* edude84 (~extremedu@24-164-185-144.hvc.rr.com) has joined #
Help
<edude84> dude
<edude84> are there cheats for IRC?

<SSilver2k> he worked on a server called Servix in a college,
he asked this girl to log into her "servix" terminal...you can
see how that conversation went.

<valetine_4_ever> Piracy is wrong
<valetine_4_ever> Cool, but wrong
<Kalen> But it feels oh so right.
<Loony_BoB> It's not wrong
<Loony_BoB> They just have laws against it

<daMehTognoM> Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?
I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize that I could
be eating a slow learner.

<tinman> Do you put antlers on your pussy?
<tinman> er
<tinman> that wasn't for this channel

<Meph|st0> Complaint : BOUGTH IT FOR MY COUSIN WHO HAD CANCER,
ITEM NEVER ARRIVED AND MY COUSIN DIED
<Meph|st0> thats the greatest ebay feedback i have ever seen

<badaboom> who can help me ? i'm french and i don't know irc
<Paladine> can't help you with the being french part, you are
screwed their mate

<StarFreeze2> Cyber blackmail artists are shaking down office
workers, threatening to delete computer files or install
pornographic images on their work PCs unless they pay a
ransom, police and security experts said.
<Duffman> lol
<Duffman> first, i'd tell em to trash all the fucking files
they want. it's costing my boss money, not me
<Duffman> then i'd tell em to put on all the porn they wanted.
i can always use more
<Duffman> gotta have something to do at work
<StarFreeze2> yea lol
<StarFreeze2> "we will put porn on your computer if you don't
give us 2k"
<StarFreeze2> response: hurry and send the porn, i am so
fucking bored
<StarFreeze2> second response: lesbian plz, if possible

<marduk> why do all the 14-year old girls at my school have
completely impossible crushes, like orlando bloom?
<marduk> why don't they go for someone more realistic?
<marduk> like r. kelly.

<FyreDaug> fuckin ricers
<FyreDaug> civics are like tampons, every pussy has one

<davidr> w00t! I installed a camera and a monitor ... the cam
points at my door so I don't have to turn my head to see if
somebody opens the door
<iku> ;D
<davidr> and now I'll start recording everything so I don't
even have to listen to my family, I'll just watch it when I
have time

<Death> Hey, Jeff, how do you kill someone when they're on
your nick?
<Jeff> Oh, easy /ns ghost nick password
<Death> Thanks.
<Death> Die.
*** Signoff: Jeff (Killed (NickServ (GHOST command used by
Death)))

<Dante> haha
<Dante> <Alb-guy> I just caught my 15 year old girl,
masturbating with a vibrating 'control pad' on a Nintendo
Gamecube. Now I am banning this vibrator from my household,
but I am concerned about other teenagers who are using these
products as masturbation aids.
<Brian> HAHAHAHAHAAHA
<Dante> so GameCubes do have their use after all!

<Hackwiz> oh yeah plus today my dad's car ran out of gas on
the way out of the exit towards crawford street and we started
pushing then a cop came behind us, gave us a ride home to get
keys to the car's trunk to get gas tank. then so I go back to
get gas tank I walk through the field because I think it will
be shorter than going around the corner and walking all the
way down the highway.  I did not notice there was a mother
fuc*ing stream there!!! i was like a mile down the highway and
I said fuc* it so I tried,.... TRIED to jump the stream, came
up short, broke through the ice and got full-body soaked, this
was 3:40 pm, i had to work at 4, well I got out of the water,
muddy and soaked. then i see a fuc*ing fuc*ing fuc*ing!!! barb
wire fence!!! bitc*, i jump it slicing my thumb, i bleed, but
it's aight. get the gas can and my computer games and
crossover cable, start walking back home soaked, two hot girls
stop and pull over to give me a ride home then i forogot, also
the office smelled alcohol on my dad's breath so he said if my
dad went back to drive the car home he would make sure he got
arrested.
<Hackwiz> How was your day?
<LiKeM> OMG

<Nemo> whoa
<Nemo> i was like downstars
<Nemo> making a sandwich
<Nemo> and i started singing subconsciously
<Nemo> and when i realized that i was making noises
<Nemo> it turned out i was like screaming the theme song to
crank yankers
<Nemo> and like
<Nemo> the lady next door called the cops and shit
<Nemo> oh man
<Nemo> :(

<Jeff> god...yesterday morning sucked hard
<Jeff> I woke up and took a shower, when I got out to find
clothes, I opened the dryer and as I was rummaging around, I
saw a dollar, so im like yoink...then I found another dollar,
im like yeah! some sucker lost their dollars........then I
found my paycheck...then my wallet.

