay... you'll get
the D later"

C:UsersNetham45>tracert -h 100 216.81.59.173
Tracing route to FIN [216.81.59.173]
over a maximum of 100 hops:
1    <1 ms    <1 ms    <1 ms  -snip-
2    26 ms    52 ms    28 ms  -snip-
3    14 ms    33 ms    49 ms  -snip-
4    18 ms    22 ms    22 ms  -snip-
5    19 ms    23 ms    22 ms  -snip-
6    27 ms    30 ms    30 ms  -snip-
7    31 ms    31 ms    34 ms  -snip-
8    26 ms    27 ms    30 ms  75.149.231.30
9    46 ms    66 ms    66 ms  xe-1-2-0.atl11.ip4.tinet.net
[89.149.181.117]
10     *       49 ms    49 ms  epik-networks-gw.ip4.tinet.net
[77.67.69.158]
11    61 ms    59 ms    63 ms  po0-3.dsr2.atl.epikip.net
[216.81.59.2]
12     *        *        *     Request timed out.
13   101 ms   118 ms   102 ms  Episode.IV [206.214.251.1]
14   101 ms   101 ms   102 ms  A.NEW.HOPE [206.214.251.6]
15    99 ms    99 ms    99 ms  It.is.a.period.of.civil.war
[206.214.251.9]
16   102 ms   136 ms   117 ms  Rebel.spaceships
[206.214.251.14]
17   116 ms    98 ms    95 ms  striking.from.a.hidden.base
[206.214.251.17]
18   101 ms   115 ms    99 ms  have.won.their.first.victory
[206.214.251.22]
19    99 ms    99 ms   100 ms 
against.the.evil.Galactic.Empire [206.214.251.25]
20   118 ms    98 ms   100 ms  During.the.battle
[206.214.251.30]
21   117 ms   101 ms   102 ms  Rebel.spies.managed
[206.214.251.33]
22    99 ms   117 ms    94 ms  to.steal.secret.plans
[206.214.251.38]
23   100 ms    96 ms   101 ms  to.the.Empires.ultimate.weapon
[206.214.251.41]
24   103 ms   101 ms   105 ms  the.DEATH.STAR [206.214.251.46]
25    99 ms   100 ms    96 ms  an.armored.space.station
[206.214.251.49]
26   120 ms   102 ms    98 ms  with.enough.power.to
[206.214.251.54]
27    98 ms    98 ms   118 ms  destroy.an.entire.planet
[206.214.251.57]
28    98 ms    97 ms   101 ms  Pursued.by.the.Empires
[206.214.251.62]
29   101 ms   105 ms   117 ms  sinister.agents
[206.214.251.65]
30   100 ms   100 ms   100 ms  Princess.Leia.races.home
[206.214.251.70]
31   104 ms   101 ms   102 ms  aboard.her.starship
[206.214.251.73]
32   105 ms   102 ms   103 ms  custodian.of.the.stolen.plans
[206.214.251.78]
33   100 ms   100 ms   103 ms  that.can.save.her
[206.214.251.81]
34   100 ms   106 ms   139 ms  people.and.restore
[206.214.251.86]
35   100 ms   121 ms   102 ms  freedom.to.the.galaxy
[206.214.251.89]
36    99 ms   101 ms    98 ms  0-------------------0
[206.214.251.94]
37   104 ms   118 ms   101 ms  0------------------0
[206.214.251.97]
38   100 ms    99 ms    99 ms  0-----------------0
[206.214.251.102]
39   102 ms   100 ms    97 ms  0----------------0
[206.214.251.105]
40   105 ms   118 ms   123 ms  0---------------0
[206.214.251.110]
41   100 ms   105 ms    98 ms  0--------------0
[206.214.251.113]
42   109 ms   115 ms   113 ms  0-------------0
[206.214.251.118]
43   161 ms   155 ms   154 ms  0------------0
[206.214.251.121]
44   114 ms    98 ms   112 ms  0-----------0 [206.214.251.126]
45   101 ms   124 ms   105 ms  0----------0 [206.214.251.129]
46    98 ms   143 ms   117 ms  0---------0 [206.214.251.134]
47   102 ms    97 ms   105 ms  0--------0 [206.214.251.137]
48   101 ms   101 ms   140 ms  0-------0 [206.214.251.142]
49   104 ms   107 ms   103 ms  0------0 [206.214.251.145]
50   102 ms   103 ms   104 ms  0-----0 [206.214.251.150]
51  1067 ms   100 ms   100 ms  0----0 [206.214.251.153]
52   100 ms   101 ms   104 ms  0---0 [206.214.251.158]
53   104 ms   101 ms   101 ms  0--0 [206.214.251.161]
54   108 ms   104 ms    99 ms  0-0 [206.214.251.166]
55   102 ms   101 ms   106 ms  00 [206.214.251.169]
56   106 ms   105 ms   104 ms  I [206.214.251.174]
57   102 ms   123 ms   105 ms  By.Ryan.Werber
[206.214.251.177]
58   117 ms   103 ms   111 ms  When.CCIEs.Get.Bored
[206.214.251.182]
59   107 ms   103 ms   105 ms  read.more.at.beaglenetworks.net
[206.214.251.185]
60   105 ms   122 ms   101 ms  FIN [216.81.59.173]
Trace complete.

