<s_> my brother put signs up where the bathrooms are
<s_> because i pissed in the hallway last night

<Mephistol> irn and I have a proposal for you
<Invizigo> really?
<Mephistol> yes
<Invizigo> tell me
<Mephistol> its along the lines of 'wnt 2 cibur'

<ConqSoft> I don't like tan lines myself.
<ConqSoft> I can find all the good parts of a woman on my own,
without the help of color-coding.

<Nermal> the only way I could secure windows was by putting
bars over my monitor

<aleisha_van> all of the puppets in the thunderbirds look
vaguely like ernest borgnine. even the women. it's unnerving.

<Ab0mination> I sleep on a bunk bed yeah, which is only
accessbile by a ladder and last night I must've been dreaming
or something because I woke up screaming about my ladder being
taken off my bed so I couldn't get down
<Ab0mination> And I dreamt that there was a badger sleeping at
the end of the bed
<Ab0mination> So in sheer terror I jumped from my bunkbed down
onto the floor at 3am.
<Ab0mination> I've now got to go to the vet to get my cat
checked out because I landed right on him as he was sleeping
on my floor and squashed him. (he's a deaf fuckwit)
<Ab0mination> My parents and sisters are not speaking to me.
<Ab0mination> Because they found me kneeling down beside the
limp cat yelling manically at it and waggling my fingers at it
like the Borg of Star Trek do.
<Ab0mination> Apparently I was screaming: "I am Locutus of
Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile".

[@CadWork] I used to be afraid to eat bananas at the office
because we had a known homosexual in my dept

<SpitZ> this sms was sent by a friend of mine
<SpitZ> Sally mr. pls,2wedding
<SpitZ> What's that supposed to mean?
<crazhee> i think it read as "Sally mist'er period. please
comma to wedding"

<ExS> McDonalds
<ExS>  "Mick-Don-Ulds"
<ExS> A handy substitute for food, in the same way that piss
is a handy substitute for fresh drinking water.
<ExS> Dude: "Why are you holding a turd in your hand? OH MY
GOD, DON'T PUT THAT TURD IN YOUR MOUTH!!!!"
<ExS> Other dude: "It's McDonalds."
<ExS> Dude: "Oh! Can I have a bite?"

Kiache Majere: Hey, want to go see a movie later?
Kiache Majere: Do you suck cock?
Der Zwitter Affe: yes
Der Zwitter Affe: shit i mean yes to the movies

<bfdd> i heard the mcdonalds commerical say special sauce
<bfdd> and i thought "ill give em some special sauce"
<kcl822> heh
<bfdd> and then i realized
<bfdd> i was talking dirty to a tv commerical
<bfdd> and felt ashamed of myself

<@|KFG|Candle[DDD]> im from uganda
<@cylyk> interesting
<@cylyk> i'm canadian!
<@|KFG|Candle[DDD]> actually im not from uganda
<@|KFG|Candle[DDD]> where is canada?
<@swolf> its an american expansion pack

<AnaloG-KiD|EatingIsDope> icy has a personality?
<Prince_C> yeah its called a down syndrome

<ToiletDuc> I remember when I first came to the realization
that I was a geek.... I came home from working on a router lab
all day at school, picked up the phone, and dialed the IP
address for Router C

<Ali_> no canadian cars eh?
<Egg_> no
<Egg_> i don't think there's a canadian made car
<Egg_> lol
<Egg_> that would be cool if there was
<Egg_> we'd have shitty animal names though
<Egg_> like the Ford Canadian Goose
<Egg_> or the Chevy Beaver
<Egg_> man
<Egg_> i'd so drive a Chevy Beaver

<assturbation> this nick doesnt exactly scream "heterosexual"

<Terra> there i was at a donkey stall, there was a sign there
saying in english : would u like to ride on your own ass?
<Terra> so i was like ??
<UPC_Nemo> Like?
<UPC_Nemo> Did you ride the badass assride?
<zuhrich_> lol

