<Terror> So, on one of the last days of school we had an
assembly in memorial of some guy that graduated from my school
that was a gunner on a Humvee and was killed by shrapnel from
a roadside bomb in Iraq
<Terror> And when we go back to class, the teacher was asking
us what we got out of the service
<Terror> and one kid said "I learned not be the the gunner on
a Humvee"

Infinitism: saying you've had the best sex without orgasm is
like saying you've just cleaned a toilet with the neatest
arrangement of shit all over it.

<Kitoshi> XD at the end of Ep 3, when they\'re showing Padme\
's funeral
<Kitoshi> my friend Hampton said \"Look! Her stomach\'s big
again! They must\'ve stuffed something back in there after the
births!\"
<Heath> xD
<Kitoshi> and without a second thought, I respond \"Where do
you think Yoda went into hiding?\"

<prepared>Theorem: All numbers are equal.
<prepared>Proof: Choose arbitrary a and b, and let t = a + b.
Then
<prepared>a + b = t
<prepared>(a + b)(a - b) = t(a - b)
<prepared>a^2 - b^2 = ta - tb
<prepared>a^2 - ta = b^2 - tb
<prepared>a^2 - ta + (t^2)/4 = b^2 - tb + (t^2)/4
<prepared>(a - t/2)^2 = (b - t/2)^2
<prepared>a - t/2 = b - t/2
<prepared>a = b
<prepared>So all numbers are the same, and math is pointless.

<Trin[awah]> I was dyeing easter eggs, and I said, "my eggs
came out all ugly!"
<Trin[awah]> and my brother said to me, "well, now you know
how your mother feels."

<minion> what should i get for lunch
<minion> i have $4
<keef> 8 packs of ramen and a 3 dollar hooker

<megamobike> my mom taught me a very important lesson today
<ccrookedrrain> no means no?
<megamobike> gross

<notalive> have you heard those jokes they dont tell gay
people
<notalive> ?
<kebaan> i dont think so?
<kebaan> tell me one then i can tell you if i have
<notalive> i dont know any

<deloused> haha i love when people start telling you stuff
like you care when you actually don't and you don't pay
attention, and then when they finish they ask for your opinion
/advice and you just say "oh yea i totally agree"
<XA> oh yeah, i totally agree

<zere> i need to make 75 thousand dollars
<videogameaholic> removing your head from your ass leaves
quite a medical bill, doesn't it.

<irving> i do stuff like set up my garage door to open over
the internet
<MyPetGoat> having an internet-enabled garage door? what that
fuck is that good for?
<MyPetGoat> it's like you're the most pathetic Bond villain
ever

<dodgo> what the fuck
<dodgo> school students demonstrating against copyright
infringement?
<Count> mmm, it's like the poor demonstrating against food
stamps and welfare

random girl: hey!
me: ...hi?
me: who is this?
random girl: Jessica, I saw u on myspace
random girl: ur hot
me: thanks
random girl: np
me: this girl keeps bugging me, but I don't want to talk to
her
me: what should I do?
random girl: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off
or sumthing
me: oh alright
me: I have to go
me: my mom is kicking me off
me: bye

<JadussD> all i can say is, the native americans could not
have had better vengeance on americans than tobacco :|
<JadussD> hundreds of thousands of dead each year
<JadussD> "hey, we're going to enslave, decimate, relocate,
and destroy your way of life."
<JadussD> "oh, okay. here, smoke this"

<Sloyment> Don't type so fast. This channel looks like Tetris
level 50

<stargazr> yeah, the only reason i have a tv is cause i won it
in a book reading contest

<DrSeuss> My dad was calling me gay and shit.
<DrSeuss> He was like "Youre a stupid queer! You cant even get
a girlfriend!"
<DrSeuss> Thats when I said "Shut up dad, you dont know
anything about my life!"
<DrSeuss> ...
<DrSeuss> So I grabbed my pom poms and left :(

<strangeintp> anyone know what version ships with latest free
Mangina distro?
<mpyne> bwahahaha
<pahli_bar> lol
<mpyne> s/Mangina/Mandriva/ maybe?

