<C@^^31> you say tomato, I say tomato
<C@^^31> doesn't really work when typing

<Roladex> i was just talking to some girl about bdsm
<Roladex> turns out she thought it was buddhism

sumgirl4eva12: you are the whitest person i know
sumgirl4eva12: stop
holdmeback3322: collaborate and listen

<kikuichimonji> The cook book said to clean the turkey
<kikuichimonji> the oven had a clean button

syamajala: thats y i applied
stonecrest: why. the word is why.
syamajala: my double u and |-| keys don't double-u-ork.

<MrCoffee> Your mom is such a whore, if she was a chmod she'd
be 777 because everyone has access

<d-snp> well actually windows D is my porn reflex
<d-snp> you never know what's under alt tab
<d-snp> it might be more porn :P

<OmegaHedgehog> Haha, a very funny thing happened to my cousin
right before Christmas
<OmegaHedgehog> My cousin was watching South Park with me,
something he really isn't supposed to be doing
<OmegaHedgehog> The episode where Cartman thinks a dildo is a
sports watch was on
<OmegaHedgehog> So he goes and writes down 'dildo' on his list
to Santa
<OmegaHedgehog> His dad goes and reads it and freaks out, and
goes up to ask him where he heard what a dildo was
<OmegaHedgehog> He replies with "I heard Cartman talk about it
on TV. It's something like a sports watch, right?"
<OmegaHedgehog> So his dad (my uncle) tells him it's a
chocolate chip cookie, and asks my aunt to make him some
<OmegaHedgehog> So the next day he goes to school, and here's
the best part
<OmegaHedgehog> He gets up in front of the whole class and
tells them about how his mom gave him her biggest dildos and
how yummy they were

<J-Dawg> I tried to buy a hooker with monopoly money once.
<Kyee> how'd that work out for you?
<J-Dawg> my mom said they weren't in monopoly
<J-Dawg> ...they never let me play after that, either...

<ravon> kamikaze_: japp
<ravon> kamikaze_: Något i den stilen, men du får lugna dig
med parametrarna.
<ravon> kamikaze_: Vadå, förstår du inte vad jag säger? Bra
kodde.
<wipu> oh setLocale(Locale.EN)
<ravon> wipu: nah, just speak a random language as
retaliation.
<wipu> i just did, my choice was java :)

<diego>: yea
<diego>: he says he takes four hours to masturbate
<nate>: O.O
<nate>: now THAT'S endurance
<nate>: well, not endurance
<nate>: endurance implies something admirable... it's more
like... "stamina"
<diego>: well id like to see YOU stroke it up and down for
four hours
<diego>: wait
<diego>: wait
<diego>: no
<diego>: damnit
<nate>: ...
<nate>: wow, and i even got it in writing

<erl1> my gf is getting 8mbit
<erl1> im glad i didn't dump her
<erl1> im gonna go over to her place with my box and leech

<death09>my girlfriend broke up with me and sent me pix of her
and her new boyfriend in bed
<ktp753>ouch.
<death09>yeah.i sent them to her dad

<Yaksha> What's a Jewish conundrum?
<justin> I dunno?
<Yaksha> Free ham
<justin> that's not a conundrum, you take the ham and donate
it to charity and get the tax write off.

<Gunth> before i was a teen i thought "Masturbate" was some
kind of master or bachelor degree... so when my teachers asked
me what i wanted to do with my life.. i told them "masturbate"

Lunatic: All those opposed to the patriot act raise your right
hand
Lunatic: Raise your hand high
Lunatic: Now raise the other one
Lunatic: Hands behind your back
Lunatic: you're under arrest for treason

(TarAldarion) just a bit shocked that my roommate is pregnant
(Ruu) was it a shock to her also?
(TarAldarion) dunno yet
(TarAldarion) havnt talked to her
(TarAldarion) read her blog

<trolleyfuck> Hey, nice to meat you
<Caedes> I hope to god that was a typo

<alan> if you were a credit card, you'd be a visa, since
you're everywhere i want to be.
<sp4nk> You'd be American Express. No one accepts you.

<Jeffrey> So I started work today at Cox Communications.
<Jeffrey> Direct quote from Cox Communications, mission
statement.
<Jeffrey> "For Cox, it's not about being the biggest; it's
about being the best."
<Vann> ...I feel a t-shirt coming on.

<+lax> i feel like an asshole
<+lax> at lunch we couldnt decide if this person was a girl or
boy
<+lax> i said it was a girl
<+lax> and so we all chipped in a dollar
<+lax> and someone went over and asked
<+lax> and she started crying

<StaticFish> Where did I put my stick of RAM?
<StaticFish> I'm losing my memory.

<sev> so I was walking through the city with a bunch of roses
in one hand and a bag of potaotes in the other, and I had
something like five people stop me and ask if I was going to
propose to an irishman 8\

<Happy_Dot> So my dad and I were reading readers digest, and
there was this ad for some apocalypse book. It said "The end
is near! Dont delay! This book will tell you everything you
need to know! Hurry!" Then, at the bottom of the page, it says
: please allow 6 to 8 weeks for delivery.

