<walt> So I play Tony Hawk Pro Skater all the time right
<walt> And I'm thinking
<walt> That's so awesome, I should learn how to skate!
<walt> So one of my sister's friends left her skateboard here,
and I started to dick around on it
<walt> Long story short, I fell over and broke my wrist
<walt> Now I can't play Tony Hawk.
<norl> lol dumbass

tohayer: My windows machine crashes scarily
tohayer: Whatever audio is playing, slows down
tohayer: Like when Dave is disconnecting Hal's memory
tohayer: "Ted... Ted... why are you opening the task manager.
You're scaring me, Ted"

TheItch: Dude, funniest thing ever!
TheItch: I walk into the bathroom at work, walk up to a
urinal, and get ready to... you know.
TheItch: From one of the stalls, I hear a low rumble, which
escalates to a groan, and then to a roar.
TheItch: What follows can only be described as the most vile
and putrid sounds of human excretion in history. This man
apparently pooped out his intestines.
TheItch: Moments later, I hear from the same stall, "Oh god!
Someone CALL AN AMBULANCE!"
TheItch: Now, this is an executive restroom at a private bank,
and the door has a number lock on it, so it's not some kid
trying to be funny. And the man sounded genuinely distressed.
TreesSneezing: lmao! What did you do?
TheItch: Suppressed my laughter as best as I could, zipped up
and got the hell out of there.

<Thuryn>  irc is the u-bend under the sink of society

<comwalk> Remember, here in the U.S.A, we have reached a new
age.
<comwalk> NOBODY is responsible for their own actions.
<comwalk> Remember that.
<comwalk> Holy shit! I killed somebody! Bob made me do it!
<comwalk> Bob: Joe made me do it!
<comwalk> Joe: I blame the media!
<comwalk> Media: Videogames.
<comwalk> Videogames: Personal responsibility?
<comwalk> Personal Responsibility: <AFK>

<SwampFox> my way of determining the validity of a holiday is
where I am at 9:00 AM
<SwampFox> if I'm in bed, it's good
<SwampFox> if I'm in Physics, it's a Hallmark holiday

<e-shark> so i was in physics today, and my mechanical pencial
snapped
<e-shark> my teacher noticed it, and then went on this tangent
about how he went through school with one mechanical pencil
<e-shark> and a giant white eraser that was german made, since
it was really good at getting rid of mistakes
<e-shark> then my friend states, "yea, those germans are
really good at getting rid of big, annoying mistakes."

<NG-Buddhist> I found something humorously racist on Friday
<NG-Buddhist> I was reading a magazine from my English room
after my exam, about the most influential people of the last
50 years
<NG-Buddhist> and various pictures were cut out, but i didnt
think about it
<NG-Buddhist> then i got to the back of the book, and someone
glued in Rosa Park's picture of her sitting there
<Marcus-> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

* GLE has joined #motl
<implode> if you want to blow the dealer, thats your option
<{Excabus}> If I was a girl, I'd totally give head for magic
cards.
* GLE has quit IRC (Quit: Note to self; stop coming here)

<Cobra> so i was watching a pr0n
<Thunder> wait
<Thunder> why u guys always say pr0n instead of porn ??
Thunder has been kicked by Guardian (No porn on this channel
!)
<Cobra> ...
<Cobra> so i was watching a pr0n

<@generated> i wish i was dead
<@mehh_> generated: why? :(
<@mehh_> actually i really need to go...tell me some other
time :)
<@mehh_> bbl

<mcsuede> so i was half way through drinking a dr pepper
<mcsuede> and my wife sexed me so i fell asleep
<mcsuede> and when i woke up she had drank my dr pepper
<mcsuede> it was the last one
<mcsuede> i fear it was a plot

Frencheneesz: what if there was a super hero who had the power
to transfer his own boredom to his enemies?
SombrousKnight: how'd he get these powers? gamma radiation
while waiting in line at the DMV?

ShamanMumboJumbo: Dude, I hate AIM Triton but I had to get it
because all my friends have it and I can't share files
otherwise
ViewtifulDom: Peer2Peer Pressure?

