splibob: I think we have a conflict of interest
jenneh: what's that?
splibob: me not being interested in talking to you

<Anime-Sama> While most people ask themselves "WWJD" (What
Would Jesus Do), I've decided to turn to the more appropriate
"WTGML," which is an acronym for "Will This Get Me Laid."

<t-f-i> An officer in the U.S. Naval Reserve was attending a
conference that included admirals from both the U.S. Navy and
the French Navy. At a cocktail reception, he found himself in
a small group that included personnel from both navies.
<t-f-i> The French Admiral started complaining that whereas
Europeans learned many languages, Americans learned only
English. He then asked, "Why is it that we have to speak
English in these conferences rather than you speak French?"
<t-f-i> Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied:
"Maybe it is because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies, and
Americans arranged it so you would not have to speak German."
The group became silent.

* Inthesto can imagine this dialogue.
<Inthesto> "He's ill."
<Inthesto> "You mean he's dope?"
<Inthesto> "No, I mean he's sick."
<Inthesto> "So he's cool?"
<Inthesto> "NO I MEAN HE IS NOT PHYSICALLY WELL HE IS
DISEASED"
<Inthesto> "oic"

<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you shit on the floor, and
you can hear it fall but you have no idea where it actually
landed, and spend like 5 minutes looking for it
<peng> ...
<peng> what?
<VolteFace`> oh shit
<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you DROP shit

<TheShadowHunter> I wish I wore an eyepatch
<TheShadowHunter> itd give me that air of mystery that the
ladies find irresistible
<Saria> Ahahaha
<Saria> Wtf
<Saria> Yeah, eyepatches totally up teh sekz0r fact0r
<TheShadowHunter> psssh you say that now
<TheShadowHunter> but wait till youre milling around at a
party
<TheShadowHunter> and all of a sudden the doors open and I
walk in wearing a tux and an eyepatch
<TheShadowHunter> and people gasp
<TheShadowHunter> and an uncomfortable buzz fills the room as
people try to return to their former joviality
<TheShadowHunter> "I heard he lost that eye defending an
orphanage from a killer!"
<TheShadowHunter> "I heard he lost it deep in the amazon!"
<TheShadowHunter> "Hes so mysterious!"
<TheShadowHunter> "So sexy!"
<TheShadowHunter> and all the ladies would want me
<TheShadowHunter> till I tell them I was running with
silverware and stabbed myself in the eye with a fork

<fetus> Hooters- "Chicken tastes better with a boner."

«single_14yrold_male» any1 wanna cyber? im almost 16

dee: mute do you ever talk
mute: No, I never say a word.
dee: why
mute: I think you missed the joke there, dee.
dee: what do you mean
mute: ...nevermind.

<dDG> Wait... what the hell
<dDG> There's this NASCAR all-star thing on
<dDG> and there is rap for background music
<dDG> NASCAR and rap music...
<wc16> rofl
<dDG> The terrorists have won

<Fandang0-> whats that band that the lead singer looks like
Val Kilmer?
<thaRuler> the doors?

<Trust> How fast is a 486?
<Archon> dude, a 486 is 486mhz
<Archon> thats why its called a 486 you dumb fucking newb

<Jessicaaa> :| well thats disserpointing
<Jessicaaa> anyone do the iq test thing on bbc1?
<Jessicaaa> i got dumb this year :'(
<Neodymium> I knew that from the minute you typed
'disserpointing'

<xPinkyx> Nate, did you know my hand is part of an indian
tribe called Slapaho?

