<Despot> I just had a dream about cheese and eating it
<Despot> the cheese had eyes and kept looking at me
<Despot> thats all go back to work

<_aa_> ebay just bought paypal
<tezzO> they did?!
<tardmac> what was their winning bid?

<Krogzar> !8ball may i kick you?
<SDs8ball> Krogzar : YES IN DUE TIME
*** SDs8ball was kicked by P ((Krogzar) ta time is due)

<^_-> oftentimes i'll be looking at porn and feel the urge for
movies
<^_-> so i'll go on random filesharing programs and start
downloading some
<^_-> but by the time i orgasm the movies still aren't done
<^_-> and i delete all of the movies.
<Funk> That happens to me too
<Funk> You want to know what's worse?
<Funk> I have a 2Meg/sec LAN connection.

(@Xit) a mad script would be: "you have been caught
mastubating 6 times today by your webcam, this makes an
average of 3 times per day."

<^_-> DICK SMELLS LIKE PICKLES.
<^_-> PARTIALLY BECAUSE OF THE DRIED SEMEN.
<Funk> My dried semen doesn't smell like pickles
<Funk> :/
<Funk> It smells like bleach
<^_-> THAT'S WHAT MINE SMELLS LIKE WHEN IT'S WET
<^_-> IT'S LIKE BLEACHY-CHLORINE
<Funk> That was my excuse for jacking off in the swimming pool
<Funk> "But I thought it would make the pool cleaner :( :( :("
<wildkarrdex> THAT WAS YOUR COURT DEFENCE?
<wildkarrdex> YOU COULD HAVE CLAIMED IT WAS AN INVOLUNTARY
SPASM
<Funk> An involuntary spasm that made me hold a 6 year old
underneath me for the duration?

<Farnarcle> why are you helping her to knock you?
<GruMM[GruMM[Away[GruMM]]]> coz if it is going to be done, it
should be done right'

<Shelstra> :((
<Shelstra> my poor fishie
<|KazzA|> :o what happened
<Shelstra> nothing but...
<Shelstra> one of his eyes is black
<Shelstra> i think he might be blind :(
<|KazzA|> aww
<Shelstra> we only just noticed it
<Mousey> like it cares anyway
<Mousey> theres not much to see
<staticx> every three seconds it will say 'holyfuck, i can
only see out of one eye...'

<SophiesCat> my room is making ominous popping sounds.
<malcolm> ghost popcorn

<malcolm> I would appreciate it more if I didn't have to set
JAVA_HOME and ANT_HOME and HILL_DEPTH and
AVERAGE_LIFESPAN_OF_INSECT and NUMBER_OF_LEGS and
DIRECTION_OF_PREVAILING_WIND and BIRTHDAY

<malcolm> c pointers work just like laser pointers

<Numloxx> why is it that when i saw the book troubleshooting
winXP, i immediately had a vision of somebody with a sniper
rifle trying to shoot through the whole in the middle of a
winXP cd...
<Nick> because you're an idiot
<sion> Or special
<sion> "special"

<Paveourroads> in a multiplayer game, you can be all, "Look, I
have cooler shit than you." in a singleplayer game, you're
like, "OK, my stuff is cool." and you show people who come
over to your house and they're like, "You're a loser." so you
cry and die. >:(

justRed-dammit> i wish i had the ability to go back in time
and make sure that what was to become of brittney spears ran
down her daddy's leg!

Bug> Red, yer a nut.
Bug> A left nut.
justRed-dammit> oooo.. will you be the right nut so that i can
rub against you in tight clothing?

[HyperKinetic] They ate each other, they moaned. They were
zombies

[Dainichi] I want a penis! Hell, you have a penis, you can
masturbate anywhere!
[Dainichi] For a woman to do it RIGHT, she has to lay down.
Man gets a boner in the kitchen, he can wack off in the
kitchen.
[Dainichi] If I had a penis...I'd lock myself in my room for
so long that my friends and family would probably end up
calling missing persons on me.

