<helminthes> what girls have to realize is that every other
guy is wrong and i am right

<aversion> i was takin a dump today in the stalls
<aversion> and someone stuck their dick through a hole
<aversion> i didnt even get to finish

<Doc> hmm.. IE crashed
<Doc> but i suppose it was my fault... after all, i did press
teh "Back" button
<Doc> what was i thinking...
<cactoid> you madman
<Tippytoes> risktaker
<Doc> i like to live on the edge

<dr_rotcod> my poo was white again. this cannot go on

<Doc> hmm.. AOL has this great new thing where you can chat
with your friends online!
<Bru> yeah I saw the ad on TV. that would be cool - then I
wouldn't have to chat with this bunch of losers and social
misfits

<cactoid> you love the Colonel
<cactoid> I like KFC chippies
<cactoid> and zinger burgers
<cactoid> the rest tastes ok while you're eating it but it's
just fucking gross greasy fried vermin
<Bayls> Yeah, the chips are ace.
<Bayls> The actual chicken pieces are shit.
<Bayls> You may as well sculpt some lard into a shape the
looks like a drumstick, then coat it with butter. Then roll it
in lard, then melt fat onto it, then fry it in animal fat, dip
it in lard then eat it.
<Bayls> I think 10 out of the 11 secrec "herbs and spices" are
"lard".
<Bayls> Mmmm, making me hungry. Might go get a 21 piece
bucket. :)
*** Signoff: Bayls

<Dane> i had a nice shave just then
<Dane> it turned out really well for mew
<Dane> purposely left just enough growth so that i still
appear young and "hip" but still sufficiently mature and
masculine
<cactoid> in other words, gay

<Tippytoes> i have kids in the room
<Tippytoes> is it safe to look at?
<bark> i don't think they mention any words like CUNT on that
page, no
<tm> just hide it behind your anal porn

<Chris H> I'm going to marry someone with no eyes and no
teeth.
<CharlEnie> haha
<Zilv3r> LmAo LoL!
<Chris H> It isn't THAT funny... do u even know why she
<Zilv3r> yeah!! so she doesn't bite you...
<CharlEnie> Does that mean u dont know why she shouldn't have
eyes?
<Zilv3r> no.. wait.. i know i know!!! so she cant see you?
<CharlEnie> LoL!

<hakan> I hate it when the girl looks into the camera during a
blow job. It totally destroys the fourth wall, which is so
very important in a porno flick.

[dodgelap ] fuck
[dodgelap ] work didnt put my pay into my account
[dodgelap ] wtf is goin on ?
* Synoptica thinks of 'Milton' from office space

[arkZZZ   ] Hi! I`m having trouble playing a couple of
divx-movies.. I only get "No combination of filters could be
found to render the stream". Does anyone know what to do?
[Synoptica] arkZZZ: download the fkn codec?
[arkZZZ   ] fkn? where?

<helminthes> omg, i was about to walk into class today but it
wasn't until right before i opened the door that i realized i
wasn't wearing pants, but i didn't go home i went ahead and
dealt with it and lo and behold, there was a test in that
class that i hadn't studied for at all.  so i jumped out the
window and right when i hit the ground my cell phone went off
<hakan> yipes
<rafeil> yeh
<helminthes> and that's how it all started
<helminthes> how was your day

<jamesm> is ntpd 4.0.99k23 ok?
<tm> yeah, giving remote root is now a documented feature
<sisko> laff
<jamesm> well, i know the answer now and i'm not telling you
cunts

<KKKBitch> im making jason take me out for dinner !!%^&*)
<KKKBitch> i have my speech ready for when he walks in the
door and all.
<Bayls> KK - What's your speech?
<KKKBitch> "if you take me out for dinner, i won't give you
any of my PMT shit - the end"
<KKKBitch> i used to say "if you take me out for dinner, i'll
suck your dick" but he soon found that i was lying.

<rafeil> i had a dream i had 3 penis's of varying legnth and
direction
<rafeil> and 2 girls were sucking on them, but they were
sucking on the numb ones. only one had feeling. it was like
the head of the hydra myth
<helminthes> no.. not the numb ones.. oh god no.. {wakes up
violently in cold sweat}

<aquacavi> well what if i told you i was pregnant
<helminthes> IS IT MINE?!?!
<aquacavi> yours or the dogs
<helminthes> IT'S THE DOG'S
<helminthes> IF HE DENIES IT TELL HIM HE CAN'T TALK

<helminthes> hey i have a good pick up line
<helminthes> "if you vomit i'm not fucking holding your hair
back"
<helminthes> "later"

<dr_rotcod> he's an ex marine and i was drunk so i said,
"alright marine, kill me with one touch!"
<hakan> holy shit. wrong thing to say
<dr_rotcod> and all the sudden i was in some weird hold having
my shoulder ripped apart
<dr_rotcod> and then i fell on the ground laughing/crying
<hakan> did it break??
<dr_rotcod> he looked at his hands and went, "oh my god! the
demons of the american military have shone through and i am
hopeless!! HOPELESS"

<cactoid> pr0n is critical internet infrastructure
<cactoid> if pron wasn't flowing freely, ISPs wouldn't need to
upgrade their gear and networking vendors would go out of
business

<hakan> mine is bent upwards but the base points down
<hakan> its like a plant trying to grow to get more sunlight
<helminthes> yeah except it's your weiner
<hakan> but theres moss on it

<Kaff> how festy are we talking ?
<tm> makes your armpits seem like surgical theatres

