<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced
the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...
<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er --
got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They
snapped me wang in half an' everything
<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really
looking forward to.
<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry
Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes.
It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her
first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of
willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany
wang. Eleven inches. "
<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his
fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it
swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and
gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing
dancing spots of light on to the walls
<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed
Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"
<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but
even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up
its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when
he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's
nostrils.
<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's
nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.
<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang,
and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he
whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.
<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a
fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly,
and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried
to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept
intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother
again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her
again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted
from the end of his wang
<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded
the silvery substance with its tip.
<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds
they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like
fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip
on his raised wang.