<Tremens> also while getting dressed today I have come to the
conclusion that I am never buying fruit of the loom underwear
again.
<Tremens> something about having FTL printed all around my
crotch is not the sort of message I want to convey about
myself

<Naruto> It's always a haunted attic, isn't it?
<Naruto> It's never a haunted toliet that explodes with water
at 3am.
<Naruto> That would be the shit.
<Naruto> literally. >)
<Naruto> If I were a ghost, that's the kind of random shit I'd
do.
<Naruto> I'd open the fridge and take out all the mustard.
<Naruto> Then I'd hoard it and bring it back later and put it
in the dishwasher.
<Naruto> and the people would open it up "WTF?! There's 39
jars of mustard in here!"
<Naruto> and lawn flamingos
<Naruto> I would hoard those like nobody's business.
<Naruto> I'd be a fun ghost.

Rosh:  she said she has 24 h walgreen by her place
Rosh:  but she doesnt know if it opens at 6.30 or 7

<Willeth> well, off to bed
<Smaug> adios.  you damn english and your early bedtimes.
<Willeth> pssht. it's a small price to pay for living in the
future.

<Ryuusei> ok this intelligent face tracker thing is freaking
me out <<
<Ryuusei> webcam keeps on following my ass

<pAth0s> anyone know what these modules are used for? ipip,
ip_gre, and switch-adm?
<pAth0s> they're not loaded on my router while it's in use,
hoping I can nuke em
<Krylancelo_> They control the universe.
<pAth0s> I'd imagine, but I'd gladly give up the universe for
another 400k worth of space

<Analogy> The Voyager 1 spacecraft has travelled approximately
2.5 billion miles since the announcement of Duke Nukem Forever

<bluefox> ok
<bluefox> so someone I was talking to online
<bluefox> wants to suck my dick
<bluefox> Yesterday, they bought an apartment here in
baltimore
<bluefox> and moved here
<bluefox> This is 98% creepy and 2% sexy

<Hoffish> pussy
<Hoffish> pussy
<Hoffish> pussy
<Hoffish> pussy
<p34rl34f> i get it
<Hoffish> .....crap

<%kastein> jack be nimble, jack be quick... I'm not an asshat
so I'm not gonna finish this line
<%spock1104> jack be nimble, jack be quick, jacks a pedo and
touched a young chick
<+Chronojam> She tripped, fell, landed on his dick; isn't that
right Jack
<+Chronojam> Jack be nimble, Jack be quick; she tripped and
fell, woke up on his dick
<+Jack> hey they're cute what do you want from me

*The topic is 'English Language ONLY! That means no German or
other Germanic, French or other Romanic, Latin, Leet, Spanish,
Portugeese, Croatian, Binary, any Nordic or Slavic or Turkish
or Klingon or any animal Language! No Singing! No inventing
new languages!' (set by drt_foksie)*
<drt_foksie>: if anyone manages to find a loophole in topic
now, im banning him.

narutomegafan: Yes...
narutomegafan: If I become next hitler type figure, I'll make
sure you get high rank.
Pilotheplane: SWEET
Pilotheplane: I call the jews
Pilotheplane: u can have the blacks
narutomegafan: Sounds good.
narutomegafan: That'll get us money and weapons

<Rattlsnak> so my mom is looking to get a f/t job where she
can work till she's retired
<Rattlsnak> she's got no formal education but she used to work
in an office in front of a computer
<Rattlsnak> also... she's Japanese...
<Rattlsnak> any ideas?
<RkdJehova> massage parlor
<Rattlsnak> fuck you.
* Rattlsnak has left #allnitecafe

<atariboy84> I'm a little discouraged, I went to match.com and
typed "sane." It came back "sorry, no results."

<Dark_Fox> Macs are the diet vanilla coke of computers

<RollOver> so whats the difference between dating and going
out then?
<Vindexus> Dating comes before going out, it isn't as serious.
<Vindexus> THink of dating as Beta and going out as Release.
<Vindexus> ....and that statement shows why I've never got to
play the Alpha build.

