<+TrailMix> don't bugs always have wings? <+Inca> centipede? <@rowsdower`> centipedes do not have wings <@rowsdower`> thank god <@rowsdower`> i would just shoot myself if they did <+Jack> jesus <+Jack> "HAI DUD WHATS UP"
<dweez> f33dback, opinions are like assholes <f33dback> so if you don't have one you're full of shit?
SouLTaKeR2023: wanna hear something funny/entertaining? MacaroniFeets: always SouLTaKeR2023: ok well I was watching this excellent flick SouLTaKeR2023: entitled "A girl takes two loads in the mouth, then swollows it" SouLTaKeR2023: anyways SouLTaKeR2023: here is why I love porn bloopers SouLTaKeR2023: two guys SouLTaKeR2023: done fucking this redhead SouLTaKeR2023: they stand on either side of her SouLTaKeR2023: ready to do whats mentioned in the title SouLTaKeR2023: the guy does his thing and puts his cock on the side of her mouth, aiming at the opposite cheek MacaroniFeets: oh god SouLTaKeR2023: but when he fires....he hits the other guys cock MacaroniFeets: OH SICK SouLTaKeR2023: and there is this SouLTaKeR2023: long silence SouLTaKeR2023: and this is the entertaining part SouLTaKeR2023: you hear the other guy mumble "goddamn, not again" SouLTaKeR2023: take 3 anyone? MacaroniFeets: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH MacaroniFeets: dude MacaroniFeets: send me that video
<siq> so I was taking a shit in the engineering building today... <siq> and there was some force equation written on the wall. <siq> below it someone wrote "who studies fluids on the pooper?" <siq> below that someone replied "someone with diarrhea"
Chadwick: bash is like community college, it's all the class clowns and complete idiots
HughDario: Man, so one of my Jewish friends the other day told me he doesn't believe in the moon landing. HughDario: So I told him that I don't believe in the Holocaust and he dropped the subject.
<Kortney> Actually, Linux users and atheists have a lot in common. At least, in my mind. There's no higher power (or help desk) to appeal to when stuff goes south, you've analyzed every component of the universe (because you compiled it), and you're fiercely evangelical while bashing evangelicals. :)
<Narcogen> "I rented that guy's ass for an hour last night." <Dom> ... * Dom takes that out of context <Narcogen> You can't take it out of context <Dom> watch me. <Narcogen> it's a flat-out reference to gay sex <Dom> ...you son of a bitch.
<thefwf> I just realised soemthing while watching spongebob with my mates <thefwf> They were like "wtf, how come the food stays on the plate underwater" <thefwf> and I was like <thefwf> "WHY IS THERE A TALKING SPONGE LIVING IN A FUCKING PINEAPPLE"
<+walken> Vlad, if you were a piece of software <+walken> which one would you be? <+shiwan> walken: Hmm. ICBM control software, so that I could blow millions of men at once?
Trex: I like my women like I like my cars! Prometheus: Expensive? Dromiceiomimus: Foreign? Epi: Um... revved up? Crow: Fast? Brex: low-maintenance with a wide tailpipe? Dromiceiomimus: Freshly waxed, with a GPS tracking system? Lorn: Trex, this is insanely sexist! Besides, I like my women like I like my databases. Trex: Managable? Lorn: Corrupted! Trex: ... Trex: No fucking comment.
<Bear> it's why it [LandRover Series 3] rattles on the motorway <Locandez> Like a skeleton masturbating in a filing cabinet
Xrevolution: :) Xrevolution: thats the look on his face leninadelawl: no its more like leninadelawl: =) leninadelawl: pwned Xrevolution: your use of "pwned" is about as vague and inaccurate as my mom calling anyone with hair other than a buzzcut a "punk" Xrevolution: in other words, stfu
*Anony-X has joined #mac* <Emoxin> sometimes when im masturbating i look at pictures of dogs. not dogs having sex or anything, just dogs. like chasing frisbees and shit. just the way they move and their bark gets me so hot. i can fit 3 more fingers in my pussy when theres a dog around. <Anony-X> mac users, i swear to god... *Anony-X has left #mac*
<mranostay> I have this dream of hiring a hooker, and when she asks what I want done, one word "Cronjob".
