<kikuichimonji> Okay, you know how in Revelation in the Bible
it talks about how in the end times everyone will be marked
with a number?
<kikuichimonji> And how you will need that number to buy or
sell anything?
<kikuichimonji> I think that the Bible is refering to DRM.
<kikuichimonji> Bill Gates is the antichrist, and Vista
registration keys are the mark of the beast.

culturejammer: you know what pennies are AWESOME for?
culturejammer: throwing at cats
culturejammer: it only costs a single penny
culturejammer: and they'll either chase it, or get hit by it
and look pissed off
culturejammer: i now use that system to value prices of things
culturejammer: for example, a thirty dollar game has to be at
least as awesome as three thousand catpennies

Matt: I reaaaaaaaaaaallly hope the coding for this grade genie
in our online gradebook is fucked
Matt: "You final exam score must be 1.20303288341787e^308 for
Final Average to be 90"

<mentor> How do you escape handcuffs?
<fudge> Are you in handcuffs?
<fudge> Depend very much on the design.
<fudge> Well-designed handcuffs are, unsurprisingly, quite
hard to escape.
<fudge> Houdini's stuff was mostly based on having hidden bits
of metal that could be used to pick the lock.
<mentor> backslashes
* fudge hits mentor

<Gumby-> so another guy found you sexy.  so what?
<Alchav> I guess you had to be there :/
<Gumby-> I do community theater, where 80% of the guys are
gay.  One time the director came up to me, wanted to make me
feel uncomfortable, and said something like "hey big guy,
so....boxers or briefs?" ...
<Gumby-> so to mess with him, I look at him and say "Neither. 
womens"
<Gumby-> he says "Ooh, that's getting me all excited now."   I
then return with "Look, it's no secret.  I may be strong
enough for a man, but I'm made for a woman".  He laughed and
walked away
<Gumby-> Lesson learned: The key to getting someone to stop
creeping you out, is to out-do them.  :)

<caleb> "you're only running from yourself"
<caleb> i yelled that after a pair of joggers once in the
early 90s.
<caleb> i thought it was hilarious.
<caleb> i think there might have been some mescaline involved.

< RedTee> Alright but i still dont have an answer on my second
and last question
< nazgjunk> RedTee, you ask a question about DOS'ing with
ping, without knowing what ping is
< RedTee> its not what im asking FFS
< RedTee> DO I need dos to preform a dos attack!?!?!?!?!
< einz> YES, don't you see name?
-!- RedTee [insurgent@HTSUser-4149B6F9.adsl.wanadoo.nl] has
quit [Quit: alright THANKS
FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

<Mud_Shark> Dagger thinks an orgy is using more than one
magazine

<BurnStuff>: They asked me if I was bring drugs into Jamaica
<Kmank>: Bringing drugs to Jamaica?
<BurnStuff>: Yeah
<Kmank.: Thats like briging slim-fast to Ethiopia!

<Varitek> a piece of spam in my inbox had the subject "new
fap"
<Varitek> I decided to forget my principles and actually read
it
<Varitek> it was selling fake watches
<Varitek> I was crushed

<Sqrfrk> I went and watched 300
<Sqrfrk> That movie was badass
<ErrorNotFound404> oh
<ErrorNotFound404> im gonna go on thurs
<ErrorNotFound404> dont tell me anything
<Sqrfrk> They all die.

<[Ko]Rob_e_lee1> ur retarted lol
<[ko]theuberelite> thats the most hypocritical statement I've
ever heard.

<SixFeet-> rejected by a computer script, new low in my life
<NTT> well, at least u didnt have cybersex with one of those
bots that pm's you here on mirc
<SixFeet-> well i tried, but it replied with "lets just be
friends..."
<SixFeet-> =(

<Dan_Dinh> *yet?
<Dan_Dinh> you haven't done the review ye ?
<Spik3balloon> holy crap, dan can see into the future

<SWTrilman> i'm not huge into porn
<Draken> my porn interests, no punning here, come and go
<SWTrilman> i used to be into it
<SWTrilman> i guess i just got over it
<Draken> but she looks so sweet and cute and wholesome... and
then she's masturbating to turtles
<SWTrilman> or something
<Draken> eh, you get burned out on porn
<Draken> you either distance yourself for the most part, or
seek out more and more extreme porn to fill the gaping hole in
yourself.
<Draken> then you get arrested for raping a sheep while
wearing a Spiderman costume

<Rynol> Until individual protons play little quark violins.
<Zrith> I imagine attempting to play music on a quark might
prove problematic.
<Zrith> You either get to figure out where you are in a song,
or what the tempo is.
<Rynol> Of course, if we were talking string theory then it'd
be easier, what with the inherent resonance and all.

