<g[b]> moooooooooootherfucker
<Firas> ...
<Firas> g[b]: before that punchline we need the setup, e.g.
"what do you call a cow with an oedipus complex", etc.

<parucha> So the other night I can't sleep, so I go downstairs
and pour a bowl of cereal and decide I'll eat it in my room
while I watch Conan.
<parucha> After I pour my cereal, I turn the lights back off
and it's pitch black as I walk up the stairs to my bedroom.
<parucha> By the way, I'm only wearing a pair of silk shorts.
<parucha> So I'm trying to balance my bowl of cereal in the
dark so I don't spill, thinking I'm doing okay. When I reach
the top of the stairs, the bowl tips and I feel it spill all
over my shorts.
<parucha> So I walk back downstairs to grab a rag and clean
up. I find a roll of paper towels and I pick up all the cereal
inside it and walk downstairs to throw it away and put my bowl
in the sink.
Then I start to clean up the milk on the floor and on my
shorts.
<parucha> Well this is near my parents' bedroom, and as I'm
cleaning, I hear them having sex. Being male, I start to get
an erection at the sounds of sex, despite the fact that I know
it's my parents having the sex.
<parucha> So I try to tune it out and hurry up with the spilt
milk. In the midst of all this, I start to have a coughing
fit. A result of being a smoker.
<parucha> A minute later, my mom opens her bedroom door -
wrapped in a blanket - and sees me standing there with an
erection bulging through my shorts, which are still wet with a
seeping liquid, and a paper towel in my hand dripping white
stuff, all outside her bedroom door where she and my dad were
just having sex.
<parucha> I've never thought seriously about running away from
home until that night.

(JMulder) Guys.
(JMulder) Help me out here.
(JMulder) I am on a quest to find that horribly traumatizing
anthro style painting of the twins from The Matrix having sex
with eachother.
(JMulder) It was horrible and I take no pleasure in trying to
find it again, but it is of utmost importance.

<stratouk> ATI cards are like buses...
<stratouk> They're huge, red and have bad drivers.

<Glen> hi, I am explorer.exe. sometimes when you are doing
anything at all, I will just freeze for ten minutes. All of my
brother and sister windows will also freeze, because they are
sad for me. Maybe we will come back, maybe not, it will be a
surprise!
<Alex> Ohh the suspense
<Glen> it is like a thriller novel
<Alex> A race against time
<Glen> a twisted web of deceit
<Glen> a woman without a past, a detective without a future
<Glen> a file browsing application without proper thread
isolation

Sam: what is flash like from your PoV as a proper programmer?
Pete: flash is like if java, C# and visual basic had a
threesome
Pete: and did not use protection

<@Pugh> i'm gonna make a media player that plays EVERYTHING,
for FREE, and can rip to EVERY common type of media without
DRM.
<@Pugh> I shall call it........hammertime

<Anonymous> Now, I m sure many of you have encountered little
shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking
things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you
know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little
cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like
it.
<Anonymous> Okay, here s the best part. A biter got me today
when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too.
This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a
tiny sprickle of blood on the little shit s teeth as he was
grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get
wide, and started screaming  SHIT! SHIT!.  Now, my good
friend, Tom we ll call him, was there too, and he instantly
picked up on it. He started shouting  FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDN T
GET IT! FUCK!.  By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts
crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and
starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.
<Anonymous> Here s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye
and say,  Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he
just bit me and I m  I m FUCKING HIV POSITIVE. 
<Anonymous> And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire
store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his
mom isn t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed.
I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier,
all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice
little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to
hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is.
<Anonymous> I have never felt any more satisfaction than the
moment I heard that sob.

<a> OS X is POSIX, isn't it?
<b> yea.. without letters P and I

<Coyote27> They see me chocoboin'
<Coyote27> they be hatin'
<Coyote27> tryin' to catch me ridin' birdy

<redwyre> kez said you you are a whiney bitch
<TraumaPony> Haha
<redwyre> and that you smell
<TraumaPony> Heh
<redwyre> and that you're gay
<TraumaPony> Lol
<redwyre> and that you like visual basic
<TraumaPony> THAT CUNT

<Lonesy> I was at the Badkarma fields when thunder strikes
less than 50 feet from me
<Lonesy> God's way of saying "I see what you did there"

<PetTeacher> If you could fight any celebrity who would it be?
<C0pp4F33l> michael flatly
<Protegemoi> ugh... Paris Hilton definitely
<Exostetic> Stephen Hawking.