<jeet> u guys are dumb... i like shemale porn its like regular porn but with more boobs <vrunt> uhh... okay <LainWave> jeet: putting the xy back in sexy
<KaiserPanda> spiderman, spiderman, does whatever a spider can <KaiserPanda> clings to walls, licks his balls <KaiserPanda> but not at the same time or else he faaaaalls!
<Greystripe> one day, i'm gonna own my own company <Greystripe> and it's gonna get big <Greystripe> and i'll be like bill gates, but less of an arse <Greystripe> and i'll be all rich and famous <Greystripe> but i'll still come in here <Greystripe> and i'll be like "hey guys, did you see me on the news?" <Greystripe> because, let's face it, i'm never gonna have a social life
Informatik: My final iMac price ended up at $3,752 Informatik: xd Motley: the hell did you add? a used car?
dantose: Do u get a trophy 4 it???? rocker576: It occurs to me that typing "u" instead of "you" and "4" instead of "for" saved you 4 (not "for") keystrokes. Typing "????" instead of "?" used 3 keystrokes plus the use of the shift button for a total of 4 keystrokes. Thus, you have saved no effort whatsoever by kicking the English language.
<cinco`de`mayo> Are Mexicans really baptized in bean dip? <cinco`de`mayo> Yes, but only because Jesus once said, Blessed are the refried, for they shall inherit the southwest United States.
thisismykittyx: so i went into victoria's secret and asked one of the bra-fitting ladies if they carried AAs. thisismykittyx: and the lady goes, "try radioshack".
[ + [Adam] ]: MAN [ + [Adam] ]: I want an arab inflatable sex doll [ + [Adam] ]: they blow themSELVES up
<@Berryful> The typing is strong in this one <@Berryful> but i fear he has fallen to the dvorak side
Coff:We should bring rain ponchoes back. Problem Solved. Cyg:New Problem: I don't want to look like a homeless wizard.
<Bane|Gone> that's ok...i had a dream once that a friend came over in the morning and was stabbing me in the nutsack. then i woke up and it turned out that a spring in my mattress had broken and was poking through.
< xxxt> Hi, how do I join this IRC takeover group? CHANFIX has mad skills < xxxt> i dont even know how he does it < xxxt> ;-)
<@dagger> did you hear the one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? <@dagger> he stayed up all night wondering if there was a god <@dagger> er, dog <@dagger> ffs
smack: get that .45 NOFX: looks nice smack: it's the nicest gun i have ever shot/owned NOFX: wtf 7 rounds smack: it's a .45 man smack: if you need more than 7 .45 rounds, you either can't shoot, or are in WAY over your head
phractured: why did the emo prostitute make a good carpenter? phractured: because she knew how to cut and screw!
<Emmie> Dilt, remember: Life takes VISA, but Death runs on Linux. <Dilt> no wonder death can't be escaped
Hawkins030: Why are people in 90 degree weather so white? Hawkins030: Because the tan of 90 degrees doesn't exist.
