Lurker: i just watched some ad on the apple website
Lurker: that was poking fun at how pcs get syntax errors and
fatal errors
Lurker: and then i click the next movie and it goes
Lurker: 'Quicktime performed an illegal operation, it is
highly recommended that you restart firefox'

<xxx> I think I'm having some problems with my sexlife...
<phunqe> oh? :/
<xxx> Yeah, yesterday my girlfriend and I wanted to have sex,
but I had a... hmm.. well you know.. problem..
<phunqe> Ah, no ping reply?

wtf9589: should i get the poster with 1 really hot girl or 5
pretty hot girls?
kickassmofo1111: duh get the one with five girls
kickassmofo1111: five tits are better than one
wtf9589: WTF HAVE YOU EVEN SEEN A GIRL???

<@Yenkaz> "You also agree that you will not use these products
for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including,
without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or
production of missiles, or nuclear, chemical or biological
weapons."
<@Yenkaz> i mean.. wtf
<@Yenkaz> I'd admire anyone capable of using itunes to produce
any weapon of mass destruction

<Poyzin> So, something amusing happened to me.
<Kilts> ?
<Poyzin> I clocked out of work today, and the ticket tells me
I've worked 13 hours and 37 minutes.
<Poyzin> Of course, presented as 13.37.
<Poyzin> Know what that makes me? :D
<Kilts> lol really leet?
<Poyzin> ...
<Poyzin> I worked 13 and a half fucking hours, and TIRED isn't
your first guess? God dammit.

<Zyrjello> E-mail from my comp sci professor:
<Zyrjello> I want to be clear on this point, because several
<Zyrjello> people have asked me.
<Zyrjello> The release of HALO3, tonight, does NOT qualify
<Zyrjello> as a religious holiday.

<maba>: i just had the WORST geek moment of my life, im
actually ashamed of myself
<maba>: i was reading a book cause im bored of WoW and i went
to set it down to go make some supper
<maba>: i looked at the page number and memorized it
(unconsciously) and went and made food
<maba>: took me like like 35 mins to cook and eat right?
<maba>: i came back in my room and the book was closed, i
picked it up and though "what was my page number again?"
<maba>: then i go "ah yeah it was the first 3 prime numbers".
<jared>:...
<mrbips>:you...that...jesus christ, i cant think of anything
to add to that to make it sound worse!

alienmonkeycult: cause i have the morals of a preteen angsty
hitler
aMiLLioNpEopLe: no, not ok
aMiLLioNpEopLe: see
aMiLLioNpEopLe: Hitler banged his niece
alienmonkeycult: was his niece hot?
aMiLLioNpEopLe: NO
aMiLLioNpEopLe: that is what makes it so bad

Casey: Yeah, writing paper.
Josh: want to be distracted?
Josh: want to play a game?
Casey: Dude...the paper...
Josh: *scizzors beats paper *
Josh: yes I know I misspelled it
Josh: and that
Casey: *pulls out rock*
Josh: *VOLCANO!
Josh: nothing beats volcano
Casey: ASTEROID.
Josh: MAGIC!!!
Casey: BLACK HOLE!
Josh: WHITE HOLE!
Casey: PATRIOT ACT!
Josh: not white house you phail
Casey: No, no, no. *Nothing* beats the Patriot Act, although
I'm sure the ACLU is working very hard on it.
Josh: fine
Josh: ANARCHY
Casey: TOTALITARIAN STATE
Josh: EMMANUEL GOLDSTEIN
Casey: STALIN
Josh: DEATH
Casey: RELIGION
Josh: RATIONAL THOUGHT
Casey: FUNDIES
Josh: NOISE CANCELING HEADPHONES
Casey: PEOPLE WITNESSING AT YOUR HOUSE
Josh: SHOTGUN
Casey: BOMBS
Josh: PATRIOT ACT

<+SnoFox> DON'T TURN EMO. This message brought to you by the
blood society of America. There's better things to do with
veins. DONATE BLOOD.
* SnoFox was kicked by Booter (Banned)

Alex: I need to take a poo
Dad: Don't take a poo, leave a poo
Alex: Well, if I don't take it, do I not flush it?
Dad: Well what are you going to do with it?
Jenn: I can't believe you're having this conversation

calentay: you guys know where i can find a singleplayer
mmorpg?

