(bigwurm) if your concerned about the ammount of cpu time an
onboard sound card uses, you should really get a new cpu +
mobo
(@|-ZenitH-|) or a life

<[UMCP]TROGDOR> explain to me why i need to defragment my disk
<[UMCP]TROGDOR> whats the advantage
<[UMCP]commieboy> faster access speed
<[UMCP]commieboy> Saint Google may be to your aide.
<[UMCP]TROGDOR> it says its moving all my files
<[UMCP]commieboy> yessir
<[UMCP]TROGDOR> why
<[UMCP]TROGDOR> ill NEVER FIND THEM

<BluePhoenix> I predict that in 500 years, everyone will be
the same color.
<@Measure> well after we rocket all the blacks into the sun,
sure

<I|O> goin off to college
<I|O> mom got me a dehumidifer
<I|O> dad got me a humidifier
<xiao> stick em in yer room for a night. let them fight it out

<Raptor> ---
<Raptor> very funny ad...
<Raptor> and is alien-homonoid coming to Gamecube or PS2 or
both?
<Raptor> Because they are both very fine systems and
X-Box,Well... It can rot in hell with Bill Gates, The evilest
man to walk the earth.
<Raptor> ---
<Raptor> Yes, compared to Bill Gates, Ghengis Khan was a
fucking saint, and don't even get me started on some Chinese
Emperors and Stalin, they could be like fucking Jesus! God
damn that Bill Gates is a plight upon man.
<Ross> Hey now, Ghengis Khan did a lot of good
<Ross> He made Russia rich, and re-opened the silk road
<Ross> AND he killed 800,000 arabs in a week

<FlypServ> ive only known two eq addicted people, one grew up
and the other dumped me to work on her character

<Shiv_TXS> are you having phone sex or something?
<Twiztid> no
<Twiztid> some girl answered

<Fistandantilus> It's unpleasing, to see a bunch of xylophone
ribs poking out the sides of a girl... I imagine it'd be like
sticking my dick into a pillow sack full of greased
coathangers.

<BChikapa> wan 2 cybar?
<Calisa> We have sex three times, it's fun, I get pregnant,
Jimmy needs a daddy.
<BChikapa> I refuse to pay child support, and lengthy leagal
battles ensue.
<Calisa> Jimmy becomes torn by his dashed hopes of having a
father, so he murders you while you're sleeping on the job at
the toll booth.
<BChikapa> All my family members despise me, and as a result
no one has any money to pay for my disposal.
<BChikapa> I am unceremoniously dumped into the Hudson River,
wrapped in a cheap plastic tarp.

<Volksweasel> cool...there's a TON of cardinals on the tree
outside my window
<enaz> cardinals are usually safe, it's the priests you have
to watch out for

<Calisa> When you went to the IKEA in Pittsburgh, what was the
service like?
<Bubbaprog> the pitt store is great
<Bubbaprog> eat some swedish balls while you're there

<Winterhart> I just told my mom "AFK, I'm going to work"
<Winterhart> She's like, "What?"
<Winterhart> I told her it means "just so you know" in latin :
/

<Ian> whoa i b dling mb a sec
<Ian> i must b hooked to a good conn
<wolf> You need to be hooked on phonics.

<bigbear> fuck
<bigbear> my ears are ringing
<Pebble> answer it then

<Carlos2> anyone know any good-tasting food with no sugar,
fat, carbs, calories, cholesterol, or other junk?
<Wizmo> error
<Wizmo> error
<Wizmo> carlos you broke my logic engine
<Anti_Hero> uhh
<Coreyback> Sounds like water is your best bet.
<Anti_Hero> carrots?
<Carlos2> what? im hungry and slightly overweight.
<Wizmo> so you swallow your saliva
<Carlos2> i was thinking of air, but thats not filling enough.

<welzi> you're not one of these pretend geeks who secretly has
a social life are you?

