<Schizo> I once knocked out a toddler with a door. Wasn't
funny at the time, but it's hilarious now lol
<sleepbu> i almost frostbitereered my nuts last night :p
<sleepbu> since we're being honest
<sleepbu> it was a hot night
<sleepbu> bag was all hot and sweaty
<sleepbu> thought i'd try out my can of duster
<sleepbu> compressed gas :P
<sleepbu> little did i know that shit comes out as liquid if
it's upside down
<sleepbu> drip drip *freeze* OMG WORLD OF PAIN WORLD OF PAIN
WORLD OF PAIN

<Disciple> my bowels are at a state of civil unrest
<Disciple> ugh... looks like the rebels are winning
<Disciple> gotta go, bbiab

Eudox says: my god...
Eudox says: I'm really not used to sending letters
Eudox says: it just took my 10 minutes to work out I had to
lick the thingy to make it stick  :|

* Kurayamino chews on 3DSmax
<Kurayamino> it knows i'm gonna replace it with version 6, i
swear to my lack of fucking god.
<Kurayamino> max5: "whats this cunt downloading? holy shit!
max6!" max6: "muah hah hah, bow to me, for i am superior and
you will be deleted" max5: "fuck this. lets CRASH TO DESKTOP
at RANDOM INTERVALS for NO FUCKING APPARANT REASON!"

<paroneayea> Oh man!  Oh man!  Oh man!
<paroneayea> I have to tell you people the funniest thing
ever.
<paroneayea> This friend of mine, a theater major, walks into
my room.  "Do you have a printer I can borrow?" she says.
<paroneayea> "Yes," I say, "but it's an old LaserJet 4L.  Is
that alright?"
<paroneayea> "Should be," she responds.
<paroneayea> Then she hands me this paper.  It's like normal
paper, but thicker, and... not friendly.
<paroneayea> I ask what it is and she says "cardstock."
<paroneayea> I raise an eyebrow and say, "you do realize that
there's no way in hell my printer is going to print on this
paper."
<paroneayea> "Oh."
<paroneayea> "Well," she says, "could we print it on normal
paper and somehow transfer it to the cardstock?"
<paroneayea> "What, like print it out and literally cut it up
and glue it on there?"
<paroneayea> "No, like, if you printed it out and then stuck
it in your scanner, maybe we could print it out again on the
cardstock?"
<althalus> wtf
<paroneayea> She couldn't understand why I was laughing so
hard
<Wilf> lol
<althalus> that needs to go up on bash.
<paroneayea> agreed

<schmidt> i can kill a person with no hands
<SirBlack> so can I, when they don't have hands it's hard for
them to fight back :P

<Crazy^Donna> are we in english class!?
<Kaowyn> no but i'm tired of hearing you fuck up every damn
sentence

<rAJ> wooo, i had sex tonight :D
* pikkle holds back another "my mom" joke
<pikkle> argh. YOUR mom, not mine. :(

<visi-work> I could feed a hundred hungry walruses with $10 at
taco bell

<awed> i almost started a cult once
<awed> by accident
<awed> irc is weird like that.

<kymscrazy> I blame everything on lag. :)  Late to work, I was
lagged.  Forgot to call, sorry I was lagged.
<Foenix> "Sorry, my ping time to my alarm clock sucks."

<HF> uhm...  from CNET Shopping...  This Western Digital
Raptor WD360GD .... Its data transfer rate of 150
megabits-per-second is relatively fast, compared to the
typical hard drive.
<HF> This Western Digital Caviar SE WD2500JD .... Compared to
a typical hard drive, its data transfer rate of 150
megabits-per-second is relatively slow.
<HF> This Western Digital Caviar SE WD1200JD .... Compared to
a typical hard drive, its data transfer rate of 150
megabits-per-second is fairly standard.
<HF> Well at least they cover all the bases
<HF> "Goldie Locks and the Three Hard Drives"

* ProdigalGenius (~cicilianr@resnet65-241.ucr.edu) Quit (Read
error: Connection reset by peer)
<Namen> Who is peer and why is he running around the net
resetting connections?
<Inquisitor> Peer is a drunkard who beats his kids and resets
connections because his inability to retain fluids, more
specifically of an urinal nature, prevents him from remaining
dry for more than 20 minutes, causing him much ridicule and
disdain.  This is a frustration which has scarred him, and
some accounts inform that he has been seen wading on his own
pool of piss screaming "I AM NO BEDWETTER I AM NO BEDWETTER".