Jeff: I love microsoft office
Eric-san: I love girls, weirdo
Jeff: then get a girlfriend
Eric-san: I never said they love me
Jeff: there is always someone out there.
Jeff: always
Jeff: even adolf hitler had a girlfriend...c'mon
Eric-san: Best. Justification. Ever

guitarchick177: lolz, christie's already drunk
SenorAnderson86: nice
guitarchick177: one shot drunk
SenorAnderson86: band name
guitarchick177: i'm halfway through my second
SenorAnderson86: album name
guitarchick177: hahah
SenorAnderson86: now we need a song name
guitarchick177: that's what she said
SenorAnderson86: Oh snap

<Malagmyr> This linguistics professor was lecturing the class.
<Malagmyr> "In English," he explained, "a double negative
forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double
negative is still a negative."
<Malagmyr> "However," the professor continued, "there is no
language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
<Malagmyr> Immediately, a voice from the back of the room
piped up: "Yeah..... right...."

<Raptorx5> So I found a prepaid cellphone the other day at
school.
<Raptorx5> Swear to god I did.
<Raptorx5> It had a small amount of airtime left.
<Raptorx5> And a shitload of contacts.
<Raptorx5> I called "Mommy" and left a voicemail "Your child
is dead" in a low toned whisper. And then I ran out of
airtime.
<Osmodius> I love you :D

<SpuD|work> augh, I hate MS Office and people's expectation
that "IT'S PART OF WINDOWS SO I WANT IT FREE!"
<SpuD|work> for starters, IT'S NOT PART OF WINDOWS, also, IT'S
NOT FREE, and it's not even cheap, and NO IT'S NOT MY FAULT
YOUR MATE PIRATED IT FOR YOU LAST TIME AND YOUR PC DIED AND
YOUR MUM GOT SCARED AND SAID YOU'RE MOVING WITH YOUR AUNTIE
AND YOUR UNCLE IN BEL-AIR

<Erasmus> You know how you can really annoy a trekkie fan when
you're watching Star Trek? Suddenly point at the screen and
shout "Hey, isn't that Captain Jon Luc Skywalker?!"
<Erasmus> You can actually see them wince as the mix up causes
them physical pain.
<Erasmus> You then wait till they've spent ten minutes
explaining to you (in minute detail) the difference between
Star Wars and Star Trek, pretend to think deeply for a minute,
and say: "but he is a Jedi, right?"
<Erasmus> This can cause instant cardiac arrest in some of the
more hardcore Trekkie fans.

<ShaggyShaggs> heh, my grandmother amused me earlier
<ShaggyShaggs> I got up, got dressed, took a leak, washed my
face, got out of the bathroom and mom's there holding the
phone telling me it's for me
<ShaggyShaggs> I grab the phone and mutter "Is this more
important than coffee?"
<ShaggyShaggs> and my grandmother says "Nothing is more
important than coffee, call me back later"

<knucklz> i have to say i think i'm completely out of touch
with porn these days
<knucklz> i heard 'inside the porn actors studio' on howard
stern they other day and they played a clip from this girls
porno
<knucklz> she said, and i quote, "yeah, stick your big cock in
my shit locker"
<knucklz> call me old fashioned, but the term "shit locker"
doesn't exactly get my motor going

<Stereo``> how much rent is 1 baby worth
<dekkon> a lifetime of alimony

<MystyGlyttyr> No, had to spank the cat for crawling up on the
gun cabinet.
<Vennie> Next time just leave them loaded and let the problem
solve itself
<MystyGlyttyr> Nah, it's not my cat.

<geckosenator> my new approach to optimizing is comment random
lines of code out and check speed and verify the results are
still correct

<Wells> i upload my movies to snipurl.com as a series of urls
<Wells> base64 encoded

<Peza> A terabyte is 1/8th of a bit, right?
<sungo> If it is, I have a lot less disk storage than I
thought

<danbee> Ah well. I'm going for a shower in my new rave
bathroom.
<weealan> rave bathroom??
<danbee> Aye. The bulb is on the fritz.
<danbee> So now I get an epileptic fit every time I go for a
piss.
<danbee> It's... messy.

<Jonathan> So, let's assume I have a display connected via
DVI.
<jimmy> yes jonathan your porno will be crystal clear
<Jonathan> jimmy: but I like my porno to be all smeary and
blurry like I'm in an adult theater with some fat smelly guy
pulling his crank behind my seat!
<jimmy> then you need to use the native windows drivers for
your video card
<Jonathan> Okay, thanks.