<mikesch> aliens need to lay off the acid on crop circle
nights.

<Adun|Oblivion> "The ejaculation of a dolphin carries so much
force with it, that it could decapitate you."
<ChaosSmurf> You know
<ChaosSmurf> This is why Dolphins are ALWAYS happy
<ChaosSmurf> They're just sitting there going "Yeah, bitches,
I can decapitate you with my sperm"

<Mike> Kentucky Freud Chicken
<Mike> It's Mother-fuckin' good.

Jentsu13: i just had an idea for a cool picture
Jentsu13: that would be highly offensive and inappropriate
Jentsu13: twincest jesuses
Jentsu13: titled
Jentsu13: jesus fucking christ
Jentsu13: yeah i'm going to hell for that one

<Sword_Saint> God, I hate conspiracy theorists
<Sword_Saint> I almost wish they were right
<Sword_Saint> so the government would abduct and kill them
<Sword_Saint> and shut them the fuck up

<Dionysus> Intelligence is alcohol soluble.

<Meltro> the song you are referring to is 'Dueling Banjos', as
made famous in some hickish movie I don't remember
<Meltro> Requiem for a full set of teeth or something

<Chris> If I were a Greek god, my name would be Testicles

--> hindenburg (~ash@cloaked.rr.com) has joined #overclockers
<a474645> hindenburg like the german zeppelin disaster?
<hindenburg> what can i say
<hindenburg> blimpin aint easy

<Valaris> Q: How do I get child pornography?
<Valaris> A: Start a free image hosting site.

<Creeper> when they neuter a dog do they actually like remove
the balls or do they just cut a wire somewhere
<~Vash> NO NOT THE BLUE WIRE!!!!! *dog explodes*

CeePlusPlusKid: so I saw the most AMAZING thing today
CeePlusPlusKid: I was stopped at a stoplight, and heard
hardcore gangster rap blasting next to me.
CeePlusPlusKid: I turned to look expecting it to be some
teenagers, or maybe an older black guy.
CeePlusPlusKid: It was two 70 year old white guys bobbin their
heads in a buick.

<JTP> You know you've been playing too much Need for Speed
when your first instinct when you see a cop driving down the
street is to hit the NOS and ram him.

<@HEMI> I got in a car accident on the way home from work.
<@HEMI> I rear-ended someone.
<@HEMI> Guy gets out of his car; I get out of mine. He's a
dwarf.
<@HEMI> We're sitting there waiting for the police to arrive
and he goes, "I'm not happy."
<@HEMI> I said, "so which one are you?"

<[Chris]> oh yeah baby, concatenate those strings... do it
just like that
<neura> I'd think you'd want to insert, not concatenate...
<[Chris]> now you're just being nasty
<neura> no, nasty is noting that you'd wanna be real careful
with chop and split :x
<[Chris]> as long as we aren't getting into a strlen fight

<Ravsieg> My firewall just blocked itself from accessing the
network.
<Ravsieg> I wonder if this is a good or a bad sign.

<GfK> these dumbass church people on tv
<GfK> they just said god made the internet
<NoelCower> Bet they're internet creationists and reject
ARPANET

cromar: If there is a God, why does he/she allow disasters
like earthquakes and Microsoft?
dvice_null: Are you comparing a disaster that causes billions
of dollars financial losses and thousands of people to lose
their home every year, to a natural movement of tectonic
plates? That's low.

<Mac> Hi I'm a mac
<PC> And I'm a PC
<Mac> So what you doing PC?
<PC> Upgrading my Graphics card, RAM and Processor.
<Mac> Oh.... Ummmm
<PC> Don't you just love a good upgrade!
<Mac> Well actually, I can't. If you want to upgrade you'll
have to buy a new system.......

