EKBoney: You've got the cat from hell, I've got a dog that
doubles as a mop and vacuum
EKBoney: Maybe we can genetically clone them together and have
a cat-dog-satanic-vacuum-mop!
EKBoney: They'd sell great in the market!
Trumpeter085: praise satan & clean your floors!

<DTARD> you havent peaked until youve had a conversation wth
the light barely shining through the comfortor draped over
your head while hanging off the top bunk and wearing plastic
vampire teeth

<KJ> I was in a shop in Britain, when an American tourist in
front of me tried to pay for something in US dollars. The shop
keeper politely told her that this was Britain, and you can't
use U.S. dollars here. The lady replied... "But I had no
problems in other third world countries"

<@voh> ever seen the bristol flag in my room?
<@voh> it's about 80 cm wide and 300cm long
<@voh> big-ass flag :)
< SirGoblin> sounds like my penis
<@voh> yeah
<@voh> the flag refuses to stand up straight as well

Customer: "I CAN'T READ OR RECEIVE EMAIL! HELP!"
We're only allowed to reply through email, so I almost deleted
it. But I reconsidered.
Tech Support: "Yes you can."

<kw> I associate Chanel 5 with old women, my grandma used to
wear it
<kw> (so, needless to say.. I find it quite erotic)

ritilan: and in 2 years u can have your first drink
Halo: Yeah, I cant wait!
Halo: Because I've never had any alcohol before, honest.
ritilan: i belive u 
Halo: Then you are gullible
ritilan: yes well there is that too
Halo: Because let me tell ya, I'm a pretty raging alcoholic
ritilan: i find it helps to keep the voices in my head quite
ritilan: at least i think it does
Halo: I sing show tunes to myself in order to keep the voices
in check
ritilan: is bad when they all sing along
Halo: Yeah, I just refuse to go along when they try that shit
Halo: Then I yell "DONT MAKE ME TURN THIS CAR AROUND"

<_Nathan> thats a lot of licenses you bought viss ;)
<visionz> yeah
<visionz> cost me 3 arms and a dozen legs
<visionz> living near a cemetary rox :)

<@f0dd|away> !topic #ol - guns don't kill people; I kill
people
*** nuff0r changes topic to '#ol - guns don't kill people; I
kill people'
<Kwazy> Guns kill people, but at least THEY dont rape them
afterwards
<Kwazy> *sick grin*

<AleX> i guess this channel must be a center of activity; when
i not rarondn an;sc;ln vialmnv,ma v,xznm f
dlJFSMSMMMSMMSM:HHHFRRF
<DerianX> Yes.
<AleX> sorry, i stopped caring halfway through that sentnece

<GodsJiva> cloning should be allowed!
<f0dder> cloning is bad
<f0dder> cause there's too many errors
<GodsJiva> but... if they dont practise, there will always be
errors!
<f0dder> just stick to animals at least
<GodsJiva> yeah, to start with
<Koding_W> aye. stick to animals.
<Koding_W> thats my motto.

Scarface8393: i was just looking at the bottle of cooking oil
because im making spaghetti and i was wondering. what is extra
virgin? is that like never ever gonna get laid?

<@Splodge`> I think there might be some incest in my family
because my dad's cock tastes exactly like my sister's snatch.

<The-Jim> Next time I fly British Airways I'm gonna steal the
little knife, fork and spoon, they're like 2/3rd the size of
normal ones, gonna keep them in my bag.
<xace> do it
<xace> then when people try to make you use a spork
<xace> be like
<xace> FUCK YOU I HAVE MINI FORK, KNIFE, AND SPOON

<Shawn_Michaels> u no, the moon landing was fake, right?
<t3hpwn> Only in the US will you find people who think the
moon landing was fake and wrestling is real...
* Shawn_Michaels kicks t3hpwn in the nads
<t3hpwn> The truth hurts, eh?

<aBoijj> just realised I'd set the web cache on my proxy to
1TB instead of the 1GB I thought I'd set it to
<aBoijj> the machine only has a 4.3GB drive

[ LopeDogg ] u know warren
[ LopeDogg ] he always talks about weed affecting him
[ LopeDogg ] questioning whether it does or not
[ LopeDogg ] then he said he went to muyi tai once
[ LopeDogg ] stoned
[ LopeDogg ] and took a piss
[ LopeDogg ] then as he walked away from the urinal he wanted
to flush it
[ LopeDogg ] so he pressed his alarm remote
[ LopeDogg ] then when it didnt flush he was like what the
fuck

<Sugoi-Cless> Lat! what have I told you about eating packets
of gravy you find in parking lots!?
<Latino|Working> the same thing you told me about peeing in
the sink cless  <Latino|Working> "its fine if no ones around"

<Guardian_Latino> manboobs give girls something to look at
when they're talking to you

Lawyer-Acidbuk has 11 fingers
<Lawyer-Acidbuk> 10 on my hand and one....*shuts up*
<LatinoReheat> up your ass?

