<Rx> I am eating hot dogs that have little bits of cheese
inside the frankfurter
<Rx> It is amazing.
<Rx> I am sure this must be an american invention
<Rx> but it's like a man who ejaculates cream cheese is having
sex in my mouth with a beautiful pork woman

H2SO4Baddie:  it's a good thing easter isn't on groundhog day,
cuz then jesus'd come out of his tomb, see his shadow, go back
in and we'd have 6 more weeks of winter
axoren123: xD

yuseisays: I got one! I got one!
BlackDragon412: WHAT?
yuseisays: What do you call children that are born in whore
houses?
yuseisays: BROTHEL SPROUTS
BlackDragon412: ...
yuseisays: oh crap, wrong persoin

Anti: Physics is like sex, it has practical results but that's
not why we do it
RaefWolfe: Physics is like sex: I just don't get it

<jms> maybe I can do it in java
<jms> but that sounds as pleasant as cheesegrating my
testicles

ET: Bash.org is moderated
Lily: yeah. xD
ET: that stuff has to be approved
ET: if Bash.org is moderated, what the hell kinda stuff
doesn't make the cut?

<Ken|JLime> Jtag_me If you want a challenge, learn the emacs
short commands
<Ken|JLime> I'll stick to medical school myself
<Jtag_me> haha
<Ken|JLime> Its like CTRL-XYWZQFGUJ-F1 (while pressing F2)..
and it walks your dog

<osx5>    question is there an irc server that has mostly mac
users on it?
<Eulogy>  i hope to god not.
<osx5>    lol, why
<Eulogy>  that much arrogance would cause the universe to
collapse on itself.

Kanishka: The vagina has 3 holes right?
Sahil: no
Kanishka: Yeah it does; one for the dick and two for the balls
<lol>
Sahil: No you fucking dumbass, there aren't three holes
Kanishka: Then where do the balls go in?
Kyle: They...don't.

<Hawaiian_Pig> that reminds me... if i ever get the chance to
write something on a bomb, it'd have to be an ascii wang.

<@norman> so, how many dates do you have to go on before it
changes from assault to domestic violence

Steve: I wish the bash mods would hurry up and reject my
quotes.

<Aust> I was playing a groove jazz jam at a coffee shop, and a
group of mentally handicapped kids walked in. One of them ran
right to the middle of us and started dancing all crazy. He
was dressed like an Native American. Like, battle rags... It
was fuckiing awesome. He danced for like 20 minutes. We all
danced with him.

obscurityusa: i showed my roomate ftw.generation
obscurityusa: he's... he's not talking to me anymore....
obscurityusa: like first random he gets is the hulk getting
butt raped by capt. america

<marshmallow> i had a hard time trying to explain to mike what
the orly owl was
<marshmallow> i mean how would you describe it to someone who
hadn't heard of it
<__penguin__> the same way you describe what color is to a
blind person
<marshmallow> HAHA IT'S PURTY AND U CANT SEE IT

<+dogcow> Did you hear about the MPAA being caught using
pirated software?
<+dogcow> http://yro.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=07/02/18/
0458213
<+TheHURD> *loooooooooooooooooooool*
<+dogcow> Can anyone recommend any good movies? I'm going to
celebrate!

<Bull|breakky> lol. i had a few drinks, tried to light a smoke
off me zippo, took a phone call, filled the zippo with petrol,
spilt some on my hand, lit the smoke and dropped the phone, me
hand was on fire. yea i know . duhhhhhhhh@ me
<PistNBroke> rofl

<@Merrick178> I hope you get hit by an uninsured Mexican
driving an ice cream truck with la bamba playing in the
background

<Daniel> Spongebob is a tampon.
<Daniel> He's a sponge who lives in bikini bottom with Mr
Crabs.
<Nictheman> lmao

<Jenny The Xenomorph> I found a good example of why i dont
talk to my parents much though. My mum found a picture of the
sun my dad took a while back during the eclipse. had a large
dark spot on it, which they were trying to work out what it
was.

