<@Drezdar> !google teen pregnancy crisis hotline
<@Drezdar> Heh, don't ask.

<Meat_PoPs> what a guy, jumps all over you then falls asleep
* Meat_PoPs shakes his head
<Mog> thats what most men would do
<Meat_PoPs> hehe
<Mog> pretend to fall asleep, plus women have a naturaly built
in pillow for us
<Coan_Arcanius> hehe
<Meat_PoPs> mmm they are cushy

<arckbar> I was putting in a new sound card, and I accidently
ejaculated all over the inside my computer. Now my computer
won't turn on. Any advice on what I should do?
<arckbar> Basically I blanked, I was putting in the card, and
when I came to, there was cum all inside the machine, and my
computer wouldn't work

<Kitsa> dammit I hate my hotmail account
<Kitsa> I HAD 413 SPAM E-MAILS
<Kitsa> since 2:00 this morning
<Kitsa> according to them, I can make money sitting on my ass
<Kitsa> while fucking Britney Spears and taking human growth
hormone

<Mr_Evets> I wonder what would happen if I were to eat some
Brine Shrimp
<Mr_Evets> I wonder if they'd mix with the semen in my stomach
and create a seaciety
<Sabrejack> yes. they would.
<Mr_Evets> Would they build statues of me and worship me?
<Mr_Evets> Then the other half build statues of something
else, worship it
<Mr_Evets> and start suicide bombing each other??
<Sabrejack> quite likely.
<Mr_Evets> Excellent
<Mr_Evets> Because I already ate the brine shimp

<fm> they say if you do the same thing over and over again ..
you'll get sick of it. I've been cutting school for more days
then I can count and I'm not sick of it yet

electo435: what time do you think this will all go down?
boozehound420: after sex
electro435: so like next week sometime

<GenOberst> I had to mule kick out, and grab his foot to
reverse it
<GenOberst> bent his big toe outwards away from the foot...
<Tac0> oh nothing compared to my day, I flew an F-16 across
the DMZ for kicks, resuerected Bruce Lee then killed him again
with my bare hand (one tied behind my back), then after that i
proceeded to sleep with 20 supermodels at the same time, and
to top it off i bitch-slapped the pope

<Atarax> Canada is the USA's largest national park

<Jubei301> Luke was complaining about being at the theater,
and these guys one row back were having a very stupid
conversation about whether or not styling their pubes a good
idea... I think theyre just trying to impress their
boyfriends, seeing as pubes would be at eye level for them...

<[OsP]Magus> Awesome, my font is back to normal
<[OsP]Magus> Okay, this is getting to be nifty
<[OsP]Magus> Only things that'll still take some getting used
to are the channels on the bottom, and in alphabetical order
<Crazy-Man-Dan> lol
<Crazy-Man-Dan> Geek alert
<Crazy-Man-Dan> Magus redecorated IRC

*** SpeedySavant is now known as Savant
<Shadow|AFK> faster than a speeding bullet!
<Shadow|AFK> more powerful than a locomotive!
*** Savant (somewhere@385a42df.18d12617.ed.shawcable.net) Quit
(Ping timeout)
<Baralu> Ironic :)
<Shadow|AFK> alright a slow locomotive

<bertle> i smell gay

knickslover3333: yea reading this was the biggest waste of
time in my entire life, this overachieving sack of shit makes
me want to vomit blood all over his face

<[AFT]^Kempi> what really got her mad was....
<[AFT]^Kempi> when i was burning a CD and got up from sex 1/2
way through and changed the cd
<[AFT]^Kempi> she didn't talk to me for a while

<LordViper> Atarax: in all honestly, we don't care what you do
in your spare time, however if it has entertainment value, we
like to hear it

<Mbeta> if i were going to break up with a girl who i had
grown to hate
<Mbeta> i would rub poison ivy in the crotch area of all her
panties
<MP|Pooty`Shocksbitch> better yet
<MP|Pooty`Shocksbitch> herpies
<Mbeta> yea, where am i gonna get herpes?
<chibi> pooty can give you herpes
<Mbeta> everyone already has herpes in NY
<Mbeta> come on now.
<Mbeta> that's like saying
<Mbeta> if i had aids i would run around in africa touching
everyone

<bean2edu>Try seeding the RNG with the current system time,
that should help somewhat
<kram>You do know that the numbers generated are still
pseudo-random, and not true RNs.  In fact there is no way to
generate true random numbers.
<bean2edu>Obviously you've never had your wife balance the
checkbook.