<sharquedo> I'm a zombie, braiiinnnssssss <DemonHeart> I'm homeless, chaaannnggeeeee
Cataclaw: "You are on day 2135 of your evaluation period" Cataclaw: o sorry paint shop pro Cataclaw: mind if i use it one more day? Tinactin: Were I to ever release a bit of software and have the nerve to charge to "activate" it, I'd have those messages become ruder and ruder as the use progressed past the trial period. Tinactin: Until, "You motherfucking cunt, why not just pay for the fucking software already? Jesus fucking Christ, what do you think, I coded this shit out of the goodness of my fucking heart? Bullshit, you've been using this shit for a fucking year already, and I haven't gotten a single fucking thank you, let alone a goddamn cent for it. Fuck you, you worthless, mooching son of a bitch. Fuck you. [Activate] [Continue Unregistered]"
< Alkivar> we're on our way back from partying in NYC over the weekend ... it was like sunday afternoon we're headed back west < Alkivar> we're cruisin... maybe 130-140mph < Alkivar> flew past a trooper on the side of the road < Alkivar> trooper lights up ... siren blasting ... chasing us down the highway < Alkivar> we're both like should we stop ... there's no way he can catch up to us < Alkivar> we decided to be good and stop < Alkivar> cop catches up to us ... comes out gun drawn ... pissed as hell < Alkivar> walks up to the side of the car and goes < Alkivar> "SON CAN I SEE YOUR PILOT'S LICENSE" < Alkivar> Jason pulls out his fucking pilot's license < Alkivar> cop's jaw hits the fucking ground < Alkivar> most stunned face I've ever fucking seen < Alkivar> in this practically a whimper goes "get the fuck out of here" < Alkivar> no ticket... too embarassed apparently < Alkivar> I'll never forget that day long as I live < Alkivar> I was sure we were goin to jail
dftpnkezln: For all of you reporting a score more than 100 as you iq lol @ you. How can you possibly score more than 100%? dftpnkezln:I'm very happy with my score of 89.
<SgtBallard> There was this kid back in Junior High that asked our group about how to Masturbate. Well Saint there and I decided to play a joke on him. We told him that the key to jacking it was the firestarter method <Uberm4cht> fire starter? <SaintAlvus> Thats when you take your dick in both hands, and rub opposite directions quickly as if you are rubbing a stick to start a fire. Ballard though told the little prick to flick the tip when his dick became numb. <SgtBallard> Yep, Kid comes back the next week and tells us that he did it until he started bleeding but he never came. That will make me laugh till the day I die.
<Joby-> so i moved into this new neighborhood right <Joby-> and like <Joby-> i rode my bike right <Joby-> and i saw these 2 hot girls <Joby-> and they saw me and they waved at me <Joby-> but then i crashed into a parked car :< <Mkoll> Real ladies man, arn't you? <Joby-> yeah
cmk314: i said Civil engineers have the biggest erections cmk314: Some other guy said mechEs make weapons, civEs make targets cmk314: and at the exact moment i realized i need to get out of engineering.
<CtrlAltDestroy> Here is my impression of Wikipedia. <CtrlAltDestroy> "There are five fingers on the human hand [citation needed]"
<Bob The Plumber>: Some people had a day of silence at our school to raise awareness for something today. <El Chupacabra>: What were they raising awareness for? <Bob The Plumber>: I dunno, they wouldn't tell me
<recursive> If being an idiot was illegal, it would probably be easier to keep the criminals outside the jails and use them as fortresses.
Zoolig: I've had enough of weak, indecisive people. Shoe: I think I have too.
<BethOOC> If it were my dad, he'd be making jokes about being hard-headed. <BethOOC> After they amputated his toe he joked about having to learn to count in base 19 <Rach> ..... <Rach> Your dad is a dork...
<SlyBoy> Your momma's so fat, I had to integrate her by parts.
(Deranged): If you're driving a hearse with a corpse in the back, is it ok to use the carpool lane on the highway?
<iank> I accidentally type valid perl when I'm angry. <iank> @$#()*UD()IIF#
<knightmare> ugh <knightmare> wasn't expecting the 'what makes you stick out from other candidates' in a phone interview <knightmare> I don't think 'I have an afro' was a good answer
* TRWBW was taught god doesn't play dice with the universe. not after that drunken night with the devil where he lost classical mechanics in a game of craps.
<Tarnagh> You know why the Clean Air Act was first established? <Askee> Why <Tarnagh> So the people in Colorado could see the mountains <Tarnagh> and so people in California could see each other