<JoeDawson> "Tour De France Winner Lance Armstrong was
stripped of his title after 3 substances banned by the french
were found in his hotel room"
<KloA> haha
<JoeDawson> The three banned substances... Deoderant,
Toothepaste, and soap.
<JoeDawson> *rimshot*
<JoeDawson> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
* JoeDawson TEH FUNNAY

<watashi-wa>necrophilia is dead boring
<chersucks> wtf?!?
<watashi-wa>try incest instead
<watashi-wa>it's only relatively boring :p

<neekohh> eh, where should i go?
<tzigaite> gamespot by target might give you more
<neekohh> gamespot is that place near target right

* elisteran subscribes seriumu to spamlists
<elisteran> would you rather get nigerian 419 scams, or hawt
lesbian pr0n ?
<Pavel> elisteran: As if the two were mutually exclusive.
<elisteran> Dear Mr. Smith, my name is Motoba Kwambe, and I am
legal counsel representing the family of the late Prime
Minister of Nigeria, Bouncy Bubbles. Her nude coed widow has
the opportunity to retrieve $15 million stashed away in a bank
account, but needs a US citizen to ...
<Pavel> elisteran: That works.

<Jetsuo> Ew, Ashlee Simpson is #1 on the Billboards. Jetsuo
must go kill a kitten now.
<KitBoxPocket> Jetsuo: every time you kill a kitten, God
masturbates.
<Jetsuo> lmao
<KitBoxPocket> You dont want God flogging his holy log, do
you?
<Nyschashi-Seikun> when god ejaculates, it snows
<KitBoxPocket> Oh, snow day, sweet
<Jetsuo> and when God craps?
<KitBoxPocket> A republican is elected
<Jetsuo> XD
<KitBoxPocket> "Mommy! Mommy! Every time a Republican gets
elected, it means God just had a really great shit!'

<Obiwan> Koreans are kicking ass at men's all around
gymnastics...
<Obiwan> ....don't ask why I'm watching men's gymnastics....
<Nimdae> you like their tight asses
<Obiwan> well they don't show ass that much
<Obiwan> their pants are too loose
<Obiwan> sigh
<Obiwan> actually I turned it on and I saw a korean.
<Nimdae> you just proved you are watching their asses

[2nd_law_of_thermodynamics] why are the vaginas always blurred
out in hentai?
[dsgasdsa] vaginas can bend light
[dsgasdsa] 'the black hole'
[2nd_law_of_thermodynamics] they must do it just to piss me
off
[dsgasdsa] it's because you should be focusing on their
personality
[dsgasdsa] shallow cunt

<Matt-san> Over the hill women have experience. :)
<Kataclysm> And saggy boobz
<Matt-san> They flop back and forth like mudflaps.
<Kataclysm> Thank you for the lovely visual, Matt.
<Raiden> Its like when you go to the nursing home
<Raiden> and say "SHOW ME YOUR TITS"
<Kataclysm> I'm going to kill you now. Please don't take it
personal.
<Raiden> and they take off their pants

<JonTG> What's more fun than swinging a dead baby around on a
rope?
<JonTG> Stopping it with a shovel.

<Matrix_McCloud> i can't imagine sticking anything in your
mouth farther than like 4 inches
<Matrix_McCloud> without puking
<Oolong> you have to do it a certain way
<Oolong> if you line your throat up right it just slides in
<Oolong> or if his schlong is bent downwars
<Matrix_McCloud> then if it touches the edge, your nose lights
up red and beeps

<Poinky> so, there is to be war between us...
<brett1479> war?
<p3nt4g0n> huh?
<Mororvia> good god ya'll
<p3nt4g0n> wha?

<X-G> Yay, I wrote a todo list
<X-G> Now I can procrastinate more efficiently!

<monkey216> FUCK! im dead
<wrenchy> why?
<monkey216> Im sitting here hitting my bong and my dad just
imed me from korea and was like, I can see you in the webcam
<monkey216> I forgot I had the damned camera turned on
<wrenchy> LMAO see you next year dumbass
<monkey216> fuck.....

* kitten has quit IRC (Killed (NickOP (Kill requested by
kittster)))
<BlackAIR> kitten got killed??
<Propagandhi> ALRIGHT, WHO IN HERE IS MASTERBATING!?

