<Omini> Worst... day... ever...
<Omini> I was on the crapper, and my right big toe hurt a
little - so while I took a crap I decided to investigate...
<Omini> As soon as I took my sock off, I swear - the smell
from my feet and the smell from my crap collided - if it was a
movie, it would have cut scene to a nuclear explosion.

MrLauritson: I have concluded that M$ are a bunch of dirty
bastards.
Kestral: Why's that?
MrLauritson: Basically I was talking to one of my female
friends on MSN this morning.
MrLauritson: And she said "Well, it's Sunday so I'm going to
go have a bath before starting one of those wonderful essays
which I love writing so much xD"
MrLauritson: Literally JUST as she says that, I get a message
at the top of the screen telling me that we both have webcams
and can have a video conversation o.O

<Vitor> When exactly did we stop talking about my penis?
<Gummi_Bear> We've moved on to bigger and better things.

<tyrannosaurus> less is more
<tyrannosaurus> actually no
<tyrannosaurus> they're different binaries
<tyrannosaurus> my bad

RIPpolaris89: omg, brokeback mountain is soooo gay
Brownie8290: NO SHIT SHERLOCK

<Rebka> y'know what i dont get? Lesbians who date girls who
look like thye may as well be guys... I mean... WTF.. it's
like deciding you like skydiving, then buyng a submarine.

<predation> so I'm at work and this kid rings the bell on the
counter RIGHT behind me
<predation> the kid goes "SORRY" when I turn around
<predation> kid's mom goes "sorry isn't an excuse when you do
something stupid on purpose"
<predation> i'm putting it on a t-shirt

<Jugulator> i need meat
<Yogi> meat is the bread of life

<Bonz> I saw a debate in the US Congress where the Coast Guard
and others were saying it's impossible to smuggle nukes into
the US. One of the Congressman asked, "What if they're smart
enough to pack it in a bale of marijuana? We know you can't
stop THAT."

<b0b> fucking hell dude
<b0b> i hate when the salsa in the jar gets low
<b0b> and I try to get it out with a chip and it gets all of
my fingers
<b0b> and i just end up crying myself to sleep with my fingers
covered in salsa

hehehe8383: school was pretty fun for me cus of the teachers =
P
hehehe8383: like i remember this one time in like 5th grade or
something
hehehe8383: i got a bloody nose in my math class and i had on
a white shirt to boot
hehehe8383: so i went to the nurse for like 10 min. while i
was sittin in the nurses office, the period was over so my
class left and another class came in
hehehe8383: but i still had my books there so i had to go back
in
hehehe8383: so i walk into the classroom with blood stains on
my shirt and holding a blood spotted tissue up to my nose
hehehe8383: so the teacher pointed at me and she goes "see
what i do to kids who dont do their homework?"
hehehe8383: i swear to you, this kid next to me had a
MORTIFIED look on his face as he started scribbling stuff down
on some incomplete worksheet =P

<PeriSoft> did I tell you about the time we were playing
chess?
<PeriSoft> we're playing, and as usual she's pwning me
<PeriSoft> she takes like six of my pieces in a row
<PeriSoft> and then yells, in the deepest voice she has,
"KILLING SPREE!@!!!"

<@jjsff8> I wanna find a girl who loves me for my money, but
doesnt understand math.

<d!P_$#!+> So do bully's who take your money grow up to be
jews?

<teddy> bryno, thats the dumbest thing ive ever read
<teddy> and ive read the patriot act...

<minadein> so my materials lecturer at uni is like
<minadein> "this year we will be focusing on failure"
<minadein> "for those who are repeating the subject, this will
be new to you"

Vipar87: so my old ass english teacher starts going on about
passing a failing kids when she starts up a story about this
school bus driver who needed to pass this class to keep his
job. Well, he ended up with a D+, failing, but right at the
edge of a C, so she nudged him up enough to pass him. A few
weeks later, he was in a wreck while driving the school bus.
He died, but none of the kids did and she goes "I'm so glad I
passed him so he could save those kids..." and I'm like...
"Bitch, if you woulda failed him, he'd be alive, and the new,
SMARTER bus driver wouldn't have wrecked the bus anyway!"
mario13256: idiot

Marumekomu> This silence is far from golden
<Marumekomu> that reminds me, I need a shower

<Dissident> I just wrote an entire paper of complete BS
<Dissident> and not just BS, but horribly obvious BS
<Dissident> like something a stoned person would have written
<Dissident> a very stoned person
<Dissident> who passed out on the keyboard halfway through
<Chaos> "The industrial revolution was
gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg"

icemann182002: YOU ARE FUCKING GAY IF YOU READ THIS.
violinist394: Fuck.
Jambalaya : shit, I guess I'm gay now
Shibs: What? I can't make out the message.

[sp00n06] i don't get math
[vinyard] you get even?
[sp00n06] ??

< Darien> I saw a coworker trying to figure out how to make
his chair lean back
< Darien> he was on the ground looking at the bottom of it
< Darien> we talk about the chairs for a minute or so
< Darien> then he puts on his headset, hits a button on his
phone, and says 'Sorry ma'am, thanks for holding.'

