Hohn Junter: I'd give up a rib for a compliant female partner
who didn't know she was naked, and who'd happily share the
fruit...
Hohn Junter: heck, lemme give up 2, to stay even!

lemonlimeskull: Keith dodged a serious bullet thanks to his
massive stupidity.
Opium: Hmm?
lemonlimeskull: Well, as you may know he lost his license
months ago
lemonlimeskull: So he's been biking everywhere, which has lead
to him losing a bunch of weight
lemonlimeskull: He bikes to Walmart today and as soon as he
gets to the electronics department, realizes his wallet's
fallen out, probably somewhere along the highway.
lemonlimeskull: So he takes the memory card he wanted, puts it
up in his baggy sleeve, and goes to leave.
killjay: Uh oh
lemonlimeskull: Yeah.
lemonlimeskull: Naturally, security stops him as he gets
within 5 feet of the front doors. This huge obese woman who is
obviously having a really bad day - or just hates her job.
killjay: o shit
lemonlimeskull: She stops him, GRABS his arm, RIPS up his
sleeve, and WRENCHES the card out of his hand.
lemonlimeskull: He knows he's screwed so he starts crying in
the middle of the fucking store. He cries all the way back to
the security office, and everyone's staring at him the whole
way.
Opium: So he's sitting in jail right now
lemonlimeskull: That's the awesome part. The manager takes a
look at him, notices the bike helmet, poorly fitting clothes,
lack of any ID whatsoever, and the fact that he's crying like
a three year old.
killjay: .... -_-
lemonlimeskull: Yes. He was let go and the security woman got
chewed out for hurting a "retarded kid".

Zintuki: I would use all the sexual frustration to support my
theory that it is NOT "better to have loved and lost that to
have never loved at all."
xShadowGunnx:  idk, I agree with that theory. Even if I don't
sleep at night because of it or form functioning relationships
with new women anymore.
Zintuki: wait.... You've had a functioning relationship with a
woman BEFORE?

Declan: I dunno...I love her, but this new years is going to
be uber depressing
grencez: her friends are much lamer than both of you combined
Declan: The thought of her getting high at a party where
everyone is drunk while I sit at home and code Perl or
something is kind of too much to bear
CyanFlux: maybe try coding something in c

<Boyzoid> we went through almost 4 cases of beer
<Boyzoid> and most of that was drunk by my dad and I
<Boyzoid> I get my liver form him
<jamiejackson> you'll get it from someone else soon

<Larno> I got terribly smashed the night before
<Larno> And some electricity cable broke down in my street
<Larno> it was like 6am postman and garbage dudes were there-
watching them workin on it and the street was blocked by
police cars
<Larno> eventually they knocked at my door so i m in front of
a cop, a worker with his helmet a garbage mate,  a postman and
my neighbour- a huge black guy who works in IT
<Larno> and all I can say is  "oh maan the village people
became jheovah witnesses"

<joeofparma> On a Christmas Eve so freezing, I commenced my
quest displeasing,
<joeofparma> Through the crowded shops and busy stores of
flashy Yuletide glee.
<joeofparma> In I hustled quickly tiring, looks of
hopelessness inspiring,
<joeofparma> To the salesman inquiring, "Have you a Nintendo
Wii?"
<joeofparma> "Sorry, sir" was his reply "for I have no
Nintendo Wii.
<joeofparma> All that's left is PS3."

CDSBIGSBY: at work, on the like, 'keyboard' for the cash
registers, there are two buttons that don't do anything
CDSBIGSBY: and it's like, the button, a little slip of paper
that says what the button does, and a plastic cover that holds
the paper in
CDSBIGSBY: and this dude at work figured that out, 'cause he
popped the plastic cover off
CDSBIGSBY: and so we made labels for the two 'empty' buttons
on the registers we were on that day
CDSBIGSBY: he didn't utilize the full potential of the
opportunity though, as one of his buttons is a happy face and
the other a sad face
CDSBIGSBY: but i feel i did mine justice.
CDSBIGSBY: Lane 14 at Meijer's has a Self-Destruct button and
a Bat Signal button.

Rayo :: My friend Lupe is the Santa at the Mall.
dissolve/decay :: wait, what happened?
Rayo :: He owed me money.
Rayo :: So I waited in line today with all the kids.
Rayo :: and told him to pay up in front of all the children,
"kids. Santa owes me 40"
"....come on Greg...wheres your Christmas Spirit?"
"Do you want these kids to think Santa is a cheapskate?"