<Watcher7> Want to eat stuff off my chest?
<space> erm
<space> is it hair

<@LAMMJohnson> I suspect Star Trek Into Darkness will be good
but not great.
<@LAMMJohnson> My reasoning for this is thus                 
<@LAMMJohnson> Perfect score because all of its words have a
length that is a power of 2.
<@LAMMJohnson> Minus one point because total letters is not a
power of two.
<@LAMMJohnson> Not even including spaces.
<@LAMMJohnson> However, the letters in all of the words plus
the number of words is 24.
<@LAMMJohnson> Overall score for the movie: 8.5               
<~chown> LAMMJohnson - Vice Executive of the Autism
Department      
<@LAMMJohnson> The score, correctly, is a power of two marred
with an ugly fraction.
<@LAMMJohnson> Although the fraction is 1/2
<@LAMMJohnson> Actually, the overall fraction is 17/20 which I
pretty much hate.
<@LAMMJohnson> Which means I will initially think the movie is
OK but then later change my mind and hate it.
<~chown> LAMMJohnson - Honourable Chairman of the Autism
Empire

<@Saturn> how are you?
< Bronysith> fine, cuddling luna plushie
< Bronysith> you?
<@Saturn> friend of mine died
<@Saturn> and eating pie
< Bronysith> oh fuck
<@Unnr> Saturn: *huuuug*
< Bronysith> Saturn: well im here for you if you need me
<@Saturn> i appreciate your concern, but the pie's not *that*
bad

<saylan> I just set up port forwards to defense.gov
<saylan> anyone scanning me now will be scanning/attacking the
DoD :D
<renderbod> O.o
<bolt> that's... not exactly how port forwarding works
<saylan> ?

<Koel> imagine a mother dick feeding a whole nest of chirping
baby dicks

<bitchcunt> for the love of god, kathleen, he doesn't care
about your hair! and if he does, maybe he should be going out
with your brother.

<danh> interviewing a fat guy
<danh> do we hire him
<pbuckley> does he have a beard?
<danh> nope
<pbuckley> then no

<DJMonty> Shit
<DJMonty> Just fell over holding my guitar, and accidentally
played every song One Direction have ever written

<LeelooMinai> Hmm, that Ian guy from Dangerous Prototypes is
kind of weird...
<IanWizard-Cloud> LeelooMinai: hmm?
<LeelooMinai> E, right... well... my cat wrote that - nm:p

<%rundata> man my wifes read that 50 shades of grey
<Karnaksbitch> Aw god ur al makin me cringe
<%rundata> she was like "have you heard of fisting?"
<%rundata> ive seen women shoulder deep in other women

<aubnorch> how was I unaware of usb onaholes until now
<aubnorch> you plug them in to your computer and load up
profiles of your favorite 2d waifus and they -change-
<flesy> are u trying to fuck a  usb port

<Prometheus> Are you made of Copper and Tellurium
<Prometheus> because youre CuTe
<Cruel> Are you made of holmium and molybdenum

<@i_c-Y> i had a nightmare yesterday that i bought 3 licenses
of norton antivirus

ND: My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing
relationship with my bed.

<+Zuu> i think i want to stop doing college and become a
mechanic
<@bazl> i forbid it
<+Zuu> why
<@bazl> because every word in that sentence was spelled
correctly

<Cob|afk>: fellows
<Cob|afk>: let's chill
<Cob|afk>: and be friends
<jasper>: why
<Cob|afk>: because i'll fucking stab you if you don't

Blade: "it was extremely unusual and we really wanted to find
out why this thing had - what we call - burst"
Blade: please explain this obscure phenomenon known as burst
Blade: to the laypeople like myself
Blade: i don't understand this parlance
Blade: technical jargon isn't my forte
Blade: scientific lingo baffles me

<Ishimura> woah
<Ishimura> finger is apparently functional cross-platform
<SilentPenguin> yeah, users understand the finger irrespective
of the operating system they are using