FFVI: I once told a friend to shoot me if I ever passed 3000
posts on AT. Total Posts Made - 8000...wow :/ 
arctic pirate: you once had a friend?
FFVI: One. But then his parents got a restraining order when I
showed up for his kindergarten graduation.

<FirebirdGM> I just called my Futureshop and asked them how
much a 20 GB Hard drive weighed when it was full with
information, compared to when it was empty. <FirebirdGM> The
guy that was on the phone told me that it was only a few
pounds difference.
<FirebirdGM> And that's why I don't shop at futureshop.

<Masoumi> guys do you know what 133t means?
<Zandog> ít mëâñ§ í'££ fµ¢kíñg hâ¢k ÿøµ® ß®âíñ§

<shortyz> call your isp
<shortyz> god help whoever has to help your sorry ass
<bette> how do i call internet explorer?

<spider> sigh, i gotta go find my alcholic truck again, bbl
<FRiZzO> oh yeah she didn't come home with you last night?
<spider> negative

<@maddox> FUCK!
<@maddox> my mom just found my website
<+DMTec> isn't she proud?
<+khoveraki> ha
<@naken> you've been on tv 2 times, in the newspapers several
times, been banned from a country, has 40 million pageviews
<@naken> and you didn't tell your mother?
<@maddox> "what is this? Did you draw this? It looks like a
penis."  "No mom, I didn't draw a penis"
<+DMTec> ROFL
<+DMTec> "no mom, i didn't draw a penis" thats good
<@maddox> now she's crying
<RichK> haha, your mom doesn't know about your website?
<@maddox> (on the phone)
<+DMTec> maddox: did she see the "suprise - I have a
penis"-greeting card?
<@maddox> dmtec: oh fuck, I forgot about that.. yeah I guess I
did draw a penis.
<RichK> bahahahaha
<@maddox> hahahahahaha she just said "I wish I would have died
and not raised you"
<+khoveraki> rofl
<@maddox> she hung up
<RichK> You are dispwned maddox

<Kalium> "Home is where the bandwidth is."
<Milkdud> lol
<Kalium> Someday, I'll have that line on my doormat

<@Butcher90210> lesbian porn is gods way of telling man "you
fucked up but i still love you"

<Beska> Look at these tom:
<Beska> SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
<Beska> FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
<Beska> ACTION: Turn glass other way up so that open end
points toward ceiling
<Beska> lo
<Tommy> wtf.. rotf
<Beska> SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dark.
<Beska> FAULT: The Bar is closing.
<Beska> ACTION: Panic.
<Tommy> O.o

<j0n> Let me tell you about the first time I ever made love to
a girl. We were out in a little meadow/park kind of thing, and
we laid down on the blanket, and afterwards we both just lay
there staying into each other's eyes. Neither of us said
anything, it was kind of creeping me out. Then finally she
looks to me and she says, "Baaaaaaa."

<weeflig> i had a dream last night that i could switch back
and forth between being me and a superhot girl by changing
between two pairs of pants in the changing room at target
<Hallucination> ...
<Hallucination> lets not even break that one down
<Syntacs> Do you remember which changing room?

<Dante> i was going to stamp out forum moderation facism
<Agent-Smith> And...?
<Dante> but the god damned Vb sig editor kept fucking up my
ASCII swastika >:(
<Agent-Smith> LMAO

EternityAndAHalf: OMG
EternityAndAHalf: MY BROTHER IS PRACTICING HIS HORN
EternityAndAHalf: AT 2 A.M.
EternityAndAHalf: BRB, MY CAT IS GOING TO HAVE A BRAND NEW USE
HotDamn14S: lmfao

Steal My Bagels: okay
Steal My Bagels: amy
amy did not say: okay
amy did not say: mat
Steal My Bagels: best friend to best friend here
amy did not say: yes?
Steal My Bagels: whats the key to scoring
amy did not say: hahahaha
Steal My Bagels: you know there's an actual way that will
always work
Steal My Bagels: but girls won't say
Steal My Bagels: what is it?
amy did not say: hmm
amy did not say: well the way that will ALWAYS work involves
drugs/alcohol
amy did not say: hahaha
Steal My Bagels: hahahah
amy did not say: the other ones take time and lots of
getting-to-know-you shit

«FSK405|digital`pBook» crap
«FSK405|digital`pBook» someone's banging on my door, yelling
"POLICE!!! OPEN UP!"
«FSK405|digital`pBook» what should I do?
«GI_Suck» whip out your dick and open the door
«GI_Suck» and ask "are you the hookers i ordered?"
«FSK405|digital`pBook» you think?

<Comrade_Zoo> If an animal rapes you, can you sue it's owner?
<Revolution_Man> I did.
<Revolution_Man> And I won.
<Revolution_Man> Take THAT, Richards Fish Mart.

