<melx0rz> we just polled some guy .. out of the following he
is a) child molester b) FILTHY LIAR
<melx0rz> i didn't answer
<melx0rz> er.. HE
<melx0rz> He didn't answer

<HeadlessCow> urr...you've never touched a girl's breasts and
known her cup size?
<evilroot> HeadlessCow:  hrm, I rarely remember such things
<evilroot> Hard enough remembering their names

<fiz> porn's a good addiction too
<fiz> not like needy womens
<fiz> rub my feet... not tonight... in the butt again
<fiz> bitch whine moan

eggmcpuffin: you have xp?
GE GK: no hp

<@Dock> Water freezes faster the higher you are, I believe.
<@phrozen> nice
<@phrozen> next time i'll use the fridge upstairs

<McBigMac> WHO STOLE MAH LIGHTER ?!
<MysteryIslands> _o/
<MysteryIslands> gotta take smoke now :D
<McBigMac> Life needs a fukkin Search Function!
<McBigMac> Search: Find Lighter

<Targen> Just saw the Smallvile season finale. (that's what
you call those, right?)
<NekoGuy> season finale? the last episode in a season right?
<Targen> Yes.
<NekoGuy> Yes, that's right.
<NekoGuy> You've passed the American Television Culture test #
1
<NekoGuy> You win 20 pounds of fat.

Mayor of your Brain: I weasled out of going to my cousin's
graduation ;)
C_Caillavet: you rule
C_Caillavet: But what if you missed out on punch and pie?
Mayor of your Brain: Fuck them, I got meatloaf

<^NoS^Sikarian> you know
<^NoS^Sikarian> in working with the tech department the past
week
<^NoS^Sikarian> know what ive found out?
<^NoS^Sikarian> those windows XP taskbar tray popup bubbles
are like a little kid
<^NoS^Sikarian> 'HEY! LOoK AT ME!  LOOOK WHAT IM DOING! =D =D
=D LOoK!! YOUR NOT LOOOOKKINNGG!!!! COME ON LOOK!!"
<^NoS^Sikarian> Then you click the X and say "Ok I fucking see
you"
<^NoS^Sikarian> 5 seconds... "HEY LOOK AT ME AGAIN! =D"

<Tenchi147> if you were in a shower with another guy and he
droped the soup
<Tenchi147> would you do anything?
<Oolong^Pokemon> not if it wasn't my boyfriend
<Oolong^Pokemon> hell no
<Tenchi147> I am not thinking while typeing
<Tenchi147> I am going to shut up now
<Katarica> If I was in the shower and another girl dropped the
soup
<Katarica> I would wonder why the HELL she was eating soup in
the fucking shower

* Rask says AHEM extremely loudly.
* Blasphemy gives Rask a cough drop.
<Denise> SARS! :o
<Chickita_Banana> lol
* Denise passes out masks.
* Rask sticks it in his nose and says AHEM again.
<Chickita_Banana> a cough drop in your nose?
* Denise watches it shoot out of Rask's nose and hit Chickita
in the face.
<Denise> Maybe it's a nose drop.
<Chickita_Banana> lol
* Chickita_Banana throws it at Denise
* Denise gets it lodged in her throat.
<Blasphemy> o.o
* Denise does the heimlich on herself.
<Blasphemy> Denise.
* Denise lives.
<Blasphemy> You're wierd.
* Denise spears Blasphemy.
* Denise drags him to her igloo.
* Chickita_Banana watches
<Blasphemy> Plz don't rape me >_< I'll do anything!

<eXa|The_Professor> my grandpa invented cheez-wiz
<eXa-r|SirHump|NS> sweeeet
<eXa|The_Professor> no i'm just screwing with you

< kriptik> !sites
< BassBoy> !sites
< kriptik> !geeks-in-g-strings
< BassBoy> !nude-animals
< kriptik> !greasy-ewok-bitches
< BassBoy> !underage-gerbil-sluts
< kriptik> you win :(

<NekoGuy> Oh my fucking god I'm 16 years old, engaged, with a
2.0 average planning to make a career out of politics, I spend
my entire day on IRC, looking at porn and fantasizing about a
race of catgirls that will never exist.
<NekoGuy> IT JUST FUCKING HIT ME.
* NekoGuy kills himself

* djenk feels like his energy has been completly drained out
of him
* muiredach pumps energy back up in djenk
<muiredach> ooops, that was the airpump ;-)
* djenk now feels listless and bloated too ;/

<Analogy> I haven't taken a shower in days.
<Analogy> DAYS.
* silentjoe backs away from analogy
<Analogy> My hair has so much oil in it, Bush is gonna invade
it next.

