<jettekuk> can anybody help me?
<ironi> jettekuk: i hope you realize your nick mean huge cock
in swedish
(and maybe other languages as well)
<jettekuk> no i didn t know that
<jettekuk> my name is jettek and i live in the uk

<Warbum> lime wire for mac
<Warbum> and people said mac had no viruses

Sarah: I hate how society says we all have to be thin
Jenn: I'm fat because I'm rebelling

<phazonfox> Mario Kart is socialist.
<phazonfox> People in last place get better items.

<FireHmpstr> My friend broke up with his girlfriend or
whatever
<FireHmpstr> So now every damn time I see the fucker I have to
hear him whine
<FireHmpstr> "But I loved her so much, how could i ever live
without her, Blah blah..."
<FireHmpstr> And all I can think about is how to kill him
without anybody finding out.
<FireHmpstr> and then maybe rape that bitch too
<XKKBK> err, are you talking about me?
<FireHmpstr> OH SHI-
<FireHmpstr> forgot you were here

<TreCool> I had the stupidest secretary ever today at the
unviersity. I walked in to get my transcripts and she tells me
she needs my school ID number and my first and last name. Now
I'm wearing my hat that has my last name on the back of it
over the Oilers symbol and I'm wearing the hat backwards so
its right out there for her to see. So anyway, I give her my
id number and my first name then say my last name. The
secretary said "Oh cool! Just like the one on your hat! Now
how do you spell that?" I was like "...". I was so tempted to
bitch slap that moron.

<nickee> how can i se the size on layers in photoshop ??
<Unhold> ctrl+acn return ctrl+v alt+ii
<Unhold> common shortcut
<nickee> huh o_O
<Unhold> yeah, sometimes i think photoshop evolved from emacs

<_grunt> wife washed my damned wallet
<_grunt> i got freshly laundred money
<_grunt> my driving record is now clean
<_grunt> a new social security card washed up
<_grunt> wonder if the soap washed the debit off my credit
cards

<GoreJanez> I hate that captain of Enterprise from star trek
<GoreJanez> He's like an irc-newby
<GoreJanez> when he meets someone in space, he's all like:
"hi, how are you, where are you from, wanna be my friend?"
<R_Nereda> #gothicmetal solar system would be his final
frontier
<GoreJanez> he'd got attacked by ban-beams in no time

<blast007> okay, here's what you do
<blast007> you go to a resturant, and you ask for a grilled
cheese sandwich
<blast007> and ask for limburger cheese on it
<A-Delusion> I always ask for a chicken and an egg, to see
which comes first.

<@Kaczynski> I say reinstate the death penalty
<@Kaczynski> and execute corrupt politicians
<@Kaczynski> how are they acting differently from organized
criminals?
<@andro> they're getting caught

<killsdow> do harddrives like...
<killsdow> lose speed if u rewrite on them too much?

<okin^2> hi
<okin^2> how can I retrieve my password?
<@shasta> refresh your memory
<@shasta> :)

<Gayo> I miss being able to type.
<Gayo> It was nice.
<Amy> ...
<Amy> What are you doing now then, using telepathy?
<Gayo> I'm dictating to my secretary
<Gayo> semicolon close parantheses

<iFx|shade> this guy aidan was aruging with this chick emma at
tea
<iFx|shade> and shes like saying it wouldnt hurt that much
getting kicked in the balls
<iFx|shade> and he goes spread your legs then and ill kick you
in the balls
<iFx|shade> and shes like i dont have balls
<iFx|shade> and he goes who are you trying to kid with a
mostache like that
<iFx|shade> and she got up and left

<Eric> I feel bad when handshaking with PuTTY. It supports so
many features. "I can tell you what sort of client I am, would
you like to know?" "Nope." "Well, in that case, let me just
tell you my screen dimensions." "No thanks." "Do you... uh...
want to support environment variables? I got some variables."
"... no." "Well, I guess it's echo off and raw mode, then."

<Mikey> So theres this chick at work thats pretty cute
<Mikey> And she saw me outside having a smoke one time on a
break
<Mikey> And she goes "You should give that up"
<Mikey> That means she cares about my wellbeing and would
possibly sleep with me right?
<stevenst> No, it just means she's an opinionated bitch
<Mikey> :(

eI pianisto: So..
eI pianisto: I called to complain about the slow DSL speeds.
eI pianisto: and they told me
eI pianisto: that it was because all the kids are out of
school and "in their stupid chat rooms"

<S_Sprite> oh god
<S_Sprite> all I can hear
<S_Sprite> right now
<S_Sprite> is the squeeking of my housemates mattress
<S_Sprite> I'M TRANSLATING ANCIENT GREEK YOU INSENSITIVE FUCKS
<S_Sprite> well they'll be sorry when my hard studying has got
me a PhD in classical studies and all they'll have is MDs from
some top-rated med school
<S_Sprite> fuck

<Nick> how come everytime I see the phrase "Future-Proof" I
read it as "yesterday's obsolescent"
<Lanei> because you posess sufficient quantities of the
cynicism necessary for survival
<Force10> Man, if cynicism is all you need to survive, I'm
gonna live to be 150.

MightyMooquack> Huh. This is something I've not seen in C code
before...
Iconoplast> comments?
Iconoplast> HA HA HA BURN

<HardlyJW> anyone know how to change an ip?
<lysip> yes
<lysip> clone your mac
<HardlyJW> ?
<HardlyJW> i have windows...