MonkeysMa: fuck that, if all chicks wanted was a huge dick,
asians wouldn't be the largest ethnic group on the planet

«@thatguy» dude there was a wiccan fat guy in this stupid
fucking free thought listserv I was on in ksu
«@thatguy» He got caught jacking off in his room, and then he
ripped off his clothes and marched around naked with a tinfoil
axe threatening people

RIAA Rep 387: My name is Mark Guineve, and I am a
representative of the Recording Industry Association of
America. We here at the RIAA, have recieved reports of illegal
filesharing of copyrighted materials on your PC. We are
currently filing lawsuits, against copyright infringement
offenders, and are willing to give you a courtesy warning to
stop these illegal activities, or we will subpoenea your ISP,
to take further action.
RIAA Rep 387: We have detected several acts of illegal piracy
on your computer.
RIAA Rep 387: Ma'am, I am also in New Jersey and I can call
your house if you would prefer.
Girl: what am i supposed to do
RIAA Rep 387: Ma'am, are you currently using KaZaA, or is it
another File-Sharing service?
Girl: kazaa
Girl: i just closed out of it
Girl: WHAT DO I DO!!!!!!!!!
RIAA Rep 387: Ma'am, it is necessary that you now dance around
topless with a fishstick in your pants.
RIAA Rep 387: Ma'am, are you doing this yet?
Girl: **** u!
RIAA Rep 387: Not appropriate language, Kristy.
RIAA Rep 387: Nah, I'm just messin' with you.
Girl: that scared me.. i was about to start dancin
Girl: jp who is this

Drewtetz: you may be dropping rhymes, but I've tapped the
zeitgeist, I smack you so hard your mom told me to "Play nice!
"
Jon: drew.
Jon: you just rhymed "zeitgeist."
Jon: WTF?!

<RageFury|Work> Like just 2 days ago I casually dropped some
Jalapeno into the can of Alpo Cat food I set out for the
kitten.
<RageFury|Work> Freaking bastard tried to claw my pants.

<zamback> wth is "Ultraslim" ?
<|DI|Okra^Ennis> its only 16 mm thick
<deyja> zamback: the size condoms you wear

<Luthor> Dude, my school banned white t-shirts today :(
<Luthor> they claimed it was a gang symbol, and that it
promoted violence and conflict
<Nasci> I'd rather just ban all the kids, no more violence,
problem solved.

<dArEn> I used to be bad at math, but I did a 360 in that

<distopia> whats the word for that ringing in your ears?
<distopia> begins with T
<overh3at> The Wife

<@adsf> nz is good to go to if you from aus cus there dollar
is actualy worse then ours
<*@orange1> that's because of all the civil unrest
<*@orange1> orks fighting the horse people and whatnot

<digitok> which finger does a marriage/engagement ring go on a
chick?
<taco_boy> left

(+Apoc`) u wont believe what happened.
(@povo) what?
(+Apoc`) i copied a speech from the net
(+Apoc`) didnt read it at all
(+Apoc`) until i read it in class
(+Apoc`) it full had swearin n shit in it
(+Apoc`) like
(+Apoc`) eating cunt and suckin cock
(@povo) you actually read the swear words?
(+Apoc`) yer man
(+Apoc`) :s
(@povo) owned

<emuflame-> what are some good efnet servers?
<nylint> hahahahahahahahahahh that's like asking 'do they make
heroin that doesn't kill people'

* Ashfield is now known as Atropos
<-yptosis> Isn't Atropos that desease were you wang turns gray
and falls off?
<Camen> No.
<-yptosis> God damnit, so I didn't need to wash it. That lying
motherfucker.