<rom> if i was ever playing hide and go seek I would want Anne
Frank on my team.

mouAng: cuz im not perverted
mouAng: hahas
IllIllziroIllIll: say something perverted
IllIllziroIllIll: at least once
IllIllziroIllIll: like
IllIllziroIllIll: boobies
mouAng: ums okays
mouAng: toe

Phil (Penfold): 600/month each for a house is a lot of money
laurence: Uh, £400...
Phil (Penfold): 400?
laurence: 1200/3=400...
Phil (Penfold): oh right
* Phil (Penfold) had to use a calculator
Phil (Penfold): but forgot it was in hex

<RustySpoon> Hahaha... I just came back from Phlanges
girlfriend.
<Phloam> Wtf were you doing there? ffs man have some respect
<RustySpoon> Let\'s just say she was glad to see me
* Phlange is now afk
<RustySpoon> fuck when did he log on?

<lordpil> everyone freeze, this is an irc stickup. don't move
or i'll DoS ya. gimme all the voice
<ZorbaTHut> don't hurt me, don't hurt me!
*** ZorbaTHut sets mode: +v lordpil
* lordpil runs away with the voice
*** Parts: lordpil
<ZorbaTHut> damn! he took our voice
<stevieo> ....

atomicmint2006: this whole project raped me in the butthole
dahlia: that's no good.
dahlia: butthole sex needes tenderness and lube.
atomicmint2006: yeah, well this project
atomicmint2006: used a sandpaper condom

(@elusive_brob) XargoL
(@elusive_brob) I've got a hook-up-line for you
(+XargoL) oh?
(+XargoL) ;O
(@elusive_brob) "wanna play network? you're switch and i'm
cable?"
(+XargoL) heh
(+XargoL) remember firewall

<@David> All of these kernel panics make this computer more
secure.
<@David> The machine can't be hacked when it's down.

<Linforcer> heh, I just told m girfriend I like my women like
I like I like my programming
<MuStR>     logical?
<Linforcer> C++
<mkde>      LOL
<MuStR>     rofl are you serious?

<DarkNeo> Did you hear about Ku Klux Knieval?
<LongWongSilver> no
<DarkNeo> He tried to jump 50 niggers with a steamroller.

<Knighted_> goddammit
<Knighted_> why can't anything i think of turn out right?
<Knighted_> listerine + foot odour smells worse than just
feet, and now my shoes are technically flammable

<Drogo> Don't trust the xbox 360
* Brandalf85 goes forward in time and gets 5 Xbox 360s
<Drogo> It's like those creatures in Chronicles of Riddick
<Drogo> You turn it on and all of a sudden "Your soul is
miiiine"
<Drogo> You know what, next thing you know rob, the xbox makes
you call your friend with a needle to your neck and you're
like "Hey, Brandalf.. Would you like to come over and--- DONT
COME BRANDALF! I mean. Brandalf, please come over and initiate
in gameplay of the xbox 360"
<Brandalf85> LOL
<Rob> haha
<Brandalf85> i probably dont live anywhere near Rob :)
<Drogo> Then Brandalf comes over and he opens the door and
it's like Dreamcatcher with the red except it's wires and
blood and the door slams shut behind him and all of a sudden,
a needle sticks into his neck
<Drogo> xbox 360 needs no memory card or hard drive either
<Drogo> you know why?
<Drogo> It saves to your brain
<Brandalf85> ....
<Brandalf85> =0
<Rob> haha
<Brandalf85> the horror
<Drogo> You're like "Oh... hey... Happy childhood memories..
NO! DONT SAVE THERE!"

zippo4x4: ok then i just wasted 10 min
Asbestos: yeah you did
zippo4x4: i know im a dumbass
Asbestos: it happens
Asbestos: if jesus was real he'd love you