<Clyve> God... I swear this is the only place on the net with
any intelligence whatsoever.
<That_RPG_Guy> It is silly for a woman to go to a male
gynecologist. It is like going to an auto mechanic who has
never even owned his own car.
<Clyve> Well, if I didn't just put my foot in my mouth.

<~Kiramon> no i just need random fake gaelic words
<&Ondore|Away> Allium sativum L.
<&Ondore|Away> No, wait.
<&Ondore|Away> That's garlic.

xxx : My grandpa knew exactly the day he gonna die :/
yyy : wtf... its impossible. Was it a magician who told him
that ?
xxx : Lol :) no, it was judge

Walshy117: tv now. i need to get rid of some braincelss
SeijuroSakeHiko: looks like you're well on your way

<Mister> I was at The Bronx,was quite... strange
<Mister> and then I saw 2 girls who I know
<Mister> and they were like :O... Jason? I never knew you were
gay?!
<Mister> I told them I was there for the music,don't think
they believed me
<Jesus> That's like the worst excuse
<Mister> I don't care,all these guys buying me drinks
<Mister> openly checking out my arse
<Mister> it was like being a girl,was nice getting free stuff
<Jesus> I'd rather not be a mans eye candy.You were like a
visual gay prostitute

<JesseW> How do guys in porn last so long in bed? I can't even
make it to the end while masturbating.

Kardane: don't look at me. i wouldnt know my ASCII from a hole
in the ground

Tuco forces you all to sing Fraggle Rock
Daedalus [FS]: Dance your cares away
Meatpack [FS]: Worry's for another day
Fokker [FS]: Let the music play
TheChosenOne [FS]: Down at Fraggle Rock
bilblak [FS]: Work you cares away
yoda99 [LC]: Dancing's for another day
omothes [LC]: Let the Fraggles play
CrazyHorse [CC]: We're Gobo
Cantwell [CC]: Mokey
Mycroft [FWL]: Wembley
The Nomad [FWL]: Boober
-Blade- [DC]: Red
DarkElf [DC]: Dance your cares away
Nazgul [DC]: Worry's for another day
HepBbI [DC]: Let the music play
kailindo [P]: Down at Fraggle Rock
crazyhorse [CC]: lol
iinaj [P]: Down at Fraggle Rock
>> Enter Brandon Malthus
adept [P]: Down at Fraggle Rock
Kommando [SOL]: thats awesome
Baron Morgan [P]: its awesome when its fraggle rock... its
scray when its YMCA...

<Illogical> It is true of all Christian pop songs, that they
are simply pop songs that have the word 'baby' replaced with
'Jesus.'
<Illogical> For example, "My loneliness is killing me, (and I)
I must confess, I still believe (still believe). When I'm not
with you I lose my mind, give me a sign... Hit me Jesus, one
more time."
<Illogical> Or, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, when all your love is
gone, who will save me from all I'm up against out in this
world?"
<bec> what about something from this year?
<Illogical> "Tell me Jesus, what's your story? Where you come
from, and where you wanna go this time?"
<Illogical> I rest my case.

Eric: I'm 60% done masturbating
Casey5: ...

<Xore> ;_;
<Xore> dammit
<Xore> you know you have problems when...
<Xore> you write really really sexy code
<Xore> and you belatedly realize
<Xore> that your code is a whole heap sexier than you are

<danly> 'cause you know, behind every nympho-elf there's a 40
year old man living in his parent's basement just hoping you 
ll make a pass at him so he can initiate cybersex.
<Xore> many 40 year old men are better at cybersex as
nympho-elves than most nympho-elves
<danly> That's strangely insightful and revolting at the same
time

< Zipper_32> wenko: I'm heading out your way now, you going to
be up in 3 hours?
* wenko reads the back of the pill bottle.
<@wenko> by that time I should consult a physician
< Zipper_32> Viagra (tm)....

<%makat> Marcel Marceau dead.
<%makat> After all those years miming it, he's now genuinely
trapped in a small box.