* yugi--moto[A] is now known as yugi--moto
<Candy> jsfd;'fd
<yugi--moto> hgfnkhgf
<Candy> klfsd;aiou;sda
<yugi--moto> gjfnhmgfhgf;hxfg
<Candy> klsdfj;asljfiosausfd
<yugi--moto> jknbjk
<Candy> lkjsafjl;dsajfsadfoiusafp
<yugi--moto> fm,gnhdkln ,dfznl,df hf
<Candy> asldkjfl;kdsa
<yugi--moto> jfgbhdfjbf
<Candy> Be Right Back
<yugi--moto> ok
<yugi--moto> =

<Innocent_ASK> Spike from Buffy is my ideal man!
<BishiGartt> he's the male version of Cher
<BishiLatino> only with less penis and more makeup

<ironfrost> life sucks
<Majji-woo-woo> so do whores
<Latino|NotIn> but life sucks for free

<Latino_Reheat> where would us anime fans be without
masturbation? probably married by now.......

<MEGA-Shrike> lat you off my xmas card list
<MEGA-Shrike> you now on another list
<LatinoReheat> list of "Who to make love to before im 30"?
<MEGA-Shrike> THE LIST OF ALMIGHTY PUNISHMENT, PAIN, DEATH AND
GENERAL NASTINESS
<LatinoReheat> so shrike, the "Who to make love to before im
30"? then

<Pinkie2> some guy pissed me off today so i sat on my scanner
to send him picture of my ass and the glass broke i just got
back from getting 15 stictches
<Louey> pinkie you serious?
<Pinkie2> yup
<Dk__> lol
<Louey> and what was your excuse at the hospital?
<Dk__> you had a really bad day
<Pinkie2> sittin on one cheek right now
<Pinkie2> i told em i sat on a drinkin glass my kid put on
chir
<Louey> ahhh
<Dk__> we'll probably be seeing flatbeds with weight
restrictions now on
<Dk__> or warning labels, do not sit on glass
<Pinkie2> hehe
<Pinkie2> im gonna sue
<Louey> and now your out a scanner and no retribution for the
fuck who made you sit on your scanner
<Pinkie2> next time i will just shit on the scanner and send
that to him
<Dk__> ROFL
<Dk__> good idea
<Louey> haha
<|Korombos> Pinkie2 Sometimes man, it is best to remain quiet
and thought a fool, than to do what you did, open your mouth
and remove all doubt!
<Dk__> heh
<Louey> kor=confuscious
<Dk__> a inspirational quote from kor

<ROM_Man>  can anyone point me to a resource on how to deal
with shadow passwords in perl?
<ROM_Man>  anyone alive?
<\mjd>  <rattle> Who dares to disturb my eternal rest?
<\mjd>  <clank>    <clank>                     <clank>

<Mutiny> I'm having this teeny problem and I want to know if
somebody can help me with it..
<mjd> mutiny: Sever the main neck tendons before cutting
through the spinal cord.  That will allow you more opportunity
to separate the vertebrae prior to removing the head.

<Murr> DrForr, presumably the tank crew *knew* how to swim,
but not how to escape from a tank with open hatch that had
turned on its roof before sinking.
<DrForr> The tank flipped over -then- sank? Now that's rich.
<arkuat> what is this about?  cisco is building tanks now?
<Winkola> arkuat: If they do, you can count on a lot of
drowned newbie net admins.
<Winkola> "To report a drowning emergency, press 1, and hold
for 27 minutes."

* [petey suspects I-Que of not being 1337!
<I-Que> I'm only 22!
<I-Que> not 1337

<q[merlyn]> lem... know any good austin Perl hackers for hire?
<q[merlyn]> I'm on a hunt for one for a friend.
<archon> for a job?
<Stupid_> No, in his spare time merlyn bow-hunts for perl
programmers by their scent.

<Tkil> chaos_ -- oh... and if you're a beginner... don't worry
overmuch about efficiency.
<billn> if I wanted efficency, I'd put bigger tires on my
truck, so I could get the whole cat in one pass.