<KP> the admin just came over and asked me why my desktop
looks like xp and what the hell i just did to his computer
<KP> leet hax was not an acceptable answer

rhys_rhaven: I have pictures..thousands of them. but most are
art...i got katies harddrive.
rhys_rhaven: ....
overlord_overkill2007: ah i se
rhys_rhaven: i dont understand how she can walk into a church
rhys_rhaven: tons, and tons, of slash
rhys_rhaven: gay guys, gay guys fucking, gay porn stories,
guys on guys, guys kissing.
overlord_overkill2007: ewww
rhys_rhaven: guys humping guys, female ass domination, guy
slaves, butt sex,
overlord_overkill2007: ewwwwwwww
rhys_rhaven: oh it gets worse. she has no file structure!!!!!
rhys_rhaven: what kind of sick woman doesnt organize her
files?!!!
Daniel: EWWWWWWWW

<MetalRox66> Could Jesus make a quote so funny that bash.org
would not reject it?

<Nori123> You don't know jack shit
<VioletSky> That's not true, I know him well
<Nori123> Haha
<VioletSky> I'm serious
<VioletSky> Jack is the son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe
Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner
of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn Jack
Schitt married Noe Schitt, the deeply religious couple
produced 6 children
<VioletSky> Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull
Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her
parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high
school drop out.
<VioletSky> However, after being married 15 years, Jack and
Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock
and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to
keep her previous name.
<VioletSky> She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a
son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt.
<VioletSky> Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva
Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently
married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
<VioletSky> The wedding announcement in the newspaper
announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens
children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.
<VioletSky> Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour
the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new
Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
<VioletSky> So there.
<FiPo> LOL
<Nori123> I have actually chortled coke through my nose

<tsunami> my mind is racing, just remember my old flatmate and
the dreaded salad
<tsunami> i was like: 'this salad you made tastes funny...'
found out she used the cucumber the night before, washed it
and placed it back in the crisper... i banned her from ever
making food again
<Sephiroth> hmmm...that's mildly erotic
<Sephiroth> in a lo-cal sort of way

<Azemilcar> What do you Brits say when you stereotype American
speech?
<Starblaydia> anything lacking irony or sarcasm usually
qualifies, Azemilcar
<Gala|drunk> *nod*
<Yamatto> or we just hoot like gibbons and invade sandy
countries.

< fook_> we had radiation alert drills in my HS, those were my
favorite
< mofino> I thought you'd just enjoy it by now.
< sili> fook_: how do you hide from radiation? lead suit?
< mofino> fook, haha
< tag_> I'm not in highschool
< fook_> because its important to exit the school in an
orderly fashion if the nuclea powerplant were to melt down
< tag_> which was even better
< tag_> fook_: Hahah
< fook_> sili: yeah, theres no way.
< fook_> our school was 15miles from the plant
< mofino> "But teacher my skin is melting..."
< mofino> "STAY IN LINE RICHARD!"

<Insomniak`> Stupid fucking Google
<Insomniak`> "The" is a common word, and was not included in
your search
<Insomniak`> "Who" is a common word, and was not included in
your search

<GooberMan> sony were handing out PS2 condoms
<GooberMan> the cover design had condoms in the shapes of the
buttons ie X, square, etc
<darknation> awesome
<darknation> I always wondered about those vibrating
controllers. Now we know.

<RobbiePaul> i really wish the redneck neighbors that moved in
next door would feed their children anti-freeze
<Nichole> slip it into some popcicles and serve
<RobbiePaul> "anti" freeze...

<Animenia> Oh shit almost forgot to tell you guys.... The
funniest thing ever happened today... :)
<Animenia> There\'s this dude living beneath my apartment and
some other dude across the street
<Animenia> and we talk from time to time so we decided to have
a litte chat on my teamspeak server
<Animenia> so after talking a while
<Animenia> one of the guys said he had to leave for a while so
the server got really quiet...
<Ayanami9870> because they saw a webcam pic of his dildo?
<Animenia> Though this guy didn\'t use push to talk so after
like 10 minutes of inactivity on the server I started hear
moanings and shit from my speakers
<Animenia> and I was playing really loud music
<Animenia> Then you hear his mom come in and he\'s like \"oh
shit, it\'s not what it looks like\" and she goes of screaming
\"YOU\'RE MASTURBATING?!?!\" and starts crying and shit and
tells him to move out and stuff like that
<Dazzio> holy fuck
<Animenia> You should have seen the look on his face when I
met him in the elevator later today.... He gave me the
dirtiest look ever.... and said \"Did you really have to play
so god damn loud music?? The whole block heard of my mom and
that shit\"