[Lyme] My granpa is seriously nuts. When my parents went to
visit him for his 60th anniversary thingie, he wore 1 dangly
woman's earing and a gilligan hat.

Bug> (That really happened to a friend of mine. Her pitbull
used her friend's dildo as a rawhide bone..)

BoobiePatutti> My mom is now telling me what Hobbits do with
their feet at night.
BoobiePatutti> Feeting.
BoobiePatutti> Like fisting, only with their feet.

[Red-Fraggle] I just noticed sumthin'... Those Star Trek
uniforms can't hide a stiffy.

Dainichi> I'm going to start a band called Hand Solo.
Dainichi> Our first song will be a heavy metal cover of "I
Touch Myself"

* EndersShadow remembers erector sets, you had to buy several
before you had enough parts to have a big erection

PhantomStark> <-- laughing too hard to express it in internet
acronyms

ElectromagneticPhantom> there's like this monster, stooping
over a dead body, it looks up at the camera, and as it moves,
the heavy skin shifts and folds over itself in places and IT
LOOKS FRELLING *REAL*
Lyme> Okay, PHant, I read that sentence, and thought you were
talking about dick.
ElectromagneticPhantom> yeah
Lyme> I reread it like, 3 times, and I still think you're
talking about dick.
Lyme> Are you talking about dick?
ElectromagneticPhantom> but this monster has no eyes, I think.
and four legs
ElectromagneticPhantom> and claws and stuf
Lyme> Four-legged dickmonster
ElectromagneticPhantom> and nasty teeth
ElectromagneticPhantom> and it eats people
CommandantCleavage> four-legged dick monster? You mean men?
Lyme> four-legged clawed cannibalistic dickmonster
ElectromagneticPhantom> it is NOT a dickmonster!
Lyme> It only eats other dick.
ElectromagneticPhantom> STOP IIIIIIIT

HyperKinetic> Crap, I got olive jizz on my shirt
Bug> ...
Lyme> o_O
HyperKinetic> It's coooold!
Bug> Why were you jerking off an olive?
HyperKinetic> LOL, no
Bug> Little Hyper has some strange tastes.
HyperKinetic> ARGH
Lyme> Olivefucker
Bug> He's after the pimento.

<McMoo> i need to start making a list of crap i need to buy
for my new place
<timmo> 1) food
<var-> 3 gallons vaseline, subscriptoin to hustler, 100 cases
of ramen
<timmo> hah
<kisama> heh
<kisama> vaseline isn't even that great
<kisama> fuck that pussy shit
<kisama> you need astroglide
<kisama> and a set of japanese wack mittens
<kisama> let me link you
<kisama> http://www.jlist.com/cgi-bin/disp.cgi?img=http://
images.jlist.com/c2/jr6992.jpg&x=573&y=500
<kisama> One of the tools used by soap girls is a rubber
"magical mitten" which works with soap as lubricant for a
great feel. This is a super soft rubber sheet that is held in
the hand and used to clean anything you might want to clean.
<var-> haha
<timmo> you scare me snow
<kisama> just trying to ensure a soapland experience in the
privacy of your own home.

Phantbert> I work at a pizza place
Phantbert> and the smallest size pizza is called a 6-inch
Phantbert> so yesterday
Phantbert> I actually uttered the phrase
Phantbert> "I have a six inch sausage."

Dainichi> Sometimes, I really do think it'd be nifty-keen to
have another me around.
Phantbert> no way
Phantbert> I'd hate to have another me
Phantbert> the last thing I need is another pretentious
asshole to deal with.

