<Tonberry> I hate it when people forward me God crap.
<Arch|Ryuugan> lol
<Tonberry> Like 'God is our savior, why should we only worship
him on Sundays! We should worship him at work, at school,
during sex, yaddayaddayadda.'
<Arch|Ryuugan> Wait... during sex... do I need to, like...
pray?
<Tonberry> Well, I think 'Oh, God' is sufficient.

<shen> My computer is broadcasting an IP address...
<shen> I wonder if I can annoy the neighbours by broadcasting
it REALLY LOUD

<chanman`> everyone at school is saving for a car
<chanman`> im saving for a server rack

<Erin> No manners these days ...
<Mitch> yeah
<Erin> like, this policeman last nite
<Erin> there was a breathaliser thing, so we had to stop, n
this policeman came up to my mum's window and shone this light
right in her eyes
<Erin> and was like "can u see this lite"
<Erin> she like ... "yes sir your shining it in my face"
<Erin> so he goes, "thats what your lights are doing to us,
turn them down madam"
<Erin> "its an offence"
<Mitch> HAHAHAHA
<Erin> and didn't even breathalise her.

Crimson Seiko: Maybe a newer version of AIM obliterated the
future?
Crimson Seiko: * feature

<ChapelPaige> Oh tell me why, do we build castles in the sky?
<@Apoc> to make them harder to assault
<ChapelPaige> ...good point.
<@Apoc> Lets see you get a trebuchet up here bitch

Itsm3: Cardboard, when you were little your parents used to
tell you to stop making that face or you would be ugly for the
rest of your life.
Itsm3: And then they realized. . . you weren't making a face.
CardboardBoxes: :(

<Mrs_Grima_Wormtongue> My dad once said that we should just
combine Hanukah, Groundhog Day and Easter.  We spin the
dreidl, and if it lands on "Nun" Jesus has to stay on the
cross for 6 more weeks.

<srty> Light travels faster than sound.
<arilsotil> WRONG
<boya> This is why some people appear bright until you hear
them speak

<jack> Urk. I just typed "a" instead of "10"
<anubis> jack : someone must have cast a hex on you

aspuffnstuff: The third one looks like something they used in
Star Wards
aspuffnstuff: *Wars
alykat: lol "star wards"
alykat: an epic about a hospital set in space
alykat: "use the forceps, luke"
volcanogirl: come.. to the bed pan. the bed pan!
aspuffnstuff: OBGYN kenobi!

<+sys> diodes are too one-sided
<+fork> on the contrary, my dildos are double-sided
<+fork> diodes. ok

<poetic_toupet> i REALLY dont know what gives people the idea
that opers should be "fair"

<Bork_Tanbey> pretty soon EA's creativity on expansion packs
is going to run dry
<Bork_Tanbey> then they're going to have to start thinking
retroactively
<Bork_Tanbey> The Sims: Text RPG
<Bork_Tanbey> "Buy Washing machine"
<Bork_Tanbey> "place washing machine north of dryer"
<Hotwire> "rotate east"
<Hotwire> "rotate east"
<Hotwire> "change color to red"
<Bork_Tanbey> "impregnate slutty neighbor"
<Hotwire> "slap neighbour and run from child support"
<Bork_Tanbey> "challenge everything!"

<joshua> i hate this... i wish it could be like "what's your
name sir? " "Josh Nieman" "oh, well here's the exact computer
that's best for you at a price you love, thank you for
shopping with Dream On, Asshole Industries"

<microgal> and whiter than white
<RobinHood> heh
<Kronovohr> so...you're like #GGGGGG?