Rovin: MY AUNT WENT OUT WITH IVAN FROM MEN WITHOUT HATS
Shorah: Did they practice safety sex?

<jonathan> YOUR BREATS REMIND ME OF MOUNT RUSHMORE
<Legolas> Her breasts have presidents faces on them?
<jonathan> MY FACE SHOULD BE IMPRINTED AMONG THEM

<Timelord> My beard has blonde hairs.
<Timelord> And red.
<Timelord> And brown.
<Timelord> And black.
<Timelord> And white.
<Timelord> And a couple of other shades of those.
<asshat> stop going down on carebears

<jeff> ok
<jeff> some dumb russian old lady asked me today where the
exit was at work
<jeff> how did she get in the store in the first place

<Slimjim`> My parents caught me masturbating one day, and
responded with making me a cake to celebrate my ascent into
manhood. At the time I should have been "what the holy
bejesusing fuck" but instead I was like "hey, free cake."

<sweendOGgRH07> One year Dad decided he was going to take us
on a "surprise vacation." We wouldn't know where we were going
until we got there. We were all real excited when we piled
into the station wagon early one morning. We went about five
blocks, then we got in an accident at a four-way stop. I guess
it was a pretty good surprise, but why did we need all that
camping gear?
<gamgames> hahaha
<sweendOGgRH07> I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and
I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way
Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically "wrap
around" Rock, leaving it immobile? Why the hell cant paper do
this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to
people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper
constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes
in class? I'll tell you why,because paper can't beat anybody a
rock would tear that shit up in about 2 seconds.
<sweendOGgRH07> When I play rock/paper/scissors I always
choose rock.Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with
their paper I can punch them in the face with my already
clenched fist and say Oh shit, I'm sorry I thought paper would
protect you Asshole

<analog> hickory dickory dock, three mice ran up the clock
<analog> the clock struck one, and the other two escaped with
minor injuries.

<Lifeforce> way to make your kids afraid that you'll catch
them looking at porn- if you do, start beating off next to
them without explanation or even talking.
<Seppel> LF is gonna be divorced fast.

<@Nosferatu> Sensitive men do exist...
<@Nosferatu> A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk,
they connect, they end up
<@Nosferatu> leaving together. They get back to his apartment
and she notices that his
<@Nosferatu> bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly
teddy bears. Hundreds of
<@Nosferatu> cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the
floor, cuddly
<@Nosferatu> medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and
huge enormous bears on
<@Nosferatu> the top shelf along the wall. The woman is
surprised that this guy would
<@Nosferatu> have a collection of teddy bears, especially one
that's so extensive, but
<@Nosferatu> she decides not to mention this to him, and
actually is quite impressed by
<@Nosferatu> his sensitive side. She turns to him... they
kiss... and then they rip each
<@Nosferatu> other's clothes off and make hot steamy love.
<@Nosferatu> After an intense night of passion with this
sensitive guy, they are lying
<@Nosferatu> there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls
over and she asks,
<@Nosferatu> smiling, "Well, how was it?"
<@Nosferatu> The guy says:      
<@Nosferatu> "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom
shelf."

<Cthon98> hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
<Cthon98> ********* see!
<AzureDiamond> hunter2
<AzureDiamond> doesnt look like stars to me
<Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> *******
<Cthon98> thats what I see
<AzureDiamond> oh, really?
<Cthon98> Absolutely
<AzureDiamond> you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
<AzureDiamond> haha, does that look funny to you?
<Cthon98> lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us
as *******
<AzureDiamond> thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
<Cthon98> yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it
will show to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> awesome!
<AzureDiamond> wait, how do you know my pw?
<Cthon98> er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears
to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
<AzureDiamond> oh, ok.