* eMeow-v2 fiddles with his r00t
<Apollo-> Can you fiddle with my r00t too? I like it when
people play with my root
<eMeow-v2> Apollo-: you want "girlfriend". STFW.
<Apollo-> haha
<Apollo-> No, if I had a "girlfriend", "wife" would STFW for
"unsolvable murder"

<fireside> cum is teh nasty
<died_in_sleep> and you know this how?
<fireside> ive (accidently) and unfortuntly licked some
<died_in_sleep> you shouldt know those things, unless your dad
rapes you :/
<fireside> i can cum bitch
<dragondyne> how is that possible?
<fireside> um
<fireside> it comes out... on finger... i put finger in mouth,
it taste bad
<dragondyne> ...
<dragondyne> I thought you said "accidently"
<fireside> I WAS HORNY GIVE ME A DAMN BREAK :(

<nihil-_> she's about as darling as waking up in the morning
with another mans semen all over my face

BeHeMoTh101 : i'm waiting for the right girl..... the kind
that will have sex with me

<GunnX> I was locked in my bathroom once getting ready for a
date
<GunnX> :)
<GunnX> door knob fell off
<GunnX> those were the days
<polyglot> wtf were you doing to the doorknob?

<Sigurd> a sprite is anything not static
<SRElysian> a sprite is a variable object
<SRElysian> be it 2d or 3d
<TorMuck> a sprite is a fucking soda
<TorMuck> you god damn geekass bastards

<@ScuzleBut> I was an athiest until I realized I was God.

<D_Knight> I have return
<D_Knight> And i will not be denied(....dont ban again plz)

* <r0b3r> sighs and ponders what to do now....
* <Lynda> ponders, "draw something?"
<r0b3r> Tried that already. Can't think of anything to draw,
really.
<Lynda> draw... a couple, resting in bed together.
* <r0b3r> blinks at what Lynda says....
<r0b3r>  No. I don't draw that, thank you ery much.
<Lynda> I wasn't suggesting anything ecchi.
<Lynda> I take it you've never had a really serious
relationship.
<r0b3r> I have one with someone right now, actually.
<r0b3r> Just it's an odd relationship considering my character
is human
and she is an alien...

<andjusticeforall> I've figured it out. If you ever get mugged
by someone, just say, "Take it easy man, all I got is a $16
bill", then knee him in the nuts when he tries to figure out
what the fuck you just said.

*** Quits: cuebal (Most parents would hope that that their
offspring yearn to become doctors, lawyers, or even a
journalist, but these days all kids want to be is Pikachu..)

<sWampy> he should have had anikin walk in on jarjar doing
portman, and that be the reason that anikin turned so dark,
and jarjar being luke and leia's father would explain a lot
about why they were so dippy to have such a strong father.
<clemmy> but why would darthvader tell luke he's his father
then?
<sWampy> just to confuse him so he could cut off his hand,
plus he's in denial that his wife would cheat on him with
jarjar.
<clemmy> I guess luke would be more shocked to find out jarjar
is his father
<Harekiet> darth vader still had some good in him so he didn't
want luke to know

<lid> so what did i miss
<dustyX> oh, the secret of life, nothing big.
<lid> did ya decide what it is
<lid> im kinda curious
<dustyX> doncha know, the secret of life is 42?
<lid> lid fixes a beer and clam, and passes it to tasha:)
<lid> well im 50 so i missed that secret:)

<Compn> i have an acoustic guitar or whatever the non electic
ones are called

<madz> sbs, would you choose:  Linux, or Windows?
<sbs> I would choose: Oral Sex.

<Sierro> I don't need music to get a shag
<mal> well no
<mal> music and miracle, but the musics a start

<Sierro> I took her out for lunch...
<Sierro> to McDonalds
<Sierro> I feel like a 15 year old
<phantom> hehe, where ya gonna get one at 4am?

<Pi|Mu|Rho> I'm sure that somewhere out there is the
right girl for you . Unfortunately, I think "out there" is
measured in
light years.

<FL|Work> feck, forgot to pay my stupid tax
<Pi|Mu|Rho> you get taxed on stupid? That's going to be one
hefty bill.
<marek> he could fund 3 new hospitals all by himself

<gaz> i don't think terrorists would be stupid enough to do
anything on independence day anyway
<gaz> not after the aliens did it

<Ryan> my mom was killed by mobile phones
<mal> she has only herself to blame
<Ryan> no really, she was using it in a storm
<mal> and?
<Ryan> lightening
<mal> then what?
<Ryan> mobile phone truck ran her over