<Shloom> OMG
<Shloom> FUCK
<Shloom> I just showed this girl my wang on my webcam
<Shloom> But not only did I hear her giggle
<Shloom> but 2 other girls and a man
<Shloom> D:!
<Shloom> FUCK
<El_Diablo13> ...
<El_Diablo13> LOL!

<Quasar`> fuck off
<xooz98> i swear. i'm going to change my name to off and
follow people around

<Ashen> sometimes, we get users that suddenly make me realise
why the mirc troutslap command was invented.

<Madism> i have a penis
<Defveggy> show me mine if you show me yours
<Madism> k
<Madism> 8=D
<Shinry> rofl
<Madism> its cold

<+NeoHentaiMaster> back in my day we had to manually punch the
binary into the circuts using needle pins
<Insane2757> Back in my day, we coded with 2 badgers and a
spoon.
<BladeTR> back in my day we had to draw the zeros and ones on
the cave wall with clay

<Kemikal> ImMzee: I think I am haveing a heart attack
<Kemikal> ImMzee: hands are numb legs are numb eyes are blurry
and heart is raceing
<Kemikal> Kemikal: nah, jess your left arm goes numb when its
a heart attack
<Kemikal> Kemikal: your having a stroke
<Kemikal> havent gotten a response from him in 30min now...
<Kemikal> wonder if I should call someone
<DiLATED> lol

<kim> heh... i just got on my gma's aol account... she has an
email from her friend w/ the subject of: 7 great positions in
bed
<Kirill> omg
<Kirill> are you serious kim?
<Kirill> hahahahha wtf

(Mootar) morons.
(Mootar) these people who live in my apartment complex are
connected to my wireless
(Mootar) they must think they're super-cool hackers by
breaking into my completely unsecure network
(Mootar) unfortunatly, the connection works both ways
(Mootar) long story short, they now have loads of horse porn
on their computer

[+MadManDaz] I brought a david blane toy 10 days ago. I Still
cant get the fucker out the box.

<pengo> parents coming tomorrow.. empty trash, hide bong, wear
clothes

<DarkLich> This night has gone down hill ever since my pets
starting flinging dung  at me

<Kintai> Yes, boobs are like toy trains
<Wallaroo> ?
<Kintai> They're meant for children, but grown men tend to end
up playing with them anyway.

kakoru> Okay, I watching pr0n on my comp and after watching it
for a while,I spilled my future kids are on my keyboard..My
parents are probably going to see this any minutes by now!!  
WHAT SHOULD I DO??
Kapoop> Jesus gave you a tongue for a reason

DasKrav: I was correcting tests for student service a few
weeks ago
DasKrav: And while correcting a geometry test, I got to the
question "What is the collision of three planes called?" (The
answer was "a point")
DasKrav: the kid put "A disaster"
DasKrav: I didn't take off points >:]

<wyki> *free hug*
<stef> the deals on the net are getting better and better!
<stef> *accepts hug*
<stef> *changes identity and accepts another* :D
<wyki> yeah but now you're signed up for two spam mailing
lists from www.freehug.wyki and you'll have to change your
email address in six weeks because of all the teen porn your
getting

<@sub> wow my uncle is a moron
! +Washu points ot at chr
<@sub> he got a pirated copy of WinXP and it wasent working
good
<@sub> so he calls customer support..

Infidel: I got a great idea for Southwest Airlines. 
Disgusting lardass customers who refuse to purchase 2 seats
can opt for the "treadmill" seat at the regular 1-seat price,
and they have to jog the entire trip.
Void: i would just have them opt for the "chainsaw" instant
weight loss program which your ticket counter clerk will be
happy to help you with.

<Spiff> I was wondering why Jews didn't celebrate Christmas
the other night
<Spiff> and the answer I came up with was that it was like
John Wilkes Booth celebrating Lincoln's birthday
<Spiff> It's just not right celebrating the birthday of the
guy you killed.

<gande34> so my azn friend has a kid, and he turns out to be
black
<JamespDen> and...?
<gande34> they are like boaters man
<gande34> they named him "Sum Ting Wong"
<JamespDen> omg

<Jim> how big is 10 inches
<Jim> like on a computer screen
<ShyAway> somewhere around 22cm
<Jim> so how many inches would this be |
-------------------------------------------|
<ShyAway> 5?
<Jim> no way
<RiotingNerd> um that would depend on your screen resolution
<RiotingNerd> if i was using like 480*600 on a 21 inch monitor
that would be like 15 inches
<ShyAway> jim is measuring his man tool in hyphens
<Jim> ok if you were on windows xp how many inches would that
be
<RiotingNerd> jim what resolution sir
<ShyAway> LOL
<Jim> xp professional
<RiotingNerd> no sir
<RiotingNerd> that is not a resolution
<diospadre> rofl
<Jim> but it's the newest one
<ShyAway> rofl
<diospadre> thats an os you idiot
<Jim> oh