Hekili_Manu: Ok. So I called my bank's fraud dept about that
hotels.com letter I got since I apparently used them twice
with two different cards. I forgot completely that when I
signed up you can assign your own security question online.
Hekili_Manu: So when I called and spoke to the guy they use
the same security question and he asked me "Ok, I just need to
verify one thing. How big is your c**k?"

<ido> anywho, i'll go write my own
<ido> it should only take a few hundred lines of coke
<ido> i mean code...

(+Cafe`) I am into AZN GANGSTAS
(tehjeebus|x) gangstas that can do math... that means they're
the worst people to buy crack from

nocashvaluedrumz: they need to reinvent the internet
nocashvaluedrumz: so i can enjoy it with both hands

<Razhal> The internet is a beautiful place....
<Razhal> Because no matter what kind of twisted freak you are,
you've got a friend out there :D
<Razhal> You could ask the internet "Find people who have sex
with goats on fire."
<Razhal> And internet will ask you, "What kind of goats?"

<Rathen> Ha, this torrent of United93 is 747mb big. Beautiful.

ClonaZjeveni5: It isn't a biased opinion
ClonaZjeveni5: its true
xenotwuz: I'm thinking your opinion on biased opinions is
biased.

<HarbPBN> I got home at like 4am.
<TruckPBN> Get layed?
<ebolaaaa> Isn't it "laid"?
<TruckPBN> ebolaaaa: I'm married... I dont remember.

<@pinata> i am going to be patenting my new method of internet
access.
<@pinata> it will be 6 times as fast...
<@pinata> but drop 90% of all of your connections.
<@pinata> i will call it ADHDSL

<codyryan> because men, have problem controlling their
testosterone
<Skiz> not me I'm a pretty good shot.

<AwwJeah> I want to fill a super soaker with cheap vodka and
spray down other drivers.
<AwwJeah> Then call the police and tell them I think they're
driving drunk.
<AwwJeah> Because, seriously, who would believe that story?

<Shadow> A super computer running on Windows XP? Thats like a
tight rope walker walking on barbed wire...

Sleepaholic88: >>>
Sleepaholic88: Err. I tried to capitalize a period so it would
be bigger.

<Nacho> So, you have several types of tourist: You have the
"I'm on vacation, so I'm just gonna relax" types, that just
wear comfy clothes.
<Nacho> You then have the "I'm in some place special, so I'm
going to dress nice" types.
<Nacho> And then you have the "What happens in $location stays
in $location, so I'm going to dress like an exhibitionist
slut" types.  I like those... ;-)

<Rolan> I think black people on TV is illegal in Texas
<CatSkills> and it will remain so until they televise
executions

<kosh> we have a bug that occurs on the 31st of a month
<kosh> so once a month we get a bug report
<kosh> it gets assigned to a developer within 24 hours
<kosh> who then fiddles for a bit before marking it "unable to
reproduce"

<Orphic> you any good at physics?
<meowcow> when i run into a wall i usually stop

<Beowulf> ever since I switched to wireless I get disconnected
whenever I get a phone call
<Beowulf> :(
<squirrel_remote> What's your phone number?
<Beowulf> fuck you

<Eddo36> sometimes I feel like shit, you know, what sick shit
I get off to. but I can't change
<Littlelisa> You know eddo, if you never said anything, people
may like you
<Eddo36> if i never said anything, who would know me?
<Littlelisa> thats the point

sw0813: you know, the movie ray really was inspiring
sw0813: he was blind, and yet still managed to hit his wife
sw0813: that means either of two things:
sw0813: 1. his wife was stupid or
sw0813: 2. he wasnt really blind
sw0813: i mean seriously, was it like "marco," "polo" WHAM!

<Heiler> I feel stupid asking this, but how many pints are in
a cup?
<Swinky> it depends on how big the cup is
<Heiler> Thanks, suddenly I don't feel so stupid.

<Kero> I'm so emo i wear square contacts.

<Greenbox> the place i ordered chicken parmesan from forgot
the chicken
<Greenbox> so instead of calling and complaining, like a
normal person would
<Greenbox> I used asterisk and called them from the number of
the department of health
<Greenbox> and told them a random screening of their food had
just been conducted, and they failed miserably
<Greenbox> so they were ordered not to serve food until an
inspection later today

<Sid> I'm running a joke so far into the ground it'll become
the next major oil supply.

Begging to Limp: heh
Begging to Limp: so, apparently al gore's last speech on
global warming flopped badly
Begging to Limp: he gave a speech last winter in new york city
on global warming
Begging to Limp: the result? -1 degree fahrenheit average
temperature for the day, the coldest day in new york's history
Begging to Limp: when mother nature disagrees, she proves it

<sh4ve> hehe, i wrote a assembly proggy to convert normal
numbers to roman ^^
<GodOfGoats> You are so MCCCXXXVII

Charmaine----: I'm a 26 year old single mom ;-)
Kolobos Psychi: Holy crap! a black women IMed me! @_@
Charmaine----: How did you know I was black?

<blazemore> my brother is in a quake3 clan
<blazemore> and he had a ctf game tonight
<blazemore> we were walking out of tilt
<blazemore> his friend goes "dude hurry up, you're gonna be
late for you clan meeting"
<blazemore> and these black guys were walking by
<blazemore> and looked like they were about to kick our asses