<HailBrak> "Oh shit! I got the shoe! I'm so invincible! Oh!
Eat it, you bitch! You don't understand! I got the damn SHOE!
It's the shoe! And look at how cute I am with my stupid
plumber head poking out of the wind up sock! I am the cutest
invincible shoe rider ever! Mario! Mario! He's in the ULTRA
green SHOOEEE!"

<cognac> i've discovered some serious design flaws regarding
the human body!
<cognac> you see, we got two or more of almost all body
parts..
<cognac> like ears, eyes, arms, legs, fingers, toes ++
<cognac> however, for the things that we REALLY like to do,
like eating and fucking, we're only equipped with one tool
<cognac> or perhaps my discovery is just the answer to why we
like oral sex and why "american pie" was made?

<happy> i have problems cooking on the stove, because i run
into my room to chat on irc or somehting, and it catches fire

<Adrxelna> Besides, I can't go directly to sleep after playing
a game. My heart beat goes WAY up when playing AO or AC or
DAoC or EQ

<Stain> when i was 8 i still thought girls were the enemy.
Now, 12 years later, i'm fucking one.
<HailBrak> stain: an 8 year old girl?
<Idioteq> WITH A KNIFE

<blazed> yeah, what do you guys do when nobody is watching
you?
<PMonk> roll my boogers into a ball and play with them,
measure my dick with a tape ruler, chew my toenails..
<princealbert> try to suck my dick.. im making progress
<heurist> clamp the area between my asshole and testicles with
my fingers, the 'taint' as its often called, then i jerk off..
when im about to ejaculate, i can delay it for like 10 secs,
then it flies across the room.

<maywood> Has a PC ever been known to start mysteriously
working after it was thrown out a window?
<kevin> Nope, I've never known throwing a PC out the window to
help. However, what I did find while I was working at my last
job was that intimidation *does* work. When I was having a
particularly bad day, I used to take some old equipment that
we wouldn't have been able to sell outside, and go Office
Space on it. Then, I'd bring the carcass inside, and leave it
in plain view, to serve as a warning for the other computers.
It worked remarkably well.

<Yurmaster> I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can make your
bed rock.

<GC> i bought new disposable razors
<GC> they have two blades each
<GC> i am astounded
<xen`> my mach 3 has 3 blades
<GC> and it costs more
<xen`> meh, it works good
<xen`> i can shave my asshair and my face and not have to go
through 5 razors

<Ryk> the world would be a lot better place if more chicks
were giving up the buttpussy.

<bishun> dont get fresh with me
<hydro-> but i'm using the all new summers eve douche
<hydro-> it says i can be fresh whenever i want

<Mat> all chicks are whores, they just charge differently
<Tippytoes> mat do you have a girlfriend?
<Mat> what do you think ;)
<NuTCAsE> i havn't heard him use the word bitch recently
<NuTCAsE> so i'm going with "no"

<wokness|homework> Without the powers of Vi ---> (Me: "Cute
girl with you go out with me?" Her: "No.") 
<wokness|homework> With the powers of Vi ---> (Me: Cute girl
will you go out with me?!" Her: "Yes.")

<undrewb> I keep telling you, you can come work for me
<MMouse> what would i be doing?
<Tippytoes> cleaning his house
<undrewb> delphi programming :)
<MMouse> urgh
<MMouse> would i have to learn delphi?

<Ryk> one of my favourite passtimes spotting boobjob scars.
<Ryk> nothing sexual about it. just like to beat the airbrush.

<Bru> marriage is just a cover for individualised prostitution

<Finno> Elton Johns tribute toJohn Denver, he reworded Johns
Classic, Annies song - "You Fill Up My Cessna"

<Afterglow> tom what's the wallop command for mirc? you know?
<relapse> slash onotice i am gay

<jamesm> good porn would be a chick taking it up the arse
while configuring a dns server
<jamesm> the guy could do a zone transfer to her secondary
<jamesm> if you know what i mean

<jamesm> is it worth going to see Moulin Rouge?
<Tippytoes> dont be a fag
<MMouse> i saw it twice. it was excellent
<Tippytoes> i rest my case.