<aqualung> that's weird, "douche" is the french word for
shower
<aqualung> but in english, when used with the word "bag" it
becomes an insult
<lefty> lol, you stupid SHOWER BAG
<aqualung> and it also sorta sounds like germany's name in
german
<aqualung> if anyone were to associate germany with showers,
it would be the jews, not the french ;)
<lefty> yeah, but what's even weirder is the french have a
word for something they never use

<arioch> Day changed to 11 Sep 2003
<arioch> whee
<ukiro> ok, everyone put on fake beards
<arioch> don't got one
<ukiro> grow one
<ukiro> HURRY
<arioch> I haven't shaved in 3 or 4 weeks
<arioch> I have something more than a stubble
<Cyb> I have a goatsee thing
<arioch> but that's about it
<Cyb> er
<Cyb> goatee
<Cyb> damnit
<arioch> you have a goatse
<ukiro> hahaha
<Cyb> stupid internet ruined my life

<degradationtrip> i need all 4 food groups now to get my mind
off of things
<atm_> pussy, beer, weed, cake.

<Costilled> "Try our new pepperoni pizza!"
<Costilled> and I'm left thinking
<Costilled> what's so new about it?
<Costilled> so I kick the guy in the throat
<Costilled> and take his wallet
<Mystech> o.o out
<Mystech> Or ouch
<Mystech> depending on how weirdly my brain is functioning
tonight.
* karass has joined #jack
<Costilled> and then there was deer
<Costilled> don't get me started on deer
<karass> i wont
<karass> sorry i brought it up
<Costilled> but the pizza was hand tossed
<Costilled> the cook could have tossed off in the dough and we
wouldn't know
<Mystech> Well like didn't you watch him make the dough, too?
<Costilled> He was kneading the dough as only a hooter girl
could understand
<Costilled> you know if they drop the dough while tossing it,
your pizza is free
<Mystech> Wow, man, that's deep.
<Costilled> Did you know
<Costilled> you can no longer get a pitcher of soda at pizza
hut
<Costilled> ?
<karass> *gasp*
<Costilled> your refills are free
<karass> ive never gotten a pitcher of soda at pizza hut, so i
dont think im terribly put off by the bad news
<Costilled> they just don't want you hording the soda
<Mystech> hehe
<Costilled> the glasses are rediculously small however
<Mystech> Arizona is the state of free refills.
<Mystech> all refills are free.
<Costilled> A smurf would get caught by his knickers if he
decided to go for a swim
<Mystech> uhhhhh. . . huh?
<Costilled> and remember, it's never polite to place your tip
to the server by aiming coins into his buttcrack
<Mystech> O.o  It's not polite for your server's buttcrack to
be showing.
<Costilled> I didn't care
<Costilled> I was tipping him with the money I got from the
guy I kicked in the throat
<Costilled> nevermind the fact that it was canadian
<Costilled> the money that is, not the buttcrack
<Mystech> Them canadians are infultrating out society.
<karass> apparently the new 20 is going to be peach colored
<Mystech> have you seen the new twenty dollar bills?
<Mystech> They are colored!
<mulefoot> They're peachy :)
<Mystech> Just like canadian funny-money!
<karass> i hear thats because they are made of human flesh
<Costilled> yes
<mulefoot> Soylent greenbacks?
<Costilled> soylent cash
<Mystech> By gadzer!
<Costilled> eeeevil
<Costilled> I must unshare my brainwave with you
* Costilled takes his brain out of the DMZ
<mulefoot> Its just a harmonic...here file on one one of your
fillings.
<Costilled> I have no fillings
<Costilled> I'm crest's bitch
<mulefoot> In that case we're going to have to change the
shape of your brain cavity. I'm going to need a power drill
and an M-80.
<Costilled> scope flavored
<Costilled> the currency of the UK is multicolor
<Costilled> and also scratch and sniff
<Costilled> scratch it and it smells british

* punxy has joined #emo
<punxy> hi all
<_John> hi
<_John> do you have a vagina?
* punxy has quit IRC (Read error: No route to host)
<_John> asking people if they have a vagina is a new h4x0ring
technique to crash people boxes

(dj28): http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/ftp/graphics/AT13/refresh/
AL1303W5+GIF/081203W5.gif
(ZemRrushe): safe for work?
(dj28): no. it's a government sponsored goatse orgy gallery

<MrBob> I hate Uni. At least in film studies we get to talk
about Fight Club.
<@X-Factor> Wouldnt you be breaking the first 2 rules?