<Heavy_Clown> Funny how IRC is mostly populated by elitist,
ignorant pre-pubescent teenagers who can't even construct an
intelligent insult. |:
<Vick> heavy....its funny how your probably 32 or something
and have nothing better to do than try to out smart teenagers
on irc

<esquire> i should name my first born son Zerg
<esquire> just so i can call him a Zergling
<karmasore> what happens if you have a daughter?
<esquire> I buy a gun

<mango> hey your friends are waiting for you down that
hallway...
<gremlin> theres nobody there!
<mango> thats right.. you have no friends

Unbeliever: i got this letter from deakin university the other
day
Unbeliever: and i live like 2 minutes away from them
Unbeliever: and they send it by airmail

<Bran> yesterday at work I asked my boss "What should I use as
an icon to show 'loyalty'?"
<Bran> and one of my collegues says with a straight face:
"Well, whatever you use, make sure it's not an icon of a
woman."

<brukA> I'd hire a pornstar. Everytime I see one they're hard
at work.

<Sceptic> I am not going to argue mideast history and politics
here. I have better, more useful things to do--such as
draining the ocean with a spoon.
<David> Just out of interest, where will you be putting the
water?

<greetz> where is that?
<Rafiki> After "is."

<brooksie> what is the point of a name server
<[Piratez]> hi 67.87.0.196

<greycat> 95% of the time, ssh key authentication problems are
caused by incorrect permissions on the server side.
<greycat> the other 5%, it's misspelling of ~/.ssh/
authorized_keys
<p0ts> yes
<p0ts> it worked
<p0ts> my private key wasnt where it was supposed to be
* greycat adjusts the odds.  94% of the time, server-side
directory perms.  5%, misspelling.  1%, user moved the files
around for no good reason.

<WorldEdit> do you think the word emo would be accepted in
scrabble
<Sevivrus> Of course not. Emos are never accepted anywhere.

<shwatta> never drinking again
<shwatta> went out yesterday for a few lunch time beers in the
city right
<shwatta> those 'few' turned into lots
<shwatta> woke up at 9am the next day in a park down by the
beach which is 30 kilometres away from the city... no phone,
no wallet, no memory, blood all over myself with no obvious
wounds
<shwatta> the weirdest thing was that in my hands there was
this little statue of a hindu god with a massive grin on its
face

hydroxyl prod: I'm getting a 19" lcd monitor for my birthday.
hydroxyl prod: I'm very satisified.
hydroxyl prod: But it sucks.
hydroxyl prod: My PC blows ass.
hydroxyl prod: so like
hydroxyl prod: playing at 800x600 ut2k4
hydroxyl prod: on a huge monitor
tehBlueness: fun
tehBlueness: it'll be just like the N64

<Rift> i ditch girls for video games all the time
<@monk-work> toggling between your porn window and your gaming
window does not qualify as "ditching girls for video games"

<conrailto> any German speakers here?
<issq> i own a set of harmon kardens

<Snow> So my 100% chance of snow has resulted in precisely 0
snow and the prediction has deteriorated to a 40% chance of
snow.
<deimos> welcome to modern meteorology
<deimos> where all those fancy computers are to hide the
dartboard

gelishan: one of my friends who's a stats major calculated the
significance of their other

<[CJ]> i feel old when i'm reading the centerfold data in
playboy and see that the centerfold was born sometime around
the year i graduated high school :\
<Boyzoid> heh
<Boyzoid> old, or dirty
<Boyzoid> ?
<[CJ]> both
<[CJ]> but dirty i'm ok with

<dura> I really think I'm a moron.
<dura> I just now realised that Neo spelled backwards is one.

<ronald_jeremy> haha, im taking this ethics certificatino
thing online...they have the answers in the source code

<Blowjob-Queen> Is she still internet dating him?
<Fizzly> They were in the middle of a "harsh break up" last I
remember.
<Fizzly> Text was flying so fast.
<Fizzly> Emoticons ran wild.

<<Newtype> "Chrono Trigger was supervised by a group referred
to as "The Dream Team", consisting of Hironobu Sakaguchi
(producer of the Final Fantasy series), Yuji Horii (director
of the Dragon Quest games), character designer Akira Toriyama
(of Dragon Ball and Dragon Quest fame), venerable producer
Kazuhiko Aoki, and Nobuo Uematsu (of Final Fantasy fame)."
<<Newtype> seriously, the only thing that could have made that
any better was having Jesus on that team
<<Schwarz> Jesus was a carpenter, what the hell would he know
about video games?

<Jono> Have you ever fucked anything artificial?
<Gemma> No
<Smiddy> No
<Tom> Does that girl with the wooden leg count?

<Grid> Hey Psyko, if the world was gonna end in 3 minutes,
what would you do?
<Psyko> I'D SCREW ANYTHING THAT MOVES!!! What would you do?
<Grid> ... ... ... I'd stand very very still. o.o;

<E^> Your mom is like HTML
<E^> Tiny head, huge body!

Keeper36rm: i almost got arrested too last night
interventi0n: for what?
Keeper36rm: racing
interventi0n: get pulled over?
Keeper36rm: we both did
interventi0n: who was the other car?
Keeper36rm: but the girl lied, she told the cop I was
harassing her, she was just trying to get away from me
Keeper36rm: so he left her off, and I almost got arrested