(@Nick^) we were about to start an important exam yesterday
(@Nick^) and the male teacher says "any mobile phones turn
them out and put them on the desk at the front"
(@Nick^) and my friend questioned him about whether it was
necessary to put it on the desk at the front, blah blah
(@Nick^) then the teacher walks down the row of people to
check, and says to my /other/ friend, "Is that a mobile phone
in your pocket?"
(@Nick^) and my friend turned round and said "No he's just
pleased to see you"
(@Nick^) I almost got kicked out for crying with laughter

<||RoGuE||>: yesterday, my sister came to me and asked me
where were my parents, and she smelled like beer
<||RoGuE||>: and i said... Minni, by the smell of your breath
i can tell you have been drinking
<||RoGuE||>: and then she said... well, by the smell of your
breath i can tell you have been sucking cock, you bitch!
<[StOrM]>: what did you do rogue?
<||RoGuE||>: i brushed my teeth ¬_¬

||RoGuE||: yesterday, my sister came to me and asked me where
were my parents, and she smelled like beer
||RoGuE||: and i said... Minni, by the smell of your breath i
can tell you have been drinking
||RoGuE||: and then she said... well, by the smell of your
breath i can tell you have been sucking cock
[StOrM]: what did you do rogue?
||RoGuE||: i brushed my teeth ¬_¬

volsung> *Sigh*
jack> sigh what?
volsung> Talking to my mom again.
volsung> I tried to explain that job #1 is modeling the
effects of the solar wind on the Earth's magnetic field and
that my advisor's model wasn't working at all.
volsung> Her immediate response was "Well, that's because you
aren't                taking into account the effect of
consciousness on the charged particles."
volsung> I did not know how to respond to that.

<nylint> a pedophile and a little girl were walking into the
woods
<nylint> and the little girl said 'these woods are scary at
night, mister'
<nylint> and the pedophile said 'you're scared?  i have to
walk back alone!'

<stealth_> my brother downloaded cm4 from kazaa
<stealth_> and... it went pretty well for him
<stealth_> he had been playing for about 1½ hours
<stealth_> then this message pops up.
<stealth_> "had fun? well fu you and go buy the game you warez
haxx0r"
<stealth_> then the game crashed :)

<Devilmouse> help!!!
<Devilmouse> * Yam invites you to join #gay
<Devilmouse> i joined and they wont let me back out

(Kixx^) Where can I download internet ?
(@Osc) Kixx^ goto http://www.irchelp.org/download for info on
getting files of any kind via IRC.
Kixx^) *lol*

<Cyber_Akuma> They REALLY want to make dying in the game
realistic
<Cyber_Akuma> The pc insantly locked up when i died

<@ott> i work with a guy who has zacklee
<@ott> his breath smells zacklee like his ass

<dragondyne> doritos are just as good though
<dragondyne> but the residue on your hands SUCKS ASS
<Mog116> yeah
<dragondyne> you need gloves to eat them
<AvaLance204> Yes doritos mess up your hands
<shadow> I don't mind the residue
<Mog116> dorito residue sucks
dragondyne> they should come with a pair of latex gloves
<dragondyne> they would sell more
<shadow> I usually eat chips when I'm not using my hands
<shadow> er
<AvaLance204> :o
<shadow> you know what I mean
<AvaLance204> lofl
<dragondyne> wtf
<shadow> when I'm not using my hands for anything else
<Mog116> what
<shadow> ah crap
<shadow> screw it
<dragondyne> do you stick your head in the bag and rotate or
something

<+Jasper> SourceX, its because of people like you that they
put up signs that say "Please don't touch the animals" in zoos
<+Jasper> -P
<@SourceX> i wouildnt do it with other ppl around anyways
<@SourceX> the signs are pointless

<basschimp> sitting down in a kilt is easy. after the first
few times.
<Yardbomb> Heehee
<Yardbomb> lol
<Ant-> after the first few "AWW SWEET JESUS MAN"s?

<Borgus> How does one go about becoming an op?
<Fembot> kneepads, a dark room, and a strong stomach

<Zimbu> heh, the ad bar on fark speaks for itself...
<Zimbu> "1000s of naked women on your desktop! NSFW!: 18
comments"
<Zimbu> "Revenge Lady- My story of complete and utter
humiliation: 8 comments"
<Zimbu> "i saw a turtle: 1136 comments"

<GaNja> anyone here good at setting up video cards?
<Blue> nope, im horrible at it myself, so bad in fact i dont
even havea video card
<GaNja> oh
<GaNja> that sucks

<Xenophon> I was talking to this really cute girl, when I was
on a walk with my parents. I hadn't seen her in years. After
exchanging university experiences, I asked for her ph # and my
dad jumped out of the woodwork and said "I'll memorize half of
it for ya!"

<Fembot> what did one "racing stripe" in jitspoe's toilet say
to another one?
<Fembot> "are you alright? you look a little flushed."