<tom_> do you agree that PI > 3
<buz-> no

<Kurt> Good day prospective employer, I am both smarter than a
hatful of periwinkles and prettier than two bags of smashed
assholes.  Fail to employ me at your own risk.

<arioch> deathwarrior: you have guests over how do they feel
about you masturbating in front of your computer?
<deathwarrior> umm
<deathwarrior> they like it

<radead> (number of slashdot posts x ultima online character
level)^(number of dime sized zits on face)/(girlfriends had
before + 1) = sizeOf(nerd)
<radead> girlfriends had before + 1 so we don't get a divide
by zero error

<Mat> what's a mac sysadmin?
<Ryk> bru's a mac sysadmin.
<Bru> someone who can remove shrinkwrap from macromedia and
adobe packages and knows the difference between appleshare and
appletalk

<Linguica> do you even know what facetious means
<pickle_hammer> yeah I am facetious
<pickle_hammer> all the way
<pickle_hammer> I go to facetious parades and stuff

* Toke_ waits for pills to kick in
<Linguica> toke have you been toking
* Toke_ wonders why his desk is sticky
<Linguica> toke have you been stroking

<mantra> the other guitarist in my band owns my soul
<mantra> i sold it to him in third grade for a peanut butter
cup
<mantra> he still has the little yellow paper

<Bayls> I'm downloading "two girls in the woods stop to kiss
and piss.mpg".
<Bayls> And it turns out it's an mpg of two chicks in thw
woods who stop to kiss, and then piss.
<Bayls> Dunno what I was expecting.

<fraggle> when i typed lesbian i almost typed debian

<Linguica> heh
<Quasar`> bone thugs called the street they lived on the
Double Glock because its East 99th
<Linguica> has anyone noticed that quasar almost never talks
about bone thugsFUCK

<Doomaholic> my pad fell off, and i can play in an octave
thats not supposted to exist

<AndrewB> I've played the Expansion Pack for about an hour and
a half, and I'm already boAGH GET AWAY FROM ME YOU MOTH

<arfmcbarf> i'm gonna teach you a lesson you wont soon forget
<arfmcbarf> i.e., how to integrate ln x from 0 to infinity
<arfmcbarf> first you get the antiderivitive
<arfmcbarf> of ln(x)
<arfmcbarf> i.e., 1/x
<arfmcbarf> then i forget the rest

Walter39: I woke up in a ditch last night
Walter39: Not sure why
Walter39: Family left me, i cant afford pants
Walter39: But on a plus note, I finally won master status at
Everquest

<LordBlink> i once made out with a picture of the sorceress
<LordBlink> does that make me lame?

<cams> i dont like risking it. you can never tell if that
"Lesbian House Party" hardcore porn turns out to be "Donky
Anal Rape"
<Meat_PoPs> or vise versa

<tobester> i wish more people would conform to stereotypes so
I could be more racist

<@Linguica> wooo
<@Linguica> amy jo johnson naked
<@arioch> whoa
<@arioch> arcing hydra bow
<@Linguica> and such is our difference

<Afterglow> I remember when i was leaving for university my
brother told me, "If you come back a goth I'll kill you".
<Jon_R> my brother just said "If you come back I'll kill you"
<Linguica> my brother said "come on my back or i'll kill you"

<mewse> contrary to popular belief there are periods where i
dont feel like drinking
<mewse> these periods, i call "hangovers"

< linguica_> remember +v = gay
< Insomniak> +v me

<mewse> i wonder what drinking rye in the shower feels like

<Linguica> whatever you say honey
<Linguica> err homey

<Cyb> I remember the first time I talked to my ex girlfriend
on aim
<Cyb> and I said 'heh'
<Cyb> and she was like "I hate when people say that!"
<Cyb> that was like the most traumatic moment of my life

<pritch> yeah well i do an english writing degree
<Linguica> do have

<AndrewB> Lonely..
<Linguica> aww
<AndrewB> Come to bed and snuggle with me.
<AndrewB> Er, wrong window.

<tobester> woah FIRE
<tobester> bbiab

<relapse> what distribution are you running
<aur__> windows

<arioch> Mario 69: Toadstool Gets Reamed
<fraggle> i'd love to give the princess a good bonin'
<aur__> sorry fraggle, but the princess is in another castle