<@SLing> anyway I love grocery shopping because I get to make
my family look like fools
<@SLing> the other day we were at the grocery store
<@SLing> and the first place was all the melons (like
canteloupe, grapefruit, etc)
<evolsoulx> mmhmm
<@SLing> anyway I remembered hearing from some TV chef that
before buying melons you're supposed to knock on them
<@SLing> so
<@SLing> I stood there
<@SLing> for five minutes
<@SLing> knocking on melons
<@SLing> people started looking at me strange
<evolsoulx> lol
<@SLing> I was like "It's ok, the TV chef told me to"
<Erik> lol
<@SLing> I'd knock on one and be like "This one sounds fresh"
<@SLing> long story short I don't have to go grocery shopping
anymore

SomethingTrifty: I'm vegetarian for a different reason
SomethingTrifty: It's not because I like animals
SomethingTrifty: i just fucking hate plants

<SRG> Metallica sold out in 45 mins :/
<NotOneOfUs> Yeah I know.
<NotOneOfUs> Oh wait
<NotOneOfUs> You mean, like, a concert?
<SRG> yes

<Capt_Suicide> god fucking damnit
<Capt_Suicide> my sister puked all over my toilet
<Capt_Suicide> i just fucking cleaned that thing earlier from
where nathan shit all over it
<Capt_Suicide> good thing i bought that toilet bowl cleaner
today
<Kornered> what a rediculous thing to waste your money on
<FaQz0r> get a dog
<FaQz0r> dogs clean everything

LoRrigeer--: Dont dl porn
ULVENMASTER: i dont, im mature
LoRrigeer--: you dl mature porn?
ULVENMASTER: no, im mature so i dont dl porn
LoRrigeer--: so like ur married?

<darklink570> at first i thought that "ping? pong!" was just
chanserv making fun of my chinese heritage

<Bijiy> SEABISCUIT!!!
<[On-Air]NiM> Bijiy
<[On-Air]NiM> I watched that movie with my mom
<Bijiy> I did too
<[On-Air]NiM> I will never watch a movie with my mom again
<Bijiy> same
<[On-Air]NiM> at the part in the stable she was like
<[On-Air]NiM> WOW LOOK AT HOW BIG THE HORSES C0CK IS
<Bijiy> heh
<[On-Air]NiM> and I was like, OMG PLEASE NO...
<Bijiy> hahahaha

<EiNHanDeR MK II> does anyone find it peculiar that the winner
of the running olympics is black, and the white guys always
win rifle and accuracy competitions?

<ElderGodSmack> The quickest way to a woman's heart is with a
knife.

<_pr1me> Nothing says christmas like handjobs in the olive
garden bathroom for $2 a piece

Manghuntr9: i am taking a piece of KRAFT cheese to church with
me in the hopes that i can get an extra piece of jesus and
make a sandwich

<ubmentor> guys..greatest dialogue ever
<ubmentor> check this out
<ubmentor> girl: oh my god, that was incredible
<ubmentor> guy: yeah.. you're amazing.  you almost made me
come
<ubmentor> girl: what?! then what the hell did I swallow?!
<SilentSnipa> hahaha

<fudge> wow
<fudge> i am blessed
<fudge> ffx-2 AND an AOL 9.0 disc
<ShinakuTK_> ...some one gave you a AOHELL disk for a crimbo
present?
<fudge> i doubt it's a xmas present
<fudge> i just get them all year then give them away at
halloween to the kiddies
<ShinakuTK_> lol