<@michael`_> and i found out that some sophomore at my school
ran a stop sign and some dude going the speed limit slammed
into her car
<@michael`_> killing her two friends
<@michael`_> she was drunk as hell, apparently
<@michael`_> and she just got acquitted of vehicular
manslaughter today
<@michael`_> shes on facebook too
<@michael`_> Sarah Pennell wrote
<@michael`_> at 10:49pm March 2nd, 2006
<@michael`_> You.....Me....Large amounts of alcohol = this
weekend!!

<dd> who wants to fight me?
<i8b4uUnderground> not me
<i8b4uUnderground> or not i, should i say
<i8b4uUnderground> or i should say, i should say

<PsychoStreak> Now you can get that 8 ball glass eye you've
been wanting.
<ircDaemon> then I can shake my head and people can read my
condescending answer without me even saying anything!

QB: My brother went to see the Globetrotters last night...
QB: <spoilers>Globetrotters won!</spoilers>
Come: ARG
Come: I HAD THAT ON TAPE

Dan: It may be Saturday morning, but IRC is the protocol that
never sleeps!
azc: As far as I know, the only protocol that sleeps is ACPI
:D

<Gorsha> im starting to get pissed with photobucket
<Gorshal> i drew a simple picture and posted it in photobucket
and it still shrank the picture to be tiny
<Gorshal> i cant figure out wtf the problem is
<PG> try uploading a pic of your penis
<PG> it's the one thing small enough photobucket won't shrink

<Handy> There are 2 kinds of people in the world.
<Handy> 1. Those who need closure.
<Marko> And?
<DavyP> AND?

LutherBifteck: I bet if I wished I was a shapeshifter
LutherBifteck: The genie would give me the power to change
triangles into squares
LutherBifteck: And I would be annoyed.

<JRJohn> At my high school we had a high school cop who would
walk around proudly displaying his 9mm glock.
<JRJohn> also, he had about 10 boxes of ammo in his desk.
<ZoFreX> that's a little unsafe
<ZoFreX> ammo should be locked up
<JRJohn> WHY would you need more ammunition than there are
kids in the school?
<ZoFreX> doubletap?

<chuck> I just got two CDs from AOL. Two CDs in one package.
One is gold, for dial-up. The other is Silver, for Cable/DSL
broadband. They came in a box that was half gold and half
silver. The back of the box enumerates the difference between
the two available plans.
<chuck> The CDs have different features listed on their
labels.
<chuck> I diff'd them. They're identical.
<chuck> bit for bit:
<chuck> chkno$ md5sum /dev/cdrom
<chuck> 43cf5b370b5d85a74afc2449f445579d /dev/cdrom
<chuck> chkno$ md5sum /dev/cdrom
<chuck> 43cf5b370b5d85a74afc2449f445579d /dev/cdrom

<shok-> ha! just yesterday I was wondering why more solar
power applications aren't being built
<shok-> but they are in Shanghai.
<shok-> oh communists, what won't you do?
<Ben^> last for more than a century?

<Sonic> snow tomorrow. yay. 
<Turtle> No snow in the hill country of Texas....where are you
expecting your snow, sonic? 
<moc> no snow in houston either 
<Sonic> pennsylvania 
<Sonic> only about 4 more inches 
<2slim> we have 4 feet here in Idaho 
<fiver> is that due to inbreeding slim?

* McPierce once wrote a webserver in VB that was more powerful
than apache.
< bkjones> I once coded an operating more powerful than
windows using PHP  while standing on my head and driving a
car.
< ScottCh> I once mistyped a command in emacs, and made a more
powerful webserver than IIS

<Dave123> So I there s this virgin girl  I know, she is
Inconceivable
<Turtleman> no she's unbearable
<NINJAmes> no you idiots, she's Impregnable

Jeffrey: Heh, what an ass. My friend Vann just beat me at
Chess, and he checkmated me by putting my king in check with a
pawn...Then saying PAWNED!!1!