<drastic> anyone know of a program that would display free hd
space for multiple drives on the desktop or something?
<ninth> drastic: you could write down how much space is free
on a piece of paper.. then scan it.. and set it as your
wallpaper

<niles> If you use that logic, then using a completely open
and unsecured network would be ok if you sealed the computer
in a locked metal box, since it would deter physical attacks
by baseball bats (ALL attacks are of equal value, right?). Or
you could say that adding the line "WWJD" to the telnet login
prompt would be a valid defense since it would lower the
instance of attacks by Christians by 80%.

<Gav3in> I've been in Taipei though, and holy shit does it
have a big chinatown

<IronCurtain> I can talk to two people on the internet at the
same time
<Shoryu> DAMN D00D your l337

<@BitStream> well, I moved the couch down stairs
<@BitStream> so the new one can be put where the old one was
<helixblue> against the wall?
<@BitStream> yea
<helixblue> ahh.. I was hoping that sound was you cleaning the
dishes
<helixblue> I ate my cereal for breakfast with measuring cups
this morning.
<@BitStream> I was trying to get rid of as much stuff as
possible before work, so thats less to do when I get back :/
<@BitStream> helixblue: did you look in the right cabinet
<@BitStream> there were bowls in there yesterday
<helixblue> bits: I used the measuring cups as spoons

<tek231> you guys hear about that lady who layed down on some
subway tracks, then the train hit her
<tek231> she sued and won 10 million
<Mysteri0> tek231: The train hit her and she's not a blood
sprinkler?
<Cap0ne_> did she lose any body parts?
<pac> Damn.
<tek231> I'm not sure, just caught the end of the story
<tek231> on tv, let me see if I can find it
<Knighted> tek231: You hear about that guy who tried to convey
news on irc without a url?

<pupkick> i just did my first mouthrinse with the shit i was
prescribed.. i've been putting it off because i was worrying
about pain like i get with scope and shit.. it was hella
easy.. almost even tasted good.. now i can only blame myself
for infections and extra swelling =/
<blitzoid> pupkick: You knew the risks when you became a
gigalo.

<niles> i just baught this kick ass afgan rug downtown
<niles> it has landmines, pistols and attack helicopters

<klerck> I've been wearing my immortality bracelet for a
month, and I haven't died yet

<ScumDog> I'm gonna descend into the popup hell of
astalavista.com
<ScumDog> wish me luck
<R0SC0E> <scum's mom> what's this bang bus all about

<TekMounty> I think I'll have to go to a confessions, at the
adaptive technologies expo, there was a 19 inch lcd screen
just sitting there, I though to myself "If I ran out with this
none of these disabled people could catch me"

<Helm-work> *sigh* ..i dont know what gets into me sometimes..
I get this "hey, my password says it expires today and i need
to change it" "what do i change it to"? .... im like "how
about tea-bagger"? "thats a good one" .. the accountant is
like "yeah! easy to remember too"

<EazyCheez> I wonder if I can't unplug my 3 1/2"'s interface
cable and use that with my old CD-ROM (Samsung)
<RvLeshrac> EazyCheez: No
<pupkick> samsung is radio shack for people with mental
handicaps
<EazyCheez> RvLeshrac: I can't unplug my floppy disk drive's
interface cable and put it into my CD-ROM?
<thrash-> EazyCheez: Try it... it won't fit.
<feerit> EazyCheez: notice they arent the same pinout

<Knighted> korosu: Nah, next month we'll get 9/11-themed Jenga

-|Darky|ZzZ- Repeat Flood Detected Please do not repeat in #
pack (Last & Only Warning)
<|Darky|ZzZ>  princess: Please do not repeat in #pack
<princess> ack! not again! :(
* princess says again, i am no fl00der (
<princess> :(
<apekatt> that's just a sign that says you need to expand your
vocabulary
<apekatt> hehe

<Tridon> hate cold water
* Tridon left the shower in a huff!
<Iksion> tridon ah your willy has shrinked in cold water?
<Tridon> this morning I had to talk him down, just so that I
could take a piss... Now he's not even there any longer

<Hippie316> its HQ real media
<Hippie316> that has to be like an oxymoron for the internet

Meredy31: Hackers is just the coolest movie :)
Rann XXV: Indeed. n.n But only if you're not an actual hacker.
But that's okay, because those people deserve to be annoyed. ^
^
Rann XXV: A little payback for every system crash and
virus-eaten file is in each hacker's scream of "DAMMIT IT'S
NOT LIKE THAT!"

