[aiken_drum] Holy shit.
[aiken_drum] Have I just come into a random room and people
are talking about tentacle sex?
[aiken_drum] I love this program.

<Philth> god i'm stupid
<Stinger> yes you are
<Philth> Stinger: Have you heard the jokes they don't tell
fags?
<Stinger> yes
<Stinger> dumbass
<Philth> what ones?
<Stinger> i cant tell you
<Stinger> fag
<Philth> DAMN that really backfired..

<rS-D00k> this channel is more inactive than my herpes
infection after valtrex
<rS-D00k> although even with valtrex it is possible to spread
herpes to others
<rS-D00k> talk to your doctor before taking valtrex if you're
on a mao inhibitor

<@koenig> I just had a very fun time with a telemarketer who
called my home.
<@koenig> She was telling me that I had "won in a drawing" and
that I might have won a Hummer or a trip to Orlando and some
other crap.
<@koenig> So I said, "Hey, them Hummers is sure nice."
<@koenig> "Oh yes," she replies.
<@koenig> "I bet they can haul a lot in them Hummers."
<@koenig> "Oh certainly."
<@koenig> "Do you think they could hold something that was
like 6' long?"
<@koenig> "Most likely."
<@koenig> "And weighed like 150-200 lbs.?"
<@albus> oh dear.
<@koenig> "Possibly."
<@koenig> "Well, I'll cut right to hte chase.  Do you think
they could carry a dead body?"
<@koenig> "Uhhhh."
* albus hears police sirens.
<@koenig> :)
<@albus> you should use her as a reference when you apply for
a security clearance.
<@koenig> Well you realize I didn't actually claim to HAVE a
dead body.   I was purely curious, in case I get into the
funeral service business.
<@koenig> It's my new idea, "Die With Style, Inc." where
instead of a hearse you drive out in a Hummer.
<@albus> ...

<mgr> I was under the impression that the program was fully
functional?  I am not correct?
<kitchen> Depends on what you think 'fully functional' means
<kitchen>The Rebels believed the DeathStar to not be 'fully
operational' and look what that got Alderan.

<Prowler> I rekon if i were a super hero i would call myself
"Proctastinator" with the power to Leap tall buildings,
control time, shoot fireballs out of my ass and other cool
super hero stuff
<Prowler> but i'd never get around to doing any of it

<pothead2234> sometimes i wonder what are all the words other
than breasts and food are for
<This_girl> well, words you use in order to reach em

Vortosis: The best line is something my friend Brandon yelled
at a chick across the street while we were skating
Vortosis: "Hey wanna go half and half on a baby!?"

<orkin> i hate it when im cold but sweaty
<orkin> like my hands and feet
<orkin> my feet are cold
<orkin> but they are sweating
<orkin> if i put socks on them
<orkin> they will sweat in the socks
<Paradigm> I know the feeling
<Paradigm> it's like dreaming that your peeing and waking up
all wet.
<orkin> yeah..
<orkin> kinda
<orkin> wait
<orkin> wtf
<Bejjan> lol
<@Petah> lol
<Paradigm> WHAT ?!
<Bejjan> *falls of his chair*

<FBD> i had a teacher named Ms. Packman.
<FBD> so im the last day of school, i dressed up as a blue
ghost, and charged at her.
<FBD> i got suspended, starting the next year...

JunoRulz: Meh, in health class, some lady talked about it.
JunoRulz: She said rape is unwanted penetration of body.
JunoRulz: So I went around sticking my pinky in girls' ears.
JunoRulz: Declaring rape.

<Xaenyth> I'm going to ask you all a question that got a
friend of mine expelled from school.
<Xaenyth> If you were going to shoot up a school...
<Xaenyth> ...what music would you want playing on the
loudspeakers as you did it?
<r00x> Kill the rabbit by emler fudd

<NHBoy> I broke my G-string while fingering a minor :(
<rycool> ...
<NHBoy> I was trying to play Knocking on Heaven's Door.
<NHBoy> Oh well, time to buy new strings.