<JoeSmurf> I got drunk, got into a fight, walked like 5 miles
in the rain to my gf's parents house and got into bed with her
mother
<Joesmurf> by mistake
<Nortica> You fuck her?
<Joesmurf> I had no clothes on and started talking real dirty
before my actual gf came in...
<Nortica> hahah
<Joesmurf> Yeah that morning coffee was like none other ...
all three of us cramped around that little table, all thinking
about what had happened, and no one saying anything except
like "lovely morning out" and "think it's sposed to rain
later"
<Nortica> funny shit
<Joesmurf> I think her mum was semi into it ... mite break up
with my gf and go after her dirty hoe mum
<Joesmurf> plus I wouldn't have to move

<ziz> i'm reading this article about the new intel centrino
pentium M processor
<ziz> apparently they had a lot of failures early in the
manufacturing process
<ziz> but now they're happy with it
<ziz> and some embedded network appliance makers have begun
using them in their webservers
<ziz> so the name of this thing is the "Dothan"
<ziz> and i keep thinking "...what, so many Dothans died to
bring me this information?"

Dan: we went to "the store" in our lunch break today
Dan: there was this shop with the sign "coffee corn" above it
Dan: it was meant to be 2 different signs but it looked like
one
Dan: and this girl that was with us asked "WTF is coffee corn"
Dan: then later we walked around the other side and the other
part of the sign said "nuts juice"

<nxn> dude I'm playing tic tac toe with this chick over a
doodle drawing thing
<nxn> I put down an X in the middle and she's like "OMFG
CAMPER!!"

<baconbits> Hey, have any of you seen that AOL commercial
where the guys are getting food?
<baconbits> And the AOL guy is dumping chili and jello and
crap on the guy's sandwich saying that it's "Spam and viruses"
<baconbits> And then he's like "Which would you rather have,
Regular highspeed with viruses and spam, or highspeed internet
with AOL?
<baconbits> I got the best parody for that.
<baconbits> The guys are standing in line
<baconbits> Getting food.
<baconbits> And the Regular highspeed guy takes a crap on the
sandwich
<baconbits> And says "Which would you rather have, my regular
highspeed, or highspeed with AOL on it?

Egger: Heres the history of our medicine.
"I have a sore throat."
2000 BC : "eat this root"
1200 AD : "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1500 AD : "That prayer is superstition, drink this
elixir."
1800 AD : "That elixir is snake oil, Take this pill."
1900 AD : "That pill is ineffective, Take this
antibiotic."
2000 AD : "That antibiotic is artificial, Here why dont
you eat this root."

Eglagaladiel: Didn't your mother ever tell you not to eat
nuclear warheads?

<M3atwad> my dad's been actin really weird lately
<M3atwad> he comes up behind my while im doin homework and
gives me back rubs
<M3atwad> i don't know if it's sexual harrassment
<M3atwad> or if he's happy im doin my homework so that he
doesnt get arrested for me dropping out of school
<M3atwad> ...
<Kylie> your dads a perv
<magik8> ur dads a perv
<op_01001> your dad's a perv
<dysc404> your droppin out?

<sword> i have the perfect girlfriend
<jon334> girlfriends are never perfect, m8
<sword> well last night while she was giving me a back massage
she asked me whether i wanted anything to eat or a blowjob or
both. i said that im a bit tired so she got me a beer from the
fridge and said that i should make myself comfortable
<sword> cause she still hadnt finished my home assignment for
the PHP class and she wanted to check /. too
<jon334> she good looking?
<sword> id say so, yea
<jon334> MARRY HER! NOW

<Malygris> Hey, interesting. I just got an email offering 20%
off rabbits.
<Malygris> So I clicked it. I like rabbits. They're cute, and
I have lots of other animals anyway, so a rabbit or two might
be cool.
<Malygris> Turns out that "rabbit" is apparently some sort of
slang for neon-coloured dildos with anal stimulators.
<Malygris> Good prices, though.

<Zach> Is your Dad home?
<videogameaholic> yep
<Zach> You get any hot chicks on the internet yet?
<videogameaholic> wtf?  There aren't any chicks on the
internet.
<Zach> You gotta do what I do.  I get onto one of them lesbian
chatrooms and pretend to be a 19 year old girl.
<videogameaholic> I bet the other 60 "horny lesbians" in that
room think they are just as clever as you.
<Zach> no no no, they're really women, they send me naked
pictures
<videogameaholic> What do you do when they ask for yours?
<Zach> I send them a pic of a 19 year old girl.
<videogameaholic> ...
<Zach> No seriously, they're all lesbians.
<videogameaholic> If you say so...
<Zach> damn straight.
<videogameaholic> I'm sure you are.