<BigKahuna>so my son came home from school early
<BigKahuna>terrified look on his face
<BigKahuna>handed me two pieces of paper
<BigKahuna>one says he's been suspended for two weeks
<BigKahuna>the other is a bill for $850 for removing a
mechanical bull from a swimming pool
<lhging|brb>HAHAHAHAHA
<BigKahuna>half of me knows i should punish him, but the other
half just wants to say "my god i love my kids"

<Teegan> orgasum
<Stressball> theres no U in orgasm
<Stressball> haha
<Stressball> sounds like an anti-rape slogan

<Sin> MICHAEL JACKSON DIED TODAY!
<Vincent> WHAT!? how?
<Sin> acute food poisoning
<Sin> he ate some 12 year old nuts

<trips> Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of
dialup, I will fear no lag: for thou art with me; thy lights
and thy bandwidth they comfort me. Thou preparest a website
before me in the presence of mine boredom: thou anointest my
ports with data; my hard drive runneth over. Surely fast
surfing and low access rates shall follow me all the days of
my life: and I will dwell in the house of cisco systems for
ever.

<Python> Did you fall from a shooting star?
<silly_girlie> hehe
<silly_girlie> ahh sure why not
<GLT23> because your face looks like it slammed into earth at
1500 mph? is that the end of the pickup line?

<Setoshi> im sad
<Setoshi> how i wanted to download house season 1
<Setoshi> and i got the full house season 1
<Setoshi> what a fucking waste
<KN> rofl!!!!!!
<Setoshi> dude but i seriously got pissed
<Setoshi> i saw michelle's face I was like
<Setoshi> WTF IS THIS

<QuartzImg> damn, unfortunately ill be missing the crab race
<llamamall> do they pick them right off the pubes?
<QuartzImg> ever seen Maryland crabs?
<binrapt> I said do you enjoy the smell of your genitals
<QuartzImg> I cant really sniff them
<QuartzImg> Maryland crabs are about the size of a small cat
<QuartzImg> and bright blue
<QuartzImg> and evil
<llamamall> wow
<llamamall> would suck to have those in your pubes
<QuartzImg> i know
<QuartzImg> they weigh like 3 lbs max
<QuartzImg> that would be a nasty tug

<Zenji> My brother who hasnt talked to my Dad in like a year
or so got a chick pregnant.
<Zenji> He notified my Dad by sending him a "Worlds Number 1
Grandfather" card.

<Teksura> I got a great Anecdote for you.
<Teksura> Today I was at College, and I was with a good friend
of mine. She has been there for me for the past year and has
given me all the Doctor Who fandom I could ask for
<Teksura> Today I went to give her a ride home because I'm
just that nice a guy
<Teksura> So, as we are on the way to my car, some random
freshman stops us
<Teksura> Aparently, he knew me from high school, but I have
no idea who the heck he is.
<Teksura> Well, he starts talking about stuff that I like to
pretend never happened, stuff that you only bring up if you
want to make someone embarrassed
<Teksura> So, suddenly, I get one of my trademark cunning
plans
<Teksura> I pull $20 from my wallet and say "Look, I don't
know who you are, but seeing as you only want to talk about
things that you know I don't ever want spoken, I'll give you
$20 if you go away."
<Teksura> He agrees and reaches for the $20
<Teksura> "Nono, you haven't gone away yet. You're still here.
I will give you the $20 after you go away."
<Teksura> So he says "OK" walks off.
<Teksura> I pocket my $20 and take my friend to my car before
he figures out what I just did.

Reguarding geology vs. astronomy:
Skail[FARK] Yeah, I'm down with rocks.
Skail[FARK] You can't dent someone's skull with a nebula.

<WaterBomb> did anyone get fucked by the ice storm?
<WaterBomb> I'm in west vagina
<WaterBomb> we only got 6 inches
<WaterBomb> but that 6 inches plus the ice has been a pain in
the ass
<WaterBomb> er, I live in west virginia

<Nobuyuki`> I just asked a chick why she liked tentacle porn
so much
<Nobuyuki`> and she said to me "variety is the spice of life"
<Nobuyuki`> I asked her "could you be... less vague"
<Nobuyuki`> and then she said "the worms are the source of all
spice"
<Nobuyuki`> fucking nerd chicks !!!!!!

<TheRedBaron> 8.5 million... from what hat did they pull that
number out of?
<spldart> sniff sniff
<spldart> I don't think that's a hat

<+Rainetine> where have all the protons gone
<+Rainetine> LONG TIME PASSING
<+Rainetine> where have all the protons gone
<+Rainetine> LONG TIME AGO
<+Rainetine> where have all the protons gone
<+Rainetine> they've fused into neutrons, now we know

<JeighEighm> Tauren, why don't you just sniff the packets and
find out?
<Tauren> how do i DO THAT?
<Tauren> how  do I sniff packets
<JeighEighm> Tauren, okay. It's easy. Get your network cable.
<Tauren> How do I sniff?
<JeighEighm> Hold it to your nose.
<JeighEighm> Inhale.
<JeighEighm> Smell those packets.