<dude> this is belgium at its best
<dude> our minister of defense takes a chopper to fly 60 kms
to go see Al Gore's movie about climate change
<dude> beat that

<caddis> the hardest thing about buying a macbook is telling
your parents you are gay

<Mirconium>Several sequels have been announced for Gears of
War
<Mirconium>The new games will include Sprockets of Peace,
Pulleys of Neutrality, Fulcrums of Strife, Screws of Fixation,
and Wheels of Locomotion.

<Javin> Oh.
<Javin> My.
<Javin> God.
<Javin> We have a unit here.  It's about the size of a small
speaker.
<Javin> In big letters across the front of it, it says "DATA
DESTROYER."
<Javin> Some idiot comes into my office just now, and asks,
"hey, what is this thing?"
<Javin> I say sarcastically, "it's a DVD polisher..."
<Javin> Next thing I hear:  *GRIND GRIND GRIND* "WHAT THE
FUCK?!?!"
<Javin> Now they're pissed at ME.
<Javin> Because THEY couldn't read.
<Javin> Besides, it's not like I gave them PERMISSION to use
MY "DVD Polisher."
<Javin> I hate people.

<HaX.1337> U're all lame as hell here!!!!! I can hack u all in
no time! just tell me your ip and u're dead!
<Maler.home> try mine
<Maler.home> 127.0.0.1
*** Signoff: HaX.1337 (Connection reset by peer)
<Damz|dispute> wow. never thought such a retard nick can get
his hands on something actually working xD

<@dekkon> ive got an appointment at the eye doctor on the 13th
<@dekkon> finally going to get contacts
<@terminal_> contacts are a pain in the ass
<+jmx> terminal they go in your eyes

<HellDragon> why do i make the same face when i orgasm than
when i go backward in my car

<peerce> Some people, when confronted with a problem, think "I
know, Ill use regular expressions." Now they have two
problems.

<kimos> You seem (in my (humble) opinion (which doesn't mean
much)) to be (or possibly could be) more of a Lisp programmer
(but I could be (and probably am) wrong).

<laszlow> What would you rather wake up to at three in the
morning? A dick in your mouth or a clown grinning at you from
across the room?
<Neal> I can only pick one

<c-unut> pfft slipknot
<Finch > slipknot go good
<c-unut> I've always seen them sorta like anal sex
<Finch> if u want to look at it that way...
<c-unut> You know, I appreciate that some may enjoy it, and it
has its moments, but at the end of the day, its still fucking
shit.

<@BalefireX> you dated a sea mammal
<+Spexor_> if you ask her we never dated
<@YucA> man
<@YucA> i dunno whats worse
<@YucA> that he admits to dating a sea mammal
<@YucA> or that said sea mammal wouldnt admit to dating him

<fatcat> Someone wrote <shit> on the outside of a stall door
in the bathroom, and </shit> on the inside.

<matt____> hey guys is there a way to patch an older redhat
server??
<matt____> Linux devcvs 2.2.16-22 #1 Tue Aug 22 16:49:06 EDT
2000 i686 unknown
<Evolution> holy hell
<Evolution> 2.2.16?
<Evolution> just out of curiosity, what's the uptime on that
antique?
<matt____> devnu11:18am  up 2287 days,  2:52, 25 users,  load
average: 1.76, 1.26, 0.70
<Zathrus> gods

< kakistos> lol. i liked the java compiler.
< kakistos> does the c compiler not tell you what you did
wrong?
< deviant> C is great
< ewan> the Java compiler is all like "you have an
uninitialised variable there, would you like a hug?"
< ewan> gcc is like "raaagh! I do no bounds-checking! Your
mother sucks cocks in hell!"

<jaMESG[champ]> you know, i always thought that i kept my desk
kinda clean
<jaMESG[champ]> turning the keyboard over and tapping the back
of it
<jaMESG[champ]> so much shit falls out of it
<jaMESG[champ]> jesus
<burningpapersun> lol
<burningpapersun> jesus fell out of your keyboard?
<jaMESG[champ]> yeah
<jaMESG[champ]> i kicked that fucker out
<jaMESG[champ]> didn't pay rent
<jaMESG[champ]> just squatted
<jaMESG[champ]> in my keyboard

<Snojoe> I am a genius
<Snojoe> I just came up with a new game
<mbb102488> oh lord, what now?
<Gnarly> did you finally figure out hand + dick, joe?
<Snojoe> Bash drinking game
<mbb102488> lol
<Snojoe> I'm serious! go onto the random page
<Snojoe> and you take a drink for every quote of like
<Snojoe> tubgirl
<Snojoe> or even goatse
<Gnarly> no, 2 for goatse
<Snojoe> uh, no... 2 drinks are reserved for every one about
niggers
<Gnarly> lmao
<mbb102488> wow...
<Gnarly> just don't hope you randomly don't get the whole
bottom list as random
<Gnarly> else you'd be fucked

<Aiko> Nothing beats the look on a 14-year-old boy's face when
his older sister catches him watching femdom porn, smiles and
tells him she's already seen that one.
<9874354> speaking from experience?
<Aiko> Yep. ^_^

arucardegungrave: Yeah, Jesus tried to save me, but there was
no space on his memory card.