<Theanine> Getting high also impairs judgment, which can lead
to risky decision making on issues like sex, criminal
activity, or riding with someone who is under the influence of
drugs or alcohol.
<Theanine> haha :D
<Theanine> i get high all the time but im not getting laid...:
(
<Theanine> this weed isnt working correctly

<PO_Dorn> Hey, those of you familiar with iPod's -- how do you
put text files onto them?
<Xearz|away> Magic marker?

<@SuzyQ> NOVACAINE FOR THE SOUL
<&supreme> I LOVE POTATOES
<@nf-Stealth> CARROTS ARE GOOD FOR EYESIGHT
<&sinSR> ALWAYS WEAR PANTS
<&supreme> DONT LET DR MARIO TOUCH YOU, HE IS NOT A REAL
DOCTOR

Osmodius: you know what never made sense in star wars?
Osmodius: R2-D2
Osmodius: I mean.. WTF is it
alex: who knows lol
Osmodius: it doesn't even do anything
Osmodius: it just rolls around and makes weird noises
Osmodius: and the light on it alternates between red and blue
alex: i wonder how people understand what its saying
Osmodius: maybe like pokemon
Osmodius: people could understand what they said even though
they could only say their name
alex: they should equip r2d2 with a mini chain gun
Lenny: yeah.. and it should double as a frappucino machine
Osmodius: :\

<pathogen> in maths today we found out that 1+3+3+7 = 14
<pathogen> so therefore 1337 = 14
<pathogen> so anyone who speeks 1337 is 14

Ford_Prefect: I\'m at 2.0 MBPS!!
Navi00: Psh
Navi00: What kinda connection?\\
JK-63: With your cantenna.
Ford_Prefect: DSL
Ford_Prefect: no, I am using my standard antenna
Navi00: wtf is a cantenna?!
Ford_Prefect: because I need the connector for my cantenna
JK-63: It\'s a little antenna that can.
Ford_Prefect: works better
JK-63: You know the story, right?
JK-63: The little antenna that pushed the signal through the
wall?
* Zortexia sits down for the story
Ford_Prefect: HE was having trouble carrying data fast enough
JK-63: And then, a strange packet came along.
JK-63: And encouraged him, because the packet was from A
STRANGE ROUTER! *gasp*
* Zortexia gasps!
Ford_Prefect: I think I can
Ford_Prefect: I think I ca
Ford_Prefect: *n
Ford_Prefect: I think I can
Zortexia: LMAO!
JK-63: The cantenna pushed and pushed as hard as he could, and
got a signal through to the strange router!
Zortexia: yay for cantenna!
Ford_Prefect: and downloaded an entire copy
Ford_Prefect: of microsoft XP
Ford_Prefect: in one hour
* Zortexia eyes get big
Navi00: That is the most adorable thing I\'ve ever heard
Navi00: loll
Ford_Prefect: *pirated I might add
Navi00: XD
Ford_Prefect: :0
Zortexia: :O
Zortexia: then what happened
Ford_Prefect: he lived happily ever after leaching off of
other people\'s wireless connectiong
Navi00: heh heh heh heh
JK-63: And the hacker driving the cantenna was very happy with
his new copy of Windows XP.
Ford_Prefect: the end

omgsean123: so anyway, heisenberg is speeding down the street
and he gets pulled over by a cop
omgsean123: and the cop is like "do you know how fast you were
going?"
omgsean123: and he says "no, but i know exactly where i am!"

<AnViL> gah... i still can't find a prom date...
<AnViL> then again, it might help if i actually talked to the
women
<AnViL> instead of drooling and staring at them from afar