<Sky> The only genders on the internet are Smart, Stupid, and
Retard.

<+pf_work> what's the opposite of <3?
<Lokii> h8
<Rodry> </3
<sdoherty> >3
<Lems> !<3

<CragHack>Theory is when you know everything and nothing
works.
<CragHack>Practice is when things work, and noone knows why.
<CragHack>Here we combine theory and practice.
<CragHack>Nothing works and noone knows why.
<Bs> O.o lol'd.

Jmnky127: i found a way to make money
Jmnky127: at school
Jmnky127: people will give me dollars to light my nipples on
fire with axe
Jmnky127: or other peoples nipples while they are asleep
Jmnky127: ive made some good money doin that
Jmnky127: like $10
Jmnky127: ive been able to eat a good lunch

<%crazy_clown> php is like teh pron
<Keef> quick, dirty and cheap?
<%crazy_clown> and i fap over it

(08:57:00 PM) Nick: If I had could anyone as a Street Fighter
character, it'd be Stephen Hawking.
(08:57:31 PM) Nick: You know his special move would be...his
wheelchar would fly up in the air and then slam down into the
other guy like a meteor or something.

<Scully> Yeah, so far for me "national guard" has meant taking
hikes and standing around during demonstrations. 
<Scully> I'm not a rent-a-cop dammit
<nightwatch> yah, still better than being in iraq tho
<Scully> i know, my cousin got killed there 2 years ago :(
<jonm> howd that happen
<Scully> his humvee got hit by an RPG
<jonm> wat
<Scully> ?
<jonm> dude im bein serious
<Scully> what?
<jonm> how the fuck can a roleplaying game destroy a humvee

<_Nor> some bird's applied for my dba team leader role
<_Nor> as her interests she lists "Motorsport, reading
(Science Fiction, Science) and playing racing games on PS2/PC
<_Nor> I think she's got confused and was actually applying to
be my wife

<fugi> 64 bytes from 207.46.197.32: icmp_seq=0 ttl=115 time=
69.422 ms
<fugi> 64 bytes from 207.46.197.32: icmp_seq=0 DUP! ttl=115
time=69.887 ms
<fugi> 64 bytes from 207.46.197.32: icmp_seq=0 DUP! ttl=115
time=86.464 ms
<fugi> microsoft.com sends duplicates..
<fugi> it like they got bored of making new security holes so
they just brought back some old ones

Curt teh Juggler: our graduation ceremony was today, and right
when some gamer nerd got his diploma, someone in the audience
played the zelda "get item" music and he did the zelda
spin-hold-out-item stance
Curt teh Juggler: it was quite possibly the most amazing thing
ever.

<mi09>this spam generator is great. i sent out a million
emails for my product
<jives_>how'd it go?
<mi09>great! i gat a 10% return rate
<jives>thats really high!
<mi09>yeah. a hundred thousand people telling me to fuck off

<thanatos> you know...the word emos sounds like some kind of a
cereal
<ka0tix> It does.
<thanatos> eating emos for breakfast
<Blaze> Emo-os
<Blaze> A razor in every bite
<ka0tix> "Emos. Now with free razor blades."

<air>I think i'm addicted to DDR
<air>I need a twelve step program

Magna Carta: Being in Alexa's top 1000 says a lot for any
site...
Motley: Related: In walmart today, it was pretty packed
Motley: and my nephew (11) is going to get some icees, he gets
ready to turn left out of electronics
Motley: and he goes 'dude, what flavor?'
Motley: I shouted 'MOAR MUDKIPS' (aka blue)
Motley: Then this is what I hear..
Motley: Far left: 'KILL IT WITH FIRE!'
Motley: Far right: 'NO U'
Motley: Behind: 'DO NOT WANT'
Motley: and then god bless 'em, the guy standing *right* next
to me goes 'shut the fuck up btards!"
Magna Carta: ...
Magna Carta: You live in EKY?
Motley: ...yeah
Magna Carta: OSHIT

<Primo> If you can't beat your computer at chess, try
kickboxing.

Muri> "Does it count as crossplay if Im a man, cosplaying a
man, who dresses as a woman?"
Dephemait> no... but it's STILL gay

<SketchCow> I've been asked to shut down 7 servers, all of
them roughly 10 years old.
<SketchCow> I've been making them play taps before turning off
permanently.