<Moushi> My friend is over
<Moushi> And he's ion thye bathroom right now
<Moushi> And he's been in there for a loing time
<Moushi> And I can hear... sounds
<Moushi> What do I do
<BHedL> jump in there with no clothes on but womens
undergarments and a scary rubber mask
<Moushi> But he would ejaculate in terror all over me!
<BHedL> well, then you start a fetish porn site
<Moushi> His dad's a lawyer
<Moushi> He would sue me
<BHedL> nah, with the immense amount of money you´ll be making
off of your ¨crossdresser rubber mask bukkakae¨, you could
just hire him as your own lawyer
<Moushi> hahaha
<Moushi> Yeah, but then he wouldn
<Moushi> 't be my friend
<BHedL> how do you know that he isnt there masturbating to the
very mental image of you in womens undergaments with a big
scary rubber mask on?
<Moushi> How about I just run in, scream in hiorror, and kick
him in the balls?
<BHedL> theres no money in that
<Moushi> You make a compelling argument.

<SykoFreud> i need the medical term for the inside part of the
woman where the egg is
<holgie> BOX
<shuriken> omg
<holgie> PUSSY BOX CUNT
<holgie> haha
<holgie> the answer is: BUTTHOLE
<SykoFreud> you stupid fucks!
<holgie> sorry, I'm not familar with words like that in
english
<holgie> :)
<holgie> I know the most important words so it's all good
<SykoFreud> It's ok, man. I will use "pussy" then.

<by> Is there anyway I can tell the world I'm an idiot?
<Seven7> Of course, just type your name, where you live and
your confession
<by> Kk
<by> I am Mark Duval of Belgium, and I am an idiot
<by> ?
<by> Now what?
<Seven7> Don't worry. It's done

<Daggson> I think it's funny when people ask for romantic
advice in IRC channels.
<Michi||Cleaning> O_o
<Michi||Cleaning> "Daggs... how do I make Johnny fall in love
with me?"
<Daggson> Because, you know, the geeks and nerds always have
the most experience with their respective opposite sex.
<Michi||Cleaning> <-Is a nerd
<Michi||Cleaning> A neat freak too...
<Daggson> It'd be like going into the highschool football
team's locker room and asking if anyone can help you with your
Unix code.

Wintyr: I totally emasculated my father.
Wintyr: I took my little brother and put him in my old ballet
recital dress, put lipstick and a bow on him, and then paraded
him around the house in it...
Wintyr: In front of the dinner guests...who started, like,
whistling at him and shit...
Wintyr: All the while he's like, "Look look! Cole pretty! Cole
pretty!" and all happy about the dress.
Krylo: Hahahahahah
Wintyr: My dad is just standing there with this horribly lost
look on his face, saying, "I...I do have a boy...right...?"
Wintyr: It kicked so much ass.

<Icebird> I was thinking the other day that it would be funny
to put a window in my brother's old computer case and turn it
into a hampster cage.. put a wheel in, say I got the new
processor from AMD

kayzee is currently listening to [Your Mum and Dad - 'Having
Sex' (0min 12secs long)]

<arsebadger> hasbro should make a 9/11-tribute jenga twin-pack

On new years eve a friend told me this:
Psychism Alchemy: ugh I think I'm on my computer to much...
Psychism Alchemy: someone just asked me what my resolution was
as I answered 1600x1200...

<EvilGenius> HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!
<nykoelle> HAPPY NEW YEAR
<solace> 2004!!
<nykoelle> YAYA
<nykoelle> !!!
<nykoelle> </2003>
<solace> HAPPY NEW YEARRRR
<EvilGenius> rofl meg

P][s7: Jez and I get in line for the bathroom, and every guy
in line immediately pushes her to the front. She asks why, and
they say, "Because you actually have to go." The door opens
and three guys come out of the one-room bathroom together. The
last one stops, says, "Oh wait, I have to pee," and heads back
into the bathroom.

<Rachtman> I can't wait to watch Dick Clark's ball drop.
<Sharparoni> wow. never say that again, please.
<Rachtman> haha

<efm> I'm sorry tbc, but I'm not interested in arguing with
you. I prefer to argue with people who have some understanding
of the way arguments are conducted.
<tbc> Ouch.
<tbc> And only a few days after jafo stabbed me in the face
over the Internet. :-)
<efm> that was rude of him.
<jafo> It was a FRIENDLY stab in the face over the Internet.

Velociraptor: Do you have ne updog?
SAMrhodes87: What the fuck is UPDOG?
Velociraptor: nuthin much wha bout u?