<deo> theres a road near me called "the queens passage"
<emsy> LMAO
<deo> heh....the funny thing is....theres a pub next to
it.........called "the kings head"......
<emsy> ROTF

<Santa> all these chocolate bullets
<Biscram> isnt there something you're forgetting to do tonight
santa
<Santa> THE PRESENTS!?
* Santa is away, (brb delivering presents)

<vindalou> but you know how all gossip has a grain of truth
<Bishi> I heard your mom's a real dirty slut

<CAMeRON> i have the best new insult - cockgoggles
<CAMeRON> aaHAEHaeH aeHaeHaeHaehaeH
<KEiRAN> thats pretty pisspoor cameron
<CAMeRON> SHUT UP, COCKGOGGLES
<KEiRAN> yeah, i didnt see that one coming

<STEELE1381> I just spent about 10 minutes taking an online IQ
test that popped up onto my screen.
<STEELE1381> Then, when I was finished, they made me fill out
all this registration stuff before giving me my score.
<sirhc614> How'd you do?
<STEELE1381> Judging by the fact that I game them my email
address to find out a number representing my intelligence that
they semi-randomly calculated, I think I failed.

<muffins> Okay, earlier, when I said "FUCK" and left, my
grandfather came with a truck load of wood for me to cart
someplace. Because "Good Christian Young Men" do things like
use chainsaws and cart wood.
<muffins> Another thing Good Christian Young Men do is shoot
guns. And go to church. I think I'm failing.
<RedBeard> muffins: so kill two birds with one stone. shoot
guns in church.

<MakoClause> shit
<MakoClause> i am so dead
<MakoClause> there is this huge dent in our christmas ham
<MakoClause> where i decided to liberate some of it for a
sandwhich
<MakoClause> but i liberated too much
<Zappy-Holidays> dude
<Zappy-Holidays> ham raeper
<Zappy-Holidays> where are your morals
<Zappy-Holidays> I know why you really carved out a little bit
<Zappy-Holidays> *nudge* *nudge*
<Zappy-Holidays> *wink* *wink*
<MakoClause> dude
<MakoClause> i didn't fuck the ham
<Zappy-Holidays> U FUCKED THE HAM
<Zappy-Holidays> HAM FUCKER
<MakoClause> I DID NOT FUCK THE HAM!
<Zappy-Holidays> UR FAMILY WILL EAT YOUR SEAMEN

<APingLDer> So how did it go with that cheerleader from down
the street that wanted to seduce you?
<naeblis15> Well, I was going to go along, but at the last
minute, I had one of those 'Grinch' moments, when my heart
went up past my level, and Satan's and Stalin's and Hitler's
and a few more levels, to where it was something like normal,
and I decided that I should wait until I could have a
meaningful relationship, not just casual sex with someone
infinitely more popular and beautiful than I am.
<APingLDer>...
<APingLDer>...
<APingLDer>And where was your brain at this point?
<naeblis15>I don't know, but when he gets back he is so
fucking grounded

<m00> Why does the mexican olympic team suck?
<m00> everyone who can run, jump or swim is already in the US

<TXTerron> wanna know whats geeky?
<Jennifer> hmm?
<TXTerron> I'm driving down the road
<Jennifer> I drove down the road today too...
<Jennifer> Wait, You mean you're on irc in your truck?
<TXTerron> yeah, using my wireless card
<Jennifer> ^___^
<Jennifer> Jason, is that safe?
<TXTerron> na, i just type with one hand while I'm driving and
halfway watch the road, its cool, dont worry
<Jennifer> You're good with typing with one hand?
<TXTerron> shaddup :D
<TXTerron> FUCK
<TXTerron> i just rear ended a lady
<TXTerron> brb :(

<Shaft> this is nice, customer calls in and opens a
troubleticket, hes been suspended for non pay and his CC
declined. Only way to turn abck on is by certified funds
<Shaft> heres the kicker
<Shaft> They are a collection agency

* |BEER| is AFK, i'm just a bot...day in and day out all i do
is serve you....thats it!!!! I QUIT!!! TELL CB TO FIND HIMSELF
A NEW BOT!!!!  I-n-v-i-s-i-o-n 
* |BEER| has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer)
<dr_binks> damn the bot just became self aware

Daniel: heh i met this chick online who had laser eye surgery
today, she lives in California
Nick: and?
Daniel: and there was also an earthquake in california today

<Eck> British Prime Minister: I hope this can signal a
reconciliation and a unity of the Iraqi people meaning freedom
and hope for the people against whom the atrocities have been
committed etc.
<Eck> American Guy: WE GOT HIM! YEAAAAHHHH!!!!!