<SirCourage> So anyways, I knew at 1:30 am this morning that
my english paper would not be finished, so I opened up
mirc.exe in notepad, saved it as a .txt, emailed it to my
school email and told them that their email server must have
ruined my paper. I got an A-  :D

vampiriclord98: sup
trevmaniscool: my day was horrible, i lost a 20 dollar bill,
got beat up, and was late for all my classes
vampiriclord98: dang
vampiriclord98: why u get beat up?
trevmaniscool: For stealing a 20 dollar bill when I should
have been going to class

ThePseudoNerd: Nobody was eating any of the food, so I said,
"Finish your food. Think of all the starving kids in Africa."
ThePseudoNerd: And later on, I hadn't finished my drink, so
this kid says, "Finish your beer. Think of all the sober kids
in Africa."

< mine9> 231,212 people or communities on LJ that list
"sleeping" as an interest
< mine9> 1.03 million for music
< mine9> 324,420 for computers
< mine9> and a measly 196,490 for sex
< mine9> talk about boring people...
< nub> that's because they're on livejournal. look up
"masturbation"

<TFH> I'm going to start a band called Dial Up, and we are
only going to play slow songs.

<DM|Rigs> heh no body loves me
<DM|Rigs> :(
<Munter> Jesus loves you!
<Sirak> Everybody else thinks you're a cunt

<d0pp> I farted over the intercom last night.
<d0pp> :D
<d0pp> It echoed through the entire store.

<vic> 128kbps is good for music, but for a shower
<vic> it's way more than you need
<Jewass> no way
<Jewass> i need to feel my cleanest
<Jewass> and we have lo-flo shower heads at my house
<Nosnam> Its not a lo-flo shower head. It's a low bandwidth
shower head.
<Kurt> golden showers
<Nosnam> golden showers would be AOL
<Nosnam> A dialup shower head is one where you have to stand
there for 10 minutes before the water starts coming out
<Nosnam> I use a cisco router with my shower. It's load
distribution sprays my entire body at once
<Nosnam> I forgot to enable WEP encryption on my 802.11G
shower... I was showering, and my neighbor joined me
<Chamuyo> I remember back in my time when you had to order
your water and it got delivered in paper envelopes with stamps
glued on them
<vic> that's taking it to far
<vic> gtfo

<scytale> man, i suck at cooking
<scytale> was cooking something, piece of food fell on the
floor
<scytale> dog ate it up, then threw up

Swatt> wait, whats 2nd base?
Garay> well 1st is making out, 2nd is hand job/fingering, 3rd
is oral, and 4th or home is sex...
Swatt> what about 5th?
Garay> 5th?
Swatt> anal...
Garay> oh thats not 5th, thats a foul

<appleboy> Are you chinese?
<transgress> do i look chinese motherfucker?

<Devilbunny>  I just got back from a team-building meeting at
work.  There was pizza and the managers did karaoke, and we
played games.
<Devilbunny>  We played Cranium, basically a team based
trivial pursit, with cards like "draw a picture and have your
team guess what it is," or "hum this song and have your team
guess."
<Devilbunny>  The last card was charades, for the word
"hormone"
<Devilbunny>  ...
<Devilbunny>  So, next week's meeting will be sensitivity
training.

<khamosis> oh man... i had typed "hey! anyone awake?" in
another channel about 20 minutes ago
<khamosis> and just now i saw it and typed "yes!" not
realizing it was me

<ZhanDVG> Dammit
<ZhanDVG> I kept glancing at the computer thinking that the
channel was dead...
<ZhanDVG> Then I realised I was looking at Notepad :(
<DJ-Neo> ....
<Ice_Dragon> wow.
<Ice_Dragon> Zhan, I can safely say I don't think any of us
are ever going to top that

<cast> see, the roof falling on me is the least of my problems
here, the whole building going from |^| to /^/ to ___ is my
problem

Magustol: what about a geek nightclub?
Adam r the God: what? instead of a dancefloor, just a bunch of
DDR machines?

