<SCarfAcE> Russia has sent in the army to bolster a week-long
struggle to rescue 10 tons of beer trapped under Siberian ice,
Itar-Tass news agency said Tuesday. A lorry carrying the beer
sank when trying to cross the frozen Irtysh river, and a
rescue team of six divers, 10 workers and a modified T-72 tank
from the emergencies ministry have so far failed to save the
load.
<SCarfAcE> now that's a great allocation of resources!
<Abstruse> scar: And all we had to get that baby out of the
well were firefighters with Vasoline.

<Gizmog> I ever tell you guys about my trip to the beach?
<Gizmog> Long story short: I scored.
<Inferior_Minion> A touchdown????
<Gizmog> Kinda. :P
<Gizmog> She took off her bikini
<Gizmog> And I touched her on down.
<Inferior_Minion> 2 hand touch or full contact
<Inferior_Minion> ??
<Gizmog> Let me put it this way:
<Gizmog> I sacked her
<Gizmog> And pretty soon, she was behind the line of scrimmage
<Inferior_Minion> Did she ask for her quarter back?

<Bunge> The Clinton administration created a $300 billion
surplus, in a few years the Bush administration has turned
that into a $400 billion deficit, mostly spent on "the war on
terror"
<Bunge> and they claim that is good financial management?
<Bunge> they are a bunch of cnuts
<Kormiic> At least now I'm not terrified...
<Kormiic> Oh... wait...

<Pr|muS> (H|J|nX)  BBS Warez?
<Pr|muS> (H|J|nX)  What do you have BBS related?
<hydro> wtf is be back soon warez

<brenty|Away> I have to get my afro cut tommorow. Im sad.
<Spitty> brent is my personal hero
<Spitty> YOU HAVE AN AFRO YOU HOMO!?!?!
<Spitty> k, brent is not my hero anymore
<Icez> if he was a superhero, he would be afro ass basher
<Spitty> its now........Sivart
<brenty|Away> You just asked me for a kiss, why are you
calling me a homo?
<Spitty> .....um....LOOK OVER THERE!
<Icez> brent, he thinks if you kiss him he will be turn strait
<Siv{SoSeksi}> I have hair half way to my butt Spitty
<DragonD> didnt need to know that Siv...
<Spitty> yeah, but not a fro
<Siv{SoSeksi}> true
<brenty|Away> You will show respect to the fro.
<Siv{SoSeksi}> DragonD, you asked if I trimmed my pubic hair
in PM 5 mintues ago :S
<Spitty> is it really a fro? or just a gathering of hair?
<Icez> you a black guy brent??
<Icez> do you have soul?
<brenty|Away> African American dude,
<Spitty> oh yeha, yur black....today...
<Icez> I see, so, your from africa?
<brenty|Away> Detroit. Close enough.
<brenty|Away> Im waiting for my reperations so I can buy a
wife.

[@flu1d`]: i wanna fuck a deaf girl
[@tomato]: thats kinda sick
[@flu1d`]: so i can hear her go "woaoaaaaaarrrrrr"
[@pitchblende]: hah
[@flu1d`]: like a wookie
[@tomato]: lol wtf

<+MrKite> ah, no more obvious sign of intense boredom than
taking a bendy figure of Mickey Mouse and making it look like
he's pointing at his crotch

Tiger28070: see, women were just men that stayed in the cold
too long

<Asty> Tub Girl: "Well, shit."

<The_Spaniard> The only good part of American Idol is laughing
at the auditions
<The_Spaniard> Ha ha girl fliping out
<The_Spaniard> girl lost 80 pounds and was told she sucked
<[P]aradox> Spaniard, she does suck... only difference is, now
she spits instead of swallowing.

<Demamas> <Jew> I WORSHIP THIS GOD, WHO SAYS THIS AND THIS AND
THIS. <Christian> AND THERE WAS THIS OTHER CARPENTER GUY WHO
DID SOME STUFF, HE'S FUCKING GREAT. DIE, JEW! <Muslim> I AGREE
TOTALLY, NOW I WILL KILL YOU BOTH!
<Renzian> THEN OPTIMUS PRIME SWEEPS IN WITH LAS0RBEAMS :D

<speedy> This chick is hot, in a creepy "i'm a rapist" way

<Yonjuuni> Goddamn charity telemarketers.
<Yonjuuni> Bad enough that they're telemarketing in the first
place, but when they have the nerve to try to fucking lay a
guilt trip on you...
<Gally> what was it for?
<Yonjuuni> Sponsoring poor kids to go to a hockey game.
<Gally> i'd rather give poor kids food.
<BrianS> I'd rather turn poor kids into food.
<Gally> A modest proposal.