<schneeb> what time does sean connery get to wimbledon?
<weensuck> ..?
<schneeb> TEN-ISHHHHH
<weensuck> whichever corner of the world you run to, no-one
will ever accept you

<jarmund> I've always wanted to have sex while watching
midget-porn, just to see if it's humanly possible to have an
orgasm while laughing your ass off

* nqbw is watching a pair of lesbians, one serving, one
receiving.
<nqbw> To clarify, I am watching Wimbledon.

<Zyrjello> Cancer patients are incapable of being nasty.
<Zyrjello> It's a law of life.
<MrPicso> I hope I get cancer so I can prove you wrong.

<darvawrk> and I have PROOF (god i love our logging) that
we're connecting to the server and transmitting and they drop
the connection.
<Trey> EHLO darva.with.a.clue.com
<WhatNot> you had me at EHLO

<Ryou> 360's are great but their hardware quality is pretty
lol
<Kuraineko> it's called 360 because of the trip it takes
<Kuraineko> from microsoft, to you, back to microsoft, to you
again

bmp: I'm a strangulation risk
bmp: recall me
lord: contains small parts
lord: keep away from children (for other reasons)
bmp: :<

Soth: i need something more complex than 2+2
jadenbane: Soth: 2+2i ?

<+TheUltra4sshole> I mean, we started 2 nights before,
recruiting strippers to show up
<+TheUltra4sshole> things got out of hand, and we end up with
10 kegs, and who knows how many imported sluts
<+TheUltra4sshole> I'm not talking tundra wookies
<+TheUltra4sshole> I mean, decent-looking chicks
<+TheUltra4sshole> they'd ranks a 6 or 7 here, but are fucking
TEN in alaska
<+TheUltra4sshole> party goes awesome
<+TheUltra4sshole> don't catch any of the game
<+TheUltra4sshole> we all pass out by about 3 am
<+TheUltra4sshole> first call is at 6 am
<+TheUltra4sshole> and being professional alcoholics, we
rigged the central firealarm to go off 10 minutes before first
call
<+TheUltra4sshole> well, we all wake up to the fire alarm,
clean the shithole up, then go down to PT formation
<+TheUltra4sshole> just expecting a 10-mile detox run or
something gay like that
<+TheUltra4sshole> 1SG says we're having a health and welfare
inspection
<+TheUltra4sshole> where he goes through everbody's room and
fucks you up for anything that's out of place
<+TheUltra4sshole> well... we had 10 empty kegs and a buncha
passed out whores in our building...
<+TheUltra4sshole> not to mention the little shit like bottle
caps and whatnot
<+TheUltra4sshole> thank GOD he went to consolidated barracks
first, so we had about an hour to get everything cleaned up
<+TheUltra4sshole> you wanna talk about a buncha men working
as a team...
<+TheUltra4sshole> we had the buffer going, you heard nothing
but vacuums, sweeping, mopping, and calls for the medic to get
a hooker with an IV
<+TheUltra4sshole> pure mayhem
<+TheUltra4sshole> we get all the sluts out of our own rooms,
and since the dayroom only had a little bit of furniture and
we can work on it together, we all hit it at once
<+TheUltra4sshole> well...there was one chick left over
<+TheUltra4sshole> still passed out, topless in a leather
skirt
<+TheUltra4sshole> when we heard CQ on the first floor call
"AT EASE!"
<+TheUltra4sshole> fucking panic
<+TheUltra4sshole> Aubaugh, being the smart crazy jew he was,
stole a buncha rappelling gear from mountaineering
<+TheUltra4sshole> tied her passed-out ass up in a swiss-seat
<+TheUltra4sshole> (mind you, she was wearing JUST a skirt,
and a swiss seat goes between the legs)
<+TheUltra4sshole> tie the 120 to the center pillar, tied her
figure 8 off in a bowline, and pushed her out the window
<+TheUltra4sshole> she hung there for FORTY FIVE FUCKING
MINUTES
<+TheUltra4sshole> We pass the inspection
<+TheUltra4sshole> BUT
<+TheUltra4sshole> as 1SG was walking out of the barracks, he
walked around the outside looking for cigarette butts and
caught us hauling her naked ass back in the window...
<+TheUltra4sshole> Fail
<+TheUltra4sshole> we had such a good chance to get away with
it...
<+TheUltra4sshole> man was that a long week for charlie
company, 2-1 infantry

<Geologist[afkr]> knock knock
<thebigmike1983[FARK]> who's there?
<Geologist[afkr]> 9/11
<thebigmike1983[FARK]> 9/11 who?
<Geologist[afkr]> YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET!