<Peanut> I reckon all cheaters caught on Steam should be given
a second chance
<ska> Dude when I flush a turd I dont want it coming back up

<s1um>after meeting a few girls on myspace, i think they need
to put a warning on the site that says "objects on screen are
larger than they appear"

n3xg3n> weird... i just found this: Walker Texas Ranger is an
anagram for Karate Wrangler Sex

Joe: Here's an issue I never had to worry about in CA. Does
anyone know if an Hard Drive that is roughly -10C in
temperature from being in the back of a UPS truck and then the
porch, really dislikes being asked to spin up?
Joe: wonders if he should wait for it to warm up considerably.
MisterX: put it in the microwave for 5 seconds
Joe: Oh, thanks!
Joe: Be right back.
Joe left the chat room.
Andy: Is he serious?

<@xyst> perl made me angry last week.
<@xyst> so angry i wrote something in java instead.
<@ecoli> wtf could it have done to make you do that?
<@ecoli> that's like saying "hot naked women made me so angry
i had to go slam my penis in a car door"

< fortitUs> hm.. whats a strapon? :S *innocent look*
<%relsqui> fortitUs: it's what I would use, lacking a cock, if I
wanted to screw someone with one
< fortitUs> O_O
-!- fortitUs [lordogame@hide-1F17685D.singnet.com.sg] has quit
[Quit:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh]
<%relsqui> oh man, I remembered that he's like 12 RIGHT after I
said that

<Chris> man.. i've got such a bad cold, I keep gettin
nosebleeds. it's awful
* Joins #aesir: -Mike0r-
<Chris> I mean, last night.. I blew my load into a tissue
right
<Chris> but it just started bleeding...
<Chris> I had to pinch it to stop it, cos it bleeds for ages
<Chris> I swear one day it'll happen and i'll die from blood
loss :(
* Quits: -Mik0r- (Quit: what. the. fuck. note to self, don't
ever hang out with you guys.. ever)
<Dan> ehh

meird: no his sister is really creepy man
hindenburg: like goth and morbid type creepy?
meird: not exactly
meird: you know how like little kids write on walls?
hindenburg: thats not that creepy
meird: it is when you wake up at 2am, and shes standing over
you gripping a giant sharpy like a knife
meird: the wall was covered in the fibonacci sequence or
something like that
meird: its funny how many serial killer horror movies can
flash in front of your eyes in the fraction of a second

<+Dave2> myspace valentines messages.
<+Dave2> that sentence is 66% evil
<+Dave2> that is all

<hapry> Fuck, I just finished bash :(
<k8k8k8k> finished?
<hapry> Yeah...i read it all :(
<treaty> you're officially the lamest person ever

<BenSpinSpace> if you double major in graphic design and
archaeology, could you specialize in jpeg artifacts?

< _Maber_> "Hi, my name is perl.  Feed me an orange peel and
some moldy bread, and I'll construct a 747 out of post-it
notes."

<badelia> oops, i did ctrl+n instead of shift+n
<tt> wow, what does shift+n do
<badelia> uh, makes a capital n...
<tt> O...

Niall: "There is no "I" in team." "There's no "we" either.
However, there IS a "me". So piss off, you micromanaging
twerp."
DMac: there's also meat
Niall: And meta.
DMac: and meta
DMac: .. meta-meat?
Niall: Transcendental sausage?
DMac: tame meta-meat
Niall: Farm-raised transcendental pigs.
DMac: tame meta-meat mate?
Niall: Female farm-raised transcendental pig.
DMac: better than mate meta-tame meat
Niall: Bestiality involving a pig raised on a transcendental
farm.
DMac: team mate tame meta-meat .... /shudder
Niall: Gangbang bestiality involving a pig raised on a
transcendental farm.

<[M]Kimahri[DotB]> can someone tell me a good program to burn
a dvd? my wmp won't find my burner, realplayer won't open the
file, my dvdburning program can't do it either
<samcobra> try a lighter