<Quake-Hat> brad, your mom is fine as shit <Quake-Hat> i think i will masturbate to her while i play with my balls <bad_brad> brad had to go blow his nose, but thanks for the compliment, i will be calling your mother <Quake-Hat> Jesus-fucking christ!!!
<Calvinosaur> You missed philosophy class today, huh? <71mm34> yeh <Calvinosaur> You know how Mr. Warren's policy is to read all the passed notes out loud to the entire class? <71mm34> no ive never expereinced it <Calvinosaur> Well, we really threw him for a loop today ... <Calvinosaur> Josh passed a note that made it around the whole class before Mr. W caught it. <Calvinosaur> Mr. W read it, walked out the door, and came back in ten seconds later. <Calvinosaur> We were in stitches at this point. <71mm34> wat did it say <Calvinosaur> "Mr. W's fly is open."
<FlourescentGerbil> My mom is going to kill me <FlourescentGerbil> I was supposed to be watching my little brother, but while I was jacking off to porn, my brother wasted a quarter pound of beef trying to create a beef milkshake
<patteam717> If Neo got into a fight with Aragorn, Neo would win hands down <kissmeimtoxic> that may be true but if Agent Smith got into a fight with Elrond that would just be dumb
<Fitteh> My cellphone has a clock in it though and that is what I use. <ptj225A> Don't you have the Speaking Clock? <MaxBack> Who doesn't? Here, let me just pull my time-midget out of my pocket and slap his bottom. Sounds like it's 2:24, and that's in the P.M.
[Vexidus] When i shared my pics folder i had like 5000 naked pics of my girl shared [Vexidus] but nobody ever downloaded [Sanctum] Vex has a daughter?
<Porthos> did you hear about the new pirate movie? <Porthos> it's rated PG-13 <Porthos> wait <Porthos> damnit
<Raven> YOU LIAR ENJOI <Raven> gayanal.com not a warez!
<trigga>ow <trigga>i just stapled the roof of my mouth <trigga>i was holding the stapler in my mouth and it started slipping so i bit down
<Monsoon`> people are stupider than previously imagined <Monsoon`> My roommate talked to a customer today, told him to right-click on something. So the customer got a pen and paper, and proceeded to write "click" on it.
<nickkis> speaking of which, my other half is going to get beaten when he wakes up <nickkis> he works nights <nickkis> and has a habit of sleeping on the sofa <nickkis> which is fine <nickkis> until I come home from work tonight and my 3 year old pipes up 'whats daddy watching' <nickkis> and what daddy is watching isnt suitable for 3 year olds in any way shape or form
ln3: someone just told me he was board. ln3: *morns the loss of grammar and spelling* ln3: ...fuck.
<Alanna> Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OS's is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders
* Trog starts singing "My little pony, my little pony" * Mezir shoves a little pony up an orifice of Trog's choice <Trog> yours
Mmc1512: YOI KID Mmc1512: ALL THE LAMPSHADES ARE ON YOUR SUBMARINE Mmc1512: catch my drift? NcKmN 1988: wtf lol Mmc1512: your alarm clocks are made out of cheese NcKmN 1988: uhhh.. Mmc1512: your car is a boat on the fifth of the week Mmc1512: get it? NcKmN 1988: hmmm... NcKmN 1988: no Mmc1512: you look like a goriila escaped from alaska Mmc1512: you need 2 pencils to write but only one hand to see Mmc1512: understand? NcKmN 1988: u sniff glue again? Mmc1512: no son Mmc1512: back off my shoe box
<Raven`> summer can suck ass so bad sometimes <Raven`> I mean sure, it's nice out and women are less clothed <Raven`> but there's nothing to watch on tv
<beefstain> i wish faggots would stop putting my deoderant on me with their tongues while i slumber <beefstain> i mean <beefstain> YARR, MANLY THINGS
<[UA]lavalamp> I was playing chutes and ladders with my 4-year-old son...when he won, he jumped up, pointed at me, and shouted "pwned!"
[(>'.')> Ladymercury] Creed disbands and Reagen DIES [(>'.')> Ladymercury] MY GOD [(>'.')> Ladymercury] ITS A SIGN [(jmr) mirai] hmm [(jmr) mirai] yeah [tiger_yamato] That the world is slowly becoming a better place?
<IAX> You can't spell manslaughter without laughter.
<Samwise> And if not for a beard, what can you stroke while thinking? <jacquilyn> Depends what you're thinking about.
<Uncle> eww rough <Uncle> theres a mans name in this book: Clitus <Uncle> imagine how much he got beaten up for that <GT2> yeah, i bet all the kids at Fictional High beat him up real good
<lexa> anyone wanna buy some cheap tampons? 10p each <lexa> no strings attached
<caca_lialia> my brother was wanking in front of computer. <devil> how do you know?:) <caca_lialia> the mouse is on the left side...