< ameyer> citalim: you argue like O'Reilly
<+citalim> i have a theory that bill o'reilly doesn't believe
a word he says
<+citalim> i think he's just trolling on a much larger scale
<+citalim> i look up to him

<ez76> a mac vs. pc commercial you'll never see: "Whatcha
doin, PC?"  "I'm playing this new game."  "Oh really, which
one?"  "Any."  "Oh."  (silence) (fade)

<nOmAd93-8> oh, I've lost a ke.-button on m. ke.board... which
is after "x" and before "z"!!
<68-bbb> there aren't any keys between z and x, dumbass

<+AdamR> bahahahahahah just got a reply from zen about that
gateway being named "gay-dsl1"
<Er00`> Oh?
<Pru> WEEEEEEEEEEEE
<+AdamR> Hi Adam, All of our DSL gateways are named after
renowned philosophers, in this case Gay is named for John Gay,
see the below website for more information; http://
www.philosophypages.com/dy/g.htm
<TheDon> rofl
<+AdamR> notice how there isnt a picture of him on that site
<Er00`> Hehe
<+AdamR> thats the best fucking techincal support response
i've ever had

<c> I'm just not that creative at naming.  I name my computers
after dead guys who argued a lot.
<DrAppleseed> Is your next one going to be named Falwell?
<c> Somehow, I don't think it would get along with Turing.

<Fraeon> I have found an awesome reason to become emo
<Fraeon> You can celebrate all those days you weren't born
instead of that one day you were

Torodung (31985): You can't write code or design software that
will secure "stupid." [..] If those folks were using an
abacus, they'd probably get their head stuck in it.

<j0e> when i want to download music i look up what the band
thinks about filesharing
<j0e> if they're okay with it, i download the song
<j0e> if they're against it, i download the song out of spite
<UriGeller> what if they haven't said anything on filesharing
<j0e> that's what i call a tacit endorsement

<Will T. Rex> So, at the pub last saturday
<Will T. Rex> Really bogan pub, with pool and AC/DC on the TV
jukebox, at 3am in the morning... my nerdy friend says very
loudly "NEED MOAR BEER!"
<Will T. Rex> with emphasis on the 'moaaar', because we are
nerds
<Will T. Rex> ... and out of nowhere, some random dude screams
"WE ARE ANNONYMOUS, WE ARE LEGION"
<Will T. Rex> Fucking terrifying

<ganked> Did the doctor give you your test results?
<ct> Yeah. Looks like all those years of phone sex caught up
with me.
<ct> I have hearing AIDS.

<patchinko> jerry falwell's dead
<darsu> a-who?
<lynkali> :o
<lynkali> really?
<patchinko> he died like >3 hours ago
<Cthulhu> umm, you misread that part jon
<Cthulhu> "School official said Falwell was fine at breakfast"
<Prakk> they ate his corpse?

<Dave> Question: Is it "right" to stop registered sex
offenders from registering on social networking sites?
<highvoltage> Dave: where do you register to become a sex
offender?
* Vhata falls off his chair laughing
<Dave> highvoltage: at your local school...
<MrKen> Dave: No, that's where they hold the auditions

<Nangijala>   activists in copenhagen have really figured it
out this time
<Carrots>   whats going on now?
<Nangijala>   now instead of throwing rocks and rioting
<Nangijala>   they have climbed up in a tower
<Nangijala>   and will jump out if the politicians doesn't
listen to them
<Astral\afk>   :D
<Nangijala>   now there's a problem that solves itself if i've
ever seen one

<ZaXorZ> if you get glitter on you, be prepared to have it on
you forever.
<ZaXorZ> Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies

<godlys0ldier> How can i know what a $rand number is gonna be
<Spitfire3292> ...Thats gotta be the fuckin stupidest thing
i've heard all day

dmwit: You know, my first year at college they gave me a
whistle.
dmwit: They told me it was a rape whistle.
dmwit: But no matter how hard I blew, I never got raped. =(

<kow|wk> so
<kow|wk> worth noting
<kow|wk> running "reboot -h" does NOT produce a helpful usage
message

Erik: when did anakin skywalker become evil?
Melissa: when?!
Erik: in the sith grade!