<J-Mart> ok
<J-Mart> this is the sickest thing ive ever heard
<J-Mart> this girl that ive been friends with for a long time
<J-Mart> she got plastered last night
<J-Mart> so she starts laughin and told me that she did
something really embarassing and she got grounded
<J-Mart> so im all like "whats wrong babe"
<J-Mart> and she hesitated
<J-Mart> and what came next i would have never guessed
<J-Mart> shes like "i took a poop in my closet"
<wc16> ...rofl
<J-Mart> and i didnt know what to say so i hung up
<kirbster> wtf.... rofl
<J-Mart> then she called back and said she was sorry and not
to tell anybody
<J-Mart> so i promised i wouldnt
<J-Mart> then she was like "maybe the dog did it"
<CJinx> rofl
<J-Mart> SHE BLAMED IT ON THE DOG COME ON
<[SG]> roflmao
<J-Mart> and i stare at her ass all the time!

<@sxh> anyone got links to the nick berg vid?
<@D1> nick berg is hilarious.
<@D1> whats the video about?
<@D1> oh wait, thats nick cannon

<jxl> MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FILTHY WHORES.

<Bopo> 10mbit <-
<@swelt> thats nice for you, and we are all glad you brought
it to our attention
<@swelt> we admire your amazing connection, and assume that
your penis is proportionally large too
<@swelt> we can only hope to attain such large connections
(and genetalia) ourselves

(Damage|rysny) whats the difference between michael jackson
and acne?
(tkd-cod|enm1ty) dunno, what?
(Damage|rysny) acne waits till 13 to come on your face.

<jrk> who the fuck would pretend to be a lawyer?
<jrk> i want to pretend to be a porn star.
<Ipsa> hey a lawyer fucks more people than a pornstar ever
will :)
<Ipsa> I fuck people all day
<jrk> true.  but you're the ron jeremy of law.
<jrk> not everyone has your prowess.

(%b0x) there used to be this song by Genesis that said "Jesus
knows me, and he knows I'm right."
(%b0x) apparently though, i used to go around singing "Jesus
knows me, and he knows I'm white!" when I was 5 rofl

<T|gz> Ya know, it'd be kinda cool to taste with your hands
like flies...
<t-f-i> ....
<T|gz> You can just stick your hand on someones food, and you
can taste it.
<t-f-i> Have fun, guess you'll have to give up masterbation.
<T|gz> Oh fuck, nm.

-!- Chellez has joined #help
<Chellez> where can i get programs?
<ferret> Chellez: The internet.
<Chellez> does this program have cervers?
<ferret> Chellez: The internet has servers.
<Chellez> how do i access them?
<ferret> Chellez: By pointing a web or ftp browser at them,
usually.
-!- Chellez has left #help
<ferret> Another user helped o/

Retrace: so what is she?
Retrace: a .073 or a 10.0000000001
cryptic: shes like an 8
Retrace: whoa
Retrace: wait....a internet 8 or a real world 8?

<Baloogan> girls who give blowjobs are fucked in the head

<Black> Half-Life II!
* Black falls to his knees.
* enderak unzips
* Black worships
<WizzoMaFizzo> :S

<Duo> I paint stripes on my pc, and it makes me feel it can go
faster

<passagero> i'm romanian man,i have 18yers old and try to
found some one who want to have a relation sheep with me

<mehonae128> Was ist den der Fahrplan fur zwei?
<mehonae128> what is the time table for 4?
<mehonae128> 1,4,8,12,16,20
<mehonae128> or
<mehonae128> eins,vier,acht,zwolf,sechzehn,zwanzig
<Seppel> 1 is not on the time table for 4.
<mehonae128> 4 time 1 is 1
<Seppel> You're an idiot.
<mehonae128> anything times 1 oh wait

<Arctic_Wolf> My friends parents bought him the nice DDR pads
so he could lose some weight.
<Arctic_Wolf> He gets in trouble whenever they find out he's
bought a non DDR PS2 game.
<Arctic_Wolf> "HOW IS ARMORED CORE 2 SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU LOSE
WEIGHT, WONG?"

<BabyBobDole> this bible thumper that used to work at domino's
gave me shit about using slang all the time
<BabyBobDole> he was like "you're so good with linguistics,
why do you say stuff like that?"
<BabyBobDole> i was like "it's called colloquialism, BITCH"

<Jaidev> If you want to know what I think about bottled water,
what does 'Evian' spell backwards?