Phil: dude
Daryl: wut?
Phil: I just found a pic of me when I was like 6, wearing a
red mcdonalds hat with canadian ear flaps that says "mc kids"
Phil: I want to punch myself in the face

Far2Paranoid: Knew this guy in HS
Far2Paranoid: Built a box with 2x 350Mhz Pentium2, back in '98
Far2Paranoid: The trick was, filled his bathtub w/ glycerin
Far2Paranoid: Took apart a mini-fridge and used the coils to
cool the glycerin to ~40F
Far2Paranoid: Then sunk the box so he could OC the CPUs to
1.3Ghz
Far2Paranoid: Coolest shit I've ever seen.
AlbinoChpmnk: If this was sitting in his tub, how did he
shower?
Far2Paranoid: After what I just said, what makes you think he
showered?

<kw> I tried to download a chick flick once, but none of the
packets had any sense of direction

<Redden> you know what you shouldn't take on planes?
<Sealab> Leslie Nielson?
<Bagel> Box Cutters?
<Dodge> William Shatners?
<Scotty> Gameboys?
<DotTom> Babies?
<The Amazing Rando> Wesley Snipes?
<seander> Flaming torches?
<Gib Yob> Vials of smallpox?
<Kelvin> Zombies?
<Tomuber> Mutha fuckin snakes?

<Adolla> oh dear I ate too many broken gingerbread men
<Supel> not broken, alternatively configured, please
<Adolla> and the burned ones can't be given out they have to
be eaten
<Supel> *alternatively carbonised
<Supel> *gingerbread people
<Supel> actually, ginger can be offensive
<Adolla> sorry, gingerbread people
<Supel> *funnyshapedrootspicepeople

<xsphere> dude, josh was struck by a genius yesterday
<xsphere> it's fo funny you wouldn't believe man
<xsphere> so we're walking down the street right
<xsphere> and out of nowhere comes this black kid running
<xsphere> and one of those rent-a-coppers chasing him
<xsphere> as he's passing by josh sticks his foot up and trips
him
<xsphere> turns over to me
<xsphere> and with an oscar deserving dead pan face says
<xsphere> "another one fucked by the NPCs"
<xsphere> hahaha

<JayQue> britneys sister is pregnant
<madbox> orly?
<Quazgaa> vaginally, would be my guess

evilada: damn girls are too confusing about what they want
from guys
lantern: Well they certainly know what they dont want
lantern: see now i'm tall, but not athletic, i don't have a
full head of hair
lantern: so bam three strikes
evilada: girls dont work like baseball
evilada: if they did, everyone would cheer if you stole second
base when no one was looking
evilada: and thats the complete opposite of what happens,
trust me

* Woussie is now known as You
* You have been disconnected from the server. Please
reconnect.
* [Roy] has quit IRC (Read error: EOF from client)
* Blue_Dark has quit IRC (Read error: EOF from client)
* Blue_Dark has joined #RSR
<You> xD
* [Roy]|f2p_again has joined #RSR

<Ace073> wtf
<Ace073> i was just watching australia idol and they called it
'straya nidol'
<Ace073> wtf!!
<Ace073> why perpetuate the idea that we're hillbillies?
<Ace073> freakin south africa doesnt come on tv and say 'BLACK
PEEPLE GTFO'
<Montana> Dude, thats so gay.
<Ace073> i know.. why dont we just rename the stupid continent
Straya >_<
<Montana> No
<Montana> I mean
<Montana> You watch Australia Idol

<komputes> I'm on a unix based operating system which means i
get laid as many times as I have to restart my computer
<marky-b> same, but i run windows

(@Dreki) I just realized something.
(@Dreki) A is the 1st letter of the alphabet and H is the 8th
letter, right?
(@Dreki) 9/11=0.8181818181=HAHAHAHA.

<Corrupte> My friend's a fag he tried this dating servivce
<Corrupte> and found a girl that was like 20 years old,
blonde, mature and had big tits
<Corrupte> Foolishly he went out wit a girl with no picture
<Corrupte> But she was actually 20 and had was blodne and shit
<jason> why is he fag then
<Corrupte> She was born on a leap year

<Greg> Statistically speaking, there are two popes per square
kilometer in Vatican City...

babygrl168572: oh so ur kalling me ignent i see
MeatCutterDrummer: I don't think I need to after that
statement