<The_Defiance> who cares... i mean really, illiterate people
on a text based chat program would be almost as bizarre as a
blind optician
<My3blka> Def, it's commonplace, it's called AOL

<jgannon> Quicktime 0wnz... if you have a Mac. :-)
<PatrickD> so where can I go to download a Mac? ;-)
<jgannon> PatrickD: www.goatse.cx
<jgannon> Wow... I haven't said THAT in a long time.
<PatrickD> somehow that version of the Mac never worked well
for me
<jgannon> Yeah... too many wide open ports.

*** Antiarc is now known as Antiarrrrrrc
<Bloody_Davy_Flint> How's it going
Antiarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrc?
<Antiarrrrrrc> Arr, there be a steering wheel in me crotch!
<screevo> Doesnt that hurt?
<Antiarrrrrrc> Aye! It's drivin' me nuts!

<Eyal> i've been having a dilemma
<Eyal> what are better to play with
<Eyal> boobs or balls?
<Fidel-> boobs
<hex-> boobs
<Eyal> i mean, when they're yours
<Fidel-> balls
<hex-> balls

<@Shively> my last college had a guy who was smearing feces on
the bathroom walls
<+PickleHead> ewww
<@Shively> yea well the guy at our college was becomming so
popular that the student goverment put an article out on him
<+PickleHead> have you seen the book called Brown spots on the
walls by "hooflung pooh"?
<+PickleHead> :P
<@Shively> he said he would stop if he could have a spot for
somehting he wanted to say
<@Shively> so they gave it to him and he defended it as an art
form
<+PickleHead> LMAO
<+PickleHead> you can't be serious
<@Shively> saying that feces drawn on walls is an expression
of fecal art
<@Shively> so
<+PickleHead> ......................................
<+PickleHead> fecal... art....
<@Shively> the janitors responded with their own article

<FireEgl> so hurngy =(
<tito> why don't you eat your dick?
<tito> heh
<FireEgl> I need something more filling.

<The_Kirbinator> 3000 mexicans dies yesterday........ 5 car
pile-up on the I-10

<Legion> touching yourself leeds to blindness
<beej> heh, and spellin problems, apparently
<beej> ...omfg

<poppycat> well..I dont have a vibrator any more but yes...he
was called mister buzzy and he used to squirm and vibrate
across the floor at great speed
<kirsy> you let your vibrator play on the floor?
<poppycat> yes..I didnt get much out of using it so I decided
to let it amuse me by racing it
<Yasui> "GO MR BUZZY! beat that other vibrator! you can do it!
"

<Da_Wrecka> The guns cost £10. Considering the guns can be
used in other games too that's not bad at all.
<SLowry05> yeah wtf is that thing in front of hte numbers
<Da_Wrecka> And it's still cheap.
<Da_Wrecka> It's called a "pound sign"
<SLowry05> oh you're chinese?

jason: i used to always get free pizza hut for reading books
and shit :o/
jason: my family depended on my book reading to provide dinner

<Ariakas> What's white, black, and red all over and has
difficulty passing through a revolving door?
<Dolands> A nun with a spear through her head!

<Ariakas> HAHAHA
<Ariakas> Look what happened on my MUD
<Ariakas> SylphW leaps into the Lynx fighting stance.
<Ariakas> MyAss slinks into the Ferret fighting stance.
<Ariakas> SylphW's strike does UNSPEAKABLE THINGS to MyAss!