<@graspee_leemoor> brazil v italy women's volleyball is about
to start
<@graspee_leemoor> you'll get no sense out of me
* Snaar hands graspee some tissues
< Bucket_Mouse> who you cheering for
<%Snaar> the girls
< Bucket_Mouse> which girls?
<%Snaar> you know
<%Snaar> two legs
<%Snaar> two arms
<%Snaar> various holes
<%Snaar> THE GIRLS
< Bucket_Mouse> ITALY GIRLS OR BRAZIL GIRLS
<%Snaar> why are you being racist :-
<%Snaar> they are both fine girls
< Bucket_Mouse> oh, i thought you were playing favorites
<%Snaar> the point of female sports is just to enjoy the show

(@b0wser) i like the fact that she says "we can still arrange
fuck dates" even though we're not together
(@Bocki) a fuck girlfriend: nothing better then that
(@jason127) I had a relationship like that
(@jason127) then one day she just disapeared
(@jason127) then two years later i seen her in Tatoo magazine
(@jason127) she had moved to Ohio
(@Bocki) sounds like Forrest Gump - The XXX Version

aakashdheer: my grandmother gave me a wish
aakashdheer: i could either have a perfect memory or a huge
penis
aakashdheer: i can't remember my decision

<bloodeu> Outback Steakhouse has ridiculous prices
<bloodeu> i'm here now with my date
<bloodeu> palm pilot + wifi is cool
<bloodeu> i got my keyboard
<jomomma> ...

*** Mavert changes topic to 'Men are like cement... after
getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
(EviLGirL-)  Women are like a carpet... lay them right the
first time and you can walk all over them forever''

zhiryst: its what p2p is all about
zhiryst: i just leave it on overnight
zhiryst: let people take shit from me
zhiryst: i take shit from them
zhiryst: p2p is just a variety of communism
djnogo 4: haha
djnogo 4: you sure?
djnogo 4: i picture it more as a circle jerk :-)
zhiryst: yeah, but who's getting bukakeed?
zhiryst: the RIAA?
djnogo 4: bingo :-)
zhiryst: A HAHAHAHA

<Erdage> WTF dude help me, i have lost my dick!!!
<DakuTenshi> What are you talking about?
<Erdage> help me daku, it's missing!
<DakuTenshi> Erdage... you are drunk right?
<Erdage> Err.. no...
<DakuTenshi> Yes you are
<Erdage> WTF??? How do you know?
<DakuTenshi> Erdage, you are a girl...

<RST> you suck huge donkey dick
<RST> and not only you
<RST> but your sister too
<RST> !
<Felon> what happens in Tijuana stays in Tijuana
<Felon> you know the rules

<Breach> I just got another "make your penis larger for
$20.00" email. I already spent $140 and now when I get excited
I fall over forward.. the only good thing is the kickstand
effect.

<BS>I walk into school today and the girl that sits beside me
tells me that she lost 10 pounds from laughing at me.

<K418> Bash.org is false advertising.
<K418> I expected IRC to be all funny and interesting, instead
you're lucky if you can find a chanel people actually talk
in...
<K418> And then when you do it's full of complete idiots,
whose intelligence could probably be scientifically proven to
be equal to that of the average turnip, and horny geeks, whose
only interest is getting into your virtual pants.

<Foxx> im never fallin in love
<Foxx> i've decided
<FuriousC> you dont choose who you love, love chooses you
<FuriousC> and that little fucking son of a bitch sticks
itself to your face like the godless bloodsucking bastards in
Alien and refuses to let go until it has drained your soul and
left you an empty shell of a human being

[adam_tharrington] yo
[adam_tharrington] does anyone here have a keyboard

<Quasadu> i'm the kind of guy who, when i accidentally see
myself naked in the mirror, i think "my god if i saw that in
the woods i'd shoot it and run back to the car"

<TomTheBomb> what the most racist thing in the world?
<|Snaker|> erm
<|Snaker|> most racist thing in the world?
<TomTheBomb> a sprinkler
<|Snaker|> ..
<HongKongKilla|TMNT> lol?
<TomTheBomb> they go chinkchinkchinkchinkchinkchink SPIC
nigganigganigganigganigga

<reddz> love does not make the world go round... just up and
down a bit.

<Warped^2K> we just got back from hiking in the bush
<BIoNYX> i hiked in the bush once but i told her to shave that
shit or i'd never do it again

<Jason> One time I walked into my parents bedroom and they
were having sex, it was traumatizing for them
<Jason> Not so much that I walked in, but that I started
shouting "LET THAT BITCH HAVE IT"

crazycougr: saw rick james died?
phaded 001: yup
crazycougr: 'natural causes'
phaded 001: wonder what chappelle is gonna do now
crazycougr: cocaine is natural isnt it?

<OppeSnopp> anyone know how to clear the history out of
explorer's damned "textbox memory"? (dont
wont my wife to get 'black monseter cocks' when
she's going to do a google that starts          
with the letter b)

(OldSkOoLephant) My sister works in a video store
(ElPresidente) Well my sister IS a video store. >_>
(Loafaeralus) Yeah pres, everybody's been in her, but only a
certain amount have paid...