<fenriz> my mother found some of my porn the other day
<fenriz> I'm not sure which folder she found, but I can safely
assume she only scratched the surface
<fenriz> because she complimented me on my taste

<uberclops> they brought new printers to our work
<uberclops> it's awesome because they're not the size of the
titanic and don't require a degree in mechanical engineering
to change the toner

Foxpaws Zupe: Me and my BF talked about children today
Foxpaws Zupe: I think we're going to have to rock paper
scissors
Foxpaws Zupe: to see if our child will be cut or uncut

Sunspot: They don't make 'em like they used to. That's all I
have to say.
Bobby: Nope, they sure don't.
***Sunspot jumps in his Time Machine (don't forget the flux
capacitor) and goes back to watch some cartoons.
Sunspot: Seriously. I want to get a Delorean and ducttape a
blender on top.
Sunspot: Sad thing is, very few people would get the joke.
Sunspot: And even sadder, I'm saddled with a Delorean with a
blender duct-taped to the top.

< tmbg_> anyone given thought to using accelerometers from
laptops as entropy inputs?
< tkoskine> "Generating a new encryption key, please shake
your computer" ? :)

atlasthealmighty: Did I tell you my idea of injecting heroin
into your balls, so when you ejaculate, it's heroin... And
then the chick will think you just gave her the most amazing
orgasm in the world, and she'd become addicted to sex with you
nullphi: i would like to subscribe to your newsletter

<Woosta> Isn't America at war against the Middle Endians?

<Sp3cial> STEP 1: Spout retarded crap about beardy guys and
overlords.
<Sp3cial> STEP 2: Live in a time when people are retarded.
<Sp3cial> STEP 3: ?????
<Sp3cial> STEP 4: PROPHET!

Prizes_for_contests: Hey, how much would it cost To get
someone To find me a cost-free downloadable Hentai date sim
for my mac?
bommer: what?? lol
Ich: think you're asking in the wrong place
Prizes_for_contests: where do i go then?
Eiljwa: there is no right place to ask something like that

<R_M> being drunk is kinda like having a really low framerate

<Aelfinn> I'm psychic
<Aelfinn> I can predict what will happen in the future
<Gundulf> Yeah, then what am I going to say next?
<Aelfinn> Wrong
<Gundulf> ...touche

<DevilsArms> I hate the saying "Their are plenty more fish in
the sea".
<DevilsArms> As soon as you get your tackle out in public you
get arrested.

<Leeloo> Mutiny on the high IRC

<TehGherkin> I punched the shit out of like several lampposts
and some shrubbery.
<Yoshiboy> ouch
<Smoson> XD
<TehGherkin> The shrubbery accosted me as I walked there and
I'm pretty sure one of the lamp posts cast a dispersion on my
mother.

<orlando> There's no such thing as reverse racism; racism
doesn't have a direction.
<justin> So it's a scalar.

<AesteroidBlues> what is it about every ninja gaiden game that
makes it so it has to be IM-FUCING-POSSIBLE
<Ph33rESP> because ninjas gots to do intense fucking difficult
shit
<Ph33rESP> thats why they're ninja
<Ph33rESP> if everything was easy then it would be called
business major gaiden

<TxT> hahahhahahahahaha i read that bash quote where the guy
renamed mirc.exe the .doc he needed to turn in
<TxT> so i did it with my paper, i get an email today from my
teacher "Sorry, I opened your document and it seemed
corrupted. Do you know what happened? If not, just resubmit
your essay."
<TxT> and i sent him my now finished essay this morning and
got a reply just now, "Thank you. This version seems to be
working just fine."
<TxT> ty bash!
<+hydeph> hmm didnt you say a while ago that your teacher
reads bash?
<TxT> ...
<TxT> dude thats not fucking cool
<+hydeph> its ok, tyler norris.
<TxT> ...
<TxT> shit.

<echin> regexman, regexman, matches text when no one can
<mguzman> parses text, any size
<echin> captures strings, on the first try
<echin> look out, here comes the regexman
<tooth> You're all a bunch of fucking nerds
<yangman> so awesome