<chilomen> *Now Playing: bathtub_lesbians.avi*
<zeddevil2> rofl dude i didnt need to know that
<chilomen> oh shit
<chilomen> lol :S ill change it
<chilomen> *Now Playing: nsync_tearin_up_my_heart.mp3*
<zeddevil2> ...
<zeddevil2> go back to the lesbians

<Ward> man, at work I had to demo Vista for some customers
<Ward> and I was like, MAN VISTAS SO AWESOME
<Ward> but XP is so much easier to use
<Burty> wtf dude, you've been using XP for what.. 5 years?
<Burty> thats like going from vag to anal
<Burty> sure it feels different
<Burty> and its a bit hard to get into at the start
<Burty> but its true merit shines after a few trys

<blazeboy>you dont have to be willing
<blazeboy>only unwilling to file charges

Houdini: I have a couple of modems on "long term loan" from
work :)
[ape crap]: yer, so do i. then i lent them out to friends on
ebay.

<bennyb73> People who abuse animals should be shot in the
face.
<29fps> If I can kick an animal's ass, then that's natural
selection at work right there, baby. We were put on this
planet to conquer, and today's pansy-ass hippies are nothing
but a disappointment in God's eyes.
<29fps> What do you think the guy at the golden gates is
checking under your name in his big book when you're standing
in line? How many puppies you've kicked in your life, that's
what.
<ksaintdouble> Isn't it the pearly gates? Or are you talking
about that homeless guy who stands in front of SanFran
yelling?
<bennyb73> If that doesn't sound like God, I don't know what
does.
<29fps> IT'S WHATEVER GATES THE GOOD LORD WANTS, PEARLY GATES,
GOLDEN GATES, BILL GATES, WHATEVER.
<Valvados> If it's Bill Gates I really think I'd rather go to
hell.

<El_Pompo> what would be the best language to build a crawler
in?
<Emetri> jawa.

TheLegendofMouse> You know when you drive by those amusement
parks, sometimes they have those slides shaped like the
titanic?
TsunamiNoAi> Thats kind of macabre isnt it?
TheLegendofMouse> Let me find a picture of one
TsunamiNoAi> does this mean in 100 years there will be a WTC:
The Ride bungee jumping?

<Weregoose> I had to fill in these spaces (........ .....)
with a phrase associated with "murder" and "alternative".
Apparently, "elevator music" wasn't an acceptable answer.

< muon > I wish someone would invent a decent packing tape
dispenser
< Cyd > I'm telling you, a simple ball gag is not that
expensive
< muon > try explaining to a cop why you're hanging around a
middle school with a ball gag dumbass

<lemmonza> OK, So I was watching some gangster film on BET
last night
<lemmonza> And they showed this commercial obviously for kids
<lemmonza> Just as i was wondering why they would show a
commercial for kids this late at night during such a violent
movie
<lemmonza> I realized two things
<lemmonza> One: It was a commercial for kool-aid
<lemmonza> Two: I was watchin BET

<NaStyChoC> hey babe asl?
<sweetangelic> hi, 14/f/aus ^^
<NaStyChoC> ive a real big cock..
<sweetangelic> o how big??
<NaStyChoC> 9in
<sweetangelic> dats prty big, mines only 8
<NaStyChoC> ok
<NaStyChoC> wait wtf

<embrace> Hi
<embrace> How do i download guys?
<Frogworm> wouldn't you rather download girls instead?

<wankel> i think high-end computer hardware manufacturers
should have to pay an extra tax, which gets sent to the game
developers.  we all know that people who pirate video games
spend their savings buying fancy computers.

<Chrtsalid^Revenge> I spent about 45 minutes watching
concerned neighbours and some maintenance workers dismantling
a drainpipe in order to save a kitten today,
<Chrtsalid^Revenge> And ten minutes of porn later, their
effort was wasted.

<+Acksaw> how do you get 100 babies in a bucket?
<+crank> 100?
<+Acksaw> with a blender.
<+crank> auch
<+Acksaw> how do you get them back out?
<+crank> i dunno
<+Acksaw> with doritos

<nitekrawler> I was taking a piss, and my toliet suddenly
flushes it self.
<damageisking> maybe it was japanese
<nitekrawler> I dont think toliets have ethnic races

<ter> america is the melting pot, canada is the lukewarm mug

<error27> Assertion: token is identifier of typedef or open "
(" of arg list of typedef'd pointer to function
<error27> programmers always wonder why people punch them in
the neck

<astrix> theres a little clip on the side of your drive
<@KiNgDeeM|AFKish> jumpers
<astrix> theres 3 options, master, slave and something else
<@KiNgDeeM|AFKish> cable select
<@Cyan> master, slave, and "likes to watch"