<tweekie> omglife!
* tweekie promptly dies
<Davidious> Oooooo
<Davidious> Hey babes
<tweekie> no necrophilia play tonight, i'm too tired
* Davidious sighs
* Davidious Quit (Connection reset by peer)

[Lamsey> lol, i'm running UT in spectator mode to run down my
laptop's battery and the camera's right next to a biorifle
spot
[Lamsey> whole screen's covered in green goo, hehe
<-FuNkY CaPrIcOrN-> that happened to me last night
<Lamsey> ok FC, please don't elaborate in any way or form
please
<-FuNkY CaPrIcOrN-> I sneezed and all this stuff came out of
my nose
<-FuNkY CaPrIcOrN-> all over the screen
<Lamsey> ugh, too late
<-FuNkY CaPrIcOrN-> people tell younger guys to make sure they
have enough money...comdums...etc when they go on a date
<-FuNkY CaPrIcOrN-> also remember to blow your nose before you
go out
<-FuNkY CaPrIcOrN-> could cause problems
<Lamsey> 'snot usually a problem for me

SnatchFace: I stumbled into the bathroom this morning after
being up half the night with stomach pain and grabbed the
wrong tube out of the cabinet in my stupor. I brushed for a
half minute with Anusol HC when it slowly seeped into my
addled brain that somethign was not quite right. I have been
barfing ever since. Am I dying?
Rouge: Perhaps you should change your name to Assface.
Blazert40: I'll give you 32 mins to live.
vi-edit: Going by your screenname, at least it wasn't Vagisil.

<Abby> nice language
<Abby> you kiss your mother with that mouth?
<nether> no, i kiss yours

(@_mara) Wanted:
(@_mara) A tall, well-built woman with good
(@_mara) reputation, who can cook frogs
(@_mara) legs, who appreciates a good fuo-
(@_mara) schia garden, classical music, and tal-
(@_mara) king without getting too serious.
(@_mara) But please only read lines 1, 3 and 5.

* Jadyn wacks Murad with a very large book
* Murad dies
* Jadyn pokes Murad
* Murad pokes Jad back from the bowls of Hell
<Jadyn> ack!
<Murad> :-D
* Jadyn searches Murad's dead body for stolen presents
* Murad asks his good friend Lucifer to send out a few demons
to get Jad
* Falkan asks them for papers
* Falkan deports the demons
* Murad hides his stolen presents away and sets his evil elf
minions to guard them
* Jadyn eyes the elf minions
* Falkan points out the use of non-union elf labour.

<simon-say> CNN is reporting that Lance Armstrong may be
stripped of his 6th Tour de France title.
<simon-say> In a random check for banned substances, three
were found in Armstrong's hotel room.
<simon-say> The substances banned by the French that were
found in his hotel room were as follows: (1) Toothpaste, (2)
Deodorant, (3) Soap
<simon-say> The French officials also found several other
items which they had never seen before, including a testicle
and a backbone...
<simon-say> Earlier reports that French Government officials
attempted to surrender to Armstrong as he entered Paris were
apparently erroneous.

<KainSularei> ah, bash.org
<KainSularei> 17037 quotes approved; 13482 quotes copied from
the top 100 bash quotes pending; 5 original quotes pending

Trikkz R 4 Kidz: YO
Trikkz R 4 Kidz: WASSUP?
tetsu2051: presumably not your shift key

<Paul> So anyway, i hit him over the head with a shovel
<Paul> and now he's all "Lawsuit" this and "Jailtime" that

Ruben: You know it was a good shit when you come back and your
screensaver's on.

<Alvin> so there are four guys in one prison cell. One is a
zoophile, one is a sadist, then there's a necrophile and an
extremesports athelete.
<Alvin> the zoophile says: ahh, if I had a cat here, I'd fuck
it till I pass out.
<Alvin> the sadist says: ahh, after that I'd torture it until
it's dead
<Alvin> the necrophile: wow, after that I'D fuck it till I
pass out
<Alvin> the extremesports guy is sitting in a far corner and
very quietly says: mjau

<Matrix_McCloud> by the way, is "legend of lumpy" our final
answer
<Matrix_McCloud> this is for $100,000
<Matrix_McCloud> you have 2 lifelines
<Tenchi147> I would like to use a life line
<Tenchi147> I want to call a friend
<Matrix_McCloud> you alrady used that one, and all you said
was "WASAAAAAAAAP"

<chibo> Found something pretty rad. $5 FBI hat purchased at
HOPE. Blew past a cop at 85. Looked over at the cop, he read
the hat, saluted, and retargeted someone else with the radar
gun. Not too bad for $5. Highly recommended.

<Murielle> this just in from ABC Radio - a man went to defend
himself when he heard a noise, stuck a .22 caliber pistol in
his shorts..  accidently pulled the hammer back...  felt this
stinging sensation, and a trickle of blood down his leg....
<Murielle> he had performed a self-orchectomy
<Murielle> :-)
<Noelle> lol
<Charron> hmm, so shooting your testes off "stings"?
<Murielle> apparently
<StephanieNYC> uhhhh
<StephanieNYC> a stinging sensation?
<StephanieNYC> this makes for a new definition to the term
"numb nuts"