JokingClown: I want to have a "wall plug" (electrical socket)
surgically implanted into my skin.
JokingClown: Maybe on my side, above my hip.
JokingClown: It would have to actually work or anything... Itd
just be funny to see people stare.
JokingClown: I wonder how much a surgery like that would
cost...
SpyBreak: :|
JokingClown: Insurance wouldnt cover it, because its cosmetic
SpyBreak: WAAAAY too much time on your hands. go look at porn
or something.

<Inversation> hahaha
<Inversation> on the price is right:
<Inversation> "our next prize is: A Super Sucker!" -woman
walks out from behind curtain-
<Inversation> -vacuum cleaner emerges a few seconds later-

<LS_Nick> :o
<LS_Nick> there appears to be arse-cheek marks on my
scanner...
<des1re> wtf
<LS_Nick> strange...
<LS_Nick> tastes like my sister =

twentydeadbodies: Now that you're gay you should be picking up
all sorts of chicks.
Staticd00r: lol

<special_guest> Whoever said that hell hath no fury like a
women scorned never owned a cat.

<sparhawk85> if Electricity comes from electrons, does
morality come from morons?

<hot^> Do to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel
will be turned off.

<Eriya> I need some new and exciting way to prepare chicken
legs
<IamMercy> Put on a french maids outfit!
<IamMercy> And play circus music
<Eriya> thanks Mercy, I can always count on you to be
completely unhelpful

Seven11Slurpes: word of advice
Seven11Slurpes: if you take a shit and theres no toilet paper
left
Seven11Slurpes: duct tape is NOT a substitute
PrinceCharming4a: o.0 whered that come from
Seven11Slurpes: well, its started off like this
Seven11Slurpes: i was taking a shit
Seven11Slurpes: and found out i didnt have any tiolet paper
left
Seven11Slurpes: so i looked around a saw a roll of duct tape
next to the sink
Seven11Slurpes: and figured. eh. why not, what harm can i do
Seven11Slurpes: and boy was i WRONG!

Esi: people have installed linux on their Xboxes so...
Blayne: When people install Linux on their dishwasher, then
I'll give them a nod
Esi: is that a challenge?

<traid> is it bad when people at work ask what happened to
your porn site?

<Guruchild> i think that babies should be abortable up until 2
years.
<Red_Dog> 2 years? I say 18.

<squire> can anyone here help me, i just dled a movie and i
dunno what to do
<kokoro> have you tried...watching it?

<m0nk3h> *Italy has quit euro.2004.com (Read error: Connection
reset by Scandinavia)*

[+BaByGiRL]: A woman enroled in nursing school is attending an
anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles.
The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the
woman if she knows what her asshole does when she has an
orgasm.
[+BaByGiRL]: "Sure!" she says, "He's at home taking care of
the kids..."

<Koushiro> "Religion is the opiate of the masses." -- Karl
Marx
<Koushiro> "Winners don't do drugs." -- The FBI

jeisai: Real Men of Genius. Today we salute you, Mr.
Compulsive Away Message Checker. While most people are out
actually having a fun life, you are at home reading about it
on your computer screen. Right mouse click, Get Buddy Info, or
the little Info box at the bottom of the Buddy List. You have
people on that list you haven't talked to in years, but you
still loyally read their away messages every day to see what
they're up to. So, crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Marauder
of the Mousepad, and don't wander too far from your computer
because you never know when someone's away message may change.
joejoe: you didn't type that, thats too proper for you to have
done.
joejoe: where did you get it?
jeisai: it was on somoene's away message...
joejoe: so its about you then?