<sincere> there was a huge protest here
<sincere> i walked out into the middle of it
<sincere> i was like
<sincere> get away hippies
<sincere> im only trying to get to the liquor store

<Shanaynay> HEY FAGS
<oval> Shanaynay, how in the HELL are you gonna say "hey fags"
when your nick is Shanaynay? ;)
<Shanaynay> OH NO YOU DIDN'T
<Shanaynay> I KNOW YOU DIDN'T JUST DIS THE NAME MY MOMMA GAVE
ME

<MaoistBanker> The Olsen Twins Announce Where They Will Go To
College.............
<MaoistBanker> NEW YORK UNIVERSITY, You can bet they will be
getting a torrent of applications for the summer and fall
semesters.
<WhatTheChrist> lol remember last time new york had a set of
twins
<Smackbilly> Yeah, they went down on a lot of people.

* Spin2 has quit IRC (Quit: On the roof of the Church of the
Future, Malgaard gets the amulet. His powers are increased by
a factor of nothing. Plus wearing the amulet around his neck
makes him look like a gay disco dancer.)

<Lafarga> bada: I'm throwing peanuts at your head at this
moment.
<bada> funny, I dont feel them
<Lafarga> bada: That's because you're thousands of miles away,
across the internet, so my peanuts are bouncing off my monitor
instead.

<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> holy
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> fucking
<[dSx]h34dsh0t> what?
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> dudes
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> if any of you have rats in the house
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> WASH YOUR FUCKING WANK RAGS REGULARLY
<[dSx]h34dsh0t> ...
<[dSx]awpMAN> wtf?
<[dSx]h34dsh0t> you're kidding, right?
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> dude
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> i am fucking serious
<[dSx]awpMAN> not all of us have wank rags, dumbass
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> so i had this wank rag i forgot about and
left in a corner of the room under some shit right
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> i find it today and it has FUCKING HOLES IN
IT RIGHT AT THE STAINS
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> and there's RAT SHIT ALL OVER IT
<[dSx]tiMeCop> HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA
<[dSx]awpMAN> idiot, hahahahahahahaha
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> fuck
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> i'm going to have trouble sleeping now that i
know that SOME FUCKING RAT IN MY HOUSE ATE MY SEMEN
<[dSx]h34dsh0t> dude
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> yea
<[dSx]h34dsh0t> i love you
<[dSx]h34dsh0t> i really do
<[dSx]h34dsh0t> but it would be a crime not to submit this to
bash
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> NO WAIT FUCK

<[SA]Mastiff> No.  You are underage, and should not drink.
<[SA]Mastiff> Go back to playing with Legos.
<MaryFuckingPoppins> I don't have any Legos =(
<Rigel> Fuck you Mastiff, Legos kick ass
<Rigel> I set them up as the OPFOR while playing with my Moses
Action Figure and army men
<Rigel> The Legos lost because moses had the Ark of the
Convenant
<Rigel> And just like in the Bible it shot lightning and
stuff.
<Rigel> And then the Army Men put the legos in a concentration
camp and that was the end of the Third Reich
<Rigel> And THEN Moses beat hitlers face in with the Ten
Commandments
<Rigel> "Thou Shalt Not Be a Faggotyass Dictator"
<Rigel> "Thou Shalt Not Raise the Undead"
<Rigel> "Thou Shalt not put foxy agents in skintight leather
and give them silenced Sten guns"
<Rigel> And then back into the Time Portal he jumped, taking
the army men with him!
<Rigel> I should film this shit