<Chrysalid^Revenge> I had something like that happen to me
once.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> And vengeance is a plate best served cold.
* Sectoid^Authopsy sits down for storytime
<Chrysalid^Revenge> I saw some asshole stealing my pack of
cigarettes from my table while I was getting another beer.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> But of course, as I confronted him, he
denied it flatly, and all the sudden four of his mates were
getting ready for a fight and shit.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> So I decided to back down, and rather get
one over him later.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> Of course, living in an army camp has it's
advantages, such as easy access to ammo.
<Sectoid^Authopsy> o_0
<Chrysalid^Revenge> So I took two Winner Tip cartridges, a
little bit of tobacco, and quite a generous amount of
gunpowder from a blank I 'obtained', topping it off with
tobacco to get a proper look.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> Next weekend, I leave my pack containing
two cigs rather indiscreetly at my table when I see this
assholes is at the pub, and go to pick up another beer.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> When I come back, the pack has vanished.
So I get hold of one of the bouncers, telling him that I saw
someone carrying "what looked like fireworks around".
<Chrysalid^Revenge> Ten seconds later, there's some nasty
fizzing, a lot of smoke and a huge fucking flame coming from
one of the corner tables, and seconds later, the same thing
happens in the hand of one of the guys sitting there.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> And at this point, it has to be mentioned
that watching two bouncers pull a screaming guy with no
eyebrows left, and a nasty burn up half his face out of a pub,
'accidentally' drop him down the stairs, and finally call the
cops on him, does lead to a certain smugness.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> The morale is, don't you ever fucking
touch my cigarettes. I can probably spare you one if you ask,
but fucking ask first, okay?!

<thou> yeah he isn't really that hrd..
<thou> *hard
<arak0n> lern sum grammer u fuckin noob
<thou> damn if I were you, I wouldn't be worrying about other
people's grammar.
<arak0n> it jus annois me when all them fukin noobs cum in
here, an u cant unerstand anytin they r sayin. it make me wana
just leve the channel
* thou has left #wii (me too man. me too.)

SynAdam: whats harder than nailing a baby to a wall?
Kato: ...what?
SynAdam: my dick while im doing it
Kato: ....
SynAdam: get it?
Kato: what in the FUCK is wrong with you?!

<classyhorse23>  I had to google "jfgi" to see what it meant.
The irony is overwhelming.

<@Rakzor> I hate gravity, it's always keepin me down.

(@Da_Wrecka) Vista is something that Satan looks at and goes
"FUCK, why didn't I think of that?"

<bofh> slugbug uh
<bofh> One time I passed this person driving
<bofh> One hand holding a cup of coffee
<bofh> the other hand holding her cellphone to her ear
<bofh> No hands on the keyboard.
<bofh> She wound up trying to merge INTO us.
<tgies> they call it a "steering wheel" I think

<ManInBlack> I swear to god, the next person to submit a "best
typo ever" quote is going to get garrotted with a cat5 cable.
We get it, you suck at typing.

cag  URL  tara: When I was in high school, the school board
decided that the biology students had to pay for the fetal
pigs that were being dissected. After the course was done, my
friend Amy demanded that she be allowed to take the pig, since
she had paid for it. There was some WTF from the school, but
she got her pig. That weekend, she and her brother dressed the
pig up in some baby clothes and a blanket, drove down the
street and lit a smoke bomb in the car. They were passing a
couple walking down the street when Amy leaned out of the car
and yelled "Save my baby" and tossed the pig at the couple.
They were doing about 50 mph so she missed the couple. The
baby/pig hit the sidewalk, skidded along the concrete,
shedding parts and limbs before it impacted a mailbox.
She said she had never seen such a horrified look in her life.

<ChrisTheKiwi> Roses are red
<ChrisTheKiwi> Violets are blue
<ChrisTheKiwi> Im way to drunk
<ChrisTheKiwi> To have sex with you
<ChrisTheKiwi> So forgive me my dear
<ChrisTheKiwi> I must go spewjhgfknhguiaaqwjhilhih
<Ater> What THE hell?
<Socko> 0_o

SergioThree: there's other fish in the sea, man, she's just a
girl
Beatsfromkorea: no dude, that's bullshit.
Beatsfromkorea: Think of it this way. if your precious copy of
street fighter third strike broke and i told you "it's ok man,
there's other games in the sea. here, play mortal kombat
instead" what would you say? you'd be like, "fuck that, gimme
third strike."
SergioThree: ...
SergioThree: you just reached me on a level that i never
thought possible

<pmMike> getting onto bash is like breaking into a tank
<Sea_BBL> although nopt quite as satisfactorry when you have
pulled it off.
<Sea_BBL> -bad spelling
<Erasmus> To be honest if you spend a lot of time trying to do
either you've made a wrong turn in life somewhere.

[Wex] Before IRC I could masturbate to the word boobs.
[Wex] Now I need /at least/ German bondage.
[Wex] I hate you all.

<Randy`> took duey 2 hours to complete the vista cycle
<Randy`> from 'I'm going to install vista' to 'vista ftl'

<[18s]> i accidentally went to 'bach.org' instead of bash
<[18s]> and i found some sweet tunes.