<{LD}>  roses are red
<{LD}> violets are blue
<{LD}> in soviet russia
<{LD}> poems write you

Primus521: hey dude the funniest thing happened to me today
Primus521: im at walmart and this chick is buying a box of
tampons and they are missing the upc and wont ring up
Primus521: so the cashier tells his buddy to get a price check
on tampax
Primus521: the dude looks at him and says, "the kind u push
in, or the kind you hammer in?"
Primus521: lol
Primus521: turns out he misheard him
Primus521: he thought he said thumbtacs
Primus521: you should have seen the look on the chicks face
Primus521: omfg
Primus521: til the day i die
Primus521: i will never forget it

<sangre> what operating system do you use?
<sangre> which version of windows?
<CHICAGO> IBM

<Grezshnaw> I didn't discover masturbation until I was around
12/13, and then it was by dressing a pillow up in my sisters
clothers and humping it.

<Drav> where the hell can a well-intended, modest, christian
fellow go to get a handjob around here?
<ktrout> look no further than the end of your arm
<CoverSlide> Drav: are you under 12?
<CoverSlide> because you could become catholic

<@GM`> My god damn script is disobeying me.
<@GM`> It's like I programmed a woman >:(

<Surye> My mom was like "Why don't you put on "Wake Me Up" By
Wham for your alarm"? I just looked at her and said "So you
want me to wake up gay?"

<budb> i find chicks in real life, and they are dating someone
else, chicks find me online, and they are bisexual guys

<+l4mby> HOLY COW !
<+l4mby> there's a cockatoo on here selling for 12,000$
<@Phoenix> Must be good in bed or something

<Prescient1> what's the syntax for sending a message to the
whole channel on a timer?
<|sliq|> /timer 0 (delay in seconds) msg #channelname Message
<|sliq|> don't do 0 0, you'll flood out right away
* Prescient1 Quit (Excess Flood)

<nitrofenix> fucking cunt
<nitrofenix> i mean
<nitrofenix> er
<nitrofenix> distasteful individual.

<CG> I just fell asleep watching the tennis
<CG> all I heard was "uhnn oof uhnn oooooof uhnnn" from the
two girls on tv
<CG> sounded alright ;)

<gelfwag> So, I'm in the administration room now. What do I do
to really fuck them up bad?
<@mooie> how did you get on the computer in there?
<+greg> give the computer a good shock to fuck up the hard
drive or just knock it over
<+greg> and burn the windows/office/etc CDs
<gelfwag> haha! this is awesome the CD cases are melting.
<gelfwag> the mouse is melting it's so awesome
<gelfwag> oh shit the mousepad caught fire
<+greg> dump it somewhere
<gelfwag> fuck the room's getting filled with smoke what the
hell do I do now?!
<+greg> let it start burning then get away and pull a fire
alarm somewhere in the halls
<gelfwag> hahaha
<gelfwag> oh shit the library bitch is coming wtf do I do
now?!?!?!!
<+greg> Beat the shit out of her and run.. or if she saw your
face, kill the ho and move to mexico
* Quits: gelfwag (Connection reset by peer)

<AlmightyBob> I built a tesla coil for electronics in high
school. It worked once. It's entire construction connsumated
in one arc of electricity to to my lab partners left ass
cheek.

<jesus> hey hows it doin
<jesus> any little children in here
<Nyghtshade> ITS JESUS
<Nyghtshade> HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET OUT OF MY TRUNK

<NEGRO> i find out if i can get 1.5mbit cable tomarrow
<NEGRO> comcast keep dicking us around
<NEGRO> "yes, service is available in your area"
<NEGRO> "oh, its available, but not in your neighborhood, but
in your area!"
<NEGRO> "oh, it is available in your neighborhood."
<NEGRO> "well, maybe its not, we just like getting your hopes
up you stupid fuck ass!"

<Chicken> i used to work at the zoo cleaning up crap
<DigitallyChallenged> hahaha
<Chicken> they paid my 645 an hour
<Chicken> me
<DigitallyChallenged> woah holy shit
<DigitallyChallenged> i could do that!
<DigitallyChallenged> gimmie a shovel!
<Chicken> no
<Chicken> 6.45
<DigitallyChallenged> oh
<Chicken> LOL
<DigitallyChallenged> well that's not as good...

<DoCa-Cola> dude, i just saw this porn video, every 30 seconds
it cut to a turtle just sitting on a rock...
<DoCa-Cola> What kinda shit is that?
<SilentAvenger> DoCa-Cola, Turtle porn.
<DoCa-Cola> It's like suck suck suck suck bang bang TURTLE

<Rosss> I watched a crazy japanese gangster movie today
<Rosss> A yakuza boss drowns a hooker hopped up on heroin in a
kiddie pool full of her own feces
<Lev> Was it a comedy?
<Rosss> uh no
<Lev> Oh

maddox> hehe if I still lived at my parents' house I'd be
grounded for sure
khoveraki> the basement is still part of the house, maddox.