<aoe2junkie> i wonder what my dog tries to say to me when he barks <Karath-Din> "stop touching me there"
ThAJuGgAlEtTe987: Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. The only reason someone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. There are at least 2 people in this worldthat youu would die for. You mean the world to someone. Someone that you dont even know exists loves you. When youuu make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look again. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget the rude remarks. So if you are a loving friend, send this to everyone on you list ZooTYaDeaDHomiE: Go Fuck Yourself
atty: my face hurts Chester: why is that atty: well, my grandmother is like a radical feminist atty: and she came downstairs while i was eating my ribs and took one atty: and i go, DAMN WOMEN... ALWAYS STEALING A RIB FROM US MEN atty: so she slapped me Chester: dumbass
<UKDJ|Planet> I swear to god <UKDJ|Planet> I've just heard a duck tell a joke <Jock> o...k <UKDJ|Planet> there was as group of ducks on a pond near where i live <UKDJ|Planet> one of the ducks was quacking away looking straight at a group of like 10 ducks <UKDJ|Planet> then he stopped and all the other ducks went mental <UKDJ|Planet> it looked just like duck stand-up comedy
<^sWift> omfg <^sWift> this shit is horrible <^sWift> McDonalds now offering a free music download with the purchase of a Big Mac Extra Value Meal <^sWift> "an average of 12 songs on a CD, so that's about 7200 calories you will need to consume in order to get an album's worth of music" <^sWift> ahaha <^sWift> People are willing to slowly kill themselves for free mp3s
<LordChewy> so my dad found my porn folder <LordChewy> and he was getting all pissed <LordChewy> so its all like "does this surprise you? i'm not stupid you know" <LordChewy> "i know dad" <LordChewy> "what do you have to say for yourself?" <LordChewy> at this point i stare at him straight in the eyes and say "C:Documents and SettingsRickyMy Documentsfaxessent faxes" <LordChewy> and he just shut up <kingKahn> what is it? <LordChewy> its his porn folder
<Dr_Willis> I also got a "force feedback" mouse :P AzMoo[w] [~AzMoo@eth4931.sa.adsl.internode.on.net] has joined #*** <Dr_Willis> wife hates it.. "It Bit me!" <Dr_Willis> i had the Vibe set to max. she thohgh she was getting electrical-shocks <Dr_Willis> :P <AzMoo[w]> wow, I came in on the right conversation ...
<kn1ves> How do you think Jesse Jackson would react if he got asked to answer the white courtesy phone?
<zilla1126> When I woke up this morning I had semen in my underwear. <nadervader22> .... <zilla1126> I'm concerned because it did not taste like mine.
<Freezer_Burn> how do i removed a burned in image from my monitor <seamuso> buy a new monitor <Freezer_Burn> i cant <Kornchild> how did you burn an image into yoru monitor? <Freezer_Burn> i set it to full screen at high brightness and fell asleep <Freezer_Burn> there is a faint outline of a naked lady with her legs wide open showing her privates <Freezer_Burn> and i i have to remove it before my mom comes home tomorrow night <trance`> Freezer_Burn LMFAO <meanolthing`> lol
Rabidplaybunny87: It is better to be pissed off than pissed on. DAGREATONE951: Tell that to r. kelly.
<Mike>You don't even know what a foo is <Chris> of course i do... It's the guy you pity.
<bloodeu> Fortunately, I have a six pack that turns women on instantly <skittz> is it bud light?
<+lisa`> well, sometimes, when the moon is right i like to print out the source code to the Linux kernel, scatter them on the floor, lube myself up and roll around in the printed code.
<DrBoB> sex is so over-rated... <DrBoB> and i dought it's gonna be much better with someone from the opposite sex.
Name|ess: i have a fetish for captain planet tho Name|ess: :> Name|ess: he can put his finger in my ring anytime
<khjb007>i got a way to tell if your mind's dirty or not <kpgongju226>aight <khjb007>what's a four letter word, that describes a girl, and ends in u-n-t? <kpgongju226> cunt? wait. shit, that's dirty... <khjb007>lol, its aunt you dumbarse...
* jtal sets mode: +v <jtal> no more talking from you young man Mash- is now known as -WTF-_ -WTF-_ is now known as givemev givemev is now known as plz- plz- is now known as comon1 comon1 is now known as usux- * usux- has quit IRC (you suck cock give me voice) * usux- has joined #MethaneDev * usux- has quit IRC (come on don't be a bitch) * usux- has joined #MethaneDev <jtal> OMFG DO YOU NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP! HOLY FUCKING SHIT JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP MAN! GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!%!!!@!$@!)(@# *!()@)$04812041892801392onetwoninethreesevensix
<headlessj> i dl winrar, and it came in a .rar file
<SubWolf> Do you know the number of times I've walked into a room and had some guy go "Here comes Jesus"?!? That was back in the big beard & long hair days. <MrPilot> hehe <C> Bloody hippy <SubWolf> I used to say "Yeah, and you've sinned, motherfuckers."
<%kiwibonga> Je ne donne pas un merde - I don't give a shit <%kiwibonga> THAT MAKES NO SENSE <%kiwibonga> you cannot give a shit to someone <%kiwibonga> in french <%kiwibonga> that sounds like "I'm taking a shit in my hands and I'm keeping it for myself"
<Face> I worked at a compusa <Face> People go in their knowing nothing about computers, and get had. <AngryLlama> Face: any electronics store does this; I was in Best Buy yesterday and the guy actually felt the need to tell me "A megabyte is like a kilobyte, except really big"
Krackers2087: fucking spyware crap Krackers2087: evil bastards Krackers2087: theyre like the hitlers of the 21st century Krackers2087: before you know it theyll get ideas Krackers2087: and soon they'll be flooding your screen with popups like KILL THE JEWS!!
<Zenith> So I was at work today, signing for a package from UPS.. <Zenith> When the FedEx guy walks in with a package of his own. <Zenith> And at that EXACT moment, a customer changes the channel to TBS and the Mortal Kombat movie is on, right when the fight theme music starts. <Nigma> Did they break out into a delivery duel to the death? <Zenith> I was prepared for parcel projectiles and fedex fatalities. <Zenith> They eyed each other, and I knew something was about to happen... <Zenith> But then the guy changed the channel to "Trading Spaces" and the fight was over.
(Teg[WTW]) Some girl left her yearbook lying around, so I decided to sign it. (Teg[WTW]) I wrote "Megan - Even though I never met you, I've had some good times over the years watching you from that tree in your backyard. Stalkingly, Steve"
<Z-U> how do u say that u r leaving <Z-U> ? <Xelloss> bye typing "i'm leaving" without the quotation marks <Z-U> oh