<Bobski> goconnect. the internet equivalent of the dole.
<jamesm> what is it?
<Bobski> a freebie internet service for those who blew their
last 5 bucks on mcdonalds
<jamesm> how do they make money?
<Bobski> you install a wanky dialer and it spatters your
screen with ads. mostly mcdonalds ads actually :)
<jamesm> in case you find another fiver

<tm> hmm, our call centre manager just asked how do i turn off
capslock
<Zaph0d> tm: Ctrl-Alt-DEl
<tm> she's crying on her keyboard now

<dr_rotcod> and you.. you'll be doing something stupid
<dr_rotcod> like skateboarding

<Kaff> Pumpkin: The art of eating a girl out while she's on
the shitter.
<Kaff> how is that a pumpkin
<mmm> gross
<Kaff> how is that normal.
<Kaff> who does that
<Kaff> I WANT NAMES
<Kaff> (and numbers)

<esthar> man this guy DEFINITELY ripped me off with beer the
other night
<esthar> he made me pay the same amount for a six pack that i
could get a 12 pack for
<helminthes> you better watch out.. next thing you know he'll
wipe out your family and steal your identity

<Kaff> its saturday night. what are you doing here
<Kaff> i thought you'd have too much of a social life.
<spoob> Parts of me love interacting with other parts of me,
but as a whole, I'm about as popular and loved as jamesm
<Kaff> oh. so you're a dead shit.
<spoob> Succinct, cruel, and accurate

<cactoid> you're all gay
<cactoid> and those of you who are married, everyone knows
it's a marriage of convenience

<helminthes> was the party cool?
<helminthes> like did you fuck any hoes
<rafeil> heh, no hoes
<helminthes> not even one? i mean at least one right
<rafeil> i just drank a little and talked
<helminthes> fucked her right in the face right
<rafeil> yeah
<helminthes> she was gagging out all your children just like a
bitch

<tm> meetings, the alternative to work
<Dane> meetings, the PRACTICAL alternative to work
<Rushn> Masterbation, the FUN alternative to work

[03:01]<monkey1> at least im not on IRC at 3 AM!

<sisko> I want to crawl up into the place I once was.
<mandi> the end of your dad's cock?

<helminthes> and the little basket at the counter says tips,
so you hock a big loogie in it and then you realize what you
did and say, "oh shit i'm dyslexic"

<sisko> Q. What's the height of conceit?
<sisko> A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
<mmm> i do that
<mmm> "oh god"

<PsykoFaerie> everyone got into discussions about how i must
have an eating disorder. :|
<monk[e]> psyko, if you throw up right after eathing...
intentionaly... you have an eating disorder
<Aelhaeran> Pysko: and if your prone to sharp, stabbing pains
in your eye after a meal, chances are you have a fork lodged
in it.

<helminthes> that's like one of those dennis miller jokes.. no
one gets it, no one cares then everyone forgets about it and
an afghan woman dies of heatstroke

* Tippytoes looks at kaff's box
<Tippytoes> err
<Tippytoes> that sounded bad

<helminthes> hey i had a vision today of some fat old man with
a dog sitting on campus and he goes, "hey, pet my dog" and i
say, "heh no thanks i gotta go to class." "but the dog's cute,
look at him." "no man, see ya" "DOG HATER!!! DOG HATER!! HE
JUST HIT MY DOG IN THE FACE" {i run away}

<undrewb> I'm gonna make my thesis opensource so developers
all round the world can work on it for me

<jamesm> what's a java strategy?
<undrewb> jamesm : its a paradigm shift to e-leverage your
legacy OLTP system to implement pervasive business systems
<jamesm> is it like a builder with a 'brick strategy' ?

<Ryk> after the man has shot his wad is the perfect time for
the woman to vacate the room and quietly catch up on a bit of
beaver bashing in the privacy of the kitchen.
<Tippytoes> shouldn't she have a satisfied afterglow?
<Ryk> she can glow when my dinner's ready.

<Rafeil> wimberly!
<Rafeil> wesely wimberly. the joke was if kim married him her
name would be kimberly wimberly

<Mandi> kaff still looking at dicks?
<Kaff> nah sharks
<Mandi> same diff
<jamesn> cocks with teef
<Kaff> yeah they all make you bleed in the end

<Punk-In-Drublic> THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE SUCK COCK ...Mousey,
Dave, Vas, Belindah..........YALL CAN GAT FUCKED COS IM DRUNK
WOOOOOOOOO ......BOOBIES WOOOOOOOOOO'
<Mousey> why am i first
<Mousey> thats really insulting
<vas-deferens> because your the best at iut
<mk4> why am i second ?
<vas-deferens> shit im third
<vas-deferens> i better work on my technique
<vas-deferens> at least im beating a chick
<Mousey> hahahah

<thrase> i hate programming
<thrase> why couldn't i be a rock star
<undrewb> cause you have the charisma of a programmer
* Mandi chortles
<undrewb> and the programming skills of a rockstar :)

<Pat> i had to go to hospital after because of complications
<Bleve> Pat was very complicated, they removed his arsehole by
mistake
<Mandi> heh
<Bru> what's that in the middle of his face then??

<helminthes> throw caution to the wind and then piss right
into it

<Dac> ok, what does 'LUG' on a rental property listing mean?
<tm> Lots of Ugly Guys

<Mousey> haha quarter chicken from mcdonalds
<mk4> whats quarter chicken ?
<mk4> like a quater pounder ?
<Punk-In-Drublic> well its not quiet a halfd of a chicken dave