<CptSage> Awesome error message
<CptSage> Best one ever
<CptSage> A network error has occured. This computer's
Internet connection appears to be online. (-66559).

<Snojoe> Lemme ask you somethin
<Gnarly> Okay...
<Snojoe> If you date a two-headed chick, and you want sex, and
one of them says no..
<Snojoe> is it rape?
<Gnarly> you dont have much free time, do you?
<Snojoe> Time is a factor here, man... need an answer

<bloodfart> this homeless dude was eating a pie
<bloodfart> that someone bought him
<destx> wicked
<bloodfart> he got up to cross the road and tripped over,
dropping the pie
<bloodfart> as if your life couldnt get any worse

<+llama> just sold some vibrating panties
<+llama> $50 panties
<barryh> did you wear them 1st?
<+llama> naw
<+llama> they are like a cheap hotel, no ballroom

Jenna says:
I
Jenna says:
l
Jenna says:
o
Jenna says:
v
Jenna says:
e
Jenna says:
y
David says:
C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!
Jenna says:
what the **** is your problem?
Jenna says:
why do you always do that?

<sdodson> I'm trying to figure out if my neighbors have really
bad rhythm or if they're hanging photos on the wall

<Turkeyslam> oh man I saw pure gold at lunch, I was sitting
near this group of black guys at a table and they all had
tucked in shirts and shit, looked educated, I think they were
studying calculus or some shit
<Turkeyslam> and across from there, there was another table
with a bunch of white guys, all ghetto looking, three of them
wore fucking grills, sagging pants, and one was playing some
50 cent ringtone or some shit
<Turkeyslam> going "yeah boiiii"
<Turkeyslam> and one of the black guys in the table next to me
muttered "fucking niggers"
<Turkeyslam> I choked on my fucking jolt cola

<altus> internet diet is shitty
<altus> cookies and spam all the time
<xoroa> yea. and the cookies are totally dubious. i mean, who
would eat one that expires in 2017?

<Tostitos> i like my women the way i like my coffee
<Jet> Ground up and in the freezer?
<SteveTheImpermeableHamster> full of your cream?
<mistik> hawt?
<Dokterrock> What, tied up in a sack and thrown over the back
of a burro?
<RaMTuFF> quiet ?
<Jet>: Colombian?
<Aimee> hot?
<Jet> From McDonalds?
<djswift2k3> Black?
<SteveTheImpermeableHamster> in a cup?
<Jet> Spilt all over your lap?
<Aimee> cheap?
<whiteboihere> strong and black?/
<Tostitos> i hate you all

CharmQuark42: a math sheep?
Quillethe: it would explain the counting
CharmQuark42: it does integ-wools!

<crazymike811> infinity is simply nothing with a twist

<NightShade> you know what a vampire puts in his hot water to
make tea?
<NightShade> a used tampon

MisterMunshun: I used to be a telemarketer, working for the
Shriners. I'd call people up and try and get them to sponsor a
group of needy and handicapped kids from the Shriner's
hospitals to go see the circus.
MisterMunshun: One night, i'm making my calls, and i come to
this name on one of my sheets
MisterMunshun: "Mrs. Pucci"
MisterMunshun: I'm making the calls before it, but i'm just
going through the motions, because in my head, over and over,
i'm thinking
MisterMunshun: DON'T SAY PUSSY DON'T SAY PUSSY DON'T SAY PUSSY
IT'S POO-CHI POO-CHI NOT PUSSY DON'T SAY PUSSY
MisterMunshun: So, I dial her up
MisterMunshun: She answers
MisterMunshun: "Hello, Mrs. Pussy?"
MisterMunshun: everyone in the office immediately bursts into
laughter, and i just fucking deflate.
MisterMunshun: I can't fucking apologize because everyone is
laughing, which is making ME laugh.
MisterMunshun.: And it wouldn't have mattered anyway, she'd
already fucking hung up.
Jake: and you were fired

<Bus> y = |x|
<JaxomZero> thats thinking positive

<PhoenixBourne> Ok, so a friend of mine had an AWESOME idea at
school
<PhoenixBourne> You know rohyphonol? (whatever the spelling
is)
<linforcer> Is he gontna make a trebuchet
<linforcer> no
<PhoenixBourne> You know date rape drugs?
<linforcer> Sure
<PhoenixBourne> Right, rhyphonol is one of these. It knocks
you asleep after an hour or two.
<PhoenixBourne> I should also mention, a side affect of
rhyphonol is amnesia of events whilst under influence of the
drug.
<PhoenixBourne> Now, a friend of mine had this idea:
1) Prepare ingredients
2) Take rhyphonol
3) Bake cake
4) Fall asleep
5) ??????
6) Wake up
7) CAKE?! CAKE! Where did this come from?!
<linforcer> SURPRISE CAKE!!!!!!