*** sonic_1 (rick@highlife.net) has joined channel #perl
<sonic_1> can someone tell me whats wrong with this script?
<sonic_1> #!/usr/bin/perl
<sonic_1> for $x in 'ls --width=1';
<sonic_1> do 'mv $x ~$x/Mailbox;chown $x.mail ~$x/Mailbox';
<sonic_1> fi

-|- mode/#pwot [+u Snoof] by ChanServ
<Umaro> * ChanServ sets mode: +fu Snoof
<Snoof> :'(
<Umaro> sorry =/
<Snoof> that's the most action i've seen all week

<Blum> I was with a girl once and she pointed and laughed. She
said "Who do you think you're going to satisfy with THAT?"
<Blum> I said "Me"

<+HackerDragon>: uhmmm yeah I had some lube and "other
objects" wrapped up in a towel under my bed.  My mom decided
that she was going to be nice and do my laundry for me today
cause she is home sick.  Yeah I just looked under my bed and
the lube with objects is there but no towel...

<kszer0> OMG what is the teddy bear doing to that little boy
'O

<`Riku> nighty night, don't let the bed bugs bite your head
clean off and shit into your neck.

<Gil_AFK> i hate stuff that works for ages without probs and
suddenly dies without a single error message or anything.
<ElctroJkr> like senior citizens

[+JM_LOL8] Good thing I have LOTS of HD
[@Tabitha] My penis is bigger than your HD.
[@Tabitha] We should all merge our penises into one big,
superpenis.

<Ryan> Wind Waker sucks.
<Ryan> Seriously.
<Aduin> RYAN
<Aduin> DIE!
<Ryan> Aduin.
<Jesper> Ryan: You suck. Literally. Aduin told me all about
it.
<+Legion> Ryan, you are incorrect.
<Ryan> Nevermind..
<+Legion> WW rules ass.
<Ryan> No, i'm not
<+Legion> Tell me why it sucks.
<Aduin> GO LEG!
<+Legion> And if you say graphics, you die.
<Jesper> I think the graphics look better.
<+Legion> Jesper, me too. :)
<Ryan> No, everything about the game sucks, not just the
graphics
* Quits: Ryan (Ryan@cloak-2236C47B.dyn.optonline.net) (Killed
(Jesper (YOU SAID GRAPHICS)))

<[CMF]O-Face|wurk> uhm, I never thought that "I am BREADMAN! 
With the POWER TO EAT A SLICE OF BREAD IN 1.9 SECONDS!!!  -
would be a valued superhero power.
<Commando^> Superheros have gone downhill recently

<timovgod> Man, when I saw they said they were going to add
color to the $20 bill I thought the meant they were replacing
Jackson with Al Sharton

<Icedude> you know what pisses me off? when morpheus was
jumping for the helicopter in the matrix, agent smith uses a
wallhack! THIS IS NOT CS, ITS THE MATRIX! GET YOUR FACTS RIGHT
AGENT!

<Scoteh> Im depressed
<wizzer> why?
<Scoteh> I realised I have more money in an mmorpg than in
real life....
<wizzer> Ah......

<rB> best part of waking up is vagina on your cock

<Japhro> cams: think you can try and mention e3 a few more
times, I don't think I ignored you enough the first few times.

<Dave2> Had my french oral exam today
<Dave2> It sucked

<Knives-> MY MODEM KEEPS DESYNCING.
* Knives- kicks the modem
<Knives-> I'll call the ISP
<Knives-> They'll tell me "It must be something you've
installed"
<Knives-> And I'll go "INSTALLING SOMETHING THAT DESYNCS A
MODEM IS LIKE INSTALLING SOMETHING THAT BLOWS UP A PS/2 MOUSE!
"
<Knives-> And then they'll blame the phone company.
<Knives-> And I'll say FUCK IT.
<Knives-> And wait until it fixes itself.
<Knives-> There - saved my self the bother and money of
calling those pricks.

<manero> so our friend, she's in the part of med school where 
you do all the genital exams and shit
<manero> and prostrate exams, etc
<manero> and a couple weeks ago, they had to do it on a real
person for the first time. and so she was very nervous
<manero> so she's doing the exam, she does the front and
everything is ok
<manero> and she does the back door and she gets through it
all
<manero> but at the very end, as she finishes
<manero> she didn't know how to tell the dude she was done, so
she slapped him on the ass
<manero> i had tears running down my face for 10 minutes after
she told the story
<blach> alright bitch, im done with your bunghole *smack
<manero> the funny part was the dude was like 60, too