<Blue> yeah, a copy of it was found in a desert
<Blue> the guy turned it into the newspaper or something
instead of doing the right thing
<Blue> which of course is ebaying it

<Calrathan> well, I'm screwed
<Calrathan> not gunna get this work done
<Fryth> irc to the rescue!
<Calrathan> yay
<Calrathan> it doesnt fix your problems...
<Calrathan> but it sure makes you forget em

<[GUNr]J0E> hahahah ive gotten laid more than jit
<jitspoe> I'm saving my virginity for a female

* jitspoe had forgotten how time consuming modeling is
<spdif> keep your clothes on jit. no matter how much money
they offer you

<KnacK|WorK> oximoron of the day "Microsoft To Teach
Undergrads About Secure Computing"

(?)     kullen- (~WTF-kulle@as8-1-2.am.g.bonet.se) enters
#lesbian
CoulomB:  turn around
CoulomB:  no lesbians here.
(?)     kullen- (~WTF-kulle@as8-1-2.am.g.bonet.se) leaves
#lesbian
CoulomB:  all gone, big lesbian fire of 96.

* cuba has joined #uplink
<cuba> hoi all
* Dave2|Laptop bans trade with cuba
* Luigi30 arms cuba with missiles
<KeaponLaffin> Luigi30: hey now, no bay of pigs

<JakeD> My fingers are so fucking big that I'm all like
"apjps0-3" just trying to type the word "hi"
<Winter> wow, i bet you're a hit with the ladies.
<JakeD> Yeah. "Hi, I'm Lisa." "apjps0-3" "....Fucking freak."
<Winter> i was thinking IRL, but i suppose you're more clumsy
there?
<JakeD> That was an IRL example.

Substitue Teacher> Alright class. Here's the next question.
Spain was divided into what? Hint, Canada has these.
Dane> Umm... Canadians!
Kyle> ... Provinces you idiot...

< 01@peregrine > Then a great item, the 24 Hour Bukkake Semen
of Moe Nishimura
< 01@peregrine > -- poor Moe-chan has men blowing their wads
on her as she goes about her
< 01@peregrine > daily life, brushing her teeth, sleeping,
going to the bathroom, and so on
< 01@peregrine > dude that's bukkake i'd consider watching
< 01@peregrine > the comedy
< 01@chesed > I think that'd get annoying when you're doing
your daily activies and random guys are blowing their load all
over you
< 01@chesed > it'd prolly be the worst day to do laundry
< 01@chesed > "I just fucking cleaned that! FUCK!"
< 01@peregrine > you'd need an allstar male crew
< 01@peregrine > with precision aim
< 01@chesed > haha
< 01@chesed > matrix load-blowing
< 01@peregrine > i'm just imagining like
< 01@peregrine > guys hidden in the bushes and shit, as she
walks by
< 01@krelian > that's what happens in 24 hours bukakke
< 01@krelian > they like bust out of the closet
< 01@krelian > and it's a hit and run cum
* peregrine rolls
< 01@spider-hime > hahah
< 01@krelian > girl walks into the bathroom
< 01@krelian > and dude blows his load
< 01@peregrine > they need to just go all the way
< 01@peregrine > and have some chick being tormented by a clan
of bukkake ninjas
< 01@krelian > *girl walks down street*
< 01@krelian > *ninjas out of bushes*
< 01@peregrine > hehe
< 01@peregrine > totally
< 01@krelian > *ninjas blow load*
< 01@peregrine > then DISAPPEAR
< 01@krelian > <girl> what the hell was that!
< 01@spider-hime > STEALTH BUKKAKE
< 01@krelian > *girl walks down street*
< 01@krelian > <girl> omg it's raining
< 01@Perrin > *camera pans to roof of building*

<Aury> O.o;; You all have to wait longer for movies to come
out?
<leckie> Well yeah... sometimes.
<Aury> What is that, some sort of backwater hell of a town?
<leckie> It's the UK Aury.

<WorkLord> nasa uses both systems
<WorkLord> on martian landers
<WorkLord> hehe
<Luigi30> That's why all our stuff explodes
<Luigi30> Especially shuttles
<Luigi30> and Mars landers
<WorkLord> ITS OK EVERYONE
<WorkLord> HES BACK TO STUPID
<WorkLord> armageddon averted
<Luigi30> in Soviet Union, shuttles explode YOU!
* Luigi30 runs around farting
<Luigi30> Yay! I'm stupid!
* Luigi30 explodes leaving a jagged black mark on the ground
and some smoke
<Dave2> YAY!!!!

<[M4X]> CASEMODDER this isn t about me or who has your
underwear. This is about me and the fact you re not wearing
any underwear.
<[M4X]>  :)
<CaseModder> get away from ma ass u queer
<[M4X]> lol
* CaseModder puts some boxers on
<[TFF]monkey> hands on balls, bums on walls lads
* [M4X] opens secret passage in wall
<[M4X]> MUHAHAHAH
* CaseModder puts on chasity belt

<eva> hey guys, guess what im eating right now!
<Ed> big black cocks dripping with pearly semen.
<eva> starts with a 3
<Ed> three big black cocks dripping with pearly semen.

* Mike0ne sneaks up quietly and has sex in Jarrith
<cakemix26> just ackt up
<Jarrith> MIKEONE HAS HERPES
<Jarrith> oh god
* Jarrith runs away
<Jarrith> that was badly timed

<pkmk> fuck i'm in wordpad now
<pabegimas> programming with wordpad? wow that's really bad
<pkmk> actually wordpad is very good for programming - you can
set the font what you want