<Mak0> history class was hilarious today
<Mak0> teacher asks "can anyone name a law put into effect by
a president that they dont agree with?"
<Mak0> my response: "the Emancipation Proclamation"
<Mak0> its ok though, its a honors class so of course no black
people are in it

(+RossH) I don't get tested....I just fuck women.....and tell
them I have aids......when they freak out....go get tested and
call me crying from joy because they are clean I know I passed
(+RossH) I'm cheap

<bLank> I was just watching Swordfish and the senators
assistant hands him a floppy disc and says "Sir, we have a
problem" ... I'm sorry, but nothing important has ever been
able to fit on a floppy disc, there's no way the senator is
going to have his fly-fishing disturbed for 1.4 mb

Walbanger: i got the greatest pick-up line ever
Walbanger: But i cant tell you because you're a girl
nekofairy: ...
nekofairy: Harvey, are you gay?

<Andrew> woot
<Andrew> I just used my mastercard for the first time
<Andrew> I'm a man now.
<debian_> what u buy
<Andrew> purse

<|LK|Masterknight89> man i wonder why im never invoved in the
net split

<Sordly> One of the worst moments of anyone's life would have
to when you realize there's only enough peanut butter to cover
the front half of your body ...
<Whatanut> That's only a problem until one realizes there's
still the jelly...
<Sordly> True, true
<Madster> Whatanut... ew

hitm4n: the next 3 auctions all end within 2 mins of each
other
hitm4n: 1h11m, 1h12m and 1h14m on each
caffeinekid: for a minute there, I thought you were having
trouble spelling your nick :s
caffeinekid: i should pay more attention

Mizz0Spiegel:  There were so many southerners in florida
Shinigaami: Uhh, maybe that's because Florida's in the south.

<@Vacorsis> The universe is racist
<@Vacorsis> At night you can see thousands of stars, and none
of them are black
<@Vacorsis> That's just total bullshit

[Sativa] My sister earlier, got pulled over by a cop
[Sativa] He said 'Can I see your licence'
[Sativa] And she gave him her credit card on accident
[Sativa] And he is like 'I only accept cash'

[PlatypusMan] You're cluttering the chat.
[PlatypusMan] It's like littering on a highway.
[PlatypusMan] Somewhere an e-indian is crying.

<happyguy> guess what! i actually found jeans of length 30-34!
<trio82> you wear 30-34's? whats ur height and weight?
<happyguy> 6'3", 150lbs
<banished> youre 6'3" and you weigh 150lbs?
<banished> i thought you said you were american

<Bowstring> Notice how people always associate mental people
with carrying knives? If they were really mental they'd try to
stab people with a hoover or something.

<pokerface> Mac development is OK, so long as you don't mind
that your target audience is likely to be you and the three
other mac guys.
<TheFeniX_Work> last I checked there were at least 9 Mac
gamers out there. Show some respect for the demographic
pokerface.
<pokerface> Respect begins with double digits.

<Conflict> my girlfriend tattooed this guy's dick last week
and when i came home i was like "how'd the tattoo go?" and she
goes "fine, except that I needed both hands so I had to hold
his cock in my mouth." i was like "thats ni-you whaaa?!??"

<Viperz> I don't know what to write on my college application
for community service that I've done...
<SG> Priest in World of Warcraft

<Serpentor> My sister has this one friend of hers (who's 19
about to turn 20).. goddamit the girl is the cutest thing ..
(her friend, not my sister you fucking pervert). Whenever I
see her I want to fucking beat off (again, the friend, not my
fucking sister you misinterpretter)
<PainBreak> i think Serpentor has a guilty conscience

<PoPsI>Today in english, my teacher asked us to write down one
thing we regretted or wondered what would've happened if we
had done something else.
<PoPsI>After that, he asked us to share some and he picked me.
<PoPsI>He's like "What did you write down?" and i say "I
wonder what would've happened if i had taken the red pill..."
<PoPsI>Then everyone stared at me...it was hella funny.

<Fong Pei> So... today in class, we were playing with voice
recognition on a power book.
<Fong Pei> Someone told it "Computer, destroy the world as we
know it"
<Fong Pei> Right after that was said... someone else's laptop
finishes booting up and plays the windows sound...
<Fong Pei> whole class bursted out laughing

<C@^^31> data mining is a lucrative business, my uncle founded
Datatown over near Silicon Valley back in '49
<C@^^31> died of the 01001lung

<Buzzons> its not i dont know how to do it, its just i dont
know why its erroring

<Altair> hey guys
<Altair> gotta question for you all.
<Altair> If you could listen to one song before you died, what
would it be?
<Spike> The song that never ends?

<zshzn> the other day my programming teacher said
"Richaaaard....I have a technical problem"
<zshzn> I looked over to see that his tower was gone. just not
there.
<zshzn> how that happened, I don't know
<zshzn> about four of us went and stood around his desk in
quiet confusion
<zshzn> one of them was like 'at least you still have a
mouse...'

* Sinbad changes topic to '15000 atheists in London rioted
after a blank sheet of paper was found on a cartoonist's desk'

ErrorHst : im getting tired of your ignorance
DoomDayMassacre : im not ignoring u

<anial8r> you know what? KFC is ONE letter yes ONE letter away
from fuck.
<anial8r> i have just thought of their next motto
<anial8r> KFC! the only thing missing is U!

* Josh` is listening to : In Flames - Vacuum.mp3
<NoEvidenZ> that song sucks.