* Pilgrim has joined #lockergnome
<Pilgrim> is it just me, or did this chan get bigger since the
last time i was here? :p
<Rage> when were you last here?
<Siren> yeah, we knocked out that wall
--------------------------------->
<Siren> :P

<Homer> OMG!!!
<Homer> OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
<Homer> OWOWOWOOWOWOW
<Homer> SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK AHHH MOTHERFUCKING HELL THIS
HURTS
<Homer> AKINFINAasnloannSANFINADFNfANfaNfafa
<Homer> FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
<Homer> AOISMFASINASINISNAIMDMASDMA
*** Homer has quit IRC (Quit: )
...time passes...
*** Homer has joined #hackers
<Homer> whoever said that shaving your balls is fun, is wrong
<Homer> very, very wrong... :(

<Elly> ChanServ is actually a 14-year-old sex slave who sits
in Bergee's apartment at a PC typing out commands over and
over
<Bergee> 14? try 16
<Bergee> I have some class

<+darthpony> geez dude
<+darthpony> with my last gf
<+darthpony> I made the most terrible fruedian slip
<+darthpony> we were sitting at breakfast the one day, and I
wanted to ask her "pass the sugar please"
<+darthpony> instead I said "you're ruining my life, you
fucking bitch"

crossoverfanatic: well, go to chinatown in your state, if its
possible and soak in the atmosphere
crossoverfanatic: its fun
crossoverfanatic: word of caution, wear bright colours
crossoverfanatic: preferably red
DWKomodo: why's that?
crossoverfanatic: red is a lucky colour
DWKomodo: that explains why communism caught on so well....

<Moonpie> one time
<Moonpie> this kid was talking about how hitler only had one
nut
<Moonpie> and i said 'poor hitler' and got kicked out of the
class

<evildemi> what's your yearbook quote gonna say?
<helveti> "TRAPPED IN A YEARBOOK FACTORY PLEASE SEND HELP"

<Casey8> Diana Ross' husband died
<Tarrier> how
<Casey8> fell while climbing in South Africa or something
<JennAway> that's sad
<Bubbaprog> i guess there is a mountain high enough

<@a-arse> sheeit, think me mum saw pr0n
<@a-arse> alt-tab doesn't work when the other window is porn
too :(

* FJ arranges M&M's on his keys
<FJ> mm mmmm m mmm mmm

*** Now talking in #blackpride
<Rosen> no, in a perfect world we'd be treated as equals
<@Ph43rDnky> no, in a perfect world we'd be treated as
superiors
<Jaayy> In a perfect world, you wouldn't even exist!  Whadya
say to that?
<@Ph43rDnky> that's not a very appropriate comment for a black
pride channel
<Rosen> shut up jaay you fag
<Jaayy> Oh, you mean this is a channel for proud black people?
I thought it was for white people who are proud of their
slaves
<@Ph43rDnky> Jaayy, stop now or I'll ban you.
<Jaayy> Alright fine... anybody play warcraft 3?
<Therman> I do
<Jaayy> Want to join a clan?
<Therman> Sure, what's it called?
<Jaayy> K-hadgar's
<Jaayy> K-razy
<Jaayy> K-illers.
*** You were kicked by Ph43rDnky (bastard)

[Cerixus] I'll give you $50 if you'll stop trying to tell me
how to save money.

<Karl[LB]> I put Linkin Park on and my cat goes running to the
speakers and starts attacking them

<Lannen> (>^_(>O.o)>
<Lannen> GAY KIRBY!

<frubsen> NEVER tell a girl that your dad just died so she
feel sorry for you and go out with you
<frubsen> cause when she comes to your door and your dad
answers
<frubsen> you got some major problems
<frubsen> FUCK i'm screwed

<@MORA> THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
<@MORA> Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa. Half
discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile
deltas.
<@MORA> Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America. Well
developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.
<@MORA> Between 31 and 35 she is like India. Very hot, relaxed
and convinced of her own beauty.
<@MORA> Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently
ageing but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
<@MORA> Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia. Lost the
war, haunted by past mistakes and massive reconstruction is
now necessary.
<@MORA> Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia. Very wide and
borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.
<@MORA> Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a
glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.
<@MORA> After 70, she becomes like Afghanistan. Everyone knows
where it is, but no one wants to go there.

<+far2stoned> that reminds me, bought a book when i was in
china last year, called How To Woo, thought it might help me
with my seduction techniques
<+far2stoned> turns out it was volume 2 of the chinese phone
book :(