<Lord_Nuke> Blegh, today was annoying
<Lord_Nuke> Some people I wonder how they remember to get
dressed mornings
<l33t-mercury> how so?
<Lord_Nuke> Well, as you know, I work at the Best Buy Rebate
Center
<Lord_Nuke> So a woman calls in, she got a letter declining
her rebate request for invalid receipt
<Lord_Nuke> it turns out she bought her computer at Comp-Usa,
and then went on bestbuy.com and printed off a rebate form
<Lord_Nuke> And she wonders why she didn't get her rebate
<l33t-mercury> OMG! Rofl!
<Lord_Nuke> Yeah, well, its still better than the fool who
forgets to mail it in at all
<Lord_Nuke> Customer: "Hi, I'd like to check on my rebate.
I've been waiting 6 months"
<Lord_Nuke> Me: "Well, do you have a copy of your rebate form
with you?"
<Lord_Nuke> Customer: "Yeah, let me open my envelope here, I
have the rebate form."
<Lord_Nuke> Me: "Wait, wait. You have the envelope there? As
in you didn't mail it?"
<Lord_Nuke> Customer: "Yeah, it's right here. Can you tell me
what's taking so long?"
<l33t-mercury> lol
<Lord_Nuke> Me: "Just let me confirm this: You didn't mail it
in, and you want to know what's taking so long?"
<Lord_Nuke> Customer: "Yes, that's correct..... oh. Shit."
*click*
<l33t-mercury> haha

<MichaelBolton> okay, my ADD has officially gotten out of
control
<MichaelBolton> i just tried to go to the bathroom, but i
ended up shaving, washing my face, taking a short shower,
putting in fresh toilet paper, and taking out the trash. so
now i'm back here, and i still have to pee.

<+Velcant> My dad just wandered off to buy 50 meters of
wireless LAN cable. Good luck to him.

<Xenocide> what are those things called....
<Xenocide> y'know, they leik deposite ink.. onto cds
<Xenocide> WTF ARE THEY CALLED
<Xenocide> arrgh
<Nd> Pens

<Langly1> Bash.org is like an IQ test, All those who get on it
have low IQ's
<Langly1> and if anyone submits that quote ill track them down
and kill them

shopgirl6665: installing flash...soon my website will be the
coolest ever
shopgirl6665: hmmm...there appears to be somewhat of a
learning curve...

<Eugene> Packets: Sent = 1000, Received = 455, Lost = 545 (54%
loss)
<Eugene> Minimum = 315ms, Maximum = 1127ms, Average = 592ms
<Eugene> geez, I don't even think this even counts as the
internet anymore.
<Eugene> I can probably get better responses with two tin cans
and a piece of string.

<andrewg> eps will make you drop the soap on command
<andrewg> AND
<andrewg> insert a tracking device
<djrand>  good god
<djrand>  i think thats enough
<@epic_>  lol
<epic_>   Did we make you blush rand?
<epic_>   your virgin ears.
<djrand>  indeed
<epic_>   should put comdoms on them..   wont catch hearing
aids.

<Fury> dude! The power just went out in the house and all over
the city.
<Fury> everything is off =X
<Fury> fuck its so dark. this fucking sucks.
<Angelic[X]> Why are you still here?
quit: (Fury) (siren@2c4e124f.19108886.cable.ntl.com)
(Read error: Connection reset by peer)

<@Phil21> juniper calls back saying they have m7i for "only"
$15k
<@Phil21> fuckers
<*comstud> *looks in his wallet*
<*comstud> damn, $10 short.

<Swenja> If you handed people a box that said "Danger!
Crotch-eating crickets inside! Do not shake! Do not open!"
<Swenja> ....ten minutes later, there'd be screaming and
chirping, and crickets all over the place...