-!- Spudnewt [MacroKILLA@S01060004e2286ac3.wp.shawcable.net]
has
joined #nanog
<Spudnewt> These goddamn trolls interrupting my flow. These
niggas
don't respek us with a +o.  They gotta color spam
and fake
invite, bombing with asciis in yellow on white.  
Shit
yeah. it's bright, you 12 year old kiddie.  You
ain't got
pubes and you ain't seen titty.  I'll jupe your
chans and
ban your ass.  Don't message me with plz unban,
your chance
has passed!  Other opers crappin up our relay net.
<Spudnewt> Why haven't you delinked your 386 yet? ircd needs
xeons and
dual cpus.  When it comes to irc hardware, you
can't be a
jew.  Shit, nobody knows the trouble I've seen.  On
invites
for websites with naked teens.   Begs for ops and
packet
attacks.  Shit from users who use vi, not emacs. 
Another
long day of patrolling the IRC.  Eating my doritos,
and
having a jerk, I chat with TheWalrus and #nanog
faggots.
<Spudnewt> All this niggas do is complain "the lag it's-- 
bad, chat
is slow, and we're getting harassed."  Shit,
trolls, this
k-line is your last.  Once more and it's "G" and
you're
gone for good.   Banned from the internet chatting
neighbourhood.  It's lonely at the top. Just me and
CHANFIX.  Day in and day out. Banning trolls with
my linux.
We give safe harbor to chatters world wide.
<Spudnewt> From pedophiles to hacker thieves.  Yeah, I won't
lie:  IRC
is a cesspool of e-misfits.  EazyCheezes and
bagel-cutters
like that nigga BitS.  But at least we're the best.
Disagree and you're gone.  BRB, mom just told me
gotta mow
the lawn.
-!- Spudnewt [MacroKILLA@S01060004e2286ac3.wp.shawcable.net]
has left
#nanog []
-!- mode/#nanog [+b spudnewt!*@*] by nar
<Darkcyde> someone give that guy a record deal

<Workdae> i have the most hilarious issue i just picked up
<Workdae> and i can say it without compromising details, and
it'd still be hilarious
<Workdae> i'm not sure where this customer got this command,
or who told him it'd update his server...but he ran this
command thinking it'd update his server:
<Workdae> dd if=/dev/random of=/dev/hda bs=1M
<Workdae> (if you value your data and you run linux, don't
test it to find out what it does)
<Workdae> anyway, he put in the ticket that the server had
been updating for a while, and that now he can't connect to it

* MTR continues to listen to his best of Poison cd
<ROB> That's gotta be one short fucking CD

<randomchimp> my god country song titles are getting worse by
the minute..a song called "Beer for my horses" is playing on
local radio
<Wer194> heh, probably get something like 'Her heart was gold
but her teeth were stained' next
<randomchimp> haha
<Wer194> or even 'dads indecision lead to my circumcision'
<randomchimp> LOL

<DiTsHiP> I'm about to go to class, I have two tests today.
<AldeBaran> erk, good luck
<DiTsHiP> Thanks
<AldeBaran> what subject(s)?
<DiTsHiP> Psychology and Data Structures
<AldeBaran> wow...don't get mixed up...
<DiTsHiP> I'll try not to :)
<AldeBaran> "what program would we use to solve for X?" "Well,
a program of mild anti-depressants followed by some sessions
with a psycologist should make X feel better about himself"

<Man_Loner> I had the best masturbation ever today too
<Man_Loner> I had the magazine open in front of me, at a
really great picture
<Man_Loner> My eyes were rolling back in my head
<Man_Loner> I let out a deep moan
<Man_Loner> And then the man in the shop asked "Are you going
to buy that?"

Plouj> I can't put a finger on my problem(s).
@Pezmaker> Plouj: touch your finger to your forehead