<fade> Dear France,
<fade> Bite Me
<fade> Signed,
<fade> Fade
<Queued> Dear Fade,
<Queued> We surrender
<Queued> Love,
<Queued> France

* RE_away just taped himself waving a broomstick and changed
it into a lightsaber with the help of Video Editing Software
<RE_away> How productive
<RE_away> Now to do the same thing with my penis

<YuFFie> SO U HACKING ME THEN HUH
<YuFFie> WElL I GOT NEWS FOR U MISTER I GOT MORE FIREWALL
POWERS NOW SO IM SECURE AND IM USING WINDOWS 98 SO IM REALLY
SECURE FROM HACKERS LIKE YOU SO YOU BETTA JUST GIVE UP CUZ U
GOT NO HOPE MISTER.
* YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) Quit (Quit:
Owned.)
* YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #
<YuFFie> HELP MY MOUSE IS MOVING BY IT SELF

<crhyme> I made a windchime out of used condoms
<soop> does it go "slap phlap wap"
<soop> in the wind?
<sunrinse> crhyme: sounds more slappy than chimey
<soop> or does it more of an aromatherapy thing
<crhyme> well its mostly just for style
<crhyme> its also a great way to dry out your condoms

<Nate>  The Americans spent 5 years and 10 million dollars to
develope a pen that would write in space, freezing cold,
extreme heat, and in zero gravity.
<Nate> The Russians used a pencil

buservt: I was trying to find a tape downstairs, and I have
diarhea, and I had to shit really bad, and I saw a copy of
austin powers, and there was a picture of fat bastard on it
when he is trying to eat mini me, and I thought (in fat
bastards voice) "stay in my butthole" and I laughed so hard I
shit all over myself
buservt: another pair of shorts ruined

<padnaebaen> fuck me i love irc
<spanky> yes, its the distilled essence of humanity
<spanky> without the odour

<Unimita> What wobbles and flies?
<Unimita> A jellycopter
<Unimita> :D

<AGaeris> And what were you doing? Oh yeah. Cybering.
<AGaeris> CYBERING LIKE RABBITS WITHOUT A CAUSE.

<khanjackalmoreau> i knew a kid who dressed up as a goth
leprechaun for halloween
<khanjackalmoreau> all black outfit, with a grayscale rainbow,
and a pot full of cure albums

<Dracon> I saw a mormon crash his bike into a power pole
<Dracon> that was grand :D
<NaKeD> LOL
<html> heHaHehAHehAeh :D
<Dracon> I walked past and said "Not even God saw that one
coming... well done tiger!"

<fruchtig> Doctors are so evil. They tell you to get in a
certain position, hide behind a wall, and let YOU soak up a
few x-rays. The doctor thinks, "Just stay there while I go
hide behind this wall and press this button for a moment while
hysterically laughing at you." And then you see that
radioactive symbol on the machine surrounding your head and
think, "Oh joy!"

<weed> wtf is this world turning to?
<@Phucker> America.

<waffy> wtf is this site reyarded
<waffy> rofl
<waffy> how ironic

<BiZZY> GOD DAMNIT!
<Strom> ?
<BiZZY> only doctor close to me that will check me under title
19 is my ex g/f's mom
<Strom> ...so?
<BiZZY> I know her really well
<BiZZY> kind of odd, I'd be having my groin checked
<Strom> i imagine that would make you more comfortable than
having a stranger prod your groin
<BiZZY> no I'd rather have someone I don't know that I won't
probly see again do it
<BiZZY> than someone whose daughter used to play with the same
area

<Repent> I hate it when I'm the only one what chats in the
room.  Cause then I'm just hearing myself blabber.
<stugster> we hate it when you chat in the room in general

<rg> *me never raped, they always managed a yes before
throwing up

<dw> wtf is bukakke?
<Nightfly> dw: Allow all of us to demonstrate.

<Fury> fappathon .. wonder if i can get that registered as a
raising money thing
<Fury> "come and compete in this years annual fapathon! Raise
money to help the blind!"

<tabooli> A drunken friend recently mispronounced "continental
drift," and it came out sounding like "cunnilingual drift." We
brainstormed a few meanings for cunnilingual drift before
settling on this one: When a person's tongue drifts down to a
woman's anus, on purpose or by accident, during an intense
session of cunnilingus.