<Anonymous> Last night, Helen and I were sitting in the living
room, and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative
state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If
that ever happens, just pull the plug." She got up, unplugged
the TV, and threw out my beer.
<Anonymous> She's such a bitch.

<namesake> if a girl has sex with a lot of guys, she's a
"slut", but if I have sex with a lot of guys, I'm a "fucking
faggot"

<makfu> So CaNaBiS, you totally walked into the bathroom and
some dood was washing his pants?!
<CaNaBiS> makfu, yeah, it was in the public restroom
<CaNaBiS> he was naked in front of the sink washing his shit
stained pants
<CaNaBiS> with no shoes on
<naphtali> You should have asked him for some change for the
soda machine

<Zoso> So me and my friend applied to the same electronics
position in a store (think like Best Buy)
<Zoso> And he got the job even though he knows next to nothing
about any of the games or hardware or anything
<Zoso> All because he looks more "presentable"
<Zoso> And at this store, your first couple of call-in help
questions are done with the supervisor of your department
<Zoso> So last week, in the morning, i told him just some
bullshit information...and I called in that day (with my voice
disguised) to ask him about it
<Zoso> "Hello. I recently bought a 250GB external
hard-drive...and while it's not very heavy now, I was
wondering how much it will weigh when it's full."
<Zoso> The idiot responds with "Oh, don't worry sir, it's just
a few pounds more."
<Zoso> ...so the supervisor hears the conversation...
<Zoso> And the stupid fucker got fired
*Zoso is away: filling out application...again

Reject: My best friend crashed on the sofa last night, so I
left her a note saying come up whenever you wake up.
Reject: At about 5 in the morning, i'm woken up by laugher.
Reject: Apparently, I was spooning with my dog.
Reject: I will *never* live that down

<Emika> Somedays, I wish I could ctl+z everything
<Emika> and alt+F4 parts of my life

RetroKid27: Asians know how to haggle
RetroKid27: it's in their blood
Cool4freeReturns: yeah, we do
Cool4freeReturns: our slanty eyes give us the ability to see
the real prices

<Kortney> Well, you know, if you're wearing heathen sandals
then I have an obligation to save their soles.

<TomRiddle> Nothing a couple of hands around her neck can't
fix
<Tine`> lol
<Tine`> good luck
<Tine`> I got knivs
<Tine`> knjives
<Tine`> knives
<TomRiddle> Are you typing with them?

<Quadlex> sparc: One of my mates works for a porn company and
is keeping an ear open for vacancies
<moreon> Quadlex: I wouldn't hold my breath on that. I bet
they plug every hole they find pretty quickly.

<Tengu> I can has kitty?
<kjbrasda> i'll mail you one
<kjbrasda> first class
<HyperSquirrel> poke in air holes
<Gibbie> I don't think you should put holes in the kitty

<PG> Cheryl Ann Araujo (1961-1986) was an American rape victim
<PG> what a title to have in your biography
<McKain> Cheryl Ann Araujo (1961-1986) Was THE American rape
victim.
<PG> the rape victim of a generation
<Bonaventure> a generation of rape

TheRealDandler: if I do fuck up
TheRealDandler: I dont want my penis anymore
airenazari: hahahahaha
airenazari: donation time
TheRealDandler: its like
TheRealDandler: locks for love
TheRealDandler: where you cut off 8 inches of your hair
TheRealDandler: except its not hair
airenazari: or 8 inches

<Elsa_chan> dont worry, i have enough porn here to get settled
for the night, and my gf and bf are just next room
<SantaBJ> O_o
<mavhc> SantaBJ finds this statistically unlikely
<Elsa_chan> never met a bisexual girl?
<mavhc> but on irc?
<mavhc> if he sees pictures and finds out you're also hot
he'll have a divide by zero error