<Montana> yeh but chinese for dinner.. Peking Dick FTW
<Dauntless> ... LOL
<Montana> omg here we go
<Dauntless> Can you say bash.org?
<Montana> why? so it can join the other 1 million quotes of
random people saying 'i love wang.. oops typo, i meant
computers.
<Montana> Screw this
<Montana> If i'm getting quoted I'm getting my moneys worth:
<Montana> MONTY PRESENTS THE ULTIMATE QUOTE
<Montana> OMFG my naked sister just ran into my room and
before I could sex her she set fire/other means of destruction
to my room but because Im a total geek it doesnt occur to me
to get of irc and fix it.
<Montana> I instead enter a conversation on computers: OMG MY
COMPUTER HAS GOT A VIRUS! OH WAIT NO, ITS WINDOWS/LINUX/MAC/
NORTON/AOL. Now for the obligatory Windows ME insult where the
name of the product is mistaken for a pronoun for myself:
<Montana> ME SO GAY! WHOOPS IT LOOKS LIKE THE INTENDED PURPOSE
OF THAT STATEMENT WAS TO HIGHLIGHT MY OWN HOMOSEXUALITY
WHEREAS I MEANT IT TO BE THE HOMOSEXUALITY OF THE OPERATING
SYSTEM! HOW EMBARASSING!
<Montana> Now for the topic of sex:
<Montana> I HAVE A GF.. AND BY GF I OF COURSE MEAN A GFORCE
20MB 3.45 SYSTEM RETRO POWER MAX SUPERMAN RAPING COMPUTER
STICK!
<Montana> Furthermore, I make a comment as to the worth of sex
but comment of my lack of sexual activity.
<Montana> Hmm
<Montana> I'm forgetting the most impostant part! The lack of
social interaction!
<Montana> OMG I just opened my blinds and the sunlight burnt
and I saw this guy with a swollen chest and I was like WTF and
my dad says 'thats called a girl' im like WTF IS A GIRL then i
went and downloaded 50GB of porn.
<Montana> </end rant>
<Montana> Anyways, as I said before.. dinner.. brb
<Dauntless> o_o

<Geekzilla> "Ah. I see here you were a Geek Squad Special
Agent"
<Geekzilla> "Yes, sir. Three years in the field. I was quite
good at my job"
<Geekzilla> "I see. Well, thanks for coming in to interview,
unfortunately we have no need for your services"
<Geekzilla> "But... but I thought you said you needed an
experienced, talented IT tech?!"
<Geekzilla> "Exactly.  Good luck in your job search"

<dubkat> i just ran a traceroute from me, to my my box at my
sisters house. it travels the frackin east cost before
arriving.
<dubkat> rediculous. (she only lives up the street)
<hohum> dubkat: I'd like to see a traceroute like that
<hohum> I want to be fondly reminded of my days of using NTT/
Verio as a transit provider
<hohum> them cats were like an ISP chop shop
<hohum> they steal your ISP, chop it up and bolt it on to some
shitty souped up japanese hosting company

<Avery> I called AOL tech support once
<Avery> I was hungover
<Avery> and couldn't find my pants
<Avery> so I called them
<Avery> the lady told me to look under the kitchen table
<Avery> andthere they were
<Avery> how she knew that is beyond me

<TB>  I was depressed last night so I called the Suicide Life
Line.
<TB>  I reached a call center in Pakistan.
<TB>  I told them I was suicidal.
<TB>  They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck

ruide: hey chris, stop fuckin cybering and let me show you
something
cyph33r: what
cyph33r: i dont cyber cockbite, i have a gf
ruide: haha
cyph33r: what did you want to show me
ruide: i made an account on that scrabble website you go to
ruide: bubblegal_14
cyph33r: wtf
cyph33r: omg fuck you you fucking prick
ruide: chrisharker: i slide two fingers into your tight
asshole
cyph33r: YOU ARE A FUCKING FAGGOT YOU KNOW THAT
cyph33r: I FUCKING HATE YOU
ruide: chrisharker: i've never done this before, am i doing it
right?
cyph33r: FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE

CaptainMoonpie2: Working on a report
CaptainMoonpie2: Tell me why welfare is bad
CaptainMoonpie2: But in a really, really long explanation that
is easy to copy and paste
IMADV82: Because people like me end up paying for people like
your mom to raise people like you.