<Raiks> Has anyone got their 'Violence Against Women:
Australia Says No' booklets yet?
<Sweep> i have raiks
<Natus> i have too
<Raiks> My girlfriend opened it and got a paper cut from it,
and then belted me for laughing at her

<Reaver_Reload> This reminds me of a time back in college,
where one of my friends who was really dumb, she was crying
one day and i asked her what was wrong. Turns out she broke up
with her boyfriend, but she wouldnt say why.
<Reaver_Reload> I convinced her to tell me, and apparently she
was talking with her other two friends about their boyfriends.
one friend was complaining how cold her boyfriends nuts were
when she was giving him head, and the other one agreed that
her boyfriend's were really cold as well. (their boyfriends
names are richard and thomas btw)
<Reaver_Reload> So she says she has never given head and the
other two encourage her to do it, saying its a 'great way to
keep a guy'
<Reaver_Reload> Just two days later apparently she ran crying
to her friends and they asked her what was wrong, and she said
"I tried giving him a blow job, he was enjoying it at first
but then he just got up and left and said we were over before
i had even finished!"
<Reaver_Reload> concerned, her two friends asked her what was
wrong.. turns out she said "Wow, your balls are really warm.."
and he asked "why? is that bad?" and she goes "oh no its just
that richards and thomases' balls are really cold"

<MalachiConstant> hah, I have a funny story about watching
Ringu, ready?
<Jessica> Yeah.
<MalachiConstant> I was watching it on DVD, and it was a quiet
scene, like s shot of someone sleeping...
<MalachiConstant> I was admiring how they kept showing someone
just sleeping, and were realy building the tension well...
<MalachiConstant> then I realized my DVD player was stuck and
I was watching a still frame for about 10 minutes on the edge
of my seat

<Shiv>To: Starduck (starduck@anbudom.net)
<Shiv>From: Shiv Asmodaeus (shiv_@hotmail.com)
<Shiv>Subject: Forum Ban
<Shiv>
<Shiv>It has been several months since I was banned from the
ANBU forums, and I believe that I have <Shiv>learned my
lesson.  I promise to never, ever again ask for the specifics
regarding what has <Shiv>infested your colon, nor if said
infestation has begun the laying of eggs.  If you wish, I
<Shiv>will avoid the subject of your intestinal invaders
altogether.
<Shiv>
<Shiv>Additionally, I withdraw my query regarding the status
of your Valtrex prescription.  <Shiv>Understandably, I am sure
this would be an uncomforatable subject to speak of to a
stranger.
<Shiv>
<Shiv>With great expectations and rock hard nipples, I await
your reply.  Thank you.

JunoRulz: Know what would suck?
JunoRulz: Falling down an up escalator.

<Freewill> please don't talk while I'm trying to interrupt you

Curseoftantalus: How the HELL are ya doin?
PrimalDeicide: GOOD
Curseoftantalus: GREAT!  That's GREAT to hear!
PrimalDeicide: AWESOME
Curseoftantalus: WONDERFUL!
Curseoftantalus: INCREDIBLE!
PrimalDeicide: INCREDULISTIC FABULOSIS!
Curseoftantalus: That's not funny man, my great grandmother
died of that.
PrimalDeicide: She must have looked very good for the funeral.
Curseoftantalus: Fabulously incredible.

<drwiii> Warning: I just got to level 13 in Dr. Mario.
<j0nkatz> Warning: A terrorist just shot me in Rainbow Six: 3
<drwiii> Dr. Mario is too busy to treat you.
<j0nkatz> :<

<raiden> Hey dude I think I left my gamecube there.
<Khaniber> You didn't.
<raiden> No I really think I did.  I've unpacked, searched my
room a few times, and I can't find it.  I have my games and
controllers, but not the cube.
<Khaniber> You've been gone for a week.  I'm quite sure I
would have noticed a large purple cube sitting in my own room!
<raiden> Well I don't have it here, which means it has to be
there.
<Khaniber> I can tell you it's not.  I spend at least 4 hours
awake in my room every day, I'm in and out of here throughout
the day.  I eat here.  I sleep here.  If it were here, I would
have seen it, and I'd be having nightmares of this purple
Borg-ish cube foating above my entertainment center saying "We
are Nintendo.  Your console features and game originality will
added to our own.  Resistance is futile"
<raiden> Just check your damn room for it!
<Khaniber> Fine!  If it'll get you to quit whining.
<raiden> yeah thanks
<Khaniber> ...
<Khaniber> Um...so when did you want to come by and pick it
up?