* Jon|Working has joined #twistedmonkey
* Jon|Working changes topic to 'Nerje, you really need to stop
e-mailing me porn with cam pics and other such things. It's a
nice surprise, but not so nice when your laptop is hooked up
to a projector with people looking at it.'
* Jon|Working has quit IRC (Quit: )

<Killrbyte> God dammit...Jesus saves...why the fuck didn't I?

<ShadowRage> if this net needs anything it's more linux
<jimmiejaz> fuck no.
<ShadowRage> if ths net needs anything it's more women*
<ShadowRage> god dammit
<ShadowRage> You know you've become a nerd when the word linux
automatically replaces "women" in your mind.

<heroofhyr> Japan, China and South Korea team up to plan an
operating system to rival Microsoft Windows.
<heroofhyr> man i can't wait to try Rindows

<CptPlanet> ever get the urge to have someone videotape you
masturbating in public so you can watch it later and laugh? or
masturbate again.
<slick> i have a tripod

<pantsme> guys, give me ways the govt influences your life
daily
<pantsme> i need 3 more
<Novasol> what do you have already?
<grendy> increased taxes due to multiple simultaneous wars,
and slightly lower gas price3s thanks to stolen oil?
<grendy> or should i just shut up? my head hurts
<pantsme> i got the basics i just need a few others
<pantsme> make stuff up
<grendy> predator
<GoatLord> how about: They make laws that say I can't beat
that stupid fucker with a tire iron.
<redsleep> reading my thoughts through major league baseball
<grendy> uh, the illuminati, the skull & crossbones, the
magestic twelve?
<pantsme> nice
<pantsme> askin this on irc was dumb
<pantsme> :D
<GoatLord> you think?

<Zorah> You're like a merry go round.. everyones had a ride.
<Exodus> naw
<Exodus> just the ones who are taller than 5'

<Hahn> I'm such a coding novice! My nipples get all hard when
something compiles correctly.

<Ken> If a girl is 5'2" and weighs 110, what would her ring
size be
<Nny> Ken: depends on how big her finger is

[9:43:pm] <beau> man, i have so much respect for anyone that
designs adult web sites
[9:43:pm] <GodTheMod> its harder than it looks
[9:43:pm] <xie> Hahahahaha
[9:43:pm] <beau> i've been sorting through material for my
site, and i can't help but get a hard on, and that means much
less blood in my head.. i JUST CANT WORK LIKE THAT!

<Zok> Oh, it needs to be in jpg or png
<Sephiroth> okay I changed the extension
<Sephiroth> but isn't any smaller

<RikI> Havent had sex in sooooooo long
<RikI> It's gotten to the point where i masturbate thinking of
other times i masturbated.
<Vorm> ...

docsigma2000: jesus christ man
docsigma2000: my son is sooooooo dead
c8info: Why?
docsigma2000: hes been looking at internet web sites in
fucking EUROPE
docsigma2000: HE IS SURFING LONG DISTANCE
docsigma2000: our fucking phone bill is gonna be nuts
c8info: Ooh, this is bad. Surfing long distance adds an extra
$69.99 to your bill per hour.
docsigma2000: ...!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK
docsigma2000: is there some plan we can sign up for???
docsigma2000: cuz theres some cool stuff in europe, but i dun
wanna pauy that much
c8info: Sorry, no. There is no plan. you'll have to live with
it.
docsigma2000: o well, i ccan live without europe intenet
sites.
docsigma2000: but till i figure out how to block it hes sooooo
dead
c8info: By the way, I'm from Europe, your chatting long
distance.
** docsigma2000 has quit (Connection reset by peer)