<Aenima> if i close my thighs forever......... will it all the
remain the same??????????
<Alerik> nope..someone will use a pry bar when you hit the
morgue

<+DethFromAbove> rmuser she is not ugly
<+DethFromAbove> she is fat yeah
<+DethFromAbove> but I saw past that
<+DethFromAbove> I don't know what to call that
<+DethFromAbove> I'm not sure if it's love or what
<@rmuser> gravitational lensing

Seppukakke: You know, in the Old Testament, God was full of
Wroth and Vengeance. You did bad stuff, he rained brimstone
down on your ungrateful ass or harrassed your people with 7
plagues.
Seppukakke: In the New Testament, its like he has turned over
a new leaf, you don't hear some much of the nasty things he
did to his people (because if you believe in it, everyone on
earth is his creation)
Seppukakke: You know what happened around the time between the
New Testament and the Old Testament?
Seppukakke: He got laid.

<kinzey> i want to go out with a girl
<kinzey> and lay in the field
<kinzey> real romatic like
<kinzey> and just stare at the full moon
<kinzey> and she'll say something along the lines of "the
moon's so beautiful tonight"
<kinzey> and i'll just be like
<kinzey> "that's no moon... THAT'S A BATTLESTATION!!!"
<kinzey> and then run to the car and leave her ass there
<Chris> wow

<anon> Right now i'm watching this porno
<anon> Asian dude gets on bus full of white highschool girls
and gets raped
<anon> I've been on a school bus before and this didn't
happen. I'm beginning to think that porn isn't based on true
stories.

ElGarlic: Spending your life waiting for the messiah to come
save the world is like waiting around for the straight piece
to come in Tetris.
ElGarlic: Even if it comes, by that time you've accumulated a
mountain of shit so high that you're fucked no matter what you
do.

[Gnimish is working out how to go home to usa from austria for
christmas]
* Gnimsh is frustrated by airlines
<PeterPowell> lol
<PeterPowell> dont fly?
<Gnimsh> should I swim back?
<Gnimsh> take a train?
<Gnimsh> DRIVE?!
<sari> boat?
<Gnimsh> wrong season
<Gnimsh> I looked on 3 different sites.
<PeterPowell> why not stay where you are..?:p
<Gnimsh> visa's up on the 25th of july
<Gnimsh> if they deport me for free, sure

<cannibal> Im playing tetris, and why won't the square pieces
spin like the others?
<therion> ...

Blood Reaper:  on a scale of 1 to 10
Blood Reaper:  how old do you think michael jackson's
boyfriend is?

<Tscully> It's Christmas. We show up at my grandmas house. I'm
14.
<Tscully> It comes time to open the presents, she brings out
this little square-shaped flat present, wrapped in christmas
paper.
<Tscully> I wonder what it is, what joyous gift from grandma
could be so small in volume?
<Tscully> I open it, and see the words "AOL Internet Trial CD"
on the cover of a cardboard disc holder, with a 14-day AOL
trial CD inside.
<Tscully> Confused, I asked her what it was.
<Tscully> She proudly proclaimed "I've bought you fourteen
days of free internet!"
<Tscully> And that's why I hate christmas.

<Hef> correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't holy water just water
that has a prayer said over it?
<Tribolthree> holy water is water blessed by a priest, nothing
special or added -_- technically he could bless the water
coming from a pipe
<Tribolthree> so like you could have a fountain of holy water
<Hef> the priest would probably get tired of the constant
blessing
<Hef> and run out of mana

<apples> the program 'apt-get' is currently not installed. You
can install it by typing: apt-get install apt
<fuchoo> lol

TbG: heh
TbG: I hate that
TbG: I put all of my pr0n in a passworded .rar
TbG: and forgot the password.

<Deltantor> Why is it so hard to find a man that wants a
female that has a small son?
<f0rked_> I prefer a small daughter
<grnp> I prefer a smaller son
<ChrisHansen> I prefer that you both have a seat over there.

<Zombait> By the way, why the hell does windows tell you to
say "okay" to everything?
<Zombait> Clearly the responses used there were created by
married men

<vahnsin> A bear walks into a bar and says "I'd like a beer
and . . . . a packet of peanuts." The barman says "Why the big
pause?"
<NikEy> it took me literally 20 minutes to fucking understand
this joke goddammit

drool: i did a bit of an audit one month and discovered i had
spent $600 on alcohol so i gave it up
drool: the auditing, not the alcohol

<Gamer> Bungee jumping is like getting a blowjob off your
granny, It feels great but for christs sake don't look down.

Inflames: Dude, my sister had sex with some guy 15 minutes
before he was 18. Then she called me and told me.
Inflames: I was like, wtf? I don't wanna know that.
Sandman: wow
Sandman: She doing anything February 17th at 11:45pm?