<houhou> i havnt had sex in a month now :(
<StopNdroP> I grew a nut tree in my backyard and now it's a
prize winning plant
<Yuri> wow your nuts must be huge
<Quake> please tell me youre talkin about stopndrop

Cochese: you're under the impression that Viagra will just
give you an erection
Cochese: it'll only help sustain an erection that you get from
whatever gives you wood
FeMHuR: so if I take Viagra but nothing turns me on nothing
will happen?
Cochese: correct
theho81: so there's still no hope for fat chicks?

<mebR> cs players dont need condoms, we use our personality

Pingu: heh just randomly i said to someone
Pingu: "kate, why are you such a bell end?"
Pingu: just to see what theyd say
Pingu: kate  says: because i was born that way
Bull3h: you've been blocked
Pingu: nah
Pingu: kate's hardcore
Bull3h: does hardcore ?
Pingu: yes
Pingu: i just asked her if im allowed to call her a bell end
to her face and she said yes
Pingu: im toying with the idea of asking her if i can slap her
in the face with my bell end
Bull3h: clearly she fancies you
Pingu: yeah
Bull3h: but is she hot ?
Pingu: well...
Pingu: she's not not hot
Bull3h: with my few years extra of experiance i'd say that the
girls who are fairly hot but not really hot are the best kind
Bull3h: they're not cock sluts who fuck you over and just keep
you about because they like the attention
Bull3h: tho you gotta watch out, crazy girls... watch out,
they'll do something like split up with you because
everythings going to well and they dont want to get hurt
Bull3h: then stalk you and keep suggesting that you get back
with them
Pingu: I JUST ASKED HER IF I COULD CALL HER A BELL END TO HER
FACE FFS
Bull3h: LOOK I'M SPOUTING WISE ADVICE
Pingu: sorry
Pingu: carry on
Bull3h: so basically drug her and rape her.
Pingu: k
Bull3h: roofies
Pingu: best way

<Disko> I USE CAPS LOCK BECAUSE I WILL BECOME NOTICED,
POPULAR, AND GOOD IN BED

<glasnost> dammit, all my penis keep getting lost
<glasnost> err
<glasnost> penis*
<glasnost> dammit!
<glasnost> i've freudian slipped and i can't get up

blondieCA67865: man i'm soo bored!
RunAFreakingWay: I'm dying because of these people are so
hilarious. Lemme show you.
blondieCA67865: mk
RunAFreakingWay: <reptile-> The first time hypr opened a box
of Cheerios and looked inside he yelled, "OH WOW! DONUT SEEDS!
"
<hypr> wtf are donut seeds
blondieCA67865: donuts dont even have seeds?

<GLE> Does eating a chunk of cheese rolled in sandwich meat
make me a fatass?
<JimiThing> im inclined to say yes
<JimiThing> but depends on the size and type of cheese
<JimiThing> and the kind of meat
<GLE> Sunrise thin-sliced turkey, and old cheddar cheese with
a volume of about... 5 cm^3?
<Phil_> Nah... but I'm pretty sure figuring out the volume of
a piece of cheese makes you a virgin.

* qwerty- wonders why Home and End aren't yet implemented
<qwerty-> pretty useful keys, for me at least
<Mike`> The Home key works for me; everytime I press it, I
look around and I'm at home.
<Mike`> I haven't had the guts to try the End key yet.

< natx> so drawing maps from satelite imagery is a pretty fun
job..
< natx> but when i found out you cant zoom in far enough to
see elephants
< natx> i was really let down

<evilkalla> oh man
<evilkalla> that club sandwich has caused some intestinal
armaggeddon
<ModernAngel> four horsemeats of the anal apocalypse
<crux> well, there goes my boner