Scott: i need a title for an essay about how i go over and
above what is asked of me
Scott: because its a reflection on myself
Austin: "Second to None: The Story of How I Spit on God"

<+CrackB[a]be> jag sa inget om  f stock
<+CrackB[a]be> n rmsta stock jag kommer h r  r dildo haha
<+PurpleHelmetWarrior> i understood dildo, and thats all that
i need to know

<Silellak> The Oscars are fucking lame.  Hollywood giving
itself a self-congratulatory blowjob over how artsy and deep
and relevant it is
<Silellak> When I saw "The Day After Tomorrow" in their
montage of movies that addressed serious issues I wanted to
throw something at the screen.
<Silellak> Because Day After Tomorrow was as much about global
warming as Independence Day was about gay rights

<Jaques> What if there was a Resident Evil game in France?
<sands> it'd be boring as shit
<sands> all the zombies would run away

{RainmakeR}: fuck I'm a retard
{RainmakeR}: I was trying to use windows magnifier to enlarge
the dead pixel area to look at it better
{RainmakeR}: i had it open for like 5 seconds, then like "wait
a minute... "

<Bao> A friend from college is now getting her PhD in
biomedical engineering, and she has a pet rat she has to
experiment on, and she had to castrate it for her next
procedure.
<Bao> Apparently the thing wasn't fully under anaesthesia, and
when she was shaving it, it ejaculated on her.
<Bao> And the most horrible thing is that she shrugs it off
and is like, "Who'd have thought the first handjob I'd ever
give would be to a rat?!"

<[Midgard]Reynard[50DRG]> a friend of mine once commented that
huamns are the only species to go out of our way to obtain
milk after we've been weaned, I replied that we were the only
species with cookies

<johnnyt> holy crap. have to do a 1500 word history essay
<heffalump75> hey u know the saying....
<heffalump75> just draw 1.5 pictures

st0rmf1re: http://www.wimp.com/jeopardyho/
ruotfk: is this SFW?
st0rmf1re: no, wmv

<scenestar> chuck norris jokes are the web 2.0 equivalent of
"all your base"

(Cdian)If anyone wants to see it, I have the entire series of
"goatse" pictures, not just the most famous one. You'd be
horriffied to see exactly what that man can fit up his arse.
(em-p)Yeah cause when I saw goatse.cx my first thought was
"where can I find MORE?" and then, when I found more? "I'm
going to hold onto these!" I just don't KNOW you anymore dude.

-!- blehhhhh [n=muhammad@213-193-176-96.adsl.easynet.be] has
joined #perl
<blehhhhh> hello guys, how am i able to create an array of
socks ?
<mmlj4> open a drawer?

< ispiked> I really hate how these ads have girls in them with
their locations based on your ip address.
< ispiked> the same girls live in raleigh and in
winston-salem, apparently.
< shaldannon> lol
< shaldannon> they ...uh.... get around

<feikkikuotti> heard about the accident?
<`Riku> no, what, who, where?
<feikkikuotti> my bro got hit by a bus, got both of his legs
amputated :(
<`Riku> so you got half brother then?

<Nickster> Time for me to make some breakfast! :)
<Nickster> Is anyone from England? I have a question.
<Speck> Im from England and if your asking about english
muffins Ill kick you.
<Nickster> nvm then.

<pixadel> Fine, Java MIGHT be a good example of what a
programming language should be like. But Java applications are
good examples of what applications SHOULDN'T be like.

<+PeterFA> I'm naked.
<+zinx> whoever invented text-only communication
<+zinx> ruled

pi4arctan1guy: I cam home from grocery shopping and there
wasn't enough room for all my food and I thought "This isn't
fair! Most people never have to deal with the frustration of
not being able to fit all their food in their refrigerators!"
Then, I put my hands on my big white belly and laughed a very
deep laugh, while my top hat bobbed up and down and my cane
leaned against my stack of property deeds and hundred dollar
bills.

< Wombles> i rang up a taxi friday... drunk.. and in in a
pirate accent.. i said "Yarr ahoy me maitie! i need me a row
boat to take me back to me ship which is docked at <insert
address>"
< Wombles> i can believe one came.

<Freman> I just asked my boss why he's doing all the new
gigabit runs in cat5 (not even cat5e) instead of cat6e... the
fool replies and says "cat6e has bugs in it"....

<swl> I got a tshirt for my birthday that says "This ain't a
beer belly, it's a fuel tank for a sex machine"
<swl> i wonder if it was a nice gesture or not :P