<spoob> drewb; it's been so long since I've had my cock sucked
that I'm not sure it can handle less than one atmosphere
anymore

<choconado> aggh...horrible no cut and paste in mirc :(
<Saber> yes there is
<Saber> by selecting the text it's automatically copied to
your clipboard
<Saber> you need to select from left to right
<choconado> my version doesn't do that...it puts up a finger
icon
<choconado> oh wait...
<choconado> dude...i've had mirc for two and a half fucking
years, and i learn this NOW?!?

<mjvh> stupid loose ethernet connection.
<Turbonutter> ducktape
<Turbonutter> ducktape is the answer to all life's problems
<Turbonutter> like beer. except ducktape rarely causes them in
the first place.
<zx64> ducktape is merely a physical manifestation of regexps
<Turbonutter> it can do anything but is a pain in the arse to
use?

<JigglyHandle> Who's the cockless drunk running my ISP?!
<K-Ecchi> You called?

<t_SaBeR_t> Does your Army of Darkness have a dental plan?

<Christoph> Wuff will you tell Sara I'm not talking to her?
-.- <turns>
<Wuffypie> Sara, I'm to tell you something that you just heard
Mind say anyway

<Tarage> I hate to update to things, they always make it worse
<@Ixnorp> you're too pessimistic.  I bet that if you jumped
off a building
you would expect to land in a truck full of pillows
<anorexic_poodle> wouldnt that make it optimistic
<@Ixnorp> no, because he would have failed to kill himself

<InvalidUser> Its like my Uncle Eric used to say, he'd say...
"IU, lookit
the ass on that guy" To which I'd reply, "I'm not gay Eric",
and he'd say
"Oh yeah, sorry bout that" and we'd laugh and laugh. Then he'd
try to
molest me.

<Spike> You know what I want to do? I want to go on eBay and
buy all the
souvenier pieces of the Berlin wall, then reconstruct it along
the Mexican border

<Super_User_2> the very first time I practiced driving I
scared the shit
out of my dad. It was a manual transmission truck. I had it in
first and
tired to shift, but the timing on the clutch was fucked up and
it just
spun, but the pedal was lighter then I thought and I floored
it. The
truck sounded like it was doing 90 and my nervous laugh
sounded maniacal.
He just screamed "NOOOOOOOOOO!" as we moved about 1/2 mile an
hour...
he drove home.

<@puto|^_...> i went in the restroom to take a piss
<@puto|^_...> then my fucking shorts snuck out of my reach
<@puto|^_...> and fuckign snapped my penis up while pissing
<@puto|^_...> fuckign pissed everywhere and on myself

< cygnus`   > this girl broke up with me once
< cygnus`   > becuase i was sucking her tit
< cygnus`   > and i said it was to try and get milk to come
out
< cygnus`   > and i started laughing like a retard

<@brosie    > you know what sucks
<@brosie    > when you shave your ballsack
<@brosie    > and then get diarrhea
<@brosie    > and some of the poo gets in a cut you didn't
know was there
<@brosie    > and you get gangrene
<@brosie    > in your nuts

<pres589> Chuffy, were you there?
<ChuffyCow> pres589: yeah man
<ChuffyCow> pres589: I was there
<pres589> ChuffyCow: oh man, Charlie was everywhere, in the
trees, talking about Richard Stallman, it was visious
<pres589> or was that a LUG meeting I went to
<pres589> same thing, it was fucked up
<ChuffyCow> I don't remember
<ChuffyCow> but we killed 'em all
<pres589> fuck yeah we did
<ChuffyCow> every last one of those GNUook motherfuckers
<pres589> LOL