<Toggan> Hot Threesome looking for 2 more.... send /msg

<E-Claire> We're doing a play in drama.
<A-C> oh yeah?
<E-Claire> Yeah. A play about soviet Russia
<E-Claire> Only we're using household animals. We got the idea
from Orwell's animal farm.
<A-C> Will you have Gerbils?
<E-Claire> Nah...he was nazi germany.

<Jericho24.> -=AFK=- I"m not here right now, if you"d like to
reach me on my cell phone, buy me a cell phone.

<zzA> You know it's sad when the highlight if your day
consists of calling this girl and checking the status of my
quote on bash.org
<neon_stocking> i bet its even sadder when both of them reject
you
<zzA> Not funny b/c it's true :(

<OtherBill> omg.  It's the meditation mantra of the internet
generation.

xheliox: Did you see that NASCAR has started a literacy
program?
linenoyz: no
xheliox: Isn't that like using the KKK to promote civil
rights?

<lyfe> i just don't keep a fucking book with the names of all
the girls who've had their dick in my mouth

<Alex> Mosser!
<Alex> heh
<Alex> I've been there
<Alex> always the private bath though
<MrSmartass> Sounds like the Hotel Edison in NYC.
<grue> how did I read that as "pirate bath"?
<Alex> is there a fetish you're trying to repress?
<grue> Could be
<grue> I think the mental idea of Keira Knightley in a bathtub
is what did it
<grue> "Avast, lass! Prepare to be boarded!"

* SamGamgee has joined #O-Gaming
<RavenBUSY> mister gamgee!
<SamGamgee> mister busy
<RavenBUSY> SPEAK FRIEND AND ENTER
<JDski> thats tattooed on my ex's ass

<phx> 230-Welcome to Leadtek Research Inc.
<phx> 230-=^.^=
<phx> 230 Anonymous user logged in.
<phx> motherfucking anime smileys
<phx> theyre everywhere
<phx> i mean what is that?
<phx> a dogs head with a iron rod shoved thru its head?
<phx> i guess that explains it, its probably an asian delicacy

<NeoSmurf> So there I was waiting for my g/f, when I get a
message from some chick wanting to cyber with me.
<Merry> yeah...
<NeoSmurf> I told her cybering is for losers and I didnt want
to.
<NeoSmurf> So she tells me to tell her what to do with her
pussy.
<NeoSmurf> I tell her to wash it, and she just quits talking.
<Merry> LMFAO!

<rockpapertaxi> so this guy comes to the door
<rockpapertaxi> a jehovah's witness
<rockpapertaxi> and he's like "can i interest you in the word
of christ"
<rockpapertaxi> and adam's like "sorry i have to shut the
door"
<rockpapertaxi> and the guy goes why?
<rockpapertaxi> and adam's like "our sacrificial goat will get
out"

<mixedknut> drac killed the chats again
<mixedknut> bastard
<Dracon|s> bah
<Dracon|s> I was the only person other than you chatting
<Dracon|s> as if my terrible punning would drive people away
<GOD|away> <---

<CaRlOs``>: who r u ?
<sQuisha>: im squisha who r u
<CaRlOs``>: i would b Carlos...
<sQuisha>: k
<sQuisha>: glad we cleared that up

<phroze> i like the express shirt "Oh her? shes just a friend"

ShortyMcStupid : Ever hear of Evel Knievel?
ShortyMcStupid : Well I'm going to be a daredevil like him.
ShortyMcStupid : Except I'm going to be Ku Klux Knievel.
ShortyMcStupid : I'm going to try to jump 50 black guys with a
steam roller.

<Lurker> one time my mom fell asleep on the couch, no joke, I
switched it to a porn and started fwappin it. I later found
out she wasn't asleep
<Lurker> :(
<Dan> your kidding right?
<Lurker> no

<Jakosin> what is a .tar
<Rivicen> its used to patch .road files