Seth: its sad when Perl is the closest thing to a girl in your
life

<FujiLi> my wiener reminds me of a lightsaber.
<Terron> FujiLi: its green?

MelancholicKiss: say something profound
MaximumTool007: Old people should be put down at birth.
MelancholicKiss: why do i even bother

<Chrisodeo> In Soviet Russia... the jokes tell you!
<CrazySteve> Am I the only one bothered by the fact that there
is now no longer a Soviet Russia?
--- ChanServ sets ban on *!
*paradym14@pcp02481451pcs.spedwy01.in.comcast.net
<-- ChanServ has kicked Chrisodeo from #jack (Gunned down by
the russian mafia.)
<CrazySteve> I guess not.

<Epoch71> you know, for some reason, this reminds me... the
other day i was playing ping pong and thought, "damn, this'd
make a great video game... i wonder if it's been done yet"
<Epoch71> god i felt stupid 5 seconds later

<Pesmerga> man, im starting to think that the more I take
showers, the more i stink afterwards. so Im just gonna stop
showering and see if it helps.
* AnArKi has left the channel
* BoZo has left the channel
* HeyPetray has left the channel

* Huroya shoots Flak
* Flak catches the bullet with his teeth
<Huroya> By "catch" I think you mean it shatters your jaw and
puts a hole the size of a baseball through the back of your
skull.

<TheMaker> I finally made aop on dalnet!
<G13> was this yer entire life's struggle?
<TheMaker> yes
<TheMaker> since 1996
<G13> you are a sad, sad man

<Nick> man dod is the fucking shit
<sporkchop> i wonder if you could fuck shit....
<sporkchop> it would be all soft and warm and squishy
<Nick> lol
<sporkchop>hmmm
<sporkchop> brb
* sporkchop is away - bathroom
<Nick> oh jesus no

--> Rocksteady
(Rocksteady@unerror-loony-1F0134CC.dorm.depaul.edu) has joined
#lobby
<Rocksteady> quick i need a funny way to wake up a roomate
that doesn't involve sex or feces

<BlacKcaT>  So my computer is sweet. It's right next to my
bed, so i can just pull over my keyboard and my mouse, since
it's optical, and it'll all work and I'm nice and comfy lying
down on my bed.
<Benig> So my laptop...
<BlacKcaT> Fuck you.

<Pablissimo> You wish that your customer part know more thing
on the others players or on your very new entity faggot of
data? Are the server->client messages to you of aucuns help
(too much heavy to manage since all the customers must have
access to these values with each frame)? You feel that the
file delta.lst could be useful but include/understand you
nothing there?
<Pablissimo> can someome make that make sense in english,
babelfish is clearly underperforming here
<Pablissimo> for instance, the word 'faggot' was a surprise

<spectre> hypno: did you see what braingrind wrote in the
front of the book ?
<spectre> "Yo Fran. I liked this book. I pissed myself. You
should like it too. If you don't, I can only assume you suck.
Shizzle. Braingrind"
<bluecgi> haha what he wrote is like his account of a normal
day
<bluecgi> he wakes up, says something, soils himself, emotes,
soils himself again

<spectre> a girl called me 'sensitive' last night
<spectre> too bad she was fat

--> trillback
(~trillian@psu-1DF9C42E.nyc1-4.15.204.215.nyc1.elnk.dsl.genuity.net)
has joined #ps-universe
<-- trillback
(~trillian@psu-1DF9C42E.nyc1-4.15.204.215.nyc1.elnk.dsl.genuity.net)
has left #ps-universe
(Repeat about 15 times)
<Ioshua> +ban trillback plz. I only like this much in and out if it
involves my woman.
<Ioshua> or, at least, a friendly looking sock.

<Hamhocks> if taking a huge shit is anything like playing
chess, consider me the next gary kasparov
<WallOfInsanity> then I shall be